CAMEROONPRIDE: Dude we are in the same situation....jeez, I stopped talking to her, I mean not like before we now talk like every 5 days....to avoid conflicts

Omo mehn, sorry bro. Reducing your talk time, has it indeed helped avoid conflicts? And is she someone you see often, as opposed to my situation here when we talk on phone for most of the time?

alutacontinua: This issue almost pass me but I will give my advice.

op needs a lot of patience if he wants to make this relationship work. Some women can be very emotional as sexkillz said, I must be sincere. Some of us are good at handling it, though but some just don't handle it well. They crave soooooooooooo much for attention and when you don't give it to them or they think you're not giving it enough, they get really angry. That being said, I think you need to know the root of her issue. Some people here have mentioned arrogance and pride, some have mentioned being an emotional abuser, some have said she's just too emotional...Which of these do you think it is? I would say she's just too emotional.

Now, if that is the case, you need to let her know that you really love her and she is really important to you. This, you need to do on a constant basis because even if you've shown her love for 10 whole years and mess up once, she would still vex for you. I tell you, this attitude has tire me, even in some of my female friends. They're just too dependent on you emotionally and it can be really tiring.

Finally, if you don't love her enough, this whole thing might be too difficult for you to handle. So, you might just need to continue to be ex-es forever, most especially, if she's not willing to change.

MAY GOD HELP YOU!

First off, Amen to the last part. To the best of my knowledge, I am as patient as any person can get. Fine, this might be biased in some sense, but damn, I have taken some things that under "normal" circumstances one shouldn't. I have my pros and cons when it comes to the relationship, I admit; the major thing is I forget some stuff (dates, to buy things I said I would, etc). The reactions though do not occur as a result of things I forgot to do, else I would know it is totally my fault and I probably would not be here. I do agree with you that it is her emotions that is getting to her. She isn't arrogant or proud, at least not to me and people I have seen her interact with.
I always do my best to show her that I love her. If this is what I will get though for her being too dependent emotionally, I have some more thinking to do. Thank you for your contribution. I appreciate it. I do hope she will be willing to make some compromise when I talk to her again.

It seems you are dealing with a narcissistic diva ? She will never change, cos she suffers from emotional attention deficit disorder...

Mr knowitall.:
Like i said....you need to break up with this girl first.....when yo do two thigs will happen...

1) you and her realize how much you really love each other...and calm down and make it work.

2) you and her are extremely happy that all the fighting,headaches, and drama stopped..and realized that you guys are just not meant to be.....then you comeback here to thank me and give me an offering..... I only accept Cash

The latter is the hardest decision to make but ultimately its the best one....or else you become a slave in ur own relationship a slave to your girl's temper and emotions...you can do better than that.... Dude there are too many women in this world to die over one.....

With regards to number 1, it is sort of the reason why I did it in the first place. But since then, we have realized that there is something between us, and we decided to still try to work things out. But with little things (in my opinion) like these spurring up this, I have tried to look down the line to know if we can actually dwell together in bliss.
I have noted this. Thank you sir.

andromida: Being an emotional person myself I have to say this pride and arrogance have nothing to do with it. There are always triggers to these outbursts and sometimes it stems from miscommunication.

Maybe you told her she is too emotional like its a tap and she should just turn it off.

Miscommunication... I have considered that maybe I told her too harshly (although I think I did not, but hey...). But thanks.

Sir Gbogs:

With regards to number 1, it is sort of the reason why I did it in the first place. But since then, we have realized that there is something between us, and we decided to still try to work things out. But with little things (in my opinion) like these spurring up this, I have tried to look down the line to know if we can actually dwell together in bliss.
I have noted this. Thank you sir.

When you say little things what do you mean? i am glad you said in your opinion.

adconline: It seems you are dealing with a narcissistic diva ? She will never change, cos she suffers from emotional attention deficit disorder...

Wow, a narcissist...

Hmmm... Attention deficit.. Noted.

andromida:

When you say little things what do you mean? i am glad you said in your opinion.

Sure. Here are 2 examples.

1. Like I mentioned, she is in a school where phones are not allowed, so she has to call first then I call back. Take a situation where I am unable to pick up because I am driving and I do not have my hands-free nearby (with FRSC and LASTMA looking for scapegoats), or I am not near the phone at all, or it is dead. When I do eventually call back or we talk later on, she is already upset or not even responding to me at all; silent treatment toh badt. I try to remedy the situation, tell her what happened, tease her, etc. Sometimes, she comes back almost immediately. Most times, the whole mood thing is drawn through 4 to 8 minutes of the conversation, where I would have already started to become uneasy and a bit annoyed, but I try my best not to ruin it and just keep on trying to get her back in a good mood.

2. When she is at home, and say we are talking over the phone, my dad or mum calls me to attend to one thing or the other. I have to go for a minute or two, and literally 3 times out of 5, she is upset I cut the call or put her on hold when we are in the middle of a conversation. Get this, it is not that I just hang up or just start talking to someone else on my side of the phone, no. I ask her, please hang on just a second, or please let me call back, so so and so is calling me to do this or that urgently. It makes me wonder.

Like I said, these are little things. I will say confidently that she is a wonderful person, so it doesn't seem like I am painting a picture of her as a devil without her being able to defend herself as you're only hearing things from my side. But, o ti su mi. Things like I said that one should not "necessarily" react to, note the word necessarily, she reacts.

Sir Gbogs:

Sure. Here are 2 examples.

1. Like I mentioned, she is in a school where phones are not allowed, so she has to call first then I call back. Take a situation where I am unable to pick up because I am driving and I do not have my hands-free nearby (with FRSC and LASTMA looking for scapegoats), or I am not near the phone at all, or it is dead. When I do eventually call back or we talk later on, she is already upset or not even responding to me at all; silent treatment toh badt. I try to remedy the situation, tell her what happened, tease her, etc. Sometimes, she comes back almost immediately. Most times, the whole mood thing is drawn through 4 to 8 minutes of the conversation, where I would have already started to become uneasy and a bit annoyed, but I try my best not to ruin it and just keep on trying to get her back in a good mood.

2. When she is at home, and say we are talking over the phone, my dad or mum calls me to attend to one thing or the other. I have to go for a minute or two, and literally 3 times out of 5, she is upset I cut the call or put her on hold when we are in the middle of a conversation. Get this, it is not that I just hang up or just start talking to someone else on my side of the phone, no. I ask her, please hang on just a second, or please let me call back, so so and so is calling me to do this or that urgently. It makes me wonder.

Like I said, these are little things. I will say confidently that she is a wonderful person, so it doesn't seem like I am painting a picture of her as a devil without her being able to defend herself as you're only hearing things from my side. But, o ti su mi. Things like I said that one should not "necessarily" react to, note the word necessarily, she reacts.

Well she is immature you can grow with her, yeah its going to be hard work but only you know if its worth it.

Sir Gbogs:

Bros, e tire me o. I think I am worn-out. You said you've "had" such problems; maybe the same exact one, maybe not. What did you do to get out of it?

Well..I'll advice уσυ τ̲̅ȍ be patient

We went our separate ways though... but τ̲̅ȍ be frank with уσυ i still can't get over her.

Its just one of the twists Λn∂ turns in relationshipS. Apologize τ̲̅ȍ her for the sake of the relationship. It doesn't Worth Λ breakup

andromida:

Well she is immature you can grow with her, yeah its going to be hard work but only you know if its worth it.

Noted. Thank you.

modextus:

Well..I'll advice уσυ τ̲̅ȍ be patient

We went our separate ways though... but τ̲̅ȍ be frank with уσυ i still can't get over her.

Its just one of the twists Λn∂ turns in relationshipS. Apologize τ̲̅ȍ her for the sake of the relationship. It doesn't Worth Λ breakup

Well, sorry about that. I have apologized, over-apologized sef. But I get your point. Thanks sir.

Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how much it's paining you and how much you want to work this out with her. I don't agree that she's a narcissist, maybe another term would describe her but not narcissism...If you can get to communicate it to her and she also sees it as an issue to deal with, the problem is half-solved. I believe people can change, only if they want to. If she sees what she's doing as normal, then, your issue is more complicated. Sit her down, she's your baby and I believe you should know how to jam sense into her head. Explain to her in a very calm and loving way.

Pele...trust me, I'm a lady but i've had a lot of emotional female friends and it's energy-draining. Once things don't go their way, you're in hot soup already!

Gbogzy, no matter how you try to reason with her, she will not understand. IF she changes, it will not be because of your most rational courteous explanations, it will be caused by an external experience related or unrelated to you.
You should love and accept her for who is, or don't bother. If you don't see yourself coping/living with this in the long run you know what to do.

.

alutacontinua: Sit her down and talk to her. Tell her how much it's paining you and how much you want to work this out with her. I don't agree that she's a narcissist, maybe another term would describe her but not narcissism...If you can get to communicate it to her and she also sees it as an issue to deal with, the problem is half-solved. I believe people can change, only if they want to. If she sees what she's doing as normal, then, your issue is more complicated. Sit her down, she's your baby and I believe you should know how to jam sense into her head. Explain to her in a very calm and loving way.

Pele...trust me, I'm a lady but i've had a lot of emotional female friends and it's energy-draining. Once things don't go their way, you're in hot soup already!

Thanks for your understanding and contribution.

sanb: The frequency of your fights, clearly shows there’s some compatibility issues going on here….


This is what I call emotional black-mail….and I tell you dude; I can guarantee that you’ll be receiving more of that in this relationship…I don’t mean to be interfering; but I hope she doesn’t have a bipolar disorder?


To me, this just shows her true character as a PROUD woman who’ll take no correction what so ever from her man….


Lastly, I’ll implore you to think again very seriously before you decide to take her back; that’s if you want a stress free life…... Life is so simply; sometimes I wonder why we human-beings make it difficult/hard…..She seems to me like a woman who loves being in control and she’ll stop at nothing to achieve her aim…..be carefully….all the best….

I hope so too. Thanks.

Sir Gbogs, m in ur kind of situation my girl also av dis kinda attitude, wen she does smtin wrong nd its vivid dt she is wrong nd u tell her u dnt like it, she gets moody nd won't talk nd keep replying wth Yes/no/ok.... In her sch she isn't allowed to use camera fone buh nw its permitted, if m very tired to chat she gets unhappy(dt is still understandable dt she miss me) but it got to a point dt She started getting angry nd wants to Boss, wen she is tired to chat nd I want her to be dere she tells me m nt considerate, Bro with time if U allow dis to continue ur girl will tk adv of ur emotion knowing d fact dt u Love her nd she will Ride on You Big Time nd she won't care about ur emotions or Not, nd funny enuf u fine her with a Less guy to U dt one will maltreat her but she will still want to stay with him, Take my advice now bro:

1. Zero ur mind about Her:
Am nt saying u forget about her but ur greatest fear nw is loosing her nd she knws u don't wana loose her dts y she can tlk to u anyhw, cos if she's scared of loosing u she will respect hw u feeling about her nd her behaviours, so don't fear about loosing her Open ur eyes to other tinx, av it @ d back of ur mind dt if she goes there are better ladies out dere.

2. Learn to say Yes/No:
I believe nw it as gotten to d stage where u even get scared to say smtinx u dnt like to her cos she may respond in a way dt will hurt u, but No stop it, ladies Love Men dt stands Men, let her remebr who is Boss, let her knw u can make decision nd stand on dem, its u dt will control her nt her controlling You!!! When u say No let it NO! Wt u dnt like Let it be known in a mild manner she may try to do smhw but u av made ur Point.

3. Be confident: when she met U, she gave u ultimate respect, she hold u with an high esteem cos she saw d confidence in you, she does tinx to please so as to guard u jealously so no oda person will tk her place, ignite dt feelings in her again, let her see u as inevitable, Stop telling U can neva date anyoda person jst let her knw its her U love most in d world, stop repeating d word M sorry she will Ride on it too much.

Always knw dt most of wt a guy takes frm a lady, if we placed dem in our shoes dey can't take 1/3 of it @ all, Ur girl loves u dts true but wen she starts noticing dt u can't do without her she tends to relax in her attitude to please you cos wts dere to please wen U already can't do without her, When she does smtin wrong tell her softly, when u suppose to get Vexed about smtin get Vexed wen she says she is sorry accept it, but dnt give control to her You are man so take control of wt happens in ur relationship, Goodluck bro.

femcruz: Sir Gbogs, m in ur kind of situation my girl also av dis kinda attitude, wen she does smtin wrong nd its vivid dt she is wrong nd u tell her u dnt like it, she gets moody nd won't talk nd keep replying wth Yes/no/ok.... In her sch she isn't allowed to use camera fone buh nw its permitted, if m very tired to chat she gets unhappy(dt is still understandable dt she miss me) but it got to a point dt She started getting angry nd wants to Boss, wen she is tired to chat nd I want her to be dere she tells me m nt considerate, Bro with time if U allow dis to continue ur girl will tk adv of ur emotion knowing d fact dt u Love her nd she will Ride on You Big Time nd she won't care about ur emotions or Not, nd funny enuf u fine her with a Less guy to U dt one will maltreat her but she will still want to stay with him, Take my advice now bro:

1. Zero ur mind about Her:
Am nt saying u forget about her but ur greatest fear nw is loosing her nd she knws u don't wana loose her dts y she can tlk to u anyhw, cos if she's scared of loosing u she will respect hw u feeling about her nd her behaviours, so don't fear about loosing her Open ur eyes to other tinx, av it @ d back of ur mind dt if she goes there are better ladies out dere.

2. Learn to say Yes/No:
I believe nw it as gotten to d stage where u even get scared to say smtinx u dnt like to her cos she may respond in a way dt will hurt u, but No stop it, ladies Love Men dt stands Men, let her remebr who is Boss, let her knw u can make decision nd stand on dem, its u dt will control her nt her controlling You!!! When u say No let it NO! Wt u dnt like Let it be known in a mild manner she may try to do smhw but u av made ur Point.

3. Be confident: when she met U, she gave u ultimate respect, she hold u with an high esteem cos she saw d confidence in you, she does tinx to please so as to guard u jealously so no oda person will tk her place, ignite dt feelings in her again, let her see u as inevitable, Stop telling U can neva date anyoda person jst let her knw its her U love most in d world, stop repeating d word M sorry she will Ride on it too much.

Always knw dt most of wt a guy takes frm a lady, if we placed dem in our shoes dey can't take 1/3 of it @ all, Ur girl loves u dts true but wen she starts noticing dt u can't do without her she tends to relax in her attitude to please you cos wts dere to please wen U already can't do without her, When she does smtin wrong tell her softly, when u suppose to get Vexed about smtin get Vexed wen she says she is sorry accept it, but dnt give control to her You are man so take control of wt happens in ur relationship, Goodluck bro.

I hate to say it but I kinda think you should read this post a million times. I don't like the whole concept but he has good points.

@femcruz: I am happy you can relate to this. Thanks for your points, very good like @alutacontinua said.

Femi thanks for keeping it real. I will just summarize your post.

1. Some women can be emotionally selfish always gunning for a win win situation without any consideration for the guy
2. Some women can date/worship a guy with less status who treats them like trash (really don't know why....maybe they act on the assumption that the alpha male has to be blunt and brutal)
3. Zero your mind about her and deal with your fear of loosing her (its always your fear talking when you loose control)
4. Learn to say yes/no and stop avoiding confrontation with her (you can resolve a lot this way)
5. Be confident and excellent in her eyes, bring back those swags that ignited the feelings/attraction the first place
To crown it all, I'm not saying completely ignore her. You have to find a balance between giving her too much attention and not enough attention. Although its very hard to keep balance and very hard to figure out if you gave her enough attention. Dating is absolutely a game, but you don't have to PLAY games to stay in the game. It's an intellectual game like chess. It's more about knowing when and where to make which move. Just knowing the rules is not enough.
You could text her "sweetheart you know how much I love you and appreciate your emotional availability in this relationship, it can never be too much for me, but you need to also pay attention to my busy schedule so we don't keep clashing"

Sir Gbogs:

Hmmm. I do agree with you about being emotionally abused. I mentioned earlier that I'm sort of a punching bag, but now I feel like I'm about to rip open with all of the things I have been trying to take in. Is there a way to find some sort of equilibrium, if she is emotionally dependent as you suggested?



Although there is not a lot to judge her by given all you know of her is all I have written, but in your opinion, do you think she will be able to change, find a way around whatever makes her act this way? Like I mentioned, we are not dating. Try not to see it as a wild-goose chase or that I am on some sort of fool's paradise, but I'd like to explore every option before just moving on because I really like her. I'd like to hear any suggestion you have apart from drop-and-go, if any. Thanks.

She is very very very very insecure now can that be cured ....don't know ?

but I think I know the cause of her insecurity so let me see if I can help ?
When a man chases a woman she feels secure in the relationship and can then allow him to be free but whenshe is the one chasing even with out intending to...she becomes unsure bout his feeling for her and then has a need to control the relationship especially when she is in love andd the man loses his freedom and becomes emotionally abused and controled.

Every time she calls you first even though its becos she hs no phone its she chasing you....everytime you donot call on time ...her thot forms begin to imagine you on another woman by the time you call ......her confidence is low, insecurity is up by 50% and she is livid with her self nd takes it out on you....

This is a pattern that can be stopped and she needs to up her security in the relationship and you can help her feel your love.

I think this relationship can be salvaged. Good luck!

horny4u:

She is very very very very insecure now can that be cured ....don't know ?

but I think I know the cause of her insecurity so let me see if I can help ?
When a man chases a woman she feels secure in the relationship and can then allow him to be free but whenshe is the one chasing even with out intending to...she becomes unsure bout his feeling for her and then has a need to control the relationship especially when she is in love andd the man loses his freedom and becomes emotionally abused and controled.

Every time she calls you first even though its becos she hs no phone its she chasing you....everytime you donot call on time ...her thot forms begin to imagine you on another woman by the time you call ......her confidence is low, insecurity is up by 50% and she is livid with her self nd takes it out on you....

This is a pattern that can be stopped and she needs to up her security in the relationship and you can help her feel your love.

I think this relationship can be salvaged. Good luck!

I think this is the best thing I have heard all day. Thank you so much. I will have a chat with her.

Sir Gbogs:

I think this is the best thing I have heard all day. Thank you so much. I will have a chat with her.

You are welcome sir!