Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,162,232 members, 7,849,850 topics. Date: Tuesday, 04 June 2024 at 10:41 AM

Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless - Business - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Business / Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless (754 Views)

GTBank's Internet Banking Services...totally OVER-HYPED! / "Nobody Is Totally Useless, At Least They Will Serve As Bad Example" / Intercontinental Bank Has Become Useless (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply)

Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless by Gooogle(m): 1:42pm On May 05, 2013
Here are the 89 biggest cliches that will help you get promoted to middle management because they’ll make you sound like you know a lot about how organizations operate (along with my handy translations). When possible, you should use these in team meetings or in front of your bosses who will have a say in promoting you:

1. It’s a paradigm shift = I don’t know what’s going on in our business. But we’re not making as much money as we used to.

2. We’re data-driven = We try not to make decisions by the seat of our pants. When possible, we try to base them in facts.

3. We need to wrap our heads around this = Gosh, I never thought of that. We need to discuss that….

4. It’s a win-win = Hey, we both get something out of this (even though I’m really trying to get the best from you)

5. ROI [used in any sentence] = Look at me, I’m very financially-minded, even if I never took any finance classes in school

6. Let’s blue sky this/let’s ballpark this = Let’s shoot around a bunch of ideas since we have no clue what to do

7. I’m a bit of a visionary = I’m a bit of an egomaniac and narcissist

8. I’m a team player/we only hire team players = I hope everyone on the team thinks this is a meritocracy, even though I’m the dictator in charge


9. Let’s circle back to that/Let’s put that in the parking lot/let’s touch base on that later/let’s take this off-line = Shut up and let’s go back to what I was talking about

10. We think outside the box here/color outside the lines = We wouldn’t know about how to do something innovative if it came up to us and bit us in the behind

11. I/we/you don’t have the bandwidth = Since we cut 60% of our headcount, we’re all doing the job of 3 people, so we’re all burned out

12. This is where the rubber meets the road = Don’t screw up

13. Net net/the net of it is/when you net it out = I never studied finance or accounting but I sound like someone who can make money if I keep talking about another word for profit


14. We’ll go back and sharpen our pencils = We’ll go back and offer you the same for 20% less in hopes you’ll buy it before the end of the quarter

15. It’s like the book “Crossing the Chasm”/”Blue Ocean”/”Good To Great” / “Tipping Point” / “Outliers” = I’ve never read any of these books but I sound literate if I quote from them. And, besides, you cretins probably never read them either to call me out on it

16. Let’s right-size it = Let’s whack/fire a bunch of people

17. It’s next-gen/turn-key/plug-and-play = I want it to sound so technical that you’ll just buy it without asking me any questions

18. We need to manage the optics of this = How can we lie about this in a way people will believe?

19. This is creative destruction = I’ve never read Joseph Schumpeter but our core business is getting killed so it’s your responsibility to come up with a new product the market will buy

20. We don’t have enough boots on the ground = I don’t want to be fired for this disastrous product/country launch, so I’m going to sound tough referring to the military and say I don’t have enough resources

For more. Click

http://www.forbes.com/sites/ericjackson/2012/06/19/89-business-cliches-that-will-get-any-mba-promoted-to-middle-management-and-make-them-totally-useless/
Re: Business Cliches That Will Get Any MBA Promoted And Make Them Totally Useless by Gooogle(m): 1:43pm On May 05, 2013
so lets have the ones you use in your office.

In mine, we use terms like " business critical". Only God knows what that means.

Meanwhile, if you dont have any in your office, you can borrow some and go overwhelm
them.lol

(1) (Reply)

Bill Gates Is Back As Worlds Richest Man / Make N1000 Naira Selling Wat U Gat(best (9ja Online Biz) / What Is The Diff. Btw EBAY And Amazon,and Which Is Cheaper To Buy From?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 12
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.