I'm so so so very angry this evening. I've been having this issue with hubby for a while now, used to think he was kidding but this evening just confirmed it for me.

I'm Yoruba n he's Esan from Edo state. He speaks yoruba very very fluently even better than me, he teaches me proverbs n all sometimes sef. But anytime I speak yoruba to our baby, he gets irritated kind of n says' my son is an Esan man, stop speaking yoruba to him'.

We had a major row over it this evening again. Don't I count in the boy's life? What's the biggie in him learning how to speak yoruba?

Your husband has a complex and is unnecessarily insecured.
Why did he marry from another tribe if all he wanted was his own tribe?Who says the son cannot learn even the two languages and more?
Op,do u live in the south-west?if you do,then don't sweat nothing cos your son will still learn yoruba.
I didn't marry from my tribe and i understand my child will pick more than one language along the way and that is not an issue for me.

Sorry u hubby just got issues!

Did you guys brush this subject before marriage?

masonkz: Did you guys brush this subject before marriage?

It never came up in our discussions cos I didn't imagine it was ever going to become an issue going by the fact that he speaks Yoruba fluently.

thorpido: Your husband has a complex and is unnecessarily insecured.
Why did he marry from another tribe if all he wanted was his own tribe?Who says the son cannot learn even the two languages and more?
Op,do u live in the south-west?if you do,then don't sweat nothing cos your son will still learn yoruba.
I didn't marry from my tribe and i understand my child will pick more than one language along the way and that is not an issue for me.

Sorry u hubby just got issues!

Thanks for the reassuring words. Yes we live in the south-west. Its so bad that we almost quarreled before I could put a yoruba name amongst his names on his birth certificate!

You have to sit him down and put some sense in him. He should speak his language to the boy too now.
He's so insecure, what would he have done if he doesn't understand yoruba

Na real wa. Insecurity at Its peak! No offence ma'am but I just find this ludicrous.
Your child will pick Yoruba anyway, from his environment.

kendraloops:

It never came up in our discussions cos I didn't imagine it was ever going to become an issue going by the fact that he speaks Yoruba fluently.

Thought as much, else it wouldn't have come as a surprise.

But did you ask him why he's so bent on the child not learning Yoruba? I'm sure kids are capable of learning multiple languages while still young. So if he feels the child will not simultaneously learn Esan while still learning Yoruba, he's wrong.


Except he has another reason for not allowing the child learn Yoruba, even though I think no reason can justify that, tribal issues included.

masonkz:

Thought as much, else it wouldn't have come as a surprise.

But did you ask him why he's so bent on the child not learning Yoruba? I'm sure kids are capable of learning multiple languages while still young. So if he feels the child will not simultaneously learn Esan while still learning Yoruba, he's wrong.

Hezron is a living example!

GSKing:
Hezron is a living example!

Exactly!

What then do you speak to your child?





...lolly pop pop lolly pop

GSKing:
Hezron is a living example!

Pls who's Hezron? Anyone I know?

kendraloops:

Pls who's Hezron? Anyone I know?

Lol. No. Just a good friend of ours here.

Personally, how I would treat this is, my child has to know all his father culture, language etc before mine.

Though I do not think the guy may have meant bad, but he meant it. The son is his son hence he bears his surname.

I think you overreacted, since you said the child can still learn Yoruba either way. Teach your son all his fathers culture before yours. Your son may blame you when he does not fit in, in future. Your son is not Yoruba, he is Esan.
Even with names, he has a right to deny you to give your son a Yoruba name, its his Esan son, not Yoruba son, so you were just pushing your luck.

Are you sure you are not pregnant again

Olastep1: What then do you speak to your child?

My dear, its English oo then he n baby's grandparents speak Esan to him when we go visiting as I don't speak Esan. You just need to see the way he gets when I speak yoruba to baby

chineloSA:
Personally, how I would treat this is, my child has to know all his father culture, language etc before mine.

Though I do not think the guy may have meant bad, but he meant it. The son is his son hence he bears his surname.

I think you overreacted, since you said the child can still learn Yoruba either way. Teach your son all his fathers culture before yours. Your son may blame you when he does not fit in, in future. Your son is not Yoruba, he is Esan.
Even with names, he has a right to deny you to give your son a Yoruba name, its his Esan son, not Yoruba son, so you were just pushing your luck.

Are you sure you are not pregnant again

Are u kidding me? He has a right to deny me giving MY child a yoruba name All the labour pains n agony nko? Abeg foget oo. I know he's more of Esan than yoruba but it hurts. In public when people ask for his baby's yoruba name, he quickly responds that he's gat none.


As for me being pregnant again, I'm not oooo. Lol. Y u dey ask sef?

kendraloops:

Are u kidding me? He has a right to deny me giving MY child a yoruba name All the labour pains n agony nko? Abeg foget oo. I know he's more of Esan than yoruba but it hurts. In public when people ask for his baby's yoruba name, he quickly responds that he's gat none.


As for me being pregnant again, I'm not oooo. Lol. Y u dey ask sef?

I understand the guys point of view. Is he married to you or you married to him You giving your son a Yoruba name should just be plain negotiations and him being a nice guy.

I ask if you are pregnant because, from my perspective I think you overreacted. In my culture, that is not negotiated, especially if you are married. So, i expect you to understand such.

I didn't know some people still live in the 20th century!!!

When this man knew he wouldn't want his child speak Yoruba, why did he marry a Yoruba woman.
Can we say he's suffering from inferiority complex or is he just insecure or is he a tribalist?

To settle this, @op, sit him down and discuss gently and humbly with him, let him realise that, even if you dont speak this Yoruba language with d kid, he will still eventually pick it up in the enviroment while growing up. Or betterstill, tell him to communicate with his kid in his language while you also speak with him in your language, afterall, you also have half of your gene in your kid.

What is good for the goose is also good for the gander.

chineloSA:

I understand the guys point of view. Is he married to you or you married to him You giving your son a Yoruba name should just be plain negotiations and him being a nice guy.

I ask if you are pregnant because, from my perspective I think you overreacted. In my culture, that is not negotiated, especially if you are married. So, i expect you to understand such.

But the guy should also understand. He should have known such issues would come up before marrying from another tribe. Most people that marry from other tribes always have their children bearing names from the two tribes, even though the child may be commonly known by just one while the other is silent.

masonkz:


But the guy should also understand. He should have known such issues would come up before marrying from another tribe. Most people that marry from other tribes always have their children bearing names from the two tribes, even though the child may be commonly known by just one while the other is silent.

See now, we want man to marry us.
If the child bears his surname, he has all the rights over the name of the child. Even when they divorce, the child will continue bearing his fathers name not his mother surname.

Just that some guys are very nice.
She was suppose to ask him nicely. Especially for boy kids, as they grow up they want to belong and a sense of belonging is first determined by the name.

GSKing: I didn't know some people still live in the 20th century!!!

That's not a 20th century mentality, it is more like a stone age way of thinking.

I even try to give him the example of Segun Arinze (yoruba n igbo names) but he's quick to dismiss it.

I feel your pain seems like you dont buy that idea with time things might change....all the best!

kendraloops: I even try to give him the example of Segun Arinze (yoruba n igbo names) but he's quick to dismiss it.

Teach his child his own. While injecting a little Yoruba.

Make him feel that his is important. . Show interest in his language yourself.

If you resist he will persist and more fights. You don't want that do you

No one force u to marry him, bear it alone abeg

chineloSA:

Teach his child his own. While injecting a little Yoruba.

Make him feel that his is important. . Show interest in his language yourself.

If you resist he will persist and more fights. You don't want that do you

Trust me, I've been doing that. I can make 1 or 2 sentences with his language. His parents even praise how fast I've learnt some words.

ednut1: No one force u to marry him, bear it alone abeg

I was actually forced to marry him at gunpoint. Didirin!

Madam, to stay in marriage and make marriage a success, one has to employ wisdom. At times small small issues like this compounds to bigger problems that lead to abuse or divorce.
Its not everything we ought to complain about.
If ur hubby said he want his baby to speak his language only, by all means accept and teach him that. That way he will c u as a submissive wife and peace will reign.
Meanwhile, u said he speaks ur own language very well. All good!
Converse with him in ur language sometimes. I tell u baby is learning. Sing in ur language, baby is learning.
U go out with baby, u speak ur language to baby. Infact, where is ur number six?
Children r capable iof learning up to 4 diff languages at a time.
Stop raising issues where there is none.
Meanwhile, u r married to him not the other way round.
Ur reaction is unneccessary.

kendraloops:
Trust me, I've been doing that. I can make 1 or 2 sentences with his language. His parents even praise how fast I've learnt some words.

Continue luv. Stop resisting as well. You cant divorce because of this

chineloSA:

Teach his child his own. While injecting a little Yoruba.

Make him feel that his is important. . Show interest in his language yourself.

If you resist he will persist and more fights. You don't want that do you

I totally get your point. I guess I can be an understanding guy, not all men can, especially with the whole ego stuff.