My father just bloodied my nose (its bleeding but I don't think its broken.) I have never had a good relationship with my dad except for when I need to ask for money or run a part of his business. He abused my mom, and just bloodied my nose because I left a personal item in the sitting room/parlour.

I paid my way thru school on my own as I am a trust fund kid, am currently at my Aunty's house in Lekki and she says beating/violence is a huge part of the African culture. Apart from my father's wealth, I don't need him for anything else. I plan to head back to the U.S. Figure it out on my own and cut him off finally.

Debrief and other experts on violence - how can you help? Its not the first time that he has committed heinous acts on violence. Any advice? I only hope I won't beat my wife when I get married.

Meen...u first need to erase that last part about beating ur wife in future. U need to get a grip on ur else so that it doesn't affect you psychologically.

Back to ur dad, I do hear that parents still beat grown ups but I'm still surprised hearing this. If u are a full grown man, through with school and you can fend for yourself, then I will suggest u get some independence so that u don't end up returning violence for violence. But, u need to let go and forgive your dad. I know that will be pretty difficult. It is for your own good. Harbouring bitterness in your heart towards your dad or anyone isn't healthy at all.

I'm not sure what you describe as independence but I travel around the world doing business so I'm rarely home. I'm single and have my own place in VI but when I return from traveling I like to spend time with my mom. Because I stayed over I rushed out this AM for a meeting and left something in the sitting room - when I returned the punching and slapping began.

Apart from his wealth, my father is a wicked monster.

Na wa. Sorry o. We don't choose our parents and abusers won't learn except something drastic happens. When they have wealth it is even more difficult. I think your reaction and how you relate to him from now on can do the trick. Always make sure you stand out as your own person, and start doing your own thing instead of running his. Buy your own car, rent your own place and start your own business. If you are relying on his money and trust fund to survive I don't think he can respect you. You have to come across to him as your own MAN. I gather your mum is living on her own.

No, they live together.

obowunmi: No, they live together.

Wow, sorry about this. I know she would refuse to interfer. Just brush it off for now and focus on being your own person. Save your salary and use it to start your own thing. Your begining may not have been the best, but you can determine your future. You don't want him disrespecting you when you get married, because he is feeding you. Once you are secure, buy your own things, rent your own house. You will earn his respect and will even be able to talk to him about his behavior and attitude.

I do everything on my own - and what's wrong in visiting and seeing my mom?

Nothing is wrong with visiting your mum. And don't stop visiting her. Maybe you should reduce how long you stay. Just leave him alone for now, you will have your own day or time to deal with it. You said you run his business. So I thought you were working for him. The place you own, who bought it? The car your drive, who bought it? The trust fund, who set it up? He tried as a father, but the abuse is wrong. Sometimes you walk away because the time has not yet come to confront a situation. Your own time and season will come, and then he will have enough time for regrets. I hope you at least know what you will not become, and you work everyday against it.

I appreciate your advice Princess - for now, I will cut him off. For now, I want nothing to do with him. Its going to be tough leaving the company but maybe its the right thing to do.

My father is a weak bully.

Poor darling.
Sorry-o-o (even when we shouldn't say sorry for things we didn't do but you are a Nigerian and you understand that we say sorry to people in pain sha). You got some good advice from baby123 and others but reading your comments you kept on talking about cutting him off etc, do you know that you can actually tame him down if you handle this occurrence wisely? I mean if you cut him off nothing changes about his violent nature, he will keep been violent on others like your mum who is around him. He may be being violent because that is the only way he know and think is right to stamp his feet down as the father and man of his house. Try showing him another shade that will have him thinking twice and mellowing down.

I mean there is no way he can't be touched if you sit him down and talk to him endearingly and affectionately on how he hurt you, how he doesn't really need to get violent and how much he is spoiling the sweet relationship that should be between him and others giving such examples that the next thing you would have done next to talking to him this moment is distance/cut yourself from him etc. I am sure that he will be touched, if you don't want to face him---you can write it down on paper, mail or something, just find a way and words that will get to his heart while appealing to his intelligence on the things he is spoiling by being violent. If nobody makes the effort, he will keep being violent and relationship around him will keep being strained. I am sure that will work.

Wow...
I find this story hard to picture and process.A grown man hitting his adult son for something this trivial?I want to believe that you have told the whole story and just hope you didn't retaliate when it happened.
Staying away from him for as long as possible will be the best bet now so you don't feel a need to return the violence if it happens again..as there's a limit to how much anyone can take.
...and since you are independent and have your own place,you could invite your mum over occassionally [s]if you are sure it wont be an issue between her and your father.[/s]
...i also fear for the "i hope i won't beat my wife" part of your post.
If you think you have tendencies for such,then i think you should work on yourself and get counselling if necessary.

Sorry, my dear, but it still baffles me, how can an adult be beaten up like dt? Im wondering what ur mom could have gone thru staying with him 4 all these years, na wa o, i think staying away from him like some others have suggested will do d magic,and whenever he calls 4 not seeing u around again, u can then tell him your displeasure on how he doesnt treat u with respect. As 4 ur mum, u can invite her over to ur place and at d same time keep in touch with her always on d phone, with dt, she wont have to miss u too much.

Now, on d part of u thinking of beating up ur wife when u get married,sorry, if i want to sound offensive; are u sure u urself dont have d tendency of being violent? Are u sure u dont bully others when u are angry? Are u sure u wont take after ur dad? Pls, dont, being violent doesnt pay off,erase dt thought from ur mind completely,dt ur dad is like dt does mean u shoud be like dt, pls.
Think about this.
Cheers!

I have never seen a thing like this.
A father beating and wounding his adult son is strange news to me.

Gboliwe: I have never seen a thing like this.
A father beating and wounding his adult son is strange news to me.

Its true. My father is a sick man.

Ivynwa: Poor darling.
Sorry-o-o (even when we shouldn't say sorry for things we didn't do but you are a Nigerian and you understand that we say sorry to people in pain sha). You got some good advice from baby123 and others but reading your comments you kept on talking about cutting him off etc, do you know that you can actually tame him down if you handle this occurrence wisely? I mean if you cut him off nothing changes about his violent nature, he will keep been violent on others like your mum who is around him. He may be being violent because that is the only way he know and think is right to stamp his feet down as the father and man of his house. Try showing him another shade that will have him thinking twice and mellowing down.

I mean there is no way he can't be touched if you sit him down and talk to him endearingly and affectionately on how he hurt you, how he doesn't really need to get violent and how much he is spoiling the sweet relationship that should be between him and others giving such examples that the next thing you would have done next to talking to him this moment is distance/cut yourself from him etc. I am sure that he will be touched, if you don't want to face him---you can write it down on paper, mail or something, just find a way and words that will get to his heart while appealing to his intelligence on the things he is spoiling by being violent. If nobody makes the effort, he will keep being violent and relationship around him will keep being strained. I am sure that will work.

A man that has been violent all his life ? I wonder what would his fate had been if I punched him back.

Don't descend to his level. If you beat him up then you are no better than him. And who knows how he will take it out on your mum, who is his victim. Just go be your own man. It will shock him that you don't need him or his money, and won't take his crap because you have your own pride.

Assault?
His father must be a Boko Haramist!

obowunmi: My father just bloodied my nose (its bleeding but I don't think its broken.) I have never had a good relationship with my dad except for when I need to ask for money or run a part of his business. He abused my mom, and just bloodied my nose because I left a personal item in the sitting room/parlour.

I paid my way thru school on my own as I am a trust fund kid, am currently at my Aunty's house in Lekki and she says beating/violence is a huge part of the African culture. Apart from my father's wealth, I don't need him for anything else. I plan to head back to the U.S. Figure it out on my own and cut him off finally.

Debrief and other experts on violence - how can you help? Its not the first time that he has committed heinous acts on violence. Any advice? I only hope I won't beat my wife when I get married.

RATHER than start a pointless pathetic thread here why not do what you have to do?

This facebook generation and the need to appear narcissistic and self centered will haunt the world some day.

Grow up or at least man dah phuck up!

@poster, i can very well associate with your post.
My dad is same too(ie. kinda wealthy, a bully & also violent)
esp towards my mum, which is partly why they are separated now.
for us the kids, we try very much to be far from him so the violence doesn't extend to us.
i think you should try that too. also if you mum is being physically abused by him
i suggest you should get her out of there asap, cos you will eventually blame yourself if anything happens to her.
@Ivynwa, trust me, there is no sitting down and trying to reason with someone like this.
i should know we have tried it severally in my family (even getting elders & preists) to no avail.
either the man gets so upset he is shouting everyone down or he storms off
this is because he thinks he is "almighty" can can do no wrong and is above reproach.
I guess, for people like this they allow whatever small wealth they have to get to their heads
and feel, if you are cut of from them you cant do anything.
one thing am grateful for is that my Dad saw me and most of my siblings through school (Yes he believes Education is key)
so, now we are trying to move on without his influence in our life, it hasn't been easy but we will get there.
the most important thing is that my mum isn't afraid anymore of physical abuse from him.

Diff kind of username " OBOWUNMI " , i b pastor

My appologies for your injury. You have not really told us what happened. From what you have told us about yourself, I think something is really not adding up or let's say missing. You travel round the world for biz, own an apartment in VI, still need your dads money.....confusing.

you did not state your own side of the story. maybe you are a stubborn child, who knows

@ Poster:

I don't think he hit you because of what you left in the sitting room but perhaps because you probably are taking sides in his tussle with your mum and have ignored him completely over the years and yet enjoy his benevolence and goodwill. I may be wrong though.

Granted your father's weakness in not being able to control his anger, I think you should re-examine the role you are playing in his sour relationship with your mum. That is the problem I see here. You said you only visit his house to spend time with your mum. You probably ignore him while you do that and he is a human being too. He needs to be loved. He probably thinks he has shown you much love and the only way you pay him back is cling to your mum and ignore him. It could be "jealousy" at play.

So before you leave his company, weigh your options probably. If you are sure you need him, which is not a bad idea since he is your dad, find a way to reach out to him and please "stop being judgmental of him". Everyone has a weakness and bartery may just be his share of that.

CALM DOWN BRO!

Op

I will advise u 2 kill ur father before he kill u

obowunmi:

Its true. My father is a sick man.

Since you asked for it and started it, let me help you with more adjectives for your sickly father.
He is a Dummkopf and a screwball at the same time.
He is queasy, demented, disturbed, maladjusted, unbalanced, pallid,inexorable and intransigent.
Mildly put, he is mad.

you asked for it

toprealman: My appologies for your injury. You have not really told us what happened. From what you have told us about yourself, I think something is really not adding up or let's say missing. You travel round the world for biz, own an apartment in VI, still need your dads money.....confusing.

If you read carefully, I think he is working for his dad...(His dad's company)

@poster its very true u might do same 2 ur wife and kids...have a fwend who gets angry easily...i lata discoverd he inherited d character from his dad wen i saw his dad almost beat d mom in skool wen dey came 2 visit him. I tink u need 2 see a chancellor

obowunmi: My father just bloodied my nose (its bleeding but I don't think its broken.) I have never had a good relationship with my dad except for when I need to ask for money or run a part of his business. He abused my mom, and just bloodied my nose because I left a personal item in the sitting room/parlour.

I paid my way thru school on my own as I am a trust fund kid, am currently at my Aunty's house in Lekki and she says beating/violence is a huge part of the African culture. Apart from my father's wealth, I don't need him for anything else. I plan to head back to the U.S. Figure it out on my own and cut him off finally. Ȋ wil say U̅ cut him off as U̅ want nd very soon

Debrief and other experts on violence - how can you help? Its not the first time that he has committed heinous acts on violence. Any advice? I only hope I won't beat my wife when I get married.

Ȋ wil say U̅ cut him off as U̅ want nd very soon

patholaw: @I tink u need 2 see a chancellor

Sure, he does have such a need. Tinubu has just been made one.

obowunmi: My father just bloodied my nose (its bleeding but I don't think its broken.) I have never had a good relationship with my dad except for when I need to ask for money or run a part of his business. He abused my mom, and just bloodied my nose because I left a personal item in the sitting room/parlour.

I paid my way thru school on my own as I am a trust fund kid, am currently at my Aunty's house in Lekki and she says beating/violence is a huge part of the African culture. Apart from my father's wealth, I don't need him for anything else. I plan to head back to the U.S. Figure it out on my own and cut him off finally.

Debrief and other experts on violence - how can you help? Its not the first time that he has committed heinous acts on violence. Any advice? I only hope I won't beat my wife when I get married.

Make u dey hear word and stop misbehaving !