This is a true life story,and i m in so much pain right now.

First i am a member on this site,but i hardly respond to any topic,i just log on and read and log out.By the way,this a fictitious user name,i had to do that so i can be guaranteed of my anonymity.

Here is the story;i met this young 32 yr old man,who can best be described as awesome.i mean in all of my 32 yrs on earth,i have not met a man so kind hearted,honest and good.Yes good!and in all ramifications too(this has nothing to do with money).

He told me he was supposed to have settled down this year but that he discovered his girlfriend was Hiv positive while he is not.Hence they had to call off the wedding and she has since returned to the UK where she is now dating a guy with same status as hers.At first,he said we should start with an affair and see how it goes.we started,then some weeks into in,i just felt somethings didnt add up,so i searched him out on FB.Lo and behold!my guy was married!.I went through his albums and saw his wedding pix and discovered the wedding was a lavish one and it was just 7 months ago.

At first,i was hurt,sad and angry but later i realised it was an affair we started with.Anyway i asked him and he still maintained he wasn't married but there is a story that he is just not ready to share.To cut to the chase,he eventually told me last week and this is it;

He has been dating his girlfriend on/off for 10 yrs(he actually explained explicitly all that transpired in those years).So in 2010,when he was about travelling for his Masters in the UK,the GF insisted they do introduction cos according to him she was all of a sudden insecure.so they did that and according to him,he was travelling to nigeria every 3 months just to make her believe and trust him more.

He said after the intro,and he came home for the first time, any time they want to be intimate she ll insist on him using protection.He went along with it cos the excuse she puts up is that she doesn't want to get pregnant,and since he himself has vowed not to give birth to any of his kids here,he didn't complain.So that was the situation till there wedding night and the wife still insisted on condom.He said he was pissed off but he later agreed to go on with using protection.He said,2 days after the wedding,they both travelled to London for honeymoon and that's where things fell apart.

There plan was to honeymoon from London-paris-US.So while in London,the people helping them with the travelling to paris required them to do some test which they obliged.He said they didn't tell them what type of test they were doing,they jst took blood samples and that's where the result came out with husband been Negative and wife Positve with Hiv.

He said at first he threatened the doctors but when he looked sideways;his wife was already crying.Meaning she knew about it and still went ahead and married him.He said he was mad,betrayed and hurt and that day was the end of the honeymoon cos they both returned home separately.Wife to her house,and him to his house.And that has been the situation till this moment.

I asked him if no one questioned the absence of his wife,and he said he has been lying and covering up cos he jst cudn't tell any one that i ll be the first person he ll be telling.Now i told him to return to his wife,since marriage is for better for worse blah blah.He refused,i made him see reason that she cud have infected him,but cos of the love she protected him and so on.He asked how about kids,i told him,they cud do artificial insemination,all in all,i told him if it was him,that i m sure his wife would have stood by him.

Now the problem is,i m so in love with this guy and i m sure he feels something too,cos he feels guilty any time we re together.He says does it mean he didn't love his wife,for him to be able to go on without her for 7 months.We have been seeing for a month Plus now,but he opened up just last week,and yesterday i told him we should stop seeing.But i am so dejected,sad and and heartbroken that i need u guys to help me understand that i have done the best thing.

On a aside note,to those naysayers,something good can actually come out of Nairaland,cos this was where it all began......He saw my BB pin here when he used goggle to get some info and he was directed to Nairaland and the rest is history......

Pls guys i need your words of encouragement to get through this trying moment......i am a single mum by the way....i feel so sad that just when i eventually meet a single guy who doesn't mind my status,i had to give him up.

I dunno...Y would u believe this guy? One minute he's single n d next he's married. If you hadn't done extensive snooping, you wouldn't have been any wiser. Loose that man and let him go. Looked into the crystal ball n I can say - Hmm, the best who's ur Prince Charming is yet to come. Cheer up

How sure are you that he is saying the truth, he wasnt honest from the on set so why do you think he is now.

Expecting anything positive in a possible relationship with him is just like sitting on a time bomb that will certainly explode soon.

To avoid your heart from being destroyed and shatted beyond reedemption, I will say 'Let Him Go'.

I cud understand why he wasn't honest at the on set,probably didnt trust me enough to do that and since he wasn't divorced and not exactly living has married couples.Anyway,thanks for ur contributions,i m feeling much better by the minute.

pls dear... Jst hang urself!!!

Please, ignore the poster above. He most likely thrives on attention.

At this time, have a good cry,focus on your hobbies, go shopping, go to the spa n play with ur kid. You could have also lied bout ur kid afterall single mothers r not usually accepted in Nig, but you were honest(hopefully ) with him.

I assure you n I bliv same in my heart - a better guy's coming. Keep ur head high

I sincerely doubt it if this guy is sayin d truth...1st he wantd u guys 2 start off wit an affair not a relationship nd he claims 2 luv u?? Dat pretty much shows he's holdin bac..2ndly he finds out dat his wife is HIV positive nd he's expctin u 2 buy his tales dat u r d 1st 2 knw afta 7 whole months separation?? I min not evn a single family knws? Sounds more lyk polished lies 2me...switie,I advice u dnt succumb 2 his 'affair',let him deal wit his issues..try 2 b less emotional abt it,I knw its hard tho buh u cn do it..

You met him on Nairaland? That's why i've hope that my wife is a Nairalander

On the topic, that dude isn't for you. It could be painful to admit but i think you advised him pretty well. Btw, HIV/AIDS has window period, i hope he test regularly to affirm his -ve status. Again, let that dude go and meet his wife, he should not use you to cover up his pains and worries. Ok

i just hope you've not allowed him into 'promised land '
that guy is a fraud.

Op wait o,2days after wedding they were seperated but when u check facebook u saw several pictures of their weddings.He even ve wks to cook up d story after u confronted him.Dis guy is a player!
Op there is a guy out there that ll luv and respect u,let him go abeg.

Marriages are based on truth and honesty,and can be dissolved once it is found out that it is based on deception...lies...and life threatening.

So you can tell him this,or you go find out what could cause one to file for a divorce,and then tell him to file for one,since he can't afford to keep seeing or living with her.

Then you will be assured of him been honest or just wanting to get down and keep some urges satisfied.

Single mum or not,you have a husband somewhere.

Thanks for advising him right.U ll feel so much better.hopefully,u ll be back to share ur happiness when u finally mee t ur man.really,appreciate ur sincerity.

dear op. Look for a way to find the truth for your self.if possible look for his wife's phone number in the uk and chat with her.then if u want to clear ur mind tell him to give u her number and call her.secondly make sure that if it is true,make sure that they are divorced.so u wont be fucking another woman's husband

ebony_topsy: Now i told him to return to his wife,since marriage is for better for worse blah blah.

U asked him to return to a HIV Positive patient??

One minute the guy is single and another, he was married. The guy is just lying. If his story about the HIV was true, the first thing he would have asked from you is that you and him go for a test.

Once bitten twice shy remember? He is lying and the truth ain't out yet.

It might not be a bad idea to have a test with him too. He might be the Positive one

Flygerian.:

U asked him to return to a HIV Positive patient??

Being HIV +ve isnt the issue. They can still live together pending medication.

The real issue is that she (his wife) lied to him and put his life in danger.

My dear move on. Since he is still married to her there is no excuse

You did the right thing by telling him you should stop seeing each other.