Hi! I'd like to ask for your advice on an issue.

There was a guy I was dating. We were students at the same time, became friends, became very good friends, and then started dating. We both had money issues, but I always seemed to have a little bit more, so I would lend him some from time to time. Okay, I lent him a lot. But I wanted to so I was okay with it then and I still am. The issue is this;

It was my birthday a few weeks back, and a few days before my birthday I asked him if he would come and hang out with me at home and he said yeah, definitely and that he wouldn't miss it. I was quite happy, but when the day came, he calls me and tells me that he cant make it and when I asked why, he said that it being my birthday wasn't a good enough reason for him to come over, but that if I were to celebrate it by going out or something that THEN it would be a valid reason for him to come over.

This hurt a lot, because firstly I was staying with some friends whose boyfriends buy gifts for them every other day. I know he doesn't have much, so all I cared about at that time was just spending time with him.Secondly, that statement sounds a lot like "Your value to me depends on how much money you spend on me".

And to make matters worse, another friend of mine came over on my birthday, simply because he had promised me he would.

Is my interpretation wrong?



b)I have an additional question, that I'd like to ask. What does it mean when a guy tries to break up with you on the basis that he has a porn addiction? Is he saying he's not interested anymore and using the porn as a cover-up?

He doesn't truly love you,he is stil with you because of what he is getting from you,that is not a good reason for him not to show up for your birthday.how old are you?and how old his he?his he a student or searching for a job?we need to know this details.pls pray about and watch this guy because he does not seem to love u.all is well

I think he has low self esteem n insecurity,if I were to be in his shoes I wont come either knowing dat u stay with friends n I dont hv money to get u a decent gift,u know female friends n gifts na,dey wld wanna knw wat ur guy got,to save face he wont come,if it were to be me I wont either,i wld be prepared to even meet u in d moon dan ur house,his only mistake is dat he shld hv explained,i think d guy loves u

haitto99: I think he has low self esteem n insecurity,if I were to be in his shoes I wont come either knowing dat u stay with friends n I dont hv money to get u a decent gift,u know female friends n gifts na,dey wld wanna knw wat ur guy got,to save face he wont come,if it were to be me I wont either,i wld be prepared to even meet u in d moon dan ur house,his only mistake is dat he shld hv explained,i think d guy loves u

I think you are right about him being insecure. That being said, he didn't know that my friends boyfriends give them gifts. I never told him about any of that. But the issue for me is what he said about my birthday not being a valid reason for him to show up .

The guy may still be a learner.
His excuse is out of place.

IyaBasira:


I think you are right about him being insecure. That being said, he didn't know that my friends boyfriends give them gifts. I never told him about any of that. But the issue for me is what he said about my birthday not being a valid reason for him to show up .

hmmm,yes he is absolutely wrong there,dats y I said his mistake was nt telling d reason y he cant come,o girl na money cause am o,itz just his ego dealing with him,relationship is a gradual process,talk to him n explain ur anger in a calm way i,i bet u he wnt do it again

Agybabe: The guy may still be a learner.
His excuse is out of place.

A learner? What do you mean by out of place?

Excuse me ! what insecurities, that's part of being a man, no matter how much broke i am and i hate myself for it, nothing will ever stop me from visiting a dear friend or babe, if its her birthday, someone's presence means a lot, and luckily going from the way i read the op's post, she's a very reasonable person. Some people don't know what they have till its gone. I can't say what you should do or not do, however being a man is part of "confidence" despite being broke. me i go visit my babe house even if I get no gift o. I no send anyone. you should talk to him.

pc guru: Excuse me ! what insecurities, that's part of being a man, no matter how much broke i am and i hate myself for it, nothing will ever stop me from visiting a dear friend or babe, if its her birthday, someone's presence means a lot, and luckily going from the way i read the op's post, she's a very reasonable person. Some people don't know what they have till its gone. I can't say what you should do or not do, however being a man is part of "confidence" despite being broke. me i go visit my babe house even if I get no gift o. I no send anyone. you should talk to him.

Your post made sense. I strongly believe that if he wanted to come, he would have. In my opinion he just didn't want to come.

My sister don't fight it. He doesn't deserve you. Save your dignity by forgetting him.it will hurt now but later on you be good.

IyaBasira:

A learner? What do you mean by out of place?

doesn't make sense