it all started one day while we were discussing and my dad said categorically - he cant guarantee not marrying a second wife. I thought it was a mere speech said to enlighten
years after that i started suspecting him through some calls and text on his phone but i couldnt conclude my suspicions as i had to return to school. Thanks to ASUU strike, have been able to conclude that he really has someone outside, only the level at which they are is not clear, but i know they are into eachother as she calls like every minute. The painful part is that, everyone in the house knows this even my mom, i try to just ignore it but anytime the woman's call comes through, i feel the sudden will to grab the fone and yell at her... Pls what do i do?

Reason & Talk with ur popcy. Tell him how yhu feel about it.
If yhur popcy says no den my guy, yhu juxt have to accept it like that and adjust yhur self for the future.
But before yhu give up, Pray.
Prayer iz the key

Patience is a virtue n u need it now. I know it's hard buh if ur dad doesnt bring d other woman to d house or cut ur allowance in half or perform his duties, u don't av any problem. Btw, have u asked ur mum y she has been silent?

Stylishrita: Patience is a virtue n u need it now. I know it's hard buh if ur dad doesnt bring d other woman to d house or cut ur allowance in half or perform his duties, u don't av any problem. Btw, have u asked ur mum y she has been silent?

my mum lives for her children, she prefers not to bother herself with it - and thats what is killing me, she is keeping it all inside and suffering alone.

NL and its counsellors.
Guy just offer to pay the dowry(bride price) and see the blessing it will bring.

Not sure if you can do anything. The only person that can do something is your mum but it will be difficult to even advice her. It seems she has accepted the situation. How is she taking it?

Jamey Maxwell: Reason & Talk with ur popcy. Tell him how yhu feel about it.
If yhur popcy says no den my guy, yhu juxt have to accept it like that and adjust yhur self for the future.
But before yhu give up, Pray.
Prayer iz the key

my dad never went near a military establishment bt he's worse than having a rtd general as a father... Got ma point?

Nashville: Not sure if you can do anything. The only person that can do something is your mum but it will be difficult to even advice her. It seems she has accepted the situation. How is she taking it?

she laffs at the tot but i knw she's going thru hell on d insyd

Learn how to Live wit d wife to b!

taiwoliu: she laffs at the tot but i knw she's going thru hell on d insyd

Are you guys religious?

My guy.
Wat will happen will happen.
Yhu juxt have to be much stronger for yhur momcy as from now.
Shez bin dere 4 yhu. I fink itz tyme yhu do the same.
Good Luck.

Just relax & welcome her with alacrity. That's all

I am sorry to tell you the truth here. You can do absolutely nothing about it if your old man's mind is made. He sure knows what he is doing because this is not a one day decision. He had it all planned since. Just brace up and support your mum.

Brace up,fasten your seat belt,and enjoy the ride of your father's decision.

You can do absolutely nothing,just give a shoulder for your mum to lean on,share her pain. your dad's mind is made up,else he might curse you.

This is Africa,little can you do.

Tharye S.:
ma Dad has 4 wives and i so much love d fellowship.

Do u have a shareholding in it as well?

Nothing.

Your mum is a very wise woman. I can see you are an adult already, focus on your education and don't let this distract you at school.

If your dad still supports the home and family like he used to, then there is no reason to panic. Also, he may just be having an affair and there maybe no concrete plan of marrying the lady outside yet. If you gang up against him and make the home unbearable because you know already, you will only hasten the process and he will eventually think he has to Marry this lady.

But, if there is a glaring decrease in the standard of living in your home due to his affair, let your mum be the first to talk to your dad about it. You can do a follow up when he is in a good mood and let him know this isn't how the home used to be. If your dad has been a responsible father before, he will make the necessary adjustments. Be very very cautious in bringing family members and friends into the situation, most times, they only help escalate the tension in the home more.

Responsible fathers/men sometimes slip and have affairs but they wouldn't want a broken home because of it. In fact, guilty conscience in some cases will make them become extremely nice when around the family.

All my statement above is just for a father that is responsible. If he is not and doesn't really care about the home before, you should also do NOTHING. Focus on making something out of your life soon with the hope of getting your mum out of the situation.

Mind you, your mums passive attitude may also mean she has been duly informed or carried along. Yes, no woman wants to share her man, but the reality is women have lived and continue to live in polygamy.

You didn't say much about your dad apart from this affair so I will assume he has played his part well so far in the home and that's why you are in shock.

Lastly, you can ignore my earlier messages and confront him, fight with him, tell him to his face this is unacceptable etc. You can even let your mum see reason why she should fight etc. This may work, but if it doesn't, it is the alternative that will break up your home quicker than you expect.

Jamey maxwell has said it all in his 2 posts.just sit him down and ask him politely his reason for wanting another wife,if he doesnt give any reason or his reasons are unreasonale just ignore your dad and his incomming wife.act like they dont exist or are ghost.pele,i know how this feels for you and your mom,its heart breaking.however if she cant manage her emotions,you may need to get an apartment for her.you know shes all you got.as soon as new wife comes,just take it that you dont jave a father again or he is as good as dead because all his attention will be on her.i hope you have a job sha? And your mom does too? Is so,that makes it less burdensome.

If she goes to work 8am and comes home 5 or 6pm,she sees less nonsense and you know what they say about ignorance,what you dont know or see doesnt hurt


ermmm chair cover,efemena,yellow pawpaw,kanwulia,greatgod your attention is needed here o.oya make una come

rman: Nothing.

Your mum is a very wise woman. I can see you are an adult already, focus on your education and don't let this distract you at school.

If your dad still supports the home and family like he used to, then there is no reason to panic. Also, he may just be having an affair and there maybe no concrete plan of marrying the lady outside yet. If you gang up against him and make the home unbearable because you know already, you will only hasten the process and he will eventually think he has to Marry this lady.

But, if there is a glaring decrease in the standard of living in your home due to his affair, let your mum be the first to talk to your dad about it. You can do a follow up when he is in a good mood and let him know this isn't how the home used to be. If your dad has been a responsible father before, he will make the necessary adjustments. Be very very cautious in bringing family members and friends into the situation, most times, they only help escalate the tension in the home more.

Responsible fathers/men sometimes slip and have affairs but they wouldn't want a broken home because of it. In fact, guilty conscience in some cases will make them become extremely nice when around the family.

All my statement above is just for a father that is responsible. If he is not and doesn't really care about the home before, you should also do NOTHING. Focus on making something out of your life soon with the hope of getting your mum out of the situation.

Mind you, your mums passive attitude may also mean she has been duly informed or carried along. Yes, no woman wants to share her man, but the reality is women have lived and continue to live in polygamy.

You didn't say much about your dad apart from this affair so I will assume he has played his part well so far in the home and that's why you are in shock.

Lastly, you can ignore my earlier messages and confront him, fight with him, tell him to his face this is unacceptable etc. You can even let your mum see reason why she should fight etc. This may work, but if it doesn't, it is the alternative that will break up your home quicker than you expect.

true

Stop worrying yourself, your mum's silence surely has meanings, she knows what she's doing, believe me, her silence alone wont make it comfortable for your dad to bring in the other woman, they may be having affairs outside o, but with her silence, i have more than 60% assurance that your dad couldn't bring the other woman in.

On the other way, are you people muslims? If yes, them your mum might have accepted it as a "sunnah" in islamic doctorine, which might be her reason for her silence, and in that case too, there's nothing you can do about it. If no, it's just a case of infidelity on the part of your dad, nothing more, and an adage in Yoruba says "ija ni o maa ngbeyin ale".........meaning their relationship will soon hit the rock. In any way, just relax and learn from the scenerio.
May God give you the wisdom to do it right.

I tire for advice ooo. What does your mum do? Does she have a source of income? This is the time for her to get serious with finances and her job cos from here on, everything is a technicality.

Talk to your mum and advice her to start taking steps to be financially independent else there will be fire on the mountain

Mynd_44: I tire for advice ooo. What does your mum do? Does she have a source of income? This is the time for her to get serious with finances and her job cos from here on, everything is a technicality.

Talk to your mum and advice her to start taking steps to be financially independent else there will be fire on the mountain

when it comes to finances, she's SUPER INDEPENDENT

greatgod2012: On the other way, are you people muslims? If yes, them your mum might have accepted it as a "sunnah" in islamic doctorine, which might be her reason for her silence, and in that case too, there's nothing you can do about it. If no, it's just a case of infidelity on the part of your dad, nothing more, and an adage in Yoruba says "ija ni o maa ngbeyin ale".........meaning their relationship will soon hit the rock. In any way, just relax and learn from the scenerio.
May God give you the wisdom to do it right.

yes we are muslims but my dad rarely perform is solat, so i'll say he's a ceremonial muslim.

Age range of dad....how long is the marriage.... sorry but if I may ask you..

You seem to be worried just because of mummy ONLY.....or is there something else......

do u rather prefer ur dad being a sugar daddy to many small girls than him having a second wife? and to think you are a male, you should be objective enough to welcome the idea!
I prefer my dad gets a second wife than for him to engage in shameful acts.
I could go on and on to list reasons but I know after everything people ll still crucify me so lemme stop hear!

taiwoliu: when it comes to finances, she's SUPER INDEPENDENT

How concerned are you about her exposure to STIs? If you are really concerned, you know what to do

pickabeau1: Age range of dad....how long is the marriage.... sorry but if I may ask you..

You seem to be worried just because of mummy ONLY.....or is there something else......

he's in his 50s, marriage is over 20yrs judging by my age. Am concerned about my mum cos i dnt tink its what she deserve.

taiwoliu: yes we are muslims but my dad rarely perform is solat, so i'll say he's a ceremonial muslim.

whether ceremonial or practising muslim, the fact remains that he's a muslim, and naturally human beings tend to embrass the aspect of a law or doctrine that is favorable to them. At this time, dont be surprise that your dad will know where to quote in the Holy Quaran to support his action, if indeed he really mean business.
All in all, remain calm, thank God your mum is financially independent.

wasak: do u rather prefer ur dad being a sugar daddy to many small girls than him having a second wife? and to think you are a male, you should be objective enough to welcome the idea!
I prefer my dad gets a second wife than for him to engage in shameful acts.
I could go on and on to list reasons but I know after everything people ll still crucify me so lemme stop hear!

bro, cos i am a guy doesn't mean i should support polygamy. I would welcome it if i tink its d required tin to do nt wen i tink its a case of misplaced priority.

Mynd_44:
How concerned are you about her exposure to STIs? If you are really concerned, you know what to do

never gave dt a tot until now...

wasak: do u rather prefer ur dad being a sugar daddy to many small girls than him having a second wife? and to think you are a male, you should be objective enough to welcome the idea!
I prefer my dad gets a second wife than for him to engage in shameful acts.
I could go on and on to list reasons but I know after everything people ll still crucify me so lemme stop hear!

but a second wife cannot have hiv and and other std's and for your information,the only reason why a woman will agree to be a second wofe is the promise or assurance that your dad gave her about MONEY.once the money goes,the 2nd wife too goes,with or without the child anyway.