1. Biblical days economy vs today’s economy
I tell you Biblical days economy was better.
Ok, let’s check and compare inflation rates.
In Genesis, the brothers of Joseph sold him for 20 pieces of silver, I lie?
Now, several thousand years down the line, how much did Judas sell JESUS? A whole God was sold for 30 pieces of silver. Inflation over a thousand years is just 50%.
Just last year, I bought second-hand bra for girlfriend for $50, today I am told it is $7,800
How?

2. Me and my headmaster
Back in the secondary school, I remember the headmaster , mr Green was a white man from England.
He spoke very good English. The only problem was his wife, mrs Green. Her teeth looked like jam. not fresh jam, but rotten.
Anytime me and my paddies came across them, I passed comments to mock Mrs Green in my native language so they wouldn’t understand.
One day, I was going alone when I came across the Greens walking towards my way. The moment they were closest to me, I said in my native tongue “ Obroni, wo yere yi se ny3 koraaa” meaning “Whiteman, your wife’s teeth are bad!!”. For one, Mr Green paused and replied gently “ me p3 madi3 saaa” meaning “ I love it all the same, I am not complaining”.
I messed three times instantly.

3. Mr and Mrs Kwaata
Mr and mrs Kwaata loved Hollywood movies.
In lovely Hollywood movies they observed that,
Anytime couples had a quarrel, the ladies often picked glass objects and broke them as an expression of anger. They would break centre tables, TV sets, jewellery, louver blades , laptops and other expensive.
Not knowing Mrs Kwaata was learning this habit, so one day she deliberately picked a quarrel with her husband. She was angry, picked a glass cup and broke it on the floor.
That was why Kwaata divorced her the next week.

4. The stammerer
Tipo was a stammerer and my friend.
He dropped out of school so I asked him what he wanted to do. Tipo surprisingly told me he wanted to sing. I was shocked, but all the same, I took him to Dbanj.
Fortunately, Dbanj was having a show in calabar and Tipo was made to do backing vocals.
So Dbanj started with “oliver twist”, u know e get that part wey dey back “ oliiver, oliiver, oliiver twiiiiist”, that was Tipo’s part, soon it got to Tipo’s part and to my utter shock he sang it without stammer. Then it came again, and Tipo began his part again, “ OLi, O..O..O..LI…OLI, OLI, O……….O…O..LEEEEE…….VAV,…VAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”, ….
Dbanj fainted.

5. The madman
It was an xmas convention and as usual, miracles began happening.
The blind were seeing, the lame were walking, deafs were hearing and so on.
When this was happening, a woman who had her mad son in the house went home and brought him to be healed. After series of prayers, the mad man came back to his senses, so grabbed the microphone to sing to thank the Lord. He started “ Olekuuuu, tell me something wey I no fit do…o boko boko….feeling the boy yeah, feeling feeling the boy yeah…”.
The Pastor took to his heels

6. fake tongues
Pastor had told his congregation they were going to pray from 5pm to 7PM to bind the devil and his agents during the Christmas season, so they began in tongues. “She babababababababa togbo togbo rafanasa hara babababababababab shibototooootototottottgubi nannamamm…”
The tongues had gone on from 5pm and it wa 11pm and the congregation were apparently tired so devised a plan to prompt the pastor. The prayer-line now changed to “pastor-pastor-pastor we don taya-taya-taya-taya-taya, we want chopu-chopu-chopu-chopu-chopu….”
Pastor ended the prayers instantly

7. kah,kah
Pastor and Deacon sat under a tree and boasted about who had “screwed” more church members. Pastor boasted “ na me!” Deacon said “ it’s me”, so they both decided that, during Sunday’s church service offering time, they would whisper “KAH” the moment a lady one had screwed before passed.
Sunday was in, offering time was in and the ladies began passing. The choir leader passed and pastor whispered “KAH”. Women fellow-ship leader passed and pastor whispered again “Kah”. Queen of the town passed and pastor whispered “KAH”. Pastor had done over 15 “KAHs” already. Then it got to row that was reserved for pastor’s family. Pastor’s first daughter passed and Deacon whispered “KAH”, pastor frowned. Pastor’s second daughter passed and deacon again whispered “KAH”. Then pastor’s mother, deacon again “ KAH”, Pastor’s wife, and Deacon “KAH”. Pastor had tears in his eyes now. Then pastor’s son job was coming, and Deacon again whispered “KAH!!!!!”. Pastor this time angrily grabbed the microphone and screamed “ SECURITY!!!, GAY ALERT!!!!”. As the security were coming, pastor’s last daughter who was only 6 years was coming, then deacon again whispered “KAH, KAH, KAH”.
Pastor slapped Deacon in his eyes and fainted.

8. I am a Christian
I remember some movie producers stormed my vicinity to shoot a movie.
The producer saw me for the first time and said they were doing a movie titled “The beauty and the Beast” and that seeing me , I could best play the role of the beast. I almost slapped the producer. Me beast?, I told him the bible makes it clear that I was made in God’s image, so please I couldn’t be a beast. It was then that the producer came again and said they would pay me $50,000 if I played the role. I began smiling the moment I heard that amount. “serious?” he replied “yeah, 50,000 dollars cool cash”. There and then I replied “ well, I go manage that role, after all the GOOD BOOK says I can do everything through Christ that strengthens me!”

9. Ramatu
...it was a primary 5 class, and teacher, miss ramatu was marking the register and calling out names as follows

Miss ramatu: Akpos emmanuel

Akpos: present

Miss ramatu: Kwaata Benjamin

Kwaata: Present

Miss ramatu: Mukina gloria

Mukina: Present

Miss ramatu: Obi Jonathan...

*silence*

miss ramatu: obi jonathan!!

*silence*

miss ramatu: isnt that obi jonathan here

obi jonathan: miss i no be obi jonathan, i be jonathan obi

miss ramatu had her menses


10. my grandmama

when i was 15, i visited my grandparents at onitsha.it was sunday n we had to go to church.my grandpapa coulnt go as he was down with hangover.soon i was at church with my grandmama, n we took the back seats.just before we shared the grace, pastor asked all those guilty of adultery to stand up n receive special prayers.

i fainted after seeing my 71 year old grandmama on her feets

well done bee geee

Beetwo: well done bee geee

thanks my man, merry xmas 2 u

Nice

xxKofoxx: Nice

thanx

Nice one bin gbagbo ;DCool

Nice try bin...buh dy wre all dry

this guy iz di only good comedian i have seen here so far

Dats gud bt i knw understand number 5 nd 9 pls explain further

mack lorry 4 sale.America used with lagos clearing. 6 cylinder engine and 6 tyres. Interested buyer should contact me via my email @ hormotoyorsy_07@yahoo.com or my phone number 08034130997 or 08038357286.

this op wan kill me with laf o

abeg how much is that lorry??

bin, you try.

dry jokes

Linda john: dry jokes

gay

bin gbagbo:

thanks my man, merry xmas 2 u

tanx and you too. wetin we go tak do xmas apt frm dis joke na? l hope you are not travellin to maiduguri for d celebration?

bin bin bin presdo

;Dbin wetin be ur own na, person no dey play wit u?

Linda john: ;Dbin wetin be ur own na, person no dey play wit u?

please dont mind my husband ok; i apologise on its behalf thank you

Mr.T Anonymous:

i no tell you say brush your teeth everyday?

PSML

mrs bin gbagbo:

please dont mind my husband ok; i apologise on its behalf thank you

thanks ma

Presbulg: PSML

Kinda dry

I think I'm crying. It's that cool.