Good morning please,

In a post some time ago, Tobe likened his argument style here on nairaland to the coaching style of Jose Maurinho. This got me wondering how the various teams (Christian, Atheist, Islam etc) might look like if there was such a thing as the 'first eleven' based on how folks argue.

I came up with a list actually which I tried to base on argument style and 'current form'...

TEAM A: CHRISTIAN

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Line-up And Reason For My Choice

First 11:

Goal keeper: Ubenedictus

It is known that the greatest defenders when it comes to arguments here in the religious section are basically Catholics and their form is being put to the test on a daily basis. Uben happens to be the last man in this defense line-up because of his ability to co-ordinate his defenders when they are prone to be merciless on attackers.


Right back: Tobechi

The hallmark of a good right back is not just in how the individual can fend off the opposition's attackers but how quickly he can turn defense into attack. Tobe has shown this quality, as his ability to turn defense into attack is second to none.

Centre Backs: Chkwudi44 and Lovethywilbedon

If you are not tall, good in the air and fearless of opposing attackers then forget about these positions. Chukwudi and Love have shown how fearless they are when taking on oncoming attackers by their motto of 'miss the ball but do not miss the man'. They are really the right guys for the job given their ability to listen to their goalkeeper (Uben) who needs men he can trust to be directly in front of him in order to avoid an own goal.

Left Back: Italo

Who else can occupy this position if not the meanness, baddest left back you can find? One whose name strikes fear in the hearts of the opposition. Remember greats like Carlos Alberto? If you can fathom Carlos then you would understand my choice of Italo. Italo has shown that he is not only fast on the counter with penetrating crosses from the left flank, he is also known for his goal scoring prowess too...if you know the number of 'likes' on his posts then you would know how proficient he is in front of goal.

Defensive Midfield: truthislight

There is always a need to have a trusted fellow just behind the attacking midfielders in the event that they are found wanting. Who else would you like to get the back of Ijawkid when his prowess as an attacking midfielder is found wanting? I tell you, truthislight is the man for the job.

Centre midfield: Ijawkid and Enigma

Have you seen the dribbling skills Maradonna and Iniesta? If you have, then compare that to the skills of the duo of Ijawkid and Enigma. Try discussing about the Trinity and anything Catholic then you would know what I mean. The ability of these guys to dribble round the Catholic defenders is nothing short of astonishing and their goal scoring ability is never in doubt.

Attacking Right wing: Pygru

This is the new kid on the block! The only language this fella understands is: ATTACK! ATTACK!! ATTACK!!! with him the the right flank defenders had better be at the top of their game otherwise his attacks will come like a lion devouring all in its path.

Attacking Left wing: Image123

The cheeky left winger! If you are a defender and can't hold your own when this guy is at the top of his game, then get ready to earn yourself a red card; cause his dribbles down the flanks are merciless.

Striker: Frosbel

If you know what it means to say "the best form of defense is attack" then you would understand the choice of Frosbel as top striker. The strength of this guy lies in his goal scoring ability. Failure is never an option...he gets the goals using every means necessary. Defenders flee when the top striker is involved otherwise get ready to be bulldozed into goal with the ball.

RESERVE BENCH:

Goalkeepers: Olaadegbu

Defenders: Bidam and Joagbaje

Ola's prowess as a keeper lies in his ability to coordinate his defenders. When you talk about tithe then he has to make sure that his defenders are in top shape. Catholics are good defenders but pro tithers are seriously contending with them.

Midfielders: Boomark, Alexleo, Bobbysworld, Pastor kuns, Ihedinobi and Segeggs

A team is as good as its reserve bench. Any of this top flight players can take on any defender, any day and anywhere. When you look at the bench of teams like Barcelona, Real Madrid and Bayern Munich then you would understand the quality of these players.

Attacker: Alwaystrue

The new signing of the season! Better be careful what you say about fornication otherwise Always will be all over you like a ton of bricks. If you are a defender against this lethal goal scoring machine, you better shape up or you shape out!

Medical team: Ishilove, enilove and Bella

Its vital to get the right medical team on your side in the event of a serious injury to any of the players. The moral boosters of this team is very crucial and the medic team provide all these including psychological support.

CHRISTIAN SECRET WEAPON: OBADIAH777

He needs no introduction! He is a 'one man riot squad'. Capable of taken a whole team of eleven players by himself. Whenever the going is not good and every member of the Christian eleven cannot play, then the coach can unleash this weapon of mass destruction. His ability to whip the fear of God into the hearts of 'heathens' is legendary.

Head Coach: Goshen360

What is a team without its coach? Like every popular coach, Goshen has had his own fair share of criticism. His methods have been under fire in the recent past and it is left to see if he will continue with this job next season.

Assistant Coach: Pastor Olu

Every good coach need a good assistant! Pastor Olu has been doing well so far and looks good to take up the job of Head Coach if Goshen can no longer handle the pressure. Though his methods are still under fire by anti 'Hell-fire' players in the team. Taken over from Goshen would be an uphill task as Coach Goshen seem more than willing to take on the pressure.


Atheist eleven...

Can't stop laughing at description of some folks in the list. I had to go over it the second time looking for my beloved OBADIAH777. Can't wait to have the atheists' team list. It's gonna be fun laughing in this thread.

Goshen360: Can't stop laughing at description of some folks in the list. I had to go over it the second time looking for my beloved OBADIAH777. Can't wait to have the atheists' team list. It's gonna be fun laughing in this thread.

You know that list cannot be complete without Obadiah777... By the way, this is a very good creative thread...for laughing. Well done bro.

Goshen360: You know that list cannot be complete without Obadiah777... By the way, this is a very good creative thread...for laughing. Well done bro.

Definitely! Obadiah is the secret weapon:

striktlymi:
CHRISTIAN SECRET WEAPON: OBADIAH777

He needs no introduction! He is a 'one man riot squad'. Capable of taken a whole team of eleven players by himself. Whenever the going is not good and every member of the Christian eleven cannot play, then the coach can unleash this weapon of mass destruction. His ability to whip the fear of God into the hearts of 'heathens' is legendary.

Head Coach: Goshen360

What is a team without its coach? Like every popular coach, Goshen has had his own fair share of criticism. His methods have been under fire in the recent past and it is left to see if he will continue with this job next season.

Assistant Coach: Pastor Olu

Every good coach need a good assistant! Pastor Olu has been doing well so far and looks good to take up the job of Head Coach if Goshen can no longer handle the pressure. Though his methods are still under fire by anti 'Hell-fire' players in the team. Taken over from Goshen would be an uphill task as Coach Goshen seem more than willing to take on the pressure.


Atheist eleven...

Quite a funny thread. Obadiah is indeed a one man squad. Sometimes I fear for the dude. Make dem no trace am go hin house go beat shege comot hin body.

Though I don't know a thing about medicine(when I was very young, my uncle had a deep cut in his finger. So when he was asleep, I, trying to form nurse, took salt and liberally rubbed it in the wound. The youngman reared up and his bellows shook the ceiling. Suffice it to say that my dreams of becoming a doctor died that day.), I will gladly remain in the medical team.

Lol. Too bad I didn't make the team. Coach, since the mangement have acted mute to renewing my contract just because of mere 20% increase, I'm leaving for PSG next season. 250 a week or nothing. Period!
By the way, I recommend muskeeto as coach of Team B in the absence of Lb.

Ishilove: Quite a funny thread. Obadiah is indeed a one man squad. Sometimes I fear for the dude. Make dem no trace am go hin house go beat shege comot hin body.

Though I don't know a thing about medicine(when I was very young, my uncle had a deep cut in his finger. So when he was asleep, I, trying to form nurse, took salt and liberally rubbed it in the wound. The youngman reared up and his bellows shook the ceiling. Suffice it to say that my dreams of becoming a doctor died that day.), I will gladly remain in the medical team.

LWKMD!!!

Reyginus: Lol. Too bad I didn't make the team. Coach, since the mangement have acted mute to renewing my contract just because of mere 20% increase, I'm leaving for PSG next season. 250 a week or nothing. Period!
By the way, I recommend muskeeto as coach of Team B in the absence of Lb.

Guy you are funny ni! Lol!!! You were on my mind from start to finish but I was thinking of where to fit you in the team. Don't worry there won't be any need for the move to PSG.

Players like you, Davidylan, InesQor etc are needed for the team against the Atheist first eleven. That's where Coach Goshen believes you guys will be needed most. The Op is basically the first team against the Islam first eleven.

striktlymi:

Guy you are funny ni! Lol!!! You were on my mind from start to finish but I was thinking of where to fit you in the team. Don't worry there won't be any need for the move to PSG.

Players like you, Davidylan, InesQor etc are needed for the team against the Atheist first eleven. That's where Coach Goshen believes you guys will be needed most. The Op is basically the first team against the Islam first eleven.

Lol. As long as my weekly pay is 250, no problem.

Reyginus: Lol. As long as my weekly pay is 250, no problem.

I DISAGREE WITH NUMBER NINE. FROSBEL HASNT CONVERTED A SOUL IN OVER ONE YEAR NOW. He IS A 50MB FLOP, WORSE THAN TORRESS

mumumugu: I DISAGREE WITH NUMBER NINE. FROSBEL HASNT CONVERTED A SOUL IN OVER ONE YEAR NOW. He IS A 50MB FLOP, WORSE THAN TORRESS

Lol!!! Na joke we dey o! But really he has been the most prolific striker on the Christian side

CHAI, #Strikt# you will kill me, I NEVER Knew you are this FUNNY.

Lovethywilbedon: CHAI, #Strikt# you will kill me, I NEVER Knew you are this FUNNY.

Laugh won kill meooo.frosbel is one bad ass striker

Just one wahala... Rey on the left wing and Image123 as ballboy... Davidylan as fitness coach...

musKeeto: Just one wahala... Rey on the left wing and Image123 as ballboy... Davidylan as fitness coach...

Rey and Davidy are more suitable in a team that will take on the Atheist first eleven.

striktlymi:

Rey and Davidy are more suitable in a team that will take on the Atheist first eleven.

Lmao....

Cool....

musKeeto: Just one wahala... Rey on the left wing and Image123 as ballboy... Davidylan as fitness coach...

Lololol. You don smoke that thing again abi? Don't let Image123 get you.

Lol nice one. This just funny. Just surprised you left out one of the best if not the best dribbler, mr Ànony out of the team line up.

ATHEIST FIRST ELEVEN:

Whom shall the Atheists look to for help? The Christians claim that their help comes from the Lord but where will the help of Atheists come from??

This has been the question on the minds of every football fan since the un-ceremonious departure of the inspirational Coach/Top striker, the one and only Logicboy. It is Rumoured in some quarters that the former Head Coach, Logicboy had to go on a quest to the 'Sugar candy' mountain where he hopes to do some soul searching with the Spaghetti monster.

Despite the difficulty of losing such an inspirational Coach and Player, the new Head Coach, Muskeeto, has looked the way of the Pagan duo (Pagan 9ja and Cameroonpride) for help. He is determined to revamp this Atheist team and give them the much needed inspiration in order to return to their glory days.

Team B: Atheist

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LINE-UP:

Goalkeeper: Ifeness

The job of Ifeness is no small task because the heart of the Atheist strategy lies deep within the defense since the departure of LB. When Ifeness is not busy arguing about the design, trajectory or calculating the angle of elevation of the ball, he is busy coordinating his defense line wherein the attack of the Atheist begins.

Right Wing Back: Mazaje; Right Centre Back: cyrexx; Left Centre Back: jayriginal; Left Wing Back: Wiegraf

These are what they call 'I take no nonsense from anyone' kinda defenders. Any attacker is to be taken down irrespective of his size and speed. The strategy is simple actually, calculate the velocity of the oncoming striker, determine his body mass, calculate his heart rate and determine how many strides he will take before he gets to the defense and in one swooping motion, all the defenders will pounce on him, collect the ball and head towards the opponents goal. If you think this method is not effective then try and open a thread titled: 'the fool says in his heart that there is no God' and watch your well thought out attack come crashing down.

Right Central Midfield: Kay17; Centre Midfield: plaetton; Left Central Midfield: Cameroonpride

Morale has been generally low for these players since LB left. Cameroonpride has been loaned from the pagan squad to beef up the team. It remained to be seen if these guys can lift up their spirits and return back to their glory days when dribbles were dribbles and any strike will result in a goal.

Strikers: Alfaman and ooman

Alfaman has been forced to play a bit deep into the attack, behind ooman, the new top striker. His prowess in front of goal is yet to be tested as the referees, Jesoul and manmustwack, have been quick to issue him a red card whenever he is with the ball. This however is just a small glitch cause the new coach is on the job.

It is rumoured in some other quarters that ooman chased Logicboy away due to a disagreement on who will be the top striker. Though the authenticity of that information is in question, but what is not in question is the ability of ooman to spare-head this Atheist attack without much help. His game has been a little on the downside of late cause the other members of the team are not willing to pass the ball to him cause of his quarrel with LB. Again, the coach is working on this.

RESERVE: Pagan 9ja

I have just been informed that no player is willing to stay on the reserve bench with pagan 9ja because he has assumed the role of the teams 'medicine man' cum Dibia. He bluntly refused to be in the first eleven because he believes the Gods need him to monitor the excesses of the weapon of mass destruction of the Christians (Obadiah777). He can't do that from the field, hence his willingness to be off the pitch to attend to his divination. With the talk of world war III looming, Pagan 9ja needs all the help he can get from the Gods.

COACH: Muskeeto

The coach has a lot to do with this team if he hopes to take on the Christian special eleven, comprising of players like Reyginus, InesQor, Davidylan and top striker Mr. Anoni. The future looks bleak but the coach has informed all who care to listen that he did not take up the job for taking sake, that a plan is in the offing which will help his boys return back to form.

Paschal007: Lol nice one. This just funny. Just surprised you left out one of the best if not the best dribbler, mr Ànony out of the team line up.

Mr. Anony and some other good players will be needed to take on the Atheist first Eleven.

SMH at atheist eleven..where plaetton, Martian, thehomer etc who be nokia3310 and kmcutez? Where the non-religous 11?

mkmyers45: SMH at atheist eleven..where plaetton, Martian, thehomer etc who be nokia3310 and kmcutez? Where the non-religous 11?

Quite agree. It looks more like anti-christian 11

Though I'm not anti-christian...

Martian has been out for sometime though..

And Mazaje should be coach, assistant coach wiegraf...



Muskeeto ain't no coach.. Not at all..


And bloody hell, u missed out kay17....

Spaghetti monster demands an offering of two kobo for this atrocity..

mkmyers45: SMH at atheist eleven..where plaetton, Martian, thehomer etc who be nokia3310 and kmcutez? Where the non-religous 11?

Thehomer is there, don't know who martian is and I must have left out Plaetton...update coming up!

What's going on here? Why hasn't Obadiah777 seen in this thread yet? Hasn't he seen this thread ni? Still, LWKMD @ Team A & B.

musKeeto: And Mazaje should be coach, assistant coach wiegraf...



Muskeeto ain't no coach.. Not at all..


And bloody hell, u missed out kay17....

Spaghetti monster demands an offering of two kobo for this atrocity..

LWKMD!!! Coachee calm down o! Lol! I will update the list with kay17...difficult keeping track of Atheists you know

striktlymi:

LWKMD!!! Coachee calm down o! Lol! I will update the list with kay17...difficult keeping track of Atheists you know

Where we go come put Deepsight, Chrisbenegor and the rest of veteran FC?

Nice thread. . .

mkmyers45: Where we go come put Deepsight, Chrisbenegor and the rest of veteran FC?

Hmmm...I know deepsight is more of a Deist but I am not sure of Chrisbenegor. Worry not, more team lists and in depth analysis are coming up.