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Stats: 3,107,051 members, 7,666,975 topics. Date: Tuesday, 05 December 2023 at 03:42 AM
|Please, Advice by Daisy101(m): 6:45pm On Sep 20|
Keep up the good work.
To my story.
I have been married for twenty years and it has been blissful with four children. I and my husband adopted a child years before we got married. It happened that while we were dating, a neighbor who was a single man had a daughter, whose mother ran away to another man after giving birth and life was so difficult with them, she left the man and the baby to another man. The man brought the baby to me and I was the one caring for the child when the man goes to work then he helps people in carrying loads in the market. Even at night the baby sleeps with me. I took this baby everywhere and people believe she is my child. Tragically the man died one day while carrying loads, he fell off the staircase and was badly injured. It was my husband who took care of the hospital bills even after he died. During his burial just few people came , his brother he always talked about came and buried him. We thought he would demand for the child, or maybe on the burial day the wife would come to take her child. Janet, I prepared the baby, packed few of her things that was in my house and was ready to hand her over to whoever would come for her from the man's family. But no one came. They only carry her and gave her back to me. Her mother did not come. After the burial everyone left. I came back with my boyfriend, now my dear husband. We took the baby to his brother when he came to pick some of his things, he said he doesn't even have a house of his own and he's not married. He gave us two thousand naira and said we should continue caring for the child. Janet that was how we cared for the child date. We got married when she was four years and my husband said, before she's five years and no one comes for her we would adopt her legally. She clocked five years and Janet no one came, no one ever asked of her. No message from anyone to us. We adopted her legally. She is our first daughter, our ada whom we adore so much, very brilliant. And is in a private University.
she introduced her boyfriend to us two years ago. And now they are fully ready to get married. We do not have contact of any of her father's family, not even her father's brother, because there was no phone then, he refused telling us his address. And even her father was buried in the cemetery, which the service was also conducted there.
My husband is not bothered about any of this, he said he adopted her and would not go looking for anyone. He has already given the boy's family list. But I am worried. We have never mentioned any of these to our daughter, she believes we are her biological parents. Do you think it's time we let her know the truth, though my husband is not in support of this? Personally I wouldn't want to do this, but for the sake of tradition. I need to hear others opinion. Should we go ahead with the marriage or look for her family? Is there any need to tell her anything? I love my daughter so much and wouldn't want to do things that would affect her later. Please advise me.
|Re: Please, Advice by MORIERA: 6:50pm On Sep 20|
But you can't hide the truth from her forever it is best you guys tell her than she finding out from someone else
Na the 2shege cent I manage gather for this tinubu dispensation I just dash you so... please manage it
|Re: Please, Advice by wunmi590(m): 6:55pm On Sep 20|
She's no more a kid, and from your write up since you adopted her, I don't think there's any need for you to be scared of telling her the whole truth...
Just let her know every truth from the beginning to the end, she will understand, at least, with what you have done for her, she might not even budge to leave you guys or stop calling you her parent..
But just make sure you do the right thing before the wedding...
Wish you goodluck
|Re: Please, Advice by sunnymighty(m): 6:58pm On Sep 20|
Will advise you keep the information away from your daughter untill you consider her mature enough to handle it same goes for the legally adopted daughter of yours. Mind you, age has nothing to do with it. Do you have the full name of the father and where he hailed from? to start with you can do a thorough search on Facebook incase you have his full name perhaps he could have relations on Facebook. Btw are you base in Lagos?
|Re: Please, Advice by Wawelexy(m): 7:17pm On Sep 20|
Tell her the truth after the marriage....
|Re: Please, Advice by Nazgul: 7:24pm On Sep 20|
There's no truth here to tell. Once you legally adopt a child, he or she is yours by law. Meaning whatever happened before the adoption isn't relevant anymore. Your history with that child starts from the day you signed those documents.
Telling her that her mom and her late dad's family abandoned her, would certainly break her heart.
Let sleeping dogs lie biko. She's your daughter now. The past is gone, focus on her wedding and wish her the best. If her biological mom cared, she would have showed up when the girl was growing up. Same with her late father's family.
Their absence all these years shows they simply didn't care. Therefore connecting your daughter back to them by telling her the truth isn't a wise decision to make.
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|Re: Please, Advice by Tayorshd87: 7:47pm On Sep 20|
I feel for you and the child herself 😢
And I was thinking about how d emotion will be if she realized u are not her biological parent ..
But it will be wise u tell her probably take her out to a recreational center with your husbby then u tell her d reason u left just because of what u wanted to tell 🤔
|Re: Please, Advice by Nobody: 8:01pm On Sep 20|
Mtcheew, what family are you looking for?! YOU are her family. YOU and your husband legally adopted her and raised her, therefore you are her mother and father.
4 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Please, Advice by Urexcellency: 8:13pm On Sep 20|
Please don't tell her.
|Re: Please, Advice by Puss360(f): 10:03pm On Sep 20|
As I just see "I've been married for 20yrs", I just weak... no advice here... lemme sit Nd wait
|Re: Please, Advice by FalseProphet1(m): 11:30pm On Sep 20|
Puss360:The dark forces made you weak so that you won't get married. Bring one big goat and 12 tubers of yam and you'll get back your strength.
This I have seen.
|Re: Please, Advice by thejourney200: 11:35pm On Sep 20|
Do you know the man's name and perhaps, his tribe? Can you help her look for him in whatever way you can?
As for your daughter, please let her know the truth at this time. You have done well as her parents but letting her know you are not her biological parents isn't a crime and she sure will respect you guys forever.
|Re: Please, Advice by Puss360(f): 11:35pm On Sep 20|
FalseProphet1:Lol... make dark forces rest for now... na Yahoo guys full everywhere, even to date, I dey fear...
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|Re: Please, Advice by FalseProphet1(m): 11:37pm On Sep 20|
Puss360:But you can bring the goat or yam or whichever one you have. Make I use see road first. 😏
|Re: Please, Advice by Shelter100(f): 12:19am On Sep 21|
Information is key. Right timing is wisdom. It would amount to foolishness to tell her in this moment. Some information will achieve unpleasant outcomes if you ain't careful with timing and delivery. Let your logical husband lead in this matter. You are being too emotional.
|Re: Please, Advice by Shelter100(f): 12:23am On Sep 21|
thejourney200:let her know so she will start a wild goose chase for people who never wanted her? The adopted parents should take that secret to the grave in the extreme case.
1 Like 1 Share
|Re: Please, Advice by LilMissFavvy(f): 12:57am On Sep 21|
Your husband and you are available to give her out in marriage, so what exactly are you looking for? Telling your daughter she was adopted will add absolutely nothing to her life, what matters is that she has a home where she was trained, loved and today she's about to settle maritaly.
|Re: Please, Advice by Hathor5(f): 7:34am On Sep 21|
Why is her upcoming wedding a reason to tell her what you have been withholding from her for such a lengthy time? I don´t get why she should be told now.
|Re: Please, Advice by Foodqueen(f): 7:49am On Sep 21|
Let her know cos if her mother appear tomorrow, she will feel u betrayed her by not telling her.
She wouldn't believe anything, u explain.
She will believe her bio mom.
Ur imaginative stories no de ever finish
|Re: Please, Advice by Nobody: 9:22am On Sep 21|
Where will her biological mother appear from? But let's suppose she does. If anything, the girl would feel betrayed by this irresponsible woman who abandoned both her and her late father because she wanted to be with another man, not these good people who took her in and did what she didn't want to do or what no one in her biological family wanted to do. Unless she's a silly ingrate, there's no way she would feel betrayed by these people but should be in awe and total gratitude that they've raised her like she's their own child, never making her feel anything less, despite them not being her biological parents.
Secondly, she was legally adopted, so again, what betrayal? Everything was done legally and they can always show her the adoption papers. Again, she would be a total ingrate to now turn on her mother and father (the two people who took care of her and raised her from babyhood into adulthood) and believe whatever this woman who suddenly decides to waltz into her life perhaps after hearing she's getting married from somewhere and to collect some bride price that she doesn't deserve. At least the fact that these people raised her, took care of her and educated/trained her throughout University should be proof that these are the people who love her. She's now an adult, so I'm assuming she has some sense and won't repay her parents by being stupid.
|Re: Please, Advice by LordReed(m): 9:25am On Sep 21|
I think it is irresponsible to not let the child know she is adopted especially as she is old enough to understand and reflect on the love you have shown. What if there is a major health issue and she finds out she doesn't share DNA or blood-type with you both? Tell her and be confident that your love will shine through.
On the marriage issue I see no problem, her biological parent and their families have shown no interest in her welfare or progress in life so why get bothered now?
|Re: Please, Advice by thejourney200: 4:30pm On Sep 21|
If she chooses to search for her biological parents, they should be able to help with that. Searching for her biological family might be to know her family history (medically and all wise). Not telling her at her age is not been fair to her. If the adopted parents love her, they shouldn't hide the information any further.
|Re: Please, Advice by UnfairLife7(m): 4:47pm On Sep 21|
You have no business looking for her family. You guys had adopted her legally. Even without adoption she knows you guys as her parents. I see no reason looking for her family when obviously you're her family.
By law, the owner of a child isn't based by biological but someone that looks after the child till adulthood
3 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Please, Advice by frozen70(f): 7:40pm On Sep 21|
In my own honest opinion, that child is now your child together with your husband
Dont break her heart by telling her any forgotten story that has no trace
Just let her be, don't spoil her joy
Let her find out herself, then you can explain with evidence
Her parents handed her over to your family as if they have a premonition about their exits
|Re: Please, Advice by Lance008(m): 12:31pm On Sep 22|
Bleep tradition and keep ur mouth shut
The love no go be the same again
U won scatter her life
Go ahead and hurt her because of ur stupid tradition
|Re: Please, Advice by Lance008(m): 12:33pm On Sep 22|
Foodqueen:You be goat
Food of queen
Mama run leave pikin for month
Na person mak train u be ur mama ewu nothing upstairs
Please don't listen to this ewu and keep ur mouth shut
Don't u have secret ?
|Re: Please, Advice by Foodqueen(f): 5:58pm On Sep 22|
Your mom right
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