Get out of here

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

Same here. Not interested in children either

Just say you are not sure if your reproductive organs are still good, after all the things you did in the past.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

Take this decision and let us know how happy you are when you are in your old age

Whatever floats ur boat

Don't worry, E go soon tire u

But have you sought medical intervention? This problem is curable by psychiatric diagnosis. Check into a psychiatric hospital and seek help so that it doesn't degenerate into self destruct.
If you're not wired for marriage even after undergoing treatment, then have a child or two either by adoption or surrogacy if you can afford it. Children are important and you'll sure need them always.

Poswahala:


Please am not suffering from mood swings..this is something that is affecting my life and not some mood swings

God keeping you alive, 30yrs from today you will regret this insane decision. Its not a curse its the fact.

I am a Developmental Support Worker and I've also worked as a psw in Canada. I don't even wish my enemy to end up in a retirement home. Pls make more research b4 deciding.

Poswahala:


Please am not suffering from mood swings..this is something that is affecting my life and not some mood swings

I can render some help concerning this mental issue. Pls, mail me
blastfemi44 @ gmail. com

phemmyfour:
A typically excuse to back your decision. Why not give examples of a working marriage. For every one not working, there are thousands that are working.

Which decision?

Does marriage gurantee happiness or the solution to curb loneliness?

I am a fan of legally and divinely ordained marriages. I just stated the reality of these last days marriages, for every one working there are thousands not working.

Getting married is one of the biggest risk and challenge a person can embark on. If you want to trust God all u need is devotion but to trust a human u need courage.

The world is morally decayed and is fast declining. Most couple cheat on each other, they don't respect their marital vows, unthankful, disloyal, self assuming, puffed up with pride, falling economy, dishonesty with their partners. Hence the high rate of divorce and separation.

If not for the sigma of staying single, not having kids, and been a divorcee most people would not remain in their marriages, take a survey yourself.

Only when one of fortune to marry a person who loves God genuinely and both are ready to make God the third cord in their marriage that is only when their marriage will work and unfortunately people like that are few this time.

This is reality, I don't do fantasy.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

Relocate out of Nigeria first then see a doctor. Your health and peace of mind should be your priority first.

Hannania:
That you don't know, doesn't mean there isn't. I also don't see the need of kids. At best, I adopt orphans(twins to be precise) at old age.

I have a couple of friends on this also. Nigeria is not as myopic as it use to be.

I didn't know we are this much in NL. I have lots of friends and colleagues on this, Get married and adopt as you age.

Our media spoke man in Nigeria has been married for close to 20yrs without even adopting because the wife is not even interested in children. They are one of the best couple I know. So exposed and enlightened.

iamL:


I didn't know we are this much in NL. I have lots of friends and colleagues on this, Get married and adopt as you age.

Our media spoke man in Nigeria has been married for close to 20yrs without even adopting because the wife is not even interested in children. They are one of the best couple I know. So exposed and enlightened.

Zero worries. Happiness is the main goal

What are you talking about?

usah4:


A Nanny that will help her beans the kids right.

Read twice whatever you type before posting please.
All this people looking for First Comment

Newton2024:
I can say it with all sincerity. My life is now better of than when I was single. I used to be sad and depressed but now I am happy and joyful. If couples possess fruits of the spirit and follow biblical principles on relationship, all marriages would be lively.

Enemies of marriage nowadays:
- ego (my decision is final and I can't apologize)
- comparison (my spouse must be like the spouse I watch on TV)
- faulty mindset
- lack of self-control
- etc

100% true, will soon join you.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

Hey Poswahala,

Let me first off apologise on behalf of the several ignorant responses you've gotten, some of which came from uncultured & ill-mannered people who have a predilection to project their miserable lives on others for no clear reason other than trying to infect others with the same bitterness eating them up.


These things aren't entirely out of place when you discuss personal issues on a forum where you have people with limited exposure trying to take the lead prize of the most caustic responses.


Anyway, it's not their sorrows I've come to dissect, but I plead that you pay no mind to them & uproot whatever bitter seed they've sown in your mind.


It's actually amazing that as a lady, you kind of know what you want and you're just on here trying to seek guidance & clarify your decisions.


Whether you go ahead with your decisions or get convinced along the line to do otherwise, the first thing to have in mind is that there are NO GUARANTEES.


You can make a decision of birthing a child and realize your child changes your world for the very best and attenuates the effects of your depressive symptoms.
Everyday, you see your child growing up to be a beautiful person, who loves you back and then takes care of you in old age.


It's also possible that during/after birth (or even pregnancy), the child suffers one or two complications that mars their lives forever — Subtly (learning disabilities, ASD, ADHD, Bipolar etc.) or Overtly (Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus, Down Syndrome etc.).

Or possibly even inherits your depressive gene and has to battle a life of disorder(s) despite the harsh realities of the world, making them a little more unfit than everyone else to survive & thrive.


What this will mean as a mother is that she has to cope now not only with personal, emotional & medical struggles, she also now has to cope with tending to a child she never wished to turn out the way they turned out.
Grooming infants usually require conscientiousness, but with these type of kids, she has to go extra miles...still with No Guarantees that they'll turn out fine.


What about the Shame & Stigma?
Even if her heart is iron-clad against such bullshit from ignorant people, will her child be immune too?


They grow up knowing they're fundamentally different and these are the things that form up their self confidence & self-perception into adulthood.


What if post-partum depression compounds your existing experience?


Even if the child turns out well, remember you always have to go a mile to ensure they don't suffer NEGLECT in any form or way and they're fully Understood, you have to make them know they can absolutely Confide In You and they should in no way Feel Awkward amongst their peers in a way to build up Insecurities.


One thing most people aren't well aware of is that, Humans are the toughest and most fragile beings to breed.
Our superior Consciousness is a CURSE.
A single action or inaction can overwrite/influence all of the efforts put into a child's upbringing.

(What all of these mean is that, you can do everything perfectly right and things can actually still go wrong... On no fault of your own.
...I'm no doom prophet, I'm just being realistic).


Going with your preset mindset too doesn't mean you're totally rid of problems or it wouldn't be your best decision.


As people have mentioned, there are times you'll be utterly lonely which may worsen your symptoms.

Friends may get married and have to deal with their responsibilities and you can't always club every night or have a slew of one night stands, it'd worsen things.


Connection regardless of our personalities or how we try to paint it is very crucial.


Luckily there are men who share your type of perspective.
If you're lucky to find a good one, agree on being Partners...
...if you're terribly scared of commitment and the possibility of not being able to live up to your wifely duties as a result of your health.


Adopting a child isn't also a perfect fool-proof decision as you'll have to deal with some usual child-grooming challenges and the possibility of the child eventually turning out fine as an adult.

But there's likely to be a feeling of fulfilment in saving a child from gloomy uncertainties (which the child may be grateful for when they become of age) instead of overpopulating the world on the premise of having your own seed/preserving your lineage (...in an already collapsing world).


Birthing or adopting children DOESN'T GUARANTEE you'll have someone tending to you in old age...

the child could get busy...
live in unfavourable conditions that may not give them the chance to...
live unpleasant lives that a parent wouldn't even be proud of...
hate their parent & have nothing to do with them...
or most devastatingly, die young
(a parent can't... & shouldn't totally rule out the possibilities of any of these happening).


Life is sadly the biggest paradox & there are (as I've said) NO GUARANTEES.


Whatever decisions you make, you have to own up & boldy live with the consequences.

That's why I'm helping you out with these perspectives.

What really matters is knowing yourself deeper & knowing the kind of consequences you can bear to live with.

{What's your personality...?
Are you an introvert/ambivert/extrovert?
Are you stoic or emotional?
Do you easily get burdened with things?
What are your sensitivities?
Do you have erratic commitments to things?
Are you naturally empathetic?
Have you ever helped take care of kids before? What was your perception?
What are your coping mechanisms when things get unbearable?
Ask yourself all the questions necessary to}.

Look out for the things that can make you regret whatever decision you're taking now in the next 15-40 years.

Map out strategies you can use to cope with the inconveniences that may crop up as a consequence of your decisions.


In all of these, always factor in the limitations of your health conditions.

You sound very financially independent, so it may be a little easier to coast through some of the consequences (NB : If you're going to be childfree, please don't be in Africa, except general perspectives changes).

Have you considered treatment for your health problems? Therapy? Psychoanalytic assessments? Prescriptions?

Are you aware that mental illnesses are chronic? they can only be managed but can not be cured?


So even though you get off an episode for a long time, it doesn't mean it can't/wouldn't pop later.

Are you aversed to pets?
If you're not, I strongly recommend you should get one to better know if you'll cope with having kids
(NB : One that aligns with who you're & is highly likely to be therapeutic).

You just may end up breeding pets for a lifetime if they're able to limit the effects of your symptoms.


PS : I'm just like you & these are the guides I use to make these kinda decisions.


Wish you good luck on your decisions.

NeuroDivergent:


Hey Poswahala,

Let me first off apologise on behalf of the several ignorant responses you've gotten, some of which came from uncultured & ill-mannered people who have a predilection to project their miserable lives on others for no clear reason other than trying to infect others with the same bitterness eating them up.


These things aren't entirely out of place when you discuss personal issues on a forum where you have people with limited exposure trying to take the lead prize of the most caustic responses.


Anyway, it's not their sorrows I've come to dissect, but I plead that you pay no mind to them & uproot whatever bitter seed they've sown in your mind.


It's actually amazing that as a lady, you kind of know what you want and you're just on here trying to seek guidance & clarify your decisions.


Whether you go ahead with your decisions or get convinced along the line to do otherwise, the first thing to have in mind is that there are NO GUARANTEES.


You can make a decision of birthing a child and realize your child changes your world for the very best and attenuates the effects of your depressive symptoms.
Everyday, you see your child growing up to be a beautiful person, who loves you back and then takes care of you in old age.


It's also possible that during/after birth (or even pregnancy), the child suffers one or two complications that mars their lives forever — Subtly (learning disabilities, ASD, ADHD, Bipolar etc.) or Overtly (Cerebral Palsy, Hydrocephalus, Down Syndrome etc.).

Or possibly even inherits your depressive gene and has to battle a life of disorder(s) despite the harsh realities of the world, making them a little more unfit than everyone else to survive & thrive.


What this will mean as a mother is that she has to cope now not only with personal, emotional & medical struggles, she also now has to cope with tending to a child she never wished to turn out the way they turned out.
Grooming infants usually require conscientiousness, but with these type of kids, she has to go extra miles...still with No Guarantees that they'll turn out fine.


What about the Shame & Stigma?
Even if her heart is iron-clad against such bullshit from ignorant people, will her child be immune too?


They grow up knowing they're fundamentally different and these are the things that form up their self confidence & self-perception into adulthood.


What if post-partum depression compounds your existing experience?


Even if the child turns out well, remember you always have to go a mile to ensure they don't suffer NEGLECT in any form or way and they're fully Understood, you have to make them know they can absolutely Confide In You and they should in no way Feel Awkward amongst their peers in a way to build up Insecurities.


One thing most people aren't well aware of is that, Humans are the toughest and most fragile beings to breed.
Our superior Consciousness is a CURSE.
A single action or inaction can overwrite/influence all of the efforts put into a child's upbringing.

(What all of these mean is that, you can do everything perfectly right and things can actually still go wrong... On no fault of your own.
...I'm no doom prophet, I'm just being realistic).


Going with your preset mindset too doesn't mean you're totally rid of problems or it wouldn't be your best decision.


As people have mentioned, there are times you'll be utterly lonely which may worsen your symptoms.

Friends may get married and have to deal with their responsibilities and you can't always club every night or have a slew of one night stands, it'd worsen things.


Connection regardless of our personalities or how we try to paint it is very crucial.


Luckily there are men who share your type of perspective.
If you're lucky to find a good one, agree on being Partners...
...if you're terribly scared of commitment and the possibility of not being able to live up to your wifely duties as a result of your health.


Adopting a child isn't also a perfect fool-proof decision as you'll have to deal with some usual child-grooming challenges and the possibility of the child eventually turning out fine as an adult.

But there's likely to be a feeling of fulfilment in saving a child from gloomy uncertainties (which the child may be grateful for when they become of age) instead of overpopulating the world on the premise of having your own seed/preserving your lineage (...in an already collapsing world).


Birthing or adopting children DOESN'T GUARANTEE you'll have someone tending to you in old age...

the child could get busy...
live in unfavourable conditions that may not give them the chance to...
live unpleasant lives that a parent wouldn't even be proud of...
hate their parent & have nothing to do with them...
or most devastatingly, die young
(a parent can't... & shouldn't totally rule out the possibilities of any of these happening).


Life is sadly the biggest paradox & there are (as I've said) NO GUARANTEES.


Whatever decisions you make, you have to own up & boldy live with the consequences.

That's why I'm helping you out with these perspectives.

What really matters is knowing yourself deeper & knowing the kind of consequences you can bear to live with.

{What's your personality...?
Are you an introvert/ambivert/extrovert?
Are you stoic or emotional?
Do you easily get burdened with things?
What are your sensitivities?
Do you have erratic commitments to things?
Are you naturally empathetic?
Have you ever helped take care of kids before? What was your perception?
What are your coping mechanisms when things get unbearable?
Ask yourself all the questions necessary to}.

Look out for the things that can make you regret whatever decision you're taking now in the next 15-40 years.

Map out strategies you can use to cope with the inconveniences that may crop up as a consequence of your decisions.


In all of these, always factor in the limitations of your health conditions.

You sound very financially independent, so it may be a little easier to coast through some of the consequences (NB : If you're going to be childfree, please don't be in Africa, except general perspectives changes).

Have you considered treatment for your health problems? Therapy? Psychoanalytic assessments? Prescriptions?

Are you aware that mental illnesses are chronic? they can only be managed but can not be cured?


So even though you get off an episode for a long time, it doesn't mean it can't/wouldn't pop later.

Are you aversed to pets?
If you're not, I strongly recommend you should get one to better know if you'll cope with having kids
(NB : One that aligns with who you're & is highly likely to be therapeutic).

You just may end up breeding pets for a lifetime if they're able to limit the effects of your symptoms.


PS : I'm just like you & these are the guides I use to make these kinda decisions.


Wish you good luck on your decisions.



Ghengiskhan Michlins Mindlog JoyousFurniture Tensazegetzu20 Dettolgel Ultraviolet27 SmartyPants Emmanuelike Koning Giorgia Cassyrooy Haggai247 Nenyewrites Klass99 LastProphet Ayo13945 Rickleye Advancedman iamL Hannania

Well articulated and well written your advice is spot on.

Oil full your head bro. Stay blessed.

BlueAir:
motivational quotes people. Hian I fear una

It's not about that. I can barely take care of myself. Personally, I like kids but I'm not ready to have one.

DM.

Poswahala:
Guys I genuinely need some advice
Because of the state of my mental health I have decided never to get married or have kids.

I suffer from intense depression and anxiety and other mental health problems. I'm unsure of my own future talk more of a child.

I do love being in relationships but I do that only for companionship and sex.

I don't know if I will regret my decision. The guys I have dated have been cool with my no marriage proposal but I don't think any Nigerian man will not want kids.

I'm thinking of moving to another country, buy a house, take care of my community and neighbors then when I'm old, I will move to a retirement home.

If I change my mind I can adopt a child, am not against adoption as I am with marriage, it depends on if my mental health improves.

The problem I have is that will I be lonely without a child, like I said I'm not into marriage despite being a woman trained in traditional home, it's not that I hate it or anything, it's not just for me. I will be unhappy being married.

But the child thing is bothering me, I always wanted a child, but i don't want my mental health to prevent me from loving and caring for the child.

Please advise.

What causes the depression? You need to tackle that first.

Having children or getting married is not sacrosanct.
If everyone knew this, we won’t be having people giving birth to terrorists and problems to the society

Poswahala:


Please am not suffering from mood swings..this is something that is affecting my life and not some mood swings

Poswahala, can you message me for serious professional counseling. Email is olutajiolot@gmail.com. will be expecting your message.

You don't have good partner. If a lady decided to be with a man or to date a man, probability of getting married is high.

A lady only have this your ideology triggered by a disappointment, gilt from a past relationship or a fear of being dominant or a toxic affair I can go on and on of the reason you detest from getting married.

For all the reason, if by any chance in your life, you welcome men for relationship, you could meet, that good man that will respect you for that, now I see why some ladies opt for a married men, just to have their space more.

You need to open your heart on positive vibes. Reading negative stuff online, especially a stories that makes front page against ladies this days, could give some weak ladies mental imbalance against marriage. Whereas, is a beautiful thing , when you meet that reasonable man, you both think alike. And God bless you with money

Hi i read your post and i am also a 27 year old single nigerian living in lagos , Nigeria i am not having kids as well and thats a definite fact, let us talk on whatsapp and get to know each other more as well as planning our retirement homes together. I have started saving up for a retirement home and an elderly care living home. you are not alone . write me on whatsapp 08155108374, i will also send you an email

dawud:

Poswahala, can you message me for serious professional counseling. Email is olutajiolot@gmail.com. will be expecting your message.

armyofone:


Haha @ "wawulence" spells.

You fear ?

Lol. E get why.