I have been told I am uptight or as someone said "boxed-in" . I really want to loosen up and be free cos its affecting my relationship. How do I become free. I became this way as a result of my upbringing.

I grew up with too many rules about how a woman should be and act.

Use a screw driver

Are you related to @Tpia?

Hmmmm, I'd surmise from your post that you are an introvert. Try and hang out with friends often and go on blind dates with someone that really doesn't know you. It's more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you.

So start seeing yourself as jovial and and extrovert, act it, live it and soon others will see you as such.

Live life, be free. After all life is what you make of it

you now want to be a bad asss/complete asss?

Eseharrison: Hmmmm, I'd surmise from your post that you are an introvert. Try and hang out with friends often and go on blind dates with someone that really doesn't know you. It's more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you.

So start seeing yourself as jovial and and extrovert, act it, live it and soon others will see you as such.

Live life, be free. After all life is what you make of it

Thanks Ese . And yes I'm an introvert and my upbringing didnt help the situation at all. I may never be as carefree as some but I want to be free enough. Will try ur suggestions

There are several steps to take to loosen up:
1. Don't judge yourself to harshly.
2. Don't be critical of others, their mistakes, gaffs and quirks.
3. Believe that you have a right to enjoy life and your time on earth.
4. Accept that the things you want are things you can reach.
5. Stop worrying needlessly. Nothing is perfect in this life, not you, not others, not anything. Whatever happens as a product of your making, accept and move on.

choii.u are really suffering from peer pressure.what happend to self esteem.aniwai.dont make desicions dat will later affect ur future.be who u are nd wat u are.dont change for anyone

Lord_Reed: There are several steps to take to loosen up:
1. Don't judge yourself to harshly.
2. Don't be critical of others, their mistakes, gaffs and quirks.
3. Believe that you have a right to enjoy life and your time on earth.
4. Accept that the things you want are things you can reach.
5. Stop worrying needlessly.

You just summarised my life completely! I'm so hard on myself wanting to be perfect , although I give others considerations. I used to be as critical of others, expecting perfection, but I loosened up on dat. Guess I need to do same with myslef and enjoy life.

P.S I have missed you on this forum. Don't see your posts often again

SkillzTyler: choii.u are really suffering from peer pressure.what happend to self esteem.aniwai.dont make desicions dat will later affect ur future.be who u are nd wat u are.dont change for anyone

What peer pressure are u talkin about And I'm talking about loosening up not commiting murder

Godmother:

You just summarised my life completely! I'm so hard on myself wanting to be perfect , although I give others considerations. I used to be as critical of others, expecting perfection, but I loosened up on dat. Guess I need to do same with myself and enjoy life.

P.S I have missed you on this forum. Don't see your posts often again

That's the spirit!

PS: My sista na so we see am o! Besides Romance section is full of the same old stories more often than not.

What happened to important tools such as screw drivers and spanner?

Good question.

May we not waltz into jail in the name of loosening up.

I hate it when people can't be comfortable in their own skin but must always compare themselves to others.

tpia@:
Good question.

May we not waltz into jail in the name of loosening up.

I hate it when people can't be comfortable in their own skin but must always compare themselves to others.

I don't know what your definition of loosening up is but jail is a bit far fetched. And yes people get uncomfortable in their own skin so part of the loosening up is to get them comfortable in their own skin.

I dare say many would say you tpia@ need to loosen up.

Godmother: I have been told I am uptight or as someone said "boxed-in" . I really want to loosen up and be free cos its affecting my relationship. How do I become free. I became this way as a result of my upbringing.

I grew up with too many rules about how a woman should be and act.

I guess am in the same situation with u and wants to be free from every tightness and closed up life.

obyrich: Are you related to @Tpia?

[size=38pt]ROTFL [/size]

Godmother: I have been told I am uptight or as someone said "boxed-in" . I really want to loosen up and be free cos its affecting my relationship. How do I become free. I became this way as a result of my upbringing.

I grew up with too many rules about how a woman should be and act.

Let to me i'd say there's no reason to change, no point of loosening up, am an introvert myself, i spend 90% of time alone, really depends on the type of relationship you are referring to, besides by now your partner would know the kinda person you are and work around it, I can't just magically start being too friendly and tweeting the cool kids and saying YOLO on instagram just to be more friendly, trust me you ain't missing out, besides knowing too many people and having too much friends complicates your life.

However the only exception i can say is when it comes to networking with reasonable people. IMHO

pc guru:

Let to me i'd say there's no reason to change, no point of loosening up, am an introvert myself, i spend 90% of time alone, really depends on the type of relationship you are referring to, besides by now your partner would know the kinda person you are and work around it, I can't just magically start being too friendly and tweeting the cool kids and saying YOLO on instagram just to be more friendly, trust me you ain't missing out, besides knowing too many people and having too much friends complicates your life.

However the only exception i can say is when it comes to networking with reasonable people. IMHO

Typical introvert reasoning. Dude there is nothing to be afraid of, there is no lion in the street. Knowing many people doesn't complicate your life if you exercise self control. I used to think like you before till I saw that I was only being afraid of my shadow.

tpia@:
Good question.

May we not waltz into jail in the name of loosening up.

I hate it when people can't be comfortable in their own skin but must always compare themselves to others.

[size=33]Just shut up! KAAAAI!!![/size] Ode!

Lord_Reed:

Typical introvert reasoning. Dude there is nothing to be afraid of, there is no lion in the street. Knowing many people doesn't complicate your life if you exercise self control. I used to think like you before till I saw that I was only being afraid of my shadow.

[img]http://2.bp..com/_s0GsnDo9fJI/SxPtP0RVjXI/AAAAAAAACpg/08iFx5TmYxQ/s1600/flat+Lion.jpg[/img] lol couldn't resist that

Anyway I am not afraid of people, i am only afraid of pretending to be interested in people's life, because really its too much work, you have to call, check on them, attend most of their events remember so many notable events in your head. really Lord_Reed i have tried to be cool and be friendly but i keep messing it up,because everything needs to make sense to me both logically and objectively, I can't be hanging out and meeting people and engaging in dumb conversations when i don't see the essence of it, i'd rather stay home coding, playing game or working on something.

pc guru:

[img]http://2.bp..com/_s0GsnDo9fJI/SxPtP0RVjXI/AAAAAAAACpg/08iFx5TmYxQ/s1600/flat+Lion.jpg[/img] lol couldn't resist that

Anyway I am not afraid of people, i am only afraid of pretending to be interested in people's life, because really its too much work, you have to call, check on them, attend most of their events remember so many notable events in your head. really Lord_Reed i have tried to be cool and be friendly but i keep messing it up,because everything needs to make sense to me both logically and objectively, I can't be hanging out and meeting people and engaging in dumb conversations when i don't see the essence of it, i'd rather stay home coding, playing game or working on something.

Exactly why you seem to "fail". Life does not conform to your internal logic neither does it have to for you to function amidst a crowd. Trying to be cool and friendly is ok, expecting that everyone will see your point of view and hail you as "that correct guy" is not. Do your thing let people know you for you, don't try to be a people pleaser that is not the same as being free and loosened up. Being free and loosened up is accepting that you have a right to be here and to have fun just like everybody else even if you have to choose what that fun means to you but let people know that this is you and you ain't going no where!

You don't have to pretend to be interested in people. There are literally billions of people out there it is a statistical impossibility that you won't meet people with similar tastes and desires as yours but you won't meet them by being locked up in yourself. When you share you, you will meet others that you like and will feel truly interested in.

The main point is don't hide inside yourself, come on out, life is good!

Loosen up? Please don't do what the dirty aspect of my mind is thinking, because doing otherwise ruins the training your parent(s) gave you. Joining the bandwagon of people never helps! Just be yourself and change that part of you that you think is bad. As for me, I am an introvert myself, and not ashamed of being one. This nature, helps me to see my environment clearly, because I stand outside it and watch what others do; like a football coach, his players. But I just recently loosened up a little and I am having some fun do it -- the old me would not be here typing this. You should be ready to meet different type of people, with ideologies that directly negate your beliefs, if your definition of "loosening up" is making more friends. And always remember never to bend your good ideologies when relating with these new friends.