Reasons Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow how to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

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There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple,

Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese?

One index, two indices?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, we say it burns down.

You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.

How can 'slim chance and a fat chance' be the same, while ' wise man and a wise guy' are opposites?

Now I know why I don’t like English.
It's not my fault but the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.

Wow ! Dojo Mojo ! That's so Kool !!!

hesheshe

u can say that again but what of the almighty french which am being educated upon for so many years but man it aint easy at all

Great and nice !
true talk
cheers

I laughed till my sides ached when I read the original piece of the second part of the jokes in Richard Lederer's books. That guy is crazy. . . and brilliant. He's the author of Crazy English and Anguished English - highly recommended for those who want to learn the English language bored-free (or, is that board free?) 

More from his pages:

The Verbally Insane

       We are told that blackberries are green and then red before they are ripe.
       Even if blackberries were really black and blueberries really blue, what are
       strawberries, cranberries, elderberries, huckleberries, raspberries, boysenberries,
       and gooseberries supposed to look like?

From his Anguished English:

{Lederer collected a handful of bloopers commonly cited in magazines, bulletins, billboards and notices. You'll be surprised how people misspell. . . and well, give you the wrong message unintentionally! Sample the Wholly Holy Bloopers on pages 33-34 of his Anguished English:}

    1.  For those who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
         (Is it possible that some people will have children and yet not know they do?)

    2.  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. White to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

    3.  Thursday at 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little
         mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.

    4.  Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on
         “It’s a Terrible Experience.”

    5.  Tuesday at 5pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk, please come early.

    6.  The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the men will start quietly, and the rest
         of the congregation will join in.

    7.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

    8.  Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

    9.  A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday. (supposed to read “held”).

  10.  Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help!

  11.  Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

  12.  Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

  13.  Our paper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force.
         This is a typographic error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

Want more? Get the book - your life will never be the same again.     

10. Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help!