I have 1 brother, I think his lazy, He has been looking for a job for over 10 yrs, he comes back each time to say he can't find a job. I give him a little money monthly for upkeep, hoping he will get something to do. but till date nothing. What can I do.

Am I the one spoiling him? or do I need to assist him more. I just want him to stand on his feet.

Any time he says he wants to travel to look for work, I give him any amount he asks for, but he uses a little part of the money for the job search and spend the major part of the money on other things. I gave him money recently to start a business, I gave him 30% more than he requested for, He spent 20% on the business, and spent the remaining 80% in furnishing his house and his asking for more money now saying the 20% he invested in the business is gone.

What do I do, do I ignore him? do I give him more money?
If I ignore him people might say I abandoned my only brother. If I give him money for business, am sure it will be wasted. What do I do?

He has been looking for a job for over 10 years, he comes back each time to say he can't find a job. I give him a little money monthly for upkeep, hoping he will get something to do. but till date nothing. What can I do.

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~Ten Years Now thats taking the Piss,Too bad we can't choose family sometimes!!



Am I the one spoiling him? or do I need to assist him more. I just want him to stand on his feet.

~Yes You Are the one spoiling him~He's taken your love N support for granted!!
~Only assistance he needs is a heart felt man to man convo w/ you,let him know how he's let you down,by believin in him to make good of his jobhunts/business ideas,stress on how you've never held back from supporting him >> You know how you feel let him know!!If you're lucky he may ave a heart/consceince to change!!



Any time he says he wants to travel to look for work, I give him any amount he asks for, but he uses a little part of the money for the job search and spend the major part of the money on other things. I gave him money recently to start a business, I gave him 30% more than he requested for, He spent 20% on the business, and spent the remaining 80% in furnishing his house and his asking for more money now saying the 20% he invested in the business is gone.


~Your brother wants to enjoy the fine things in Life without hard labour N you seem to ave given him a free ride for the past ten years,he's Sooo NOT going to hop off that ride!!!


What do I do, do I ignore him? do I give him more money?

~Give him an Ultimatum~be very Adamant this is his Last chance to make good off his intension to start a business!!You prolly would ave worn a hole on "Your Last chance" but he kept coming N you kept giving him some more money,so he wudnt make much of you saying that,so i suppose you'll have to stick by your words,Untill You Do,nuffin will change!!


If I ignore him people might say I abandoned my only brother.

~Why would you be bothered about what people say?? As long as you have a clear conscience you've done all you can do to get him stand on his own!!! bsides "balckman" will always find something to talk about especially when it doesnt concern them,might make you wonder why they didnt say something when he was blowing away w/ your hard earn cash!! really pisses me off that!!



If I give him money for business, am sure it will be wasted. What do I do?[quote]

~Have you Queried any of his business ideas?By your own admision,you think KNOW he's lazy,so clearly he's not motivated enough to want to succeed because he knows he can always come running to you Soo untill YOU give him a Kick on the backside he needs it,am afraid you'll be totally responsible for all his financial needs till kingdom come!!!

~I know w/family its hard to take/make certain decisions but this one calls for TOUGH love,he'd likely thank you one day or NOT But you know You Tried!!

Allow this ur brother to suffer for atleast 6 months so that he will sit up.

Allow him to suffer and let him waste his life? Allow him to go on and let him waste his chance? Allow him to go on. . .

I am never going to tell you to do the above. I am going to ask you questions before advising you.

1. How old is he?
2. Did you ever bother to know why he couldn't get job? If yes, what was the outcome? If NO, then, you are not a good sister!
3. What business did he try to undertake, did you follow it up to know if the business is feasible or not? Are you sure he did his homework before he embark on it? What was your role as the financier of the venture?
4. What kind of upbringing and lifestyle did your brother had? Is he your only brother? Is he a womanizer?
5. What about your parents? Dead or alive? Are you married?
6. Did you sat him down and talk to him about his state? What was the atmosphere like?
7. What course did he studied and grade? Is he an intelligent guy of a dullard?

Please give reply. But before then, I would say the worst decision you can ever make is to make him suffer. Suffering don't impact any lesson to a spoilt brat. It rather pushes him to crime and desperation. Yes, you are partly responsible for his state. I would tell you why after I get your reply. I don't like blaming people but then, let hear you.

How old is he? less than 40, more than 35

I will tell you more, maybe i will get some advice.

He doesn't smoke, drink or pick women. there is no fear of him being involved in crime either.

He is looking for paid job, the problem is that he has only school cert. but does not want any job paying less than N30k monthly.

He is the type that wants to get paid, so convincing him to start a business has always been difficult. The business he tried was trading. But I believe he doesn't just have the drive. And you need drive to suceed in business.

The problem is, will he ever be able to get a 'clean job' with school cert, paying up to 30K.

I have tried abondoning him on several occasions, it did not work. he could not just be motivated to pick any job.
He will rather starve than do any job below his status.

How do people solve this type of problem.

U are a good big brother with plenty patience. Ur bro like awoof, well that's the mentality of alot of Nigerians.

Anyway, let's be realistic. He wants to get paid well but has only school cert; Well, that's not happening, make no mistake about it. Today, in Naija, even a Bachelors is just there and N30K is really nothing (that's less than $300/mth.

He wants to live large, but has no motivation to even start and run a bizness; the living large will only happen if u continue to give him awoof.

What shud u do? Look for ways to challenge him and stop the awoof. Person tok say, when Alarm blow, na then hungry man dey realize him get talent.

@poster,
you really stunned me with your reply to my questions. Unbelievable! Let us be honest here, you are spoiling him. If the story is true, then, I can tell you that you are already preparing for him to spend his old age as a beggar. At 35 plus with no reasonable cert, nobody will employ him with 30k per month salary. Did you know how much OND are being paid? The guy is living in fool's paradise.

I think it is time for action. Call him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Let him realize he can never get a job paying that much with that cert. Let him go and think of what to do and train him. Stop saying he had no nerve for trading, you are limiting him. In fact, you are spoiling him. He has no other option except to ride okada or work as security guard in a bank.

Map out a plan for him. Then ensure that you follow it.

Next, start withdrawing your financial support. If you have been giving him 30k per month as pocket money, cut it to 10k. That is where he belongs. However, make it gradual. Tell him you are cutting it because things are not the same with you. At the same time, that period must be the time you help him build his career.

You can die tomorrow, anyday. Does it mean he would follow you to heaven? Who would give him money afterward?

The guy is being wasted. And whoever raised him up had done a shoddy job.

It is never too late to reform him. Let him starve if he enjoy starving. But NEVER give him money beyond 15k maximum. Later cut it to 10k. However, if he dines and wines in your house daily, slash it further to 5k per month! Let him feel the heat until he is able to reason.

This is just an opinion. That is if he is an able body man.

On a comical note,
there are jobs that can fetch him 30k per month.
1. Begging on lagos street.
2. Yahoo yahoo
3. Security guard at any leading bank or one of lagos streets.
4. Okada riding
5. Danfo driver/bus conductor
6. Shit business
7. Labourer at construction sites.
8. Robbery

That is, if he can't trade.

@poster

It is not uncommon to have such situations in Nigeria since we have a lot of graduates without jobs.  I know of a family friend who was unemployed for 10 years too after he graduated from college.  He did some odd jobs here and there, but nothing permanent.

Fortuately, he found help from UK and has been living there ever since.  Laziness might not be the reason, but lack of opportunities.  If he were over in some western country, I would have cried foul. But being in Nigeria, as we know. . . . . .anything goes, especially without a "godfather"!

Only thing I would say is for him not to add more problems for himself by starting a family without getting stable employments.  He cannot have girlfriends either, unless the girlfriends are willing to deal with his situation as it is.  Then they should not complain in the future.

You are part of his family. . . . . .help him whenever you can.

You know this kind of situation is the reason why the NAPEP billions is never felt. We hope something is done urgently to alleviate the situation.

By the way, the poster must convince the brother to get a certification if he won't go to school.

almondjoy, I tend to agree with you.

Things can be difficult in Nigeria, but some people are still making a nice living out of the place.

Am thinking of asking him to go abroad, Any idea of how he can emmigrate legally to either western Europe, North America or Australia with a budget of 1m naira?

olanajim,

What certification will you advice. The guy has a diploma in computing some years back, but we did not follow up on that, the guy was more interested in grabbing money from me than in trying to make his own money, so all ideas from him were aimed at ripping me off, I got fed up and abandoned him. Maybe I should have looked for a better approach then.

I really want to help now but don't know how. so if you were in my shoes what will you do? I can raise a million naira, maybe 2, but no more.

ogb5:

almondjoy, I tend to agree with you.

Things can be difficult in Nigeria, but some people are still making a nice living out of the place.

Am thinking of asking him to go abroad, Any idea of how he can emmigrate [b]legally to either western Europe, North America or Australia with a budget of 1m naira?[/b]

olanajim,

What certification will you advice. The guy has a diploma in computing some years back, but we did not follow up on that, the guy was more interested in grabbing money from me than in trying to make his own money, so all ideas from him were aimed at ripping me off, I got fed up and abandoned him. Maybe I should have looked for a better approach then.

I really want to help now but don't know how. so if you were in my shoes what will you do? I can raise a million naira, maybe 2, but no more.

I believe people are making it in Nigeria. But the opportunites are not open and favorable to all, unlike over here. Besides, success comes with to many strings attached over there. You must know somebody most of the time--and keep knowing somebody all the time. I hate that.

As for coming over to start a new life abroad, my hand no dey that one oh! Abeg make you ask another person.

@poster,
I am begining to wonder whether you actually lives in Nigeria or another shore. If you go ahead with plan of giving him 1m naira, without guaranttee that he would make the best use of it, then, you are wasting your money. Trust me, that guy would find another excuse why to return for fund.

In any part of the world, Nigeria or USA, you don't need a million to succeed in anything. What you need is your determination and brain. In Nigeria, you can invest 100k into a business that would eventually make you comfortable.

For a man without SSCE, with a diploma in computer, I am afraid, he can't get a job that would fetch him 30k per month in Nigeria unless he work in your company. You are destroying that guy! Have you ever wonder what would become of him if you die tomorrow?

Are your parents alive? If so, call a family meeting. You, your brother, and your parents only. Maybe, you can include a respected old man too. Then present this case to them. He must choose a vocation to undertake and he must make a firm commitment to be his own man. At 35, you have a parasite in your hands. You won't kill him, but you must get him out of your system before you lose control.

If he want a vocation, no matter how much, don't give him the money in cash unless you can trust him to invest it as expected.

NEVER GIVE HIM A MILLION NAIRA FOR ANYTHING UNLESS YOU WILL PERSONALLY MONITOR HIS PROGRESS.

As for his going abroad. That is neither here or there. I am sure, with his education, he may end up cleaning toilets over there. If he can't get a white collar job with your influence in Nigeria, do you expect the oyinbos to make him CEO with first school leaving cert? Even our graduates don't just walk into a company abroad and get job without being screened.

If he insists on travelling, please, let him go! It would be a good riddance. Don't be surprised if he return after two years and tell you the place is harsh.

Getting a certification is useless for a man who don't have intention of practicing what he learn. With diploma in computer, he can do something for himself. He can go for advance study in the area he want to specialise then practice. Nobody can force him to do anything.

I once had an Aunty like your brother. Well, she is in her husband house reaping the fruit of her labour.