My girlfriend that i ve been dating for 4yrs now, is insisting we get married b4 the year runs out. although i love her enough to get married to her but i need to put things in place because i only started working sept last year, and my monthly pay is just 50k, although when i told her about putting everything in place like getting my appartment which i just move into furnished properly and some other business runing to bring in more cash she aggreed no dougbt but insisted we go tru it together which i consider slowing my pace pls advice, new to this pls don't push me away with harsh words,
NB:i am 28 and my girl friend is 24 we re both graduates from university of benin

follow your instinct. you are both too young to be rushing into marriage. hope u guys are not having sex? if you are stop it before you get blackmailed into it with some pregnancy

baronbeach:

My girlfriend that i ve been dating for 4yrs now, is insisting we get married before the year runs out. although i love her enough to get married to her but i need to put things in place because i only started working sept last year, and my monthly pay is just 50k, although when i told her about putting everything in place like getting my appartment which i just move into furnished properly and some other business runing to bring in more cash she aggreed no dougbt but insisted we go tru it together which i consider slowing my pace please advice, new to this please don't push me away with harsh words,
NB:i am 28 and my girl friend is 24 we re both graduates from university of benin

baronbeach:

My girlfriend that i ve been dating for 4yrs now, is insisting we get married before the year runs out. although i love her enough to get married to her but i need to put things in place because i only started working sept last year, and my monthly pay is just 50k, although when i told her about putting everything in place like getting my appartment which i just move into furnished properly and some other business runing to bring in more cash she aggreed no dougbt but insisted we go tru it together which i consider slowing my pace please advice, new to this please don't push me away with harsh words,
NB:i am 28 and my girl friend is 24 we re both graduates from university of benin

That is the problem with you youths of today.  You think it gets better as you get older?  Instead of you to settle down now that you are sane, you want to wait till you discover the madness of too many failed relationships with all the medical risks involved.

I am for early marriages when you really have the time to deal with life's challenges because you are young. 

It is your choice. Please if you are not ready let her know instead of stringing her along for another 4 years.  Let her go and marry someone else since she is ready and you are not.  I would definetly leave you.  And let the chips fall where they may!  No hard feelings at all.  I don't believe in wasting ma time with any guy who is not on the same page as I am.  He can't be that special.  My happiness comes first! I would rather marry a responsible man and will take ma chances on love later!
Goodluck!

Bro, there is no need of waiting cos it may lead you to indulge in things that may bring negative aspect in your life. Your monthly salary of 50k can see you through since marriage is not all about money. You are very lucky to see a girl that want to be part of building process in your life which is a good thing. Simply go for the marriage formalities immediately. Wishing you happy married life in advance.

If she is ok like u said, what else are you waiting for. You are 28, working, and you have a girl that wants to start with you from the scratch.
Are you going to wait till someone else snatches her from you.

DUDE THATS A good plan,
marrying young is cool,

u failed 2 mention ur fiancees status?, is she working?, is she willing 2 surpport u financially?, if so ignore the words below!!!

but i advice u to get a house n furnish it, at least get the basics, being in love is good, but lack of money makes love drab!!!

most marriages fail due to financial problems. u are right for trying to be financially stable especially before bringing kids into the world. don't let her rush u. she would be patient if she truly loves u. what's the big deal about a damn ring??

Are you going to wait till someone else snatches her from you.

there relationship is fragile and not worthy of marriage if some random dude can come and snatch her. dump her if she nags too much about marriage.

bawolowo

You act like you don't understand how Nigeria goes. Who the hell is going watch a 4 year relationship go by and not expect marriage to come up. He should be glas she's just "nagging" now. Most would have started that after the first year.


I definitely agree with Almond on this.

You act like you don't understand how Nigeria goes. Who the hell is going watch a 4 year relationship go by and not expect marriage to come up. He should be glas she's just "nagging" now. Most would have started that after the first year.

lol u are right, but why didn't they discuss this before getting serious with the relationship. communication is the key, he should have told her when he was ready for marriage. me personally, i'm a bit of a committmentphobe  . people shouldn't rush into relationships without discussing such things.

get married to that chic buddy. Its a crime to let her waste 4 yrs just tagging along with u.

am noticing that most posters r making reference to the 4yrs, making it seems as if the dude shud marry the dame just cos they have been dating 4 4yrs, that aint right

marry cos u are inlove n is FINACIALLY ,spritually,emotionally,physicall, _{emmm wch other ally word der sef}?mature 2 cope with the demands of marriage

Mr man u better dont be forced into it, Thank God u are ok psycologically, U need to be ok FINICIALLY 2 ooo, and many many more OK,

Do it at your own pace,

Good Luck,

earthrealm:

am noticing that most posters r making reference to the 4yrs, making it seems as if the dude should marry the girl just because they have been dating for 4yrs, that aint right

THANK YOU!!! Invested time takes only 10% in this. Haba, . . .

Bro, the truth is, . . . . .You will neva find answers here ok. a 28 yrs old man is ready for marriage. . . . .YOU WILL KNOW DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU IF YOU ARE TRUELY READY.

If you make this decision based on profered external advise here or elsewhere . . . . .you are on your own.

@poster
please do not rush into anything as big as marriage for the wrong reasons. Do not forget that as soon as u say i do u have made a promise that u must keep in d presence of God and man.
If d chick is truly the one for u then she'd wait for u to settle down properly and get ur bearing.
cheers

bros go marry
there is no perfect time for anytin
life is like jumping into the ocean and learning how to swim at the same place

JUST DO IT !!!

IF THERE'S LOVE AD TRUST BETWEEN U GUYS, THEN PROCEED ,

olulu:

bros go marry
there is no perfect time for anytin
life is like jumping into the ocean and learning how to swim at the same place
JUST DO IT !!!

IF THERE'S LOVE AD TRUST BETWEEN You GUYS, THEN PROCEED ,

I disagree. Dont test the depth of a river with both legs!

olulu:

bros go marry
there is no perfect time for anytin
life is like jumping into the ocean and learning how to swim at the same place

JUST DO IT !!!

IF THERE'S LOVE AD TRUST BETWEEN You GUYS, THEN PROCEED ,

Affirmative !!

I’m for early marriage too. Allow her advice, two good heads… And she’s been around for 4 years. So, I see no problem on that. You have professed love for her on nairaland. But, I do not subscribe to her pushing you hard on marriage. I understand your finances. It will get better. Seek means of improving it and I hope she gets something doing too.
I however think, you ask for her patience. Secondly, calm her down by introducing her to your people. That way both families get to know your respective intentions. Get her an engagement ring. Shower her with promises-u intend to keep, love and attention-I mean valuable time. Bro, pray.

Leave him naaaaaaaaaa.   He will come back to Nairaland in like 6 years to lament how he has been played by so many babes for his wallet.  This one that want's to marry him he wants to get rid off.  I say he will come back after visiting all the "Dr. Phil's" in Africa!

Not psychologically ready?  And he had a girlfriend fot 4 years?  Hmmmmm! Na wah oh! Forgetting that the most successful marriages are not of ready made homes but form those who "build together", so there is mutual respect.

I say he will be back to cry to Nairlanders.

almondjoy:

Na wah oh! Forgetting that the most successful marriages are not of ready made homes but form those who "build together", so there is mutual respect.

The secret is

Most of these men, Nigerians especially DONT want to do things together with their spouses. They want to be "set up" on their own so when they marry they can become like masters and say "yea well you weren't there when I got myself together. All I have now is from my own sweat and blood, you have no right to tell me what to do or to expect me to share my decisions with you", That is all it is.

That's why you have these losers in their  late 30s and 40s looking for "wives" to dominate

Btw I think it's funny that most of the men are crying 'don't rtush" yet they'll be the same jjerkswho will be making fun of such women in a few years time when they are in their mid 30s without any husband asking what has she been doing with her life

She was wasting it on some confused idiot, that's what. Nonsense.

Listen to your heart my friend: DO NOT let anyone pressure or rush you into anything

You are in the best position to know whether you are ready or not, but as a man it is your duty to plan and map out how you will provide for your family - don't let love or anything else becloud that.

That being said, If the lady in question is willing, (I mean genuinely willing - not someone who is just so eager to 'marry' and bear the title 'Mrs' and may later turn back and start insulting you for not being rich at the present time) then maybe you should consider her desire to get married before the year runs out.

I personally don't know why women like to get so hung up on dates - will something magical happen if you marry on December 31st 2008 instead of 2nd January 2009?

If you have genuinely expressed your interest in getting married to her and the relationship has gone on long enough, then set a date - be it this year or the next, but set a firm date and start planning towards it. Meet the folks, propose, buy the ring, start looking for a venue. I believe that should take care of some of the fears that you will jilt her suddenly. As those plans are proceeding, you can also continue your business/job and get yourself financially ready.

Don't try to get everything established before marriage, but you need to go in with enough confidence and financial strength to meet the basic needs of the home. Building together is good, but make sure you plan towards it from NOW.

Women sometimes don't think through all the details before making a decision - they decide and then make things fall in place with that decision, we men tend to work differently and plan first before making a decision. You both need to move a little closer to each other's positions and agree on this matter. But never let it be simply as a result of pressure - discuss it and agree on a date, then proceed with other activities concurrently.

I don't think this dude wants to leave the girl. He wants to be financially confident to handle a wedding and other necessities. I think he's quite calculated.

You guys plan together and let her get a job too if she hasn't got one. All the best.

Why do i always believe when the guy is not ready, u are not having nothing. And that's simply the truth. Even when a girl is ready, if the guy is not moved, nothing will shake him.

jkpretty:

Why do i always believe when the guy is not ready, u are not having nothing. And that's simply the truth. Even when a girl is ready, if the guy is not moved, nothing will shake him.

Seems you want to change the topic

if she is nagging about marriage today, she probably would be nagging about finances tomorrow. as long as the relationship is fine, then why should a ring alter anything. is the title of Mr or Mrs more important than being happy in life with a man that loves u. i don't see the big deal about marriage. your stability is more important than rushing into a union u are not prepared for. why throw away a 4yr relationship over a silly issue such as a date

hey pal,you've been with the same person for 4 yrs.that means he/she is good enough for marriage or else why has the relationship been on for that long.
marriage does not stop the nagging and all that but working things out and accepting responsibility/ies for your actions helps. Even though you aren't ready,keep working IT out and when its time,get it done and you know,it doesn't have to be too elaborate Give it a thought.

bawolowo, you speak like a true commitmentphobe.  No offence but guys like you are my worst nightmare  The whole "marriage doesnt mean anything" You'd better off playing that line to an oyibo person

If you have genuinely expressed your interest in getting married to her and the relationship has gone on long enough, then set a date - be it this year or the next, but set a firm date and start planning towards it. Meet the folks, propose, buy the ring, start looking for a venue. I believe that should take care of some of the fears that you will jilt her suddenly. As those plans are proceeding, you can also continue your business/job and get yourself financially ready.

Don't try to get everything established before marriage, but you need to go in with enough confidence and financial strength to meet the basic needs of the home. Building together is good, but make sure you plan towards it from NOW.

Now this is what the OP should definately take into consideration.

bawomolo:

if she is nagging about marriage today, she probably would be nagging about finances tomorrow. as long as the relationship is fine, then why should a ring alter anything.
is the title of Mr or Mrs more important than being happy in life with a man that loves u.

This is not nagging to me. She's just stating her mind .

i don't see the big deal about marriage. your stability is more important than rushing into a union u are not prepared for. why throw away a 4yr relationship over a silly issue such as a date

Remember you're not a woman!!!!!!!!

hey pal,you've been with the same person for 4 years.that means he/she is good enough for marriage or else why has the relationship been on for that long.

who told you 4years is enough for marriage, people mature and bond together at different rates. why should he rush the relationship when he is just getting an apartment over his head. bobo o fe struggle o. oprah has dated steadman for years and they seem to have a solid relationship. maybe some people prioritize marriage as u guys though(just some certificate).

marriage does not stop the nagging and all that but working things out and accepting responsibility/ies for your actions helps.

i think they need to "work" things out before signing that marriage certificates. this could end up being a nightmare for them. maybe my commitmentphobia is coming out again . she already gave him an ultimatum, i doubt there's a chance of compromise.

The whole "marriage doesnt mean anything" You'd better off playing that line to an oyibo person

you mean i can't find a naija girl of my dreams except i get married within a couple of years of the relationship

Remember you're not a woman!!!!!!!!

you are right, some women tend to be glutton for punishment and think getting married would make a man treat her better. societal pressure forces people into unnecessary marriage. the poster should let the relationship progress gradually, don't rush the flow bro. yes it's nagging if she keeps on screaming about it.

R-Dynamite:

Seems you want to change the topic

Not really. When a guy is not ready. He's simply not. I simply don't like it when girls force marriage on guys. I prefer him to pester me. . . got it now

One thing I will is this . . . she loves u enuff to wanna settle down with u and struggle it out with u. how many woman will really wanna do that.

My advice is that you either marry her, you got a job (even not as rewarding as u would want), you got an apartment (even tho its small one), you are both old enuff to be married and she is not complaining, I will say have a small or traditional wedding for now and do the big one when things are better. Or secondly, pet her, try to make her understand that you need a lil more time.

good luck!