GETTING DUMPED

You can survive that break-up without falling to pieces, here's how.


Your phone never rings and that deadening feeling in the pit of your stomach does not go away despite the alcohol, the hamburgers, the endless chocolates followed by days of fasting. Apart from dealing with the death of a loved one, being dumped by someone you really loved is one of the worst things you will have to go through in your life.

You feel worthless, unattractive, uninspiring and about as interesting to the opposite sex as a wet rag. You are convinced that it was all your fault and that it would not have happened if you were more attractive, more intelligent, better company, wittier or fabulously wealthy.

Your self-image lies somewhere on the bottom of the swamp, and as far as you are concerned, the world might already have ended last week but you would not have noticed anyway.

How to move on
Give yourself adequate time to mope. Lie in bed for a weekend. Groan and gnash your teeth and get it out of your system because don't want to carry this with you forever.

Get hold of your friend who did not like your partner (there is always one) and, over a bottle of wine, find out exactly why. Ask for gruesome details.

Make a list of the 10 worst things your partner ever did to you or made you feel. Photocopy this and stick it up all over the house, so whenever you miss your ex-partner, you can look up and see this list. Ask yourself whether you aren't relieved that you are not in any of those situations right now.

Take joy in your new-found freedom. Be impulsive and do things on the spur of the moment and enjoy the fact that you do not have to inform anyone.

Rely heavily on friends. Use their shoulders to cry on, but also organise activities with them that exclude weeping and wailing.

Know that somewhere along the line someone is going to dump your partner, who will then find out how you are feeling right now.

Accept that friends will choose sides. The less you do to try and win them over, the more likely they are to choose your side. Vitriolic nastiness about ex-partners, even if justified, is not an endearing feature in people.

If you are very depressed or suffering from insomnia, get help from your doctor. A therapist could also be of great help to get you through this difficult time and also to work through personal problems with which you might be struggling. Why should you suffer alone unnecessarily?

If you have been dumped for someone else, fantasising about torturing the two of them to death, although vastly pleasant, will not get you anywhere.

Accept that maybe this person just did not deserve you and that you now have the opportunity to grow and explore other avenues.

Don't fall into a rebound relationship. This will only postpone your problem, not solve it.

Hard as it may be, consider the fact that the other person is probably not going through the same trauma as you are. Is he or she really worth all those sleepless nights and gnashed teeth?

Refuse to be a victim and don't let yourself be traumatised by constant contact with the ex-partner. And above all else, remember that looking good and feeling happy is the best revenge.

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