I don't know if this is the right section for this.
A friend of mine sought my advice on an issue & I've been seriously confused about what to say to her. I asked her to give me some time though.
There's this guy she's been courting. They've been seeing each other for like 11 months now. They love each other deeply.
He lives with his dad for now as he just relocated back to Nigeria. His dad has a ceremony in a few weeks time & he suggested that she comes over a few days before the ceremony so as to help with the preparations; shopping, cooking, putting things in order etc. She said she couldn't because in her culture, what he was asking her to do is normally done by the wives of that household: legally married wives.
Her parents are aware of her relationship with the guy in question & his are too. There hasn't been any formal introduction between the two families though.
She doesn't pass any night at the guy's since he lives with his parents. He also complains bitterly about this. He's saying that since they love each other, it's just a sign that she loves & respects his family. She's totally against it. He claims she's too rigid. They've been fighting consistently for days now due to these things. She's saying she can't be performing the duties of a wife as a girl friend.
For those who understand tradition, what opinions do you have about such things?

Thought of saving this space 4 k2039 or mynd 44 but on 2nd tot, lemme also be d 1st to comment if only for this one tym
@poster, if she'z nt comfortable doing the tins u mentioned, i think she shld not go for it. I doubt if i can do dose tins for a boyfriend, either. It's tym NIGERIAN guys knew dt der's a difference between girlfriend, fiancee and wife. Dose duties are wifely duties, no doubt and for a guy dt she'z not engaged to, i don't see the point (most especially when she doesn't believe in it). If the guy wants her to do dose tins, he shld marry her sharpaly or @ least, give her an engagement ring. Dt way, it bcums her responsibility!

I think she should do it. Yes because she is his friend and what are friends for if not to render help in ways they can when its needed. Moreover, the families are aware of d relationship, what more? Its just to be of help as far as i'm concerned, she shouldn't get it twisted...love is a beautiful thing *in D banj's voice*

May be its just an excuse. He want to get d gal pants down

tobechi74: May be its just an excuse. He want to get d gal pants down

tobechi! Ha'ba!

I must commend the girl on her decision.

Humans (men in particular) are opportunistic in nature. Most of them will push boundaries and take advantage of others if they can get away with it.

In your case, your man is playing on your love for him and desire to be with him in order to get his own way, or have his way with you.

There is nothing wrong with having a relationship based on dominance and submission, but it should be loving and consensual.

Using blackmail and emotional pressure to force you to do something you don't want to is abusive.

Playing the "if you loved me" card or making someone feel like they will never find another partner or that their abuse is self-inflicted ('you made me angry' or 'if you just did what I said' etc) are classic techniques that abusive partners use to keep control of you and their relationship.

They make you emotionally and in some cases physically dependent on them and make you feel as though you can't leave or will not find a better relationship.

But in the end you'll come to notice that the did all that for their personal and selfish interest.

My advice to your friend is to maintain her decision...she shouldn't give in to his pressure.

She might end up loosing him, but at least she maintained her dignity.

tobechi74: May be its just an excuse. He want to get d gal pants down

I also had this line of thought but she said he has had the opportunity to get her pants down several times & he didn't.

Any girl that is not ready to do stuffs for you before you are married will not do stuffs for you when you are married..
I'm not saying she should pass d night in his place but nothing stops her from being there for him in his time of need, besides she doesnt have to kill herself with work. some girls sef no get sense at all. If she stays away from him now wunt it make d his family love her more

If he truly loved her he would respect her decision

@ OP...My 2kobo advice...He is her friend right? Let her do it on 'friendship' basis, if she has the time, but should not pass the night there. Where was it stated that 'helping' a friend in the above way is a wifely role? Also, it will go a long way to establish her presence in the family, because the folks of the guy will appreciate her efforts. But if she wants to not get married to the guy, let her not help. i tell u, the folks will hold this grudge and may affect their future together. There are a thousand and one ladies or girls willing to render such services. Be wise!

Talking: @ OP...My 2kobo advice...He is her friend right? Let her do it on 'friendship' basis, if she has the time, but should not pass the night there. Where was it stated that 'helping' a friend in the above way is a wifely role? Also, it will go a long way to establish her presence in the family, because the folks of the guy will appreciate her efforts. But if she wants to not get married to the guy, let her not help. i tell u, the folks will hold this grudge and may affect their future together. There are a thousand and one ladies or girls willing to render such services. Be wise!

Nigerian girls and their mentality! so, she should do it because there are a thousand and one ladies willing to render such services. Nawa 4 us sef with all this mentality of do or die...if her convictions are against doing such for a guy she'z not completely involved with, i don't see any reason why she should. And for the person who said if she doesn't do it now, she'll not do it when she'z married, says who

dmcdad: @Op, what's the distance like between your friend and her boyfriend? Let me know please...

Abuja-Lagos

The girl is right. She is not rigid that is her opinion and she has a right to it.

A.E.:

I also had this line of thought but she said he has had the opportunity to get her pants down several times & he didn't.

omo,d guy na real importd o..dats y ur gal too wan use culture ginger am up 4 weddin..al dsame,i fink d guy wil respect ha decision