I saw this on facebook.This is hilarious but I couldn't agree more:
Sex according to Pastor Khathide (Ugandan)

A lot of people don't associate sex with God - they associate it with Satan and darkness, as if sex is not holy.... !!

The bible is explicit when it comes to sex.
Sex is holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style.
Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only sexual style. Not discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!!.

Pastor Khathide has counseled women who've complained:
my husband treats me as if I were his brother.
There was one who told him:
I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary.
Khathide told her she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly,
since some wives only get it on big days, like elections.

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Hillbrow.
Have you ever asked yourself what those women have that you don't. Wives have become very frigid and even sleep with their panties.
If you're a married woman, you should sleep naked
and let your bum touch your husband..
Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina. They page through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what's hidden under panties, because their wives hide
it from them.

Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner.
A woman should parade naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many married women who don't know what their husbands' joysticks look like. She only feels it when he enters her. They've never touched it, let alone seen it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing.
A penis is a wife' s toy - she is supposed to play with it.

He blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about
being tired after a day's work.
You find many couples who've been sexually starved for years.
God created sex for procreation and also for pleasure.
You can't marry and not have a good time in bed.WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?
Why can't you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife?
We' re all equal in sex - it's not just about a woman satisfying a man.
You have to satisfy each other.
Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied?
Have u noticed how she glows and becomes energetic?
May the Lord Bless you.
This is the 'Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth' so God !
Told Us From The Beginning.

sweety Pastor Khathide is not from Uganda. His name is Pastor Agripa Khathide from South Africa

Monicasque: sweety Pastor Khathide is not from Uganda. His name is Pastor Agripa Khathide from South Africa

His message got me cracking,but he said it the way it should be

He said d truth. He forgot to add the fat issue. U marry a girl she gets fat after 1 issue, a girl get married to a man after a year d man developes a tummy like that of Rick Ross.

Well on point

But d pastor made some salient points . Some women are to shy to touch their men. My wife is the one that always initiate our jig jig that's why I love her. Ojide ya,ya. Ebido kpawam aka n'ahu before you know it egwuregwu abanye joromi.

owolabifunke14: His message got me cracking,but he said it the way it should be

yeh girl

passionate88: He said d truth. He forgot to add the fat issue. U marry a girl she gets fat after 1 issue, a girl get married to a man after a year d man developes a tummy like that of Rick Ross.

You see the way you reason? Fat issue ke,when you were dating why didn't you take notice of his/ her potential fatness? For better for worse till death do you and her apart. Bible didn't mention till fat do you and him/her apart

owolabifunke14: You see the way you reason? Fat issue ke,when you were dating why didn't you take notice of his/ her potential fatness? For better for worse till death do you and her apart. Bible didn't mention till fat do you and him/her apart

even if the bible didn't mention it, she should be able to keep in shape. And pls kindly tell me the passage of the bible where the bolded could be found.

passionate88: even if the bible didn't mention it, she should be able to keep in shape. And pls kindly tell me the passage of the bible where the bolded could be found.

Eph 5:22,23. Heb 13:4. 1corinthian 7:10-1f. Mathew 19:9. Titus 2:4 Gen 2:18 read all these passages and get back to me

owolabifunke14: Eph 5:22,23. Heb 13:4. 1corinthian 7:10-1f. Mathew 19:9. Titus 2:4 Gen 2:18 read all these passages and get back to me

He asked you the passage not all these bible verses you up here smh

chiover: He asked you the passage not all these bible verses you up here smh

Thank U o. Na so ppl take dey confuse ppl. Even d verses she pt sef na d honour ur husband, marriage bed should remain undefiled, etc. I want that "For better or for worse"

chiover: He asked you the passage not all these bible verses you up here smh

hw e tek concern u? D verses touched what he needs

passionate88: Thank U o. Na so ppl take dey confuse ppl. Even d verses she pt sef na d honour ur husband, marriage bed should remain undefiled, etc. I want that "For better or for worse"

It has been long you attended a wedding,the verses I asked you to read are spot on

owolabifunke14: It has been long you attended a wedding,the verses I asked you to read are spot on

Very long. I stopped attending when I realised nobody keep to the oaths they swore b4 God. That for better or for worse. The verses deal on infidelities and immoral acts within the marriage institution.

Every pastor identifies their gifts, what they summarily calling "their calling"

Some pastors are "called" unto holiness.
Majority are "called' unto prosperity- except for Kumuyi, almost all naija pastors are called to prosperity.

It appears this Ugandan pastor is "called" to minister sex and sex related issue.

passionate88: Very long. I stopped attending when I realised nobody keep to the oaths they swore b4 God. That for better or for worse. The verses deal on infidelities and immoral acts within the marriage institution.

The reason why is for better for worse is this;the only ground approved by the bible for divorce is when ones partner commits adultery not fat or pot belle. Interpret it without bias you would see what for better for worse really meant.

owolabifunke14: The reason why is for better for worse is this;the only ground approved by the bible for divorce is when ones partner commits adultery not fat or pot belle. Interpret it without bias you would see what for better for worse really meant.

so when a man beats his wife mercilessly up to d point of tearin her cloths in public. This has happened like four times, just because d man hasn't commited adultery/fornication the woman shouldn't divorce him?

passionate88: so when a man beats his wife mercilessly up to d point of tearin her cloths in public. This has happened like four times, just because d man hasn't commited adultery/fornication the woman shouldn't divorce him?

In such case,Jesus advised such couples to separate not divorce. Separation here means each living in a different house but still remain husband and wife.

owolabifunke14: hw e tek concern u? D verses touched what he needs

You don't know bible at all. If you open church,you go loose passengers taya

chiover: You don't know bible at all. If you open church,you go loose passengers taya

off point

owolabifunke14: In such case,Jesus advised such couples to separate not divorce. Separation here means each living in a different house but still remain husband and wife.

Where Jesus give that kind advice?

passionate88: Where Jesus give that kind advice?

1corinthians chapter 7 verse 10-16. Please read and understand the bible's view point.

owolabifunke14: 1corinthians chapter 7 verse 10-16. Please read and understand the bible's view point.

Nice one, though it didn't talk marital abuse. The husband can still beat the woman when they are together. As for me in that case of marital abuse, I support divorce. Don't b offended bt is any of ur parent a preacher?.

passionate88: Nice one, though it didn't talk marital abuse. The husband can still beat the woman when they are together. As for me in that case of marital abuse, I support divorce. Don't b offended bt is any of ur parent a preacher?.

we go through the bible everyday in my house. it is a norm in my family,mother scolds anybody that doesn't participate especially the boys.

owolabifunke14: we go through the bible everyday in my house. it is a norm in my family,mother scolds anybody that doesn't participate especially the boys.

That sound frightening