This is by no means an intenion of offence to anyone being from Igbo heritage, but merely an observation made by me and friends of mine who have been with Igbo men for years.

In 7 years of being in relationships with two Igbo men and being good friends with some for years as well, I have observed very strongly and sometimes painfully that in numerous occasions, their pride and ego seems to be holding them back from progressing in certain parts of their lives.
Over the years I have found Igbo men to be very independent and intelligent, very thriving too. But what I have repeatedly come across, is that they are very reluctant when it comes to asking for help or advise, it seems to me as if they consider themselves weak, having to do so and yet they get very disappointed in themselves, when they can't seem to reach up to their enormously high set goals on their own, feeling ashamed of themselves. When it comes to problems arising, they struggle very hard to find a solution on their own and in the process shutting people out who care about them, leaving them to feel absolutely helpless and out of place, with no clue just what to do about it. I guess it must be deeply rooted, as it is so difficult to approach them in a way that is not offensive to them in this time of their trials. I always say, that someone who loves you should be informed about whatever problems you are facing, as they can be part of your solution. In many relationships I have heard about, women really struggle to understand their men and the Igbo men struggle to open up and not take care of everthing on their own. It can be poisenous to a relationship and lead to terrible outcomes. My ex used to beat me up, simply because I couldn't stop trying to get him to open up and I ended up being miserable, crying so many times, I just wanted to know what is going on and be of help. I now do not get so much involved but do do say that I am there and I have an open ear and a caring heart. In the end it is your decision what you do with your troubles, but it would be easier for all people involved, if you'd open up, God did not create humans to be able to handle life completely on their own. In love to all my brothers ! Life is too short yo spend it grieving. Start rejoycing and don't worry so much about problems that don't live past today. The solution might be just around the corner. Your loved ones will thank you! Igbo kwenu !

Let me start by saying that it's not good to make generalizations on the 20 million or so Igbo males in this world based on the experiences you've had with two of them.

However, there are certain things universal to all Igbo (those raised with a proper cultural upbringing). One of those things is the belief in the "power of the right hand". The Igbo believe that one's destiny in this world is dependant upon the strength of his/her right hand (meaning personal ability). Therefore, some may choose not to accept help from others when attempting to solve their own problems because (generally) accepting help from another person can be seen as a sign of personal incapability.

Igbo males (and human males in general) can be very stubborn because once they set their mind on something, they endeavor to achieve it. In the general culture of the Igbo, the role of a woman [to a husband] is that of a supporter, manager, asset organizer, and etc. A woman's role is generally to encourage her husband and help him where she can. Because of this, Igbo males view themselves as the supporters of their wives/families and as the decision makers of their households.

Despite this, there's definitely no excuse for a man to beat a woman because those days are gone. What you should do is try to reassure any man (not only Igbo) that you're with that you are there to help and support him. But like I said earlier, what you experienced is not universal to all Igbo males.

It is interesting you said that because my husband is like that. He will not ask for help unless he has to. One time my husband need to get his tires rotated instead if going to the shop....he spent hours doing it himself. I said di mu thers is nothing wrong with asking for help and it will not make me love you less and you are still a great man.

They feeds off affirmations from their wives....trust me i know.

My husband wilm do heavens for me when i simply thank him for the small things he does for me.

They are really simple creatures and want nothing more but your love and attention.

What you described seems to be a man-woman problem. We, my wife and I, went through the same story and we are very far from being Igbo. From my point of view you should have better stopped insisting to open up. I hate this.
I hope your 'he used to beat me up' was not meant literally but that you deserved some kind of trouble by the way you treated your guys is plain to see.
In our case it ended with separation for years, a second appartment, problems with the kids and so on. So please, if in future someone says 'no' think over if he perhaps meant 'no'.
All the best, Felix , this time from Men's Liberation Front

Lol @ Men liberation front.

@OP, I believe that is an individual, personal trait that cuts across all race or tribe. I'm a woman but find myself guilty of some of the things you posted ;being too hard on myself and locking up myself in the face of difficulties. My family and friends tried unsuccessfully to change me or make me open up but it didn't work, if anything then, their consistence prying/questions got me more mad. All that changed when I met and married my husband. He just wouldn't disturb himself or worry too much. He'll ask you just once and if you are not forthcoming with an answer, he'll go his merry way, lifes too short.

Long story short, I was forced to share me problems/fears/failures with him when I got tired of trying on my own without getting positive results.

Some people(not just igbo men)are naturally cocky,delights in self accomplishments etal, the best way to live/deal with them is to leave an open door, let them know you'd be willing to share their problems with them ONLY if and when they are ready to tell you.

Over dotting, prying, worrying too much over and about them does not work.

Goodluck with your man.

@odumchi like I said it is just an observation and as stated, not only about two men but several, both friends, relationships and friends' relationships. I in no way meant to say that all Igbo men are like this anyway but even Igbo men themselves have told me this is true about themselves. No yawa now

odumchi: Let me start by saying that it's not good to make generalizations on the 20 million or so Igbo males in this world based on the experiences you've had with two of them.

However, there are certain things universal to all Igbo (those raised with a proper cultural upbringing). One of those things is the belief in the "power of the right hand". The Igbo believe that one's destiny in this world is dependant upon the strength of his/her right hand (meaning personal ability). Therefore, some may choose not to accept help from others when attempting to solve their own problems because (generally) accepting help from another person can be seen as a sign of personal incapability.

Igbo males (and human males in general) can be very stubborn because once they set their mind on something, they endeavor to achieve it. In the general culture of the Igbo, the role of a woman [to a husband] is that of a supporter, manager, asset organizer, and etc. A woman's role is generally to encourage her husband and help him where she can. Because of this, Igbo males view themselves as the supporters of their wives/families and as the decision makers of their households.

Despite this, there's definitely no excuse for a man to beat a woman because those days are gone. What you should do is try to reassure any man (not only Igbo) that you're with that you are there to help and support him. But like I said earlier, what you experienced is not universal to all Igbo males.

fine answer my brother. Otekwala aka oo! Kedu ka gi na umunnem mere?

ifyalways: Lol @ Men liberation front.

@OP, I believe that is an individual, personal trait that cuts across all race or tribe. I'm a woman but find myself guilty of some of the things you posted ;being too hard on myself and locking up myself in the face of difficulties. My family and friends tried unsuccessfully to change me or make me open up but it didn't work, if anything then, their consistence prying/questions got me more mad. All that changed when I met and married my husband. He just wouldn't disturb himself or worry too much. He'll ask you just once and if you are not forthcoming with an answer, he'll go his merry way, lifes too short.

Long story short, I was forced to share me problems/fears/failures with him when I got tired of trying on my own without getting positive results.

Some people(not just igbo men)are naturally cocky,delights in self accomplishments etal, the best way to live/deal with them is to leave an open door, let them know you'd be willing to share their problems with them ONLY if and when they are ready to tell you.

Over dotting, prying, worrying too much over and about them does not work.

Goodluck with your man.

Good points. I have known men that weren't Igbos shown same characteristics as OP explained. For most points...it is a man's thing.

I am having a difficult time wrapping the concept with the personal ability and yet still expect support from womenfolk.

Isn't support the same thing as receiving help Did the updated the dictionary?

onye_ocha: @odumchi like I said it is just an observation and as stated, not only about two men but several, both friends, relationships and friends' relationships. I in no way meant to say that all Igbo men are like this anyway but even Igbo men themselves have told me this is true about themselves. No yawa now

I understand.

Antivirus92: fine answer my brother. Otekwala aka oo! Kedu ka gi na umunnem mere?

Nna, o teekwala na ezi o! Anyi nohu, nsogbu adighi. Kedukwan maka gi?

Nice thread. I'll drop some points later on.

odumchi:

I understand.



Nna, o teekwala na ezi o! Anyi nohu, nsogbu adighi. Kedukwan maka gi?

adim mma ooo! Dalu

I guess my question is too complicated.

Ef ti sed!!