Today I invited some friends into my room, which is a rare event for me, but then he commented about the untidy state of the room just after asking for a favor and so I said "no" to his request and threw him out. And then I went straight to sleep.

My question is "why"? Why did he feel the need to criticize my room even though he knew my likely reaction? Why couldn't he stifle himself at least until he got what he wanted from me first? And why did I react with as much anger as I did, despite the fact that I'm not supposed to care at all?

When someone accuses me of being an "atheist" as if it's a crime, I just smile and explain to the person that I am right and he is wrong and that is all there is to it. When someone calls me a loner, I'm amused and I make the person understand that I'm just trying to avoid people like him.

But when someone calls me a dropout, or accuses me of being untidy, my blood boils. Why is this? I mean, if I don't care about having a degree enough to go back to school to get one, why am I upset when someone reminds me that i don't have one. And if I don't care about tidiness enough to keep my living environment tidy, why am I upset when someone criticizes me about it?

Also, I stopped talking to someone recently for saying I'm yet to produce my first movie at a bad time. When I told him the same applies to him, he just laughed and called me "oversensitive". So I've stopped talking to him. Why? Why do people call me oversensitive and why does it make me even more angry? Also, Razorr woke up one day to tell me that Nairaland is "a junkyard" or something. Why was she surprised when I decided to ban her? Did she not expect this? If not, am I just calibrated differently? If so, why did she feel compelled to say such a thing?

And why am I not upset about other things I get criticized for just as regularly? I really want to know.

Okay first it is obvious that many of the things we are criticised about; all in your case, is TRUTH. But that's where the paradox is.
I think the reason I can relate to is that sometimes we are, or are intending to make an effort in the 'right' direction. And the effort is not acknowledged as much as our effortlessness is. That really is life, pple are quicker to, and enjoy criticising others rather than praising them.
As to a person's culture such as your religious affiliation, I think it's a matter of misunderstanding. If I understand why you have a certain thought pattern, I may not criticise you even though I disagree.
And when the truth is bitter, it is natural for one's blood to boil. Seun I dont know why/whether you do not have a degree but if it wasn't your fault, I consider it inhumane for someone to constantly remind another person of their fatal misfortune; fatal in the sense that it was beyond thier will.

You get upset because u actually care.

I don't get upset when I am told I am untidy because i know that is the truth and I don't care.

There are some things though that you are but that were never your intentions so you get upset whenever you are reminded of them.

If you can't get over certain things it's because u know they are true and that deep inside you you haven't fully accepted them.

Seun

U are not alone receiving criticized by those people. They have no rights to change you whatever they decide. I used to be when I was your age how people treated like this. I ignored them for all my life (taught by my parent tell me this). Now I turn out fine while those people still failed.

The answer is because they are so jealous seeing what you have accomplished to make your goals almost completely whatever you want, that they do not have. Your skills, your talent, your God-given gifts, and you are only unique that they do not have.

You will be fine stick with your plan, dream, goal, project, whatever you are doing, ignore them. Just like Noah built on an ark and people laughed at him (Biblical)---u know the story. I know you are atheist. Similar concept--but history is repeat! Life must goes on!!!

I hope it make sense to you. Don't mind them, they are full of immature not know how to respect or appreciate you.

   

Thanks, guys & gal. I've learnt some things.

Seun,

It's possible that you have a short temper. Patience will come to you as you get older.

I think the key is taking actions you firmly believe you will not regret in the future.

Thanks, guys & girl. I've learnt some things

i'm glad you finally learn from us,just be good & all will be well.
_{i don't want to read your thread again b4 i share tear again.}

Seun:

Today I invited some friends into my room, which is a rare event for me, but then he commented about the untidy state of the room just after asking for a favor and so I said "no" to his request and threw him out. And then I went straight to sleep.

My question is "why"? Why did he feel the need to criticize my room even though he knew my likely reaction? Why couldn't he stifle himself at least until he got what he wanted from me first? And why did I react with as much anger as I did, despite the fact that I'm not supposed to care at all?

When someone accuses me of being an "atheist" as if it's a crime, I just smile and explain to the person that I am right and he is wrong and that is all there is to it. When someone calls me a loner, I'm amused and I make the person understand that I'm just trying to avoid people like him.

But when someone calls me a dropout, or accuses me of being untidy, my blood boils. Why is this? I mean, if I don't care about having a degree enough to go back to school to get one, why am I upset when someone reminds me that i don't have one. And if I don't care about tidiness enough to keep my living environment tidy, why am I upset when someone criticizes me about it?

Also, I stopped talking to someone recently for saying I'm yet to produce my first movie at a bad time. When I told him the same applies to him, he just laughed and called me "oversensitive". So I've stopped talking to him. Why? Why do people call me oversensitive and why does it make me even more angry? Also, Razorr woke up one day to tell me that Nairaland is "a junkyard" or something. Why was she surprised when I decided to ban her? Did she not expect this? If not, am I just calibrated differently? If so, why did she feel compelled to say such a thing?

And why am I not upset about other things I get criticized for just as regularly? I really want to know.

You are short tempered. You used words like my blood boils (I just imagined a volcano) that's why I called you that. From you post I get this feeling you think the whole world is against you so any slightest thing you don't agree with, you flare up. We use different ways to release our demons and you have chosen trivial issues as a friend telling his friend his room is untidy (which is childish). You can't tell everyone you meet-- this is how I want to be treated. So the solution lies with you. Exercise self control and grow up. Hope you do not feel criticised by my honest advice.

they say the truth is painful.
you fear failure. i think that the magic word for your failure in what ever you do.
its all about achievements and not your personal philosophy of life

Exercise self control and grow up.

If my blood boils at an insensitive comment, what do I have to gain by pretending otherwise? How rude. Your advice is not for my benefit, but for the benefit or insultive simpletons like you, so you can keep opening your mouths wide to spill filth without any repercussions. **** you all.

i think that the magic word for your failure in what ever you do.

I am a failure in whatever I do? Why would you say such a thing? Am I supposed to say thank you?

@post
same here. . .but my room is cleaner

am not saying you are a failure with magic word i mean. thats the word people can use to get under your skin. your Achisels heel.
your biggest nightmare. the fear to fail in anything you do

I think you're right. My fear or failure has held me back this year. I didn't achieve anything in any area of life.

you have yourself to blame for that. it is perhaps why your forum will fail to see any decent form of progression beyond its current capacity.

you're too hot-tempered to let people express themselves freely, especially when you're criticized.

just being blunt.

You can make the upcoming year better seun by unbanning osisi

hey kobe.

kobe:

you have yourself to blame for that. it is perhaps why your forum will fail to see any decent form of progression beyond its current capacity.

you're too hot-tempered to let people express themselves freely, especially when you're criticized.

just being blunt.

it has nothing to do with how successful or unsuccessful seun is. its more about how successful he things he is.
Religion and philosophy has nothing to to with it,
The standard of the forum also has nothing to do with it.
What he is passing through is very normal for people of his age.
Then he knows that he is now a man and that the real world is waiting for him.
i myself call it the waking up phase of life.

Seun:

If my blood boils at an insensitive comment, what do I have to gain by pretending otherwise? How rude. Your advice is not for my benefit, but for the benefit or insultive simpletons like you, so you can keep opening your mouths wide to spill filth without any repercussions. **** you all.

You have just exhibited your lack of self control and refusal to grow up. If you had a child would you pounce on him/her on the slightest mistake of hurting your feelings? In what way did I insult you? I made reference to the use of words like my blood boils. Those words depict a very very angry man. Do not take all your frustrations on me. I think you have a personal grudge against me and this was the best way to pour out your venom. What would I gain from giving you a wrong advice? Would I overthrow you and take over nairaland? Don't think you are the only one that gets easily annoyed. Please do not insult me. I could be useful to you in future you just don't know. Do not hurt my feelings. The truth is bitter, if you can't handle it, forget it. If I am banned for giving you advice, then I'll take my cross and not look back.

A lot of people have something to say but will not say so for fear of being banned. I've since outgrown that fear and will leave my 2 pence regardless. . .

You and my dad have several characteristics in common:

1. you have a very very short temper. A man who is quickly angry does not make a good companion and will find it difficult to learn the lessons of life.

2. Criticism bothers you because it directly hits your ego. . . you are afraid of failure and each time people make comments/criticisms that remind you of the fact that you dont quite measure up to the standards of others, it draws a negative reaction from you.

My advice; learn to develop some patience . . . life is all about learning from mistakes. If only many of us are able to rein in our egos, you'd be shocked at how much you can learn from little kids and those we think are only out to point out the negative aspect of our lives.

I dont let criticism get me down . . . i simply let it fire me to do better. I'll give a little example: when i was in junior secondary i was no better than an average student . . . my dad would spend hrs telling me i was no good and that my brothers made far better kids than me because they were regularly top of their class while i struggled to pass maths and managed near to bottom positions.
One day in SS1 second term i just purposed in my mind to prove him wrong . . . the rest is history, i made 5 A1's in SS2 and had the 9th best result out of more than 1000 students in my graduating college class.

Its all in the mind . . . you can choose to let your blood boil when someone criticises you or you can make a silk purse out of pigs ears.

If it was as easy as that I wouldn't have posted this thread.
"Don't get angry" is useless advice, really.
As for those who are afraid to speak their minds, "thank God".

<< censored: almost too personal >>

I post on my forum because I know I'm safe here. This is not an invitation to abuse my apparent vulnerability.

What really pisses me off is when people seem to think they are better than me. How can that be?

I sound like someone who needs a shrink. No, seriously.

happy newyear seun. This is my first post of d year
and just for the record, u can get annoyin at times but i still like ur personality.

get a grip mr.  maybe you do need a shrink.  don't expect people to feel sorry for you, or hold your hand.  you're living in the real world, you can't expect things to be handed to you, you have got to earn your keep.  people will always feel they're better than you, and it's up to you to prove them wrong.

It takes time.

<<snip>>.

I know it is very irritating when people tell others not to be bothered my criticism when only very few of us can actually practice such preachings but you have to realize that people can never be fully satisfied. There was a story of man and his grandson who were going to the market with a donkey ( a Jamaican story). At first the loaded the donkey with goods and walked, someone came and said poor boy he should be riding on the donkey, so the oldman put his grandson on the donkey. Another came and said what a disgrace the child is riding when the old man is walking so the old man mounted the donkey with the boy. Another said oh my gosh that poor donkey are you trying to kill you people should be carrying it. So the old man and his grand son got off the donkey and the grandson carried the loads while the oldman carried the donkey, they came on a river and fell, fast forward to the end. The point of the story is that not all criticism is to be considered. Its kind of sad that your depressed and not fulfilled. I think Nairaland is a great achievement and am happy to see the viewpoints of other Nigerians.
I hope your health gets, it is malaria? Anyways Happy New Year

I know it is very irritating when people tell others not to be bothered my criticism when only very few of us can actually practice such preachings

Oh please, you don't always have to practice what you preach, if you know what you're preaching is the truth. It could be hard on you to practice it, but at least you know it's the right thing to be doing.

Truth is Seun, like it or not, Criticism is a part of human nature. You just need to take it like a man, and shake it off.

You wanted to go into the movie business right? Imagine all the criticism you are likely to encounter in that avenue. Use it as fuel to better your best.

Seun me thinks you need someone to talk to, a shrink, a mate, a girlfriend, whoever. You seem to have alot of pent up anger (and maybe frustration). My thoughts.

a shrink? nah. a break from nairaland is more like it. seun needs a vacation

@ Kobe it's just stark hypocrisy not to practcie what you preach. Have you ever heard the saying action speaks louder than words, what's the use of going around telling someone how to live their life when your's is in the same mess. If the Nigerian government is going around telling people that we should cut down on corruption when they're the ring leaders of it, wouldn't that be arrant nonsense? While criticism is apart of life it's extremely necessary for the criticizer to fashion his/her live so as not to criticize people for things the former does. I tell my almost alcoholic friends about the ill effects of drinking and I would never drink because I preach to others not to do it.