[b]I decided to add my own of what may be able to help, as I came across comments on this site and others regarding this topic. It is a response to a reply to one of the post on July 28th about 2yrs. ago and a combination of others. There are many who know all sides of this issue but this is for those who may not know. No disrespect to anyone but I am going to speak frankly. It is not my intentions to offend anyone from anywhere and what I share is by no means all inclusive. If you are not doing any of this, KNOW, it’s not referring to you. I did not choose to post on just any site where the information can be used anyhow, no. I chose to post on this site, so those who might need the help facing some of these issues might see all sides and cope better.

The man who wrote an article about Nigerian Men who Marry Foreign Wives and the comments it prompted, which I am responding to here, gave his own preference. Everyone has one. A lot goes into coming to certain conclusions-some are valid reasons and some are not valid reasons But, it does not matter it is his preference. This man surely can not speak for all Nigerian men and do not speak for all Nigerian men but there are many who feel just as he does-Nigerians marry Nigerians. If a Nigerian man has no intentions of learning about his non-Nigerian wife’s culture and wants someone who already knows and understands his own culture, way of life, etc., it may be better for him to marry someone from Nigeria’s culture. Also I have to say, Nigerian ladies please know…YOU ARE NOT every man’s preference and can never ever be. If you believe that you are, if you feel the need to be in everyone’s business, if you feel you need to be in everyone’s face ALL the time, if you feel the need to constantly call other women’s husband to ‘greet’, if you need attention from every man single and/or married and too many issues to recount---a few things might be going on. It is possible you have such low self-esteem and don’t think much of yourself except when you pull negative attention from any man your way. When you do it for so long, it becomes an automatic obnoxious, bad habit. Another possibility is demonic activity (arrogance, pride, envy, jealousy, jezebel, lust, seducing, etc. are included here) and this woman usually doesn’t care who the person is, the aim is to destroy what is good and take what is not their own. Many men (and women and not just Nigerian) may also be under demonic influence, bewitched by witchcraft, some may have demonic magnets planted or demonic implants somewhere in their body, on top of harboring perverse and evil spirits. Unfortunately, many of us open negative doors through works of the flesh. There are solutions to whatever the case may be, so one can heal and become a whole, healthy person. We all should strive to be a healthy person capable of enjoying a godly, growing and happy marriage, no matter the background, culture, skin color, etc. Another truth is that there are people always trying to give Africa/Nigeria a bad rap, as if it is the only country that have bad going on, when every country has bad going on. For some reason, Nigeria’s is highlighted a lot regarding the bad and hardly ever for the good—abroad that is. I have had to check people, respectfully, when they try to down Africa or Nigeria in my presence. With that said, even though Nigeria/Nigerians have to stand strong to live down a lot of rubbish talk, Nigerian ladies do not believe that African-American women (in particular) are going to let you run them down with a bad mouth, bad eyes, nasty-foul attitude and everything else negative, largely based on you and your insecurities; and what is in your own head. It is not going to happen, so it is better that you treat each person according to who they are and not who you think they are.

There is too much to say on one issue and the issues are connected to one another or many.

Nigerian Men, please I want to ask a WHAT IF question? If you buy a beautiful car, fully load, bumping sound system, light tinted windows, one of your sweet of the sweetest rides; custom made according to your own specifications. You place your order, pay for it and return to your own country and wait for your shipment to arrive at the port. Once it arrives, you are so excited, as you think of it rolling off the ship. You do all necessary paperwork and when its time to inspect the car, you open the door only to find that the car has been gutted. There is nothing inside…zero! No dashboard full of lights-not even a dashboard, no heater, no a/c, no CD player, no T.V. or DVD player, no seats and not even a steering wheel. How would you feel at this very moment? This immediate feeling is the same way a non-Nigerian wife feels when during courting you behave one way, pretending to be enlightened and open-minded, interacting daily taking both cultural views into consideration. Then, once married you want rip out everything and try to force her into just one way of doing things-the African way. This is a major reason why many of the relationships encounter serious problems right from the start. Now add the outside interference, misunderstandings, witchcraft attacks, etc, is this a good way to start married life? Honesty…before marriage is as important as honesty after and during marriage for a good foundation.

God gave each woman what they have and we thank Jehovah God. Among women from the same culture there is this jealousy and envy thing of you think you’re better than me. It is the same thing going on when Nigerian men marry a non-Nigerian wife, whether admitted or not. Culture does not make any one better than another but foolishly some think it does, rather some need to think it does. If one wants to marry someone who already knows the culture, was born and raised in it; of course, marry from the culture-please do not torment and torture an innocent unsuspecting person because of what they do not know about your culture and what you are unable/unwilling to share with them about your own culture. If God has a different plan for you, and the person you are to marry was not born and raised in your culture, do what God is leading you to do for your own life. God has a different plan for each our lives and it is not patterned according to man or what everyone else is doing. I would like to add here, please Nigerian men who love their wife (and she loves you too), though she was not born and raised in your culture, take the time to tell her and show her what she needs to know i.e. language, food, normal interactions, traditions and daily norms. Please listen to the cautions that she might share with you, do not automatically dismiss them. There are some Nigerian women, FULL OF MALICE, who will try to disrespect your wife at every opportunity and your non-Nigerian wife needs to learn how to hold her own ground in your culture otherwise many will happily pounce on her. Non-Nigerian wife’s what you think is happening, when it happens, many times is just like that-do not ignore it and it is not your imagination. Address it, but do not overreact. Even you will have to learn how to handle the rude interactions from many women with advice from your husband and women who is fair-minded and decent. All the attitude, rude looks, nasty comments and disrespect some Nigerian women do when the Nigerian man is not around—do make sure to let your husband know some of what is going on---so when you check them, he will fully understand. This way the Nigerian woman will not be able to get away with her 2-faced scheme or try to use the culture against you. The fact is that she has put herself against you not for culture sake or anything noble but because of her own prejudices, insecurities, jealousy, envy, etc. Know, non-Nigerian wives, that most Nigerian men won’t see it at first (sorry men, some of you are captured in many ways but do not even know it) and many Nigerian women are experts at using the culture to hide their true negative intentions and motives very well.
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[b]Imagine this…everyman has killer x-ray vision…imagine ooo! If men look at anything for too long, the thing will burst into flames. Now imagine the thing they look at too long is a woman’s backside…oopss, that poor woman has just caught fire. Another man looks…ah you know where…that woman too has gone up in smoke. It won’t take long before the whole woman population disappears from the face of the earth. Men…gentlemen, when you are with your wife and an attractive woman passes and you can’t take your eyes off the attractive woman-know, you are captured. Ladies, if you are you’re your husband and a fine, handsome man passes by and you tune out what your man is saying to concentrate fully on keeping your eyes on the attractive man-know, you too are captured. There is nothing wrong with noticing an attractive person. We will notice, whether we are married or single. In many places it is normal to lust after men and women in your heart. I have to tell you that it opens the door to the spirit of lust and other perverse spirits. Again, there is nothing wrong with noticing a beautiful attractive person, even paying them a honest compliment but when you are spending 3-7 hours your time a day doing it and talking about it …..know you are a captured person. I pray you be loose in Jesus name.

There are people in all cultures doing what is not to be done. Does having culture automatically make a good person? Does culture stop people from kicking their neighbor, brother, sister, etc. when they are already down flat on the ground? Does having culture automatically make you better than another? Does culture stop women from having several abortions instead of practicing abstinence? Does culture stop women from abandoning and even throwing away their own child-flesh and blood, just to be able to deceive another man that they have no children, receive their name and status quo of being married? Does having a culture stop women from accepting to marry a man they know wants to having children, but he does not know and they very well know they do not even have a womb to give him a child? Does culture stop women from trying to put themselves in God’s place by trying to dominant (and even kill) the life and destiny their children? Does culture stop women from lying to their husband about who is the real father of their pregnancy? Does culture stop a husband and wife in a so called marriage of 20 years from committing adultery 18 out of the 20 years? Does culture stop women from using their culture to chase men? Does culture stop women from throwing themselves at men? Does culture stop women from throwing themselves at married men? Does culture stop women from trying to buy men? (Does culture stop men from allowing themselves to be shamefully bought by a woman?) Does culture stop women from using spells and charms to force a man against HIS WILL to be with her? Does culture stop women from dressing half naked just to get negative attention from any man? Does culture stop a woman from twitching her backside more than a super model does just to get negative attention from any man? Does culture stop women from maltreating innocent children-their children, by marriage? Does culture stop women from having 2, 3, 4 faces to deceive men? Does culture stop some people from pushing the majority of their parental responsibilities off on househelp? Does culture stop some househelps from abusing the children they are taking care of? Does culture stop some househelps from sexually abusing the children (little boys and little girls) they are to be taking care of? Does culture stop women from openly, and secretly sharing one man? Does culture stop some women from pretending to be a sister while they participate and watch their husband commit adultery for money with another woman? Does culture stop divorce? Does culture stop fornication, adultery or rape? Does culture keep people from being ok with man and man holding hands, woman and woman holding hands but is outraged when husband and wife hold hands? Does culture stop men from abandoning their roles as leaders in their home? Does culture stop husband and wife from walking away from their marriage with no grounds while deceitfully pulling two innocent people into adultery? Does culture stop men from leaving everything on their wife’s head like she doesn’t have a husband? Does culture stop parents from marrying their children off to demons? Does culture stop parents from going to demons requesting what only God can give WITH NO DEADLY STRINGS ATTACHED? Does culture stop people from doing nothing that allows evil to thrive? Does culture stop people from seeing kindness as foolishness but prefer to call stealing, defrauding and hustling people out of their hard EARNED money as smart? Does culture stop people from being servants of corruption and servants of satan? Does one really believe that in God’s eyes divorce is a higher sin than adultery or killing an unborn child is lesser than killing a grown person? It is ALL sin.

The answer is a capital NO! The answer is NO to every single question. It is all sin. What is good in a culture should be kept and passed on BUT if it is not good it should be done away with and NEVER passed on to generations to suffer what is terrible and ultimately deadly. Personally, if I knew something was trying to kill me, I could never and would never want to pass it to my children, or my children’s children, etc., in order to please others. Though I listed the negative, there are many very good things in culture. At the source, culture can keep people connected in very good ways and preserve their history, way of life and more. But if it’s connecting people to something bad or evil, and it is now known that its bad or evil…we are not to destroy our own house to please others. No culture can make a person whose heart is filthy and vile, clean, good, or better, at all at all. Just as skin color or skin tone does not make another person better than another, culture does not and can not make another person better than anyone. Can something be true and false at the same time? It is not logical.

In the US, even if an African-American man marries a white woman or a white man marries an African-American woman, the men and women of each side may ask why-when there are many among us who are the same to choose from. When a Nigerian man marries an African-American woman, the comment some African-American men might say is that the woman wants an original black man and African-American men are not good enough for her. It usually is not the case but it is still said and believed by many. The way I have seen it time and time again, when a Nigerian man marries a (African-American) non-Nigerian wife—many Nigerian women also say (even out loud) why would he go and marry a an African-American wife, when all of us are here. Some even go as far to say that Nigerian men only marry a non-Nigerian wife to get some type of material or monetary gain. Unfortunately, this is true is some cases-well many cases but definitely not all. Still many Nigerian women believe, not only believe but maliciously and viciously act on it. I have seen hostility, manipulations and straight out lies, mind-games and such to interfere and destroy the marriage that a Nigerian man has with his non-Nigerian wife. Some even turn to juju to try to get rid of the non-Nigerian wife. NIGERIAN WOMEN, Nigerian men are entitled to make their own preference. Nigerian women you’re approval (except Mama) is not necessary, your approval is not needed nor is your approval required in any shape, form or fashion. Ultimately, a person’s preference should be the person that God has for that person. No person knows tomorrow and it is God who knows why he brings two people together and it is God who knows where the two are going together. Nigerian women, no matter what you say, what you do or how hard you try, you will never have what God gave to the wife, God gave only to the wife, for her own husband.

This is sincere advice to Nigerian women who are doing these negative things, stop trying to interfere in your Nigerian brother’s marriage because he has decided to marry a non-Nigerian wife. Please, continue to earnestly look out for your Nigerian brothers (because bad and terrible women are everywhere), and it is good for you to watch his back if truly that is what you are doing but you know when you have crossed the boundary and is now working towards putting yourself in a place that is not your own. Nigerian women, you know when this ‘woman nonsense’ is at work and you are no longer doing what is best for the Nigerian man. Nigerian women, you know when your motives change from watching out for your brother to trying to take the brother for yourself---by force even. Interring in a marriage that God has put together, PLEASE KNOW you have put yourself at war with God and you will NEVER WIN.

Another thing just came to mind on a spiritual note…Nigerian woman, if you have not, examine and check yourself thoroughly. Some of you may have things planted in your body—different parts of your body that you may not be aware of that work to draw negative attention of men to yourself.

Personally, I have met many Nigerian women (NOT ALL), who are friendly and down to earth so to speak, until they know or see that your man is a Nigerian. Immediately, many of their attitudes and demeanors change accompanied with now phony, cold, 2-faced interactions with you. But they light up when your man is around, as if you are such good friends-even shamelessly check him out and survey him in your presence. There are African-American men married to Nigerian women, and I don’t believe African-American women are trying and give unnecessary grief to the woman of that couple just because the African-American man’s wife is a Nigerian. But hey, if it is happening then everything I said here to Nigerian women, also goes to the African-American women. To African-American women I would have to add, leave the couple alone and get over yourself. Every man does not want you, every man does not need you, you are not for every man and every man is not for you. Stay out of people’s marriages, relationships and keep your rude, manipulating comments, attitudes and opinions to yourself—they are worthless and usually not founded on good intentions or motives for the man or the destiny that God has for that man.
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madam, kindly stop attacking people just because they're not the same ethnicity as you.

if you feel anyone is against your relationship/s, please face whoever it is directly instead of throwing jabs at all nigerians on or offline.

lord have mercy o.

I didn't read the article,I have no need to. Same old stereotype.
Marriage is between 2 adults,not nations. If anyone thinks otherwise then stick to a "nation/tribe/" you are comfortable with.
No need for plenty plenty grammar.

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tpia@:
madam, kindly stop attacking people just because they're not the same ethnicity as you.

if you feel anyone is against your relationship/s, please face whoever it is directly instead of throwing jabs at all nigerians on or offline.

lord have mercy o.

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Why are you taking it as an attack? Sorry, if you feel telling what one has seen and heard first hand, as throwing jabs. It is not meant to be taken that way and the post are for those who don't know and THOSE WHO are involved in some of the behaviors mentioned that were brought out in the post I am mainly responding to.

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I will double check but NO WHERE in the post do I recall saying ALL NIGERIANS >>> because there is no such thing as ALL in any group of people. I say, to those who are doing this or something like it. Nor are there stereotypes. (True-plenty plenty grammar but my p-english no flow like dat)


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I started by sharing this is a response to an article and a particular post (among others)...but didn't go further to say-where one African-American whose husband is a Nigerian was seeking help for some issues like why were alot of the 9ja women treating her the way they were which wasn't nice. One post said that the African-American wife learning her Nigerian husband's culture is a waste because basically she would never be accpeted by the husband's family even if she learns the language,food, culture, etc. because Nigerian men only really want Nigerian women...and so many other things. As well as lumping white American women and black American women together as one group, referencing some other random issues. My response is from that perspective, I apologize, I did not make it clear.
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No one is against anything concerning me...though my eyes and ears have witnessed too many things o. Not only in the USA but in 9ja, a few other African countries and Europe. I thank God I personally did not go through all I've been a witness to and will not in Jesus name!!! I noted in the post that which was my personal experience or personal opinion.

I did strive not to offend and I chose my words and content carefully, though as I said one or many things are connected to another or other things. [b[b][/b][/color]

Again Sister, you get to the core of the issue. i think that only a non-nigerian wife will understand your point of view. it's not about atacking another tribe, it's about saying the other side of the story. good job!

desirel: hei Sister


i agree with everything you mention above. it's sad that you can see this in the church too; nigerian women being rude to you only because you are not nigerian. i don't understand why all the time they make such a big issue about their culture, when you see that this culture doesn't help them to grow and be a better person or to have more succes. and they have double mesures: they can complain against their cultural things, but the moment you say the same thing they give you the evil eye. i was really shocked at the beginning, now i'm imune; i just ignore them and laugh when the bring all the cultural bull****.

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Thank you my sister desirel.
Like you, it was too shocking to me also at first. I agree with what you said and your end resolve ...we have to try but if they don't hear, let it roll. Anyone who chooses to keep up nonsense in the church, its them and God. [/b]