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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What Should She Do? (2315 Views)
What Should She Do? by Mpyaw: 5:15am On Mar 13, 2016 |
My home is about to be shattered. Is it my fault that I couldn't give birth to a male child or am I God? My husband and I have been married for twelve years and we have four daughters. He doesn't really careabout the sex of the children. He loves them and can spend his last kobo on them. He is the first child and the only son of his family, in their clan their wives do give birth to a son as the firstborn, I'm the odd one out who has a daughter as the firstborn. My husband is not really bothered about that but his mother is on his neck to give her a son or marry another woman if I can't. My once loving mother-in-law now despise me like a flithy rag.The pressure is just too much and my husband has been forced to dance to their tune. He was on my side when all these started but now I'm alone in the battle. I would have given child bearing another trial but my doctor warned me not to risk my life by getting pregnant again because I had my last two daughters through Caesarean Section and the last one was a little bit complicated, it was just God that saved me. I don't want to lose my man, my home to a strange woman out there. What do I do? |
Re: What Should She Do? by Miami11: 5:32am On Mar 13, 2016 |
There is nothing you can do. Don't risk your life for anymore kids, just raise your girls ignore mother in law. And let your husband decide what he wants to do. If he is the marrying type he will remarry and there is no guarantee the other woman will give him a boy. 6 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by utenwuson: 5:47am On Mar 13, 2016 |
it's a strong one! sorry 4 ur predicament, only God decide d sex of a child, u cnt risk ur life tryn 2 conceive can't be sure it's gonna be a male, concentrate on training ur girls, if Obama dnt av a boy child n he ain't worried then who else! though it's quite difficult to cope here in Africa wtout d male child! |
Re: What Should She Do? by greatgod2012(f): 5:56am On Mar 13, 2016 |
If your husband has been dancing to their tunes, then, expect the unexpected. But let's start here, are you independent, are you gainfully employed, if yes,then, when the unexpected happens, you can decide to either stay or leave, because, honestly, there is nothing or little you can do if he has decided to marry another woman because of male child/children. However, if God will vindicate you and shame them all, he would marry another wife/wives, and they will all have female children only for him. I have a friend whose father left their mum because she had only 4 girls to marry another wife who also had only female children, he also married the 3rd wife, same. To cut the long story short, the man had a total of 13 children and they are all female children. 8 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by Nobody: 6:31am On Mar 13, 2016 |
not this story again. lemme tell you what people would tell you,pray toGod. 2 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 6:32am On Mar 13, 2016 |
Mpyaw: Mtcheeew. Nigerians and their cooked up stories. Shebi as at 10th March you were a single guy looking to enter a relationship with a girl? https://www.nairaland.com/2982752/finding-cinderella And barely a week later you're a woman with 4 daughters, married for 12 years. What utter nonesense. Better post the link to this copy 'n paste story of yours. 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should She Do? by Nobody: 6:38am On Mar 13, 2016 |
Give him a fighting chance nah! You don't kick a man who is down EfemenaXY: 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by Laitesmart(m): 6:47am On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY:Not all those who ppst stories are the victims in the story... Some people are writing from friends experience... Go check some of the so called best OPs tooo. Cut the guy some slack jawe... As for the lady.. She better forget about it and start thinking of what she intend to do as regards raising her children.. 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by Mpyaw: 8:03am On Mar 13, 2016 |
. EfemenaXY: |
Re: What Should She Do? by BluStreak(m): 9:47am On Mar 13, 2016 |
This issue is a very sensitive one and begs for all understanding. The women of the days before supported their husbands when faced with this type of predicament, but today's women see it as a man being inconsiderate. This is Africa & we as Africans have some things that are peculiar to us. Unlike the West, having a male child who will take over the mantle from him forms among others the top desires of every man. So support ur hubby on his desire to have a male child. Surrogacy is gaining ground now in Naija, or let him do the baby mama thinz. I won't support a new wife to avoid rivalry in a home you built over the years. This is entirely my opinion which is my right whether it makes sense or not. |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 9:57am On Mar 13, 2016 |
BluStreak: Support him how, exactly? You do understand that the sex of the child is determined by the male's mismatched XY chromosomes and not the female's matched XX chromosomes?? i.e. The man's Y chromosome yields forth the male child? Biology 101. 6 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by BluStreak(m): 10:11am On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: No doubt on the issue of men being the determinant as they carry the Y chromosomes that yields baby boys. You also might have the need to further your knowledge on the part played by a woman's PH level at the time of copulation and conception. That there is the baabaa of them all. |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 10:15am On Mar 13, 2016 |
BluStreak: Even so. You still haven't answered my question. How do you propose she she "supports" him? 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by Ginaz(f): 10:23am On Mar 13, 2016 |
all i can tell you is that ***don't worry, by the day cos everything living thing gonna be alright**** |
Re: What Should She Do? by Blade21: 10:27am On Mar 13, 2016 |
Mpyaw:tell your hubby to man up and give Y chromosome it's totally his fault you don't have a boy so u you bothered rubbish nija mentality |
Re: What Should She Do? by BluStreak(m): 10:28am On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: By allowing him realize his desire which is having a male child. With the support of the wife, they can go about it such that she will not have to share her home with another woman or worst case, loose it to another woman. It can be achieved @EfemenaXY Additional: They should put heads together and get a surrogate mother. They can opt for gender selection procedure, use her own eggs etc. Or a cheaper method, paid baby mama. |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 10:44am On Mar 13, 2016 |
BluStreak: I still don't get you. Break it down. You're proposing he plays the field, yes? And she should sit there and just take it? 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by BluStreak(m): 11:50am On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: Nooooo. I don't mean him playing the field. That will be too traumatising as she already has enough to grapple with. But with agreement, without the family's consent, they can opt for artificial insemination on a willing surrogate either using her own egg or the surrogates egg. It's as simple as that. Or agree with the man to get a willing lady to bear the child for them. Just one so they can have a son in their mix. If the woman consents to it, it minimises the pain just like the men who urge their women to get pregnant from outside their marriage because they are incapable. |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 11:58am On Mar 13, 2016 |
BluStreak: And would you advocate such a man encourage his wife to do the same in search of a female child if he has issues fathering a girl child? 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by 5minsmadness: 12:10pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY:Na wa. You like quarrel sha. Read his last paragraph to you. It shows his view, although warped, is balanced. @blustreak It won't matter if they get a surrogate since the determinant of the sex of the child is from the male. As long as the man is the one involved he will most likely have another female child. The best bet is for both of them to agree for another man to impregnate his wife either through local surrogacy or IVF. The other man's sperm has a better chance of producing a male child than the husband's own. 3 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 12:17pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
5minsmadness:
Epic! I have nothing more to add. |
Re: What Should She Do? by thorpido(m): 1:38pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
Mpyaw:You could simply have stated that it was your sister.It makes the thread more authentic and helps to separate trolls from people who need genuine advice. @Op,I hope the woman in this case has a job or stable source of income.There is nothing you can do if your husband decides he wants another woman to have a child for him.He in his foolishness does not know it is the man that determines the sex of the baby. I don't understand your statement about the people in his family having boys as first born and he didn't have.Is it something automatic?You people just need basic biology lessons. 3 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by Olasco93: 2:26pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
Inasmuch as some so called mother-in-law are seemingly wicked and selfcentered, not knowing how others feel but themselves, I imploy you to be strong, don't let this make you think inferior of yourself, husband or your beautiful daughters overpower those thoughts. Even if it looks as if there is no one by your side NOW, be strong in your God His plans for you and your daughters is always Greater than that of men. The truth is, your husband may just be to dancing to his mother's tone now just to please her; that's the situation of 'some' men who are so attuned to those Negative Custom and Tradition and cannot make them lead their family correctly. Though, this definitely may be affecting you psychologically but don't let it control you because as small as this may seem, it can MAKE or BREAK your loving relationship you've built over the years with This Man. Build your self-esteem and be that brave and confident woman. Trust God and pray for your yourself, husband, his mum and your children and above all, DON'T GIVE UP. 1 Like |
Re: What Should She Do? by BluStreak(m): 3:30pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
EfemenaXY: Men are known to have allowed their wife go out to get pregnant albeit secretly so they can have a child to call their own. Don't pretend like you haven't heard real life stories even if you haven't witness one. If men can stomach it, why cant a woman? |
Re: What Should She Do? by EfemenaXY: 5:04pm On Mar 13, 2016 |
BluStreak: What's there to pretend about? As long as we're absolutely clear that what's good for the goose is equally good for the gander, then all's good and dandy. Fair's fair. 2 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by Mpyaw: 11:44am On Apr 07, 2016 |
hmmmmm 5minsmadness: |
Re: What Should She Do? by SUV(f): 5:58pm On Apr 07, 2016 |
Real epic! Women r always at fault for everything that happens in a family, even bearing male children wwhich biologically is d role of d man and above all d choice of God. Oohhh chimooo Have they not heard of adoption? That's for me d only sensible solution. They shld both discuss and agree tobadopt a male child...my uncle did d same after 4daughters. 3 Likes |
Re: What Should She Do? by Pojomojo: 9:18am On Mar 05, 2023 |
greatgod2012: |
Re: What Should She Do? by Nice2023(m): 11:50am On Mar 05, 2023 |
Mpyaw: Let me advice u. If ur husband is ok financially,meet a good gynaecologist and let him help u guys to do IVF with gender selection procedure. It is about 3.5million naira in Lagos and close to that amount in Abuja too. If he is financially capable why the stress about that. Think about it. |
Re: What Should She Do? by AngelSlay: 6:47pm On Apr 30 |
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