Hello everyone! I need some advice because I'm facing a strange situation and I kinda suck at dealing with those... :-S

So, here is the situation: there is this guy R. that I know since 2006. We were in school together, then we had some classes in common at university. For me he was just a friend, we were working together sometimes on university projects and we happened to go maybe once or twice for a drink.
As I've travelled several times for my studies, it is not always easy to keep in touch with friends and sometimes it's just not the same when you haven't seen people in a while. Last year I was in Malaysia and this friend was coming to Singapore for his job (he works in an event organization company so he travels a lot) so I organized a trip to spend a week end with him. It was just nice to see a friend, someone from home with whom I can speak French. We shared a room but nothing happened. I was with someone at that time and even though my friend seemed very interested by me, I was not (and I am still not). I tried to make him understand that without hurting his feelings.
When I came back home last April, I had a drink with him. And then he said he loves me and has been in love with me for years (I think he said since 2009). I tried again to make it clear that I'm not interested, I just see him as a friend, etc. I think he was offended and didn't talk to me for a while but he said he's not mad at me. Few months later he invited me to his house to go to the thermal baths. At first I said yes but later I told him I cannot come because it seemed like he was trying to organize a romantic week end. We didn't talk for a while.
Last week we chatted on facebook (he was at home for a week) and he invited me to his house again. At first I didn't want and I was trying to find excuses. But then I thought why not, it's a just a week end between friends! I msut say that I haven't seen any friends since November because I've moved and I've been very busy with my job (though I quit about 2 weeks ago). Before going, I asked my boyfriend if he didn't mind. I told him it would be nice to spend some time with a friend. So he said ok, but be careful.
So, here is the thing: the entire week end the guy tried to get close to me. Like we were watching a movie and he always wanted to cuddle with me on the sofa. At first I didn't mind because it's not the first time that a friend leans on my shoulder while watching a movie but then.... And I didn't really know how to tell him because I didn't want to get him upset and uncomfortable. So each time he was going to far I had to find a reason to move so that he doesn't touch me where I don't want.
My boyfriend knew I was spending the week end with that guy but he never picked up my calls, neither replied my last messages (no idea what kind of crappy excuse he'll give me). That guy knows I have a boyfriend, I mentionned him several times in our conversations. But he also knew that my boyfriend wasn't picking up my calls....
How should I handle that situation? It's difficult because to me he's just a friend, but at the same time it's nice to have someone to watch a movie on a sofa, things I can't do with my boyfriend because he lives abroad. What can I do or tell him to make him understand that I am not interested in that kind of relationship? I'm really bad at saying no to people :-S

miss-sweety86:
Hello everyone!
My boyfriend knew I was spending the week end with that guy but he never picked up my calls, neither replied my last messages (no idea what kind of crappy excuse he'll give me). That guy knows I have a boyfriend, I mentionned him several times in our conversations. But he also knew that my boyfriend wasn't picking up my calls....
How should I handle that situation? It's difficult because to me he's just a friend, but at the same time it's nice to have someone to watch a movie on a sofa, things I can't do with my boyfriend because he lives abroad. What can I do or tell him to make him understand that I am not interested in that kind of relationship? I'm really bad at saying no to people :-S

Why will you tell your boyfriend that you are spending the weekend with another guy? Infact you have ended your relationship with you boyfriend.
@the bolded, since you are really bad at it, say YES

serves u right hahahahhaahhaa

Ur too gullible

rezzy:
Why will you tell your boyfriend that you are spending the weekend with another guy? Infact you have ended your relationship with you boyfriend.
@the bolded, since you are really bad at it, say YES

my boyfriend knows about that guy and he knows i'm not interested by him! i don't see why spending a week end with a friend would mean that I break up with my boyfriend! I was just spending the week end at his house because although it took me only 2 hours to go to his house, he lives in another country so I can't just go for the afternoon have a drink and then go back home!

These ladies are really fond of eating their cakes and having it same time.

That guy is just a friend to me but I don't know what to do more to make him understand it and I don't want to make him upset or angry at me. I don't want to destroy a friendship if I use too harsh words. If it was any other guy I would just tell him to back off, but he has been my friend for more than 6 years and it's difficult for me to keep friends because I travel often. That's why I don't know how to handle that situation. It's not that I want everything!

Op how old are you?

Don't really see how my age could matter in that issue.... I'm 26, the guy in question is 27 as my boyfriend.... It's not a teenage things.... But I suck at pushing people away...

The story long sha!
Can you summarize?

AmBeautiful: The story long sha!
Can you summarize?

sorry, it was just to give the context.

Last year, one of my friends told me that he loves me and has been in love with me for several years (we've known each other since 2006). I told him I didn't see him that way and I thought it was clear. But apparently I wasn't because I saw him this week end and he tried even though he knows I have a boyfriend. My question is: what can I do to make him understand that I'm not interested in a relationship without hurting his feelings and ending our friendship? The thing is that I travelled quite a lot for my studies these last year and so it has been difficult keeping in touch with my friends, so I don't wanna lose another friend....

miss-sweety86:


sorry, it was just to give the context.

Last year, one of my friends told me that he loves me and has been in love with me for several years (we've known each other since 2006). I told him I didn't see him that way and I thought it was clear. But apparently I wasn't because I saw him this week end and he tried even though he knows I have a boyfriend. My question is: what can I do to make him understand that I'm not interested in a relationship without hurting his feelings and ending our friendship? The thing is that I travelled quite a lot for my studies these last year and so it has been difficult keeping in touch with my friends, so I don't wanna lose another friend....

U behaved like the DOLT that you are. Even if you wanted to hang out with a male folk, you don't give that low down to another male. You have just etched an impression in his mind that you are wayward. No amount of clarification will change his view. Men are always defending their territories and here you have stepped out and announced that you are foraging other neighborhoods. Better you rearrange yourself for another relationship, your boyfriend has since that discussion taken a long walk......yes, away from you.

sister dis one na simple matter.if the guy no still wan leave u alone then make u take broom use am chase the guy comot for ur life.haba u be naija babe u be?

lefulefu: sister dis one na simple matter.if the guy no still wan leave u alone then make u take broom use am chase the guy comot for ur life.haba u be naija babe u be?

no, sorry, i'm not a naija babe though my boyfriend is a nigerian guy.

hardbody:

U behaved like the DOLT that you are. Even if you wanted to hang out with a male folk, you don't give that low down to another male. You have just etched an impression in his mind that you are wayward. No amount of clarification will change his view. Men are always defending their territories and here you have stepped out and announced that you are foraging other neighborhoods. Better you rearrange yourself for another relationship, your boyfriend has since that discussion taken a long walk......yes, away from you.

I don't think that my boyfriend feels that much threatens by that guy! It wasn't the first time that I spent a week end with him and nothing ever happened. He's just a good friend and I don't have that many friends because I travelled and stayed abroad for my studies, so it's hard to keep in touch with everyone.....

U funny die. U be comedian?
Abeg no take your reggae spoil your bf blues. Who said u can only watch movies with d opposite sex?

Imagine your bf telling u that he is going to spend d week end with a babe, hope u will clap for him? U better find another bf because no true 9ja guy will allow his babe spend a night with a shyker in his house.

richyblink1: U funny die. U be comedian?
Abeg no take your reggae spoil your bf blues. Who said u can only watch movies with d opposite sex?

Imagine your bf telling u that he is going to spend d week end with a babe, hope u will clap for him? U better find another bf because no true 9ja guy will allow his babe spend a night with a shyker in his house.

Ok. How my boyfriend feels about that, or what does he think about that guy isn't the issue. My issue is how can I make the other guy understand that this is never going to happen.

you've caved in too much with the guy u aint into. The guy is gaining grounds on u , and is believg tht just a lil pressure wll get u. You ar encourgg him 3 much. Girls lke u may end up in bed due to pressure. Treat him like a dog tht keeps lickg ur toes: say no forcefully, break communication wt him 4 6 months. Get your bf to call him and tell hm to back out. Else u'll prbly end up wt rgrets after a s.hag. Since ur sensitive, d tug will b strong, after the initial (really forceful) no, u'll b tempted to unconsciously compensate . Dont. The pang will subside with time. But stay unreachable and resolute- until he finally accepts the message. Goodluck. He's going to lay if u cntnue down ur weak cant-bear-2-hurt-him path.

kambo: you've caved in too much with the guy u aint into. The guy is gaining grounds on u , and is believg tht just a lil pressure wll get u. You ar encourgg him 3 much. Girls lke u may end up in bed due to pressure. Treat him like a dog tht keeps lickg ur toes: say no forcefully, break communication wt him 4 6 months. Get your bf to call him and tell hm to back out. Else u'll prbly end up wt rgrets after a s.hag. Since ur sensitive, d tug will b strong, after the initial (really forceful) no, u'll b tempted to unconsciously compensate . Dont. The pang will subside with time. But stay unreachable and resolute- until he finally accepts the message. Goodluck. He's going to lay if u cntnue down ur weak cant-bear-2-hurt-him path.

yeah, you're right. i'll stop talking with him on facebook (it's a good thing that he already deleted me from skype a while ago) and will try to ask my boyfriend to call him if he keeps disturbing me, which might not be easy because right now he's not picking up my calls (but this is another issue lol). thanks

I don't know how many times I will tell people that there's nothing like A guy and a girl being close friends, its either lovers or distance casual friends

Poster that guy is not your brother for crying out loud, when you were going for a weekend with him, what were you thinking?

fubbyy: I don't know how many times I will tell people that there's nothing like A guy and a girl being close friends, its either lovers or distance casual friends

Poster that guy is not your brother for crying out loud, when you were going for a weekend with him, what were you thinking?

no, that guy is not my brother because my brother is dead, thanks for reminding me that. And I don't have many girl friends because girls gossip and get offended so easily and give very bad advice when it comes to relationship. So, when I went to see that friend, all I was thinking was having some time off and think about something else than the issues I'm facing with my family. My mother and sister encouraged me to come because I harldy see any of my friends because we live far and I was very busy with my studies and internship. I don't get why it's such a big deal for people if a girl is friend with a guy....

miss-sweety86:


no, that guy is not my brother because my brother is dead, thanks for reminding me that. And I don't have many girl friends because girls gossip and get offended so easily and give very bad advice when it comes to relationship. So, when I went to see that friend, all I was thinking was having some time off and think about something else than the issues I'm facing with my family. My mother and sister encouraged me to come because I harldy see any of my friends because we live far and I was very busy with my studies and internship. I don't get why it's such a big deal for people if a girl is friend with a guy....

sorry 4 ya brother's death

But you see, it doesn't work that way, we are human, God implanted this sex hormone in us, how do you expect the guy not to develop er3ction while being alone with you?

When I was in school, I had a very close female friend, she was a sickle cell anemia, she visits me every now and then, sleeps in my bed and all that, I never moved touching her,

Towards our final year , I met another close friend named joy, (yoruba girl) she was cute, big boobs and big backside with a broad hips,

One day it was raining, she ran to my house so wet because she had been beaten by the rain, she changed her clothes and wore my boxers and T-shirt

I tried my best but couldn't control my self, I struggled with her for more than 10 mins b4 I succeeded putting my dic'k, she enjoyed the sex though but it wasn't her intention in the 1st place

So when you are with him, especially in his house lonely, its no longer him that does the thinking his di,c'k does

fubbyy: sorry 4 ya brother's death

But you see, it doesn't work that way, we are human, God implanted this sex hormone in us, how do you expect the guy not to develop er3ction while being alone with you?

When I was in school, I had a very close female friend, she was a sickle cell anemia, she visits me every now and then, sleeps in my bed and all that, I never moved touching her,

Towards our final year , I met another close friend named joy, (yoruba girl) she was cute, big boobs and big backside with a broad hips,

One day it was raining, she ran to my house so wet because she had been beaten by the rain, she changed her clothes and wore my boxers and T-shirt

I tried my best but couldn't control my self, I struggled with her for more than 10 mins b4 I succeeded putting my dic'k, she enjoyed the sex though but it wasn't her intention in the 1st place

So when you are with him, especially in his house lonely, its no longer him that does the thinking his di,c'k does

lol..same thing i tell pipu.there s no way a guy n a gal can be so close that either of them wont have a feeling for the other even though atimes they may hide the feelings.
Bk to d op,y not have a one on one conversation and make him see reasons why it cant work out.abeg if d guy no gree tell am say u kari gono.

I will try to send him a message on Facebook tomorrow and tell him that I will never see him that way. I didn't say anything while I was there because I'm not good at having this kind of conversation. It will make me feel so uncomfortable and I really don't want to hurt his feeling.
By the way,we've known each other for 6 years. The first time he tried something with me was in 2008 but he was drunk so I didn't pay attention. We've slept in the same bed for one night while we were in Singapore and he did not try anything. I think he told me he likes me but again he was drunk so I didn't pay attention and we didn't talk about it. And this week end he didn't try that hard. I mean, another guy would have actEd much faster to get in my pants and I would have slapped him right away, but he was acting so quietly that it seemed nothing to let him lean on me while watching a movie. He knows that I'm not available and thus refer to me as the forbidden fruit. Makes me so uncomfortable :-S.

Young woman don't go near that guy again. if i were you boyfriend i would have told you no the second time you wanted to go. it doesn't matter your reasons because it is me that it will pain when that thing that you never wanted to happen happens. Look within yourself and ask yourself the truth are you still going to the guys place just to spend time with him or because deep down you're enjoying his amorous advances.
You want him to leave you alone? tell him no and act ;like you mean, stop giving him hope with your actions and then telling him with your mouth that you don't want any, let your actions follow your words and stop trying to eat your cske and have it

WackyJ1: Young woman don't go near that guy again. if i were you boyfriend i would have told you no the second time you wanted to go. it doesn't matter your reasons because it is me that it will pain when that thing that you never wanted to happen happens. Look within yourself and ask yourself the truth are you still going to the guys place just to spend time with him or because deep down you're enjoying his amorous advances.
You want him to leave you alone? tell him no and act ;like you mean, stop giving him hope with your actions and then telling him with your mouth that you don't want any, let your actions follow your words and stop trying to eat your cske and have it

Well, it was the first time I went to his house in 6 years! For the week end in Singapore, it was in 2011 and it was planned before I started to date my boyfriend so he couldn't really tell me not to go. Last week end I stayed at his house because he lives in Switzerland while I live in France, so I can't really go just for one day.
Of course it's nice to know that guys are attracted by you, but I'm not attracted by him and I already love someone else. If this was 5 or 4 years ago maybe it would have been different but now it is not. I just don't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he'll stop trying....But it's sure that I won't go back to his house! It was just a one time thing to enjoy the hot thermal bath (I used to go there when I was a kid) but I've no other reason to go in that area! And if he wants to see me again we'll just have a drink in a public place, of course if my boyfriend doesn't mind.
And I asked my boyfriend, he said he's not upset because I spent a week end with that guy.

ok, after going through your posts, i have to two conclusions.
Op is both stupid (still stays with same boyfriend that neglects her and she has allegedly broken up with many times) and an attention seeker (keeps advertising her stupidity online). No offence.

Flashaldrin: ok, after going through your posts, i have to two conclusions.
Op is both stupid (still stays with same boyfriend that neglects her and she has allegedly broken up with many times) and an attention seeker (keeps advertising her stupidity online). No offence.

Gbam!! Daz all

If that was my daughter I d slap some sense into her.
Common sense is not common

you can both keep your stupid comments for yourself! not everyone is the same and i certainly don't act like a Nigerian girl so you can keep your judgments for yourself!

Onyinyechimara:

Gbam!! Daz all

If that was my daughter I d slap some sense into her.
Common sense is not common

maybe what is common for you isn't common for anyone! it seems to be common for Nigerian girls to expect their boyfriend to buy everything for them, but this in an unacceptable behavior in Western countries.

Flashaldrin: ok, after going through your posts, i have to two conclusions.
Op is both stupid (still stays with same boyfriend that neglects her and she has allegedly broken up with many times) and an attention seeker (keeps advertising her stupidity online). No offence.

OUch

miss-sweety86:
you can both keep your stupid comments for yourself! not everyone is the same and i certainly don't act like a Nigerian girl so you can keep your judgments for yourself!

ofcourse you certainly dont act like a nigerian! My naija girls can never be this vulnerable.