Reading ur story, I feel sorry for ur husband, first, hw do u want him to be happi without a greencard, obviously he has no live here in d state and I believe u know that, how do u want someone with no life to be happi and be a good husband, u already had it in ur mind dat he is marrying u because of greencard that's why u want everything to revolve around u, u are very selfish my dear. A lot of people here don't know how everything works here, don't listen to them, u have a baby together and he doesn't have a greencard yet? So what is he still doing with u.. We are nigerians and we are always ontop of our game, u think he is gonna just sit around without him having no life? Hw is he working? Hw are u guys paying ur bills? He has family in nigeria that needs money,how is he able to send them money? Put urself in his shoe

proverbs83: His mother and family have been very kind and I pray this is a rare instance of a marriage for love. His mom is sweet as pumpkin pie and is even coming here to help take care of the baby. I'm very prayerful.

@Poster I did not want to comment. I don't comment on romance issues. However, I think your issue is relatively easy and not complicated.

I feel your husband loves you but he is not matured enough. The age difference is causing the stress. Be patient with him, certainly he would grow. Don't criticise him much, before he starts seeing you as his mom and start getting irritated (if he isn't already). He will grow. Hopefully when he starts seeing his son getting old, maturity will set in.

Also stop threatening your husband with divorce (that is not good). You are making him insecure and he may start thinking of alternatives instead of concentrating in loving and supporting you. Rather show him more love and be patient with him.

alutacontinua: Try and assume for one second that there's no green card involved and face this head-long as an adult! Marriage is no joke and there are marriages without green card issues going through worse. The part where you automatically attribute major challenges in your relationship to green card matters is bot helping. Cos dt way, you'll always be right and he'll always be wrong! Take the green card off your mind and work on your marriage lyk you both have everything to lose if things don't work out!

Good luck!

this comment summarises all I want to tell u.anytin outside this is just bullshit! ...u think he cannott get d card frm sme1 else? And he even decided to hav 2 children.work on ur marriage and stop screaming green card .u married an immature husband so deal wit it!ONE TIN is certain wit or witout the greencard he will leave u" if he intends to ",ur denyn him cud only delay him but of course he will still get it elsewere ! So deal wit ur marriage be respectful,submit to him,be patient ,prayerful .stop nagging!dats d only way to keep him

alutacontinua: Try and assume for one second that there's no green card involved and face this head-long as an adult! Marriage is no joke and there are marriages without green card issues going through worse. The part where you automatically attribute major challenges in your relationship to green card matters is bot helping. Cos dt way, you'll always be right and he'll always be wrong! Take the green card off your mind and work on your marriage lyk you both have everything to lose if things don't work out!
X
Good luck!

Good points.

he married you for the love of green card.

not for love...nor greencard

ivyy: U wanna knw the truth.
1) He is immature
2) He wants that green card
3) Once he gets the green card, things are only gona get worse between you two
4) Ofcoz he luvs his child plus wanting another child from you does not means he is gona stick with you forever

I might b wrong. But majority guyz who would ordinaryly not get married at age 26 in naija but can get married at that age to an older woman in a developed country, are just out for the green card.
I said majority not all. Be on the alert, don't be fooled plus communicate extensively with him. Noone outside ur marriage can really help you. Its gona be between the both of you.

tanks dear u just said it all op u beta take dis advice and be wise child or no child doesn't mean he is gonna stick wit u beta be wise and smart nigeria guys are smarter than pussy cat.

This article was definitely not written by an American. I'm sure this poorly concocted article was created by one fat unemployed Nigerian graduate employed by Seun and his Cadre as a temp to help increase traffic. I think it's working though!

proverbs83: I have been married close to two years to a Yoruba man who is 26. I'm 30 and had two children from a previous relationship. Btw: I'm American. I have known many Nigerians and my best friend is Nigerian, so I'm somewhat knowledgeable about the cultural. In the beginning my husband claimed to love me and that he had the opportunity to marry someone else but he didn't love them. He told me that he did need my help though, and if I didn't help him he'd find someone who would. I was already in love and was convinced at the time he loved me. After marriage we began having many problems...from communication and other issues. My best friends parents who are Igbo demanded to meet him BC they didn't feel right about the marriage and that it was sincere. At their home they asked him many questions and explained to him that I was their African daughter who was born in America and if he hurt me or was using me, they would find him and hurt him. He promised he was serious and loved me. Other Nigerians I know told him the same. Yet our relationship became volatile and we separated. I told him I wouldn't file until he showed he wasn't using me and that he was fully committed. When I said I wouldn't file...he would act nice again. Then things got very bad and so I called his mom, sister, and eldest brother in Lagos. They begged me not divorce him and promised to speak with him. His mother always told me she loved me and I was her American daughter. He refused to speak English and stayed on the phone often. O even found a disk which looked like someone was apart of a 419 scam. He has lied about things but said he would do better. I became pregnant and he has his first and only child which is a boy. They adore him and my husband loves that child soo much. I called my husbands bluff and I told him I would file for him but eventually I wanted a divorce BC the differences were too much. He said he didn't want that and he loved me. I told him I was scared he would hurt me, and my 2nd mom and other Nigerians I know have told me stories about green card scams. I love my husband and sometimes he barely says two words to me. He wants to hang out with his friends alot. He's obsessed with his phone and what whatsapp. I know his good friend advises him what to say to him and I even call the friend for advice to. He has let me speak to a few of his friends in Nigeria. He is secretive about his past. Were currently receiving marriage counseling by our pastor. I just want to know if this is real or not. Sometimes it seems he's pretending, other times it seems real. I wonder if he will change once he gets green card. We do still have a very active sex life and my husband can't seem to get enough of me, but I'm not sure about everything. I've been faithful but I'm not sure he has. He promises he's faithful. He's very childish and I keep asking him to mature and be the husband and father I need him to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm raising another child. His mom said we both need more patience and to pray together. Things will be going good for a couple days, then he stops his moms advice completely, even after I remind him. He's very inconsistent and many months ago he told me I love him too much. Who says that?? Sometimes he doesn't seem to care when other guys flirt with me, but other times he demands why I didn't answer my phone or who am I talking to. Please, any advice will help.

After reading your first 2 sentences, the answer is yes, because of green card.

Dumbass American

There are people who marry because of the so-called green card who eventually live happily ever after, even though the marriage was initially founded on the acquisition of green card. Whether your card is blue, red, or green, the fact of the matter is that both of you are married and it's your responsibility to make it work. If it doesn't work, don't go around blaming green card for it, blame yourself.

Your whole post tries to make everyone believe your husband married you because of green card. So what if he did?! You are married to him now, it's now your responsibility to make it work. Something tells me that you are not perfect yourself, try working on yourself as well. No man in his right senses will let go of a good woman.

The problem is not you OP .He hates himself for not being able to meet up with some financial obligations back home.Show him more love and encourage him to come out of his shell.

How about just filling and Completing greencard paperwork for him.
After all, he married you, gave you a son, the least you can do is at least file his green card.
Would you prefer him running around hiding from immigration at the expense of your kids.
What if he can't work due to immigration status.
Be open minded and do your part to make him happy.
You will be happier too as a person.

Thank you for the constructive criticism. To those who are commenting that I'm a Nigerian, that's absurd. You clearly dont know a thing about Americans. When it comes to grammar and punctuation..we don't always proofread. After all...this is just a forum. Not English class, but thats just me.

lol....the perception you all have about America and Americans is very wrong. Were ppl just like you!! America isn't a land flowing with milk and honey with streets littered in gold. Lmbo...please educate yourself. You can google what I'm saying. Compared to other countries our grammar and test scores aren't always the highest...probably BC were always in a rush. Plus...we don't worry about such things unless we need correct spelling on a resume or for school. Older Americans...normally tend to be more grammatical

ivyy: U wanna knw the truth.
1) He is immature
2) He wants that green card
3) Once he gets the green card, things are only gona get worse between you two
4) Ofcoz he luvs his child plus wanting another child from you does not means he is gona stick with you forever

I might b wrong. But majority guyz who would ordinaryly not get married at age 26 in naija but can get married at that age to an older woman in a developed country, are just out for the green card.
I said majority not all. Be on the alert, don't be fooled plus communicate extensively with him. Noone outside ur marriage can really help you. Its gona be between the both of you.

babe same thing I was going to say. What normal Nigerian guy marries at 26? To a woman with 2 kids from another man nonetheless. Older than him too for that matter.
An average nigerian guy doesn't do that. @OP Why are his parents begging you not to divorce him? Do they have the impression that you're his only hope? That doesn't smell right.

That being said, you're already married. So my advice to you will the same as alutacontinua's.
Work towards the success of your marriage without the green card thing in mind. Don't put him down or talk down on him even if u feel he married u for green card. Sometimes his attitude to you might be as a reaction to how you treat him. Wish u best of luck.

Honestly what's the big deal about a green card and what's the biggie being in America. I'm getting sick of it. You go there and nothing is fantastic. I wonder why we can't struggle it out here and live a good life than going out to disgrace ourselves globally.

Peeps America is not what you see on movies and tvs, those are make believe. There are serious ghettos worse than ajegunle that you would never want associate yourself with. Street. Though there are beautiful places, but there are also places where poverty oozes on the street.

It's a dangerous thing for a woman to be in a position of power. They'll screw you or always imagine it's because of what they can offer.... I detest it when someone controls you because of what they think they can offer you.

My sister, na u get green card? or ya name na obama? even sef, obama no be am get green card..... If u feel d guy, do...if you no feel the guy.... Free am. There are over 300M americans. Over 50M eligible babes...

If u no do, either he find another person to do, or hin go come hin papa house for Lagos... e no finish?

hmmmmmmm....

i can never be with a woman because of what she has to offer...even this thread is insult...

poverty na disease sha...theres no money to make in Yankee even with green card and some ppl r willing to kill themselves...

this woman sounds so manipulative and clingy...i know women are clingy...but a woman who is too clingy will lose her sanity...attimes a man must be a man and roam but he will find his way home...this kind woman go done call immigration and FBI finish before u enter house sef...chei

anyway i love my naija babes that soji mehn...imagine my babe said i could flex this xmasss...i ended up home asleep cos i love her for that...

as for all deez nobody babes mehn...more firewood to ya elbow...keep nyashing d man and since d sex is great pls give him d greencard he so deserves...or do u use promise of green card to secure nyashing partners

Boss13: Honestly what's the big deal about a green card and what's the biggie being in America. I'm getting sick of it. You go there and nothing is fantastic. I wonder why we can't struggle it out here and live a good life than going out to disgrace ourselves globally.

Peeps America is not what you see on movies and tvs, those are make believe. There are serious ghettos worse than ajegunle that you would never want associate yourself with. Street. Though there are beautiful places, but there are also places where poverty oozes on the street.

after 7 wasted years in America, i am now in Nigeria controlling foreign investors that located me from Texas. life is funny bro...nothing in dt yankee apart from ladies of easy virtue and racist police

lorretta u: babe same thing I was going to say. What normal Nigerian guy marries at 26? To a woman with 2 kids from another man nonetheless. Older than him too for that matter.
An average nigerian guy doesn't do that. @OP Why are his parents begging you not to divorce him? Do they have the impression that you're his only hope? That doesn't smell right.

That being said, you're already married. So my advice to you will the same as alutacontinua's.
Work towards the success of your marriage without the green card thing in mind. Don't put him down or talk down on him even if u feel he married u for green card. Sometimes his attitude to you might be as a reaction to how you treat him. Wish u best of luck.

Hey! You just tied the knot two days ago and you now think you have already got life and marriage all figured out..lol..

Congrats by the way.

I have been married close to two years to a Yoruba man who is 26. I'm 30 and had two children from a previous relationship. Btw: I'm American. I have known many Nigerians and my best friend is Nigerian, so I'm somewhat knowledgeable about the cultural. In the beginning my husband claimed to love me and that he had the opportunity to marry someone else but he didn't love them. He told me that he did need my help though, and if I didn't help him he'd find someone who would. I was already in love and was convinced at the time he loved me. After marriage we began having many problems...from communication and other issues. My best friends parents who are Igbo demanded to meet him BC they didn't feel right about the marriage and that it was sincere. At their home they asked him many questions and explained to him that I was their African daughter who was born in America and if he hurt me or was using me, they would find him and hurt him. He promised he was serious and loved me. Other Nigerians I know told him the same. Yet our relationship became volatile and we separated. I told him I wouldn't file until he showed he wasn't using me and that he was fully committed. When I said I wouldn't file...he would act nice again. Then things got very bad and so I called his mom, sister, and eldest brother in Lagos. They begged me not divorce him and promised to speak with him. His mother always told me she loved me and I was her American daughter. He refused to speak English and stayed on the phone often. O even found a disk which looked like someone was apart of a 419 scam. He has lied about things but said he would do better. I became pregnant and he has his first and only child which is a boy. They adore him and my husband loves that child soo much. I called my husbands bluff and I told him I would file for him but eventually I wanted a divorce BC the differences were too much. He said he didn't want that and he loved me. I told him I was scared he would hurt me, and my 2nd mom and other Nigerians I know have told me stories about green card scams. I love my husband and sometimes he barely says two words to me. He wants to hang out with his friends alot. He's obsessed with his phone and what whatsapp. I know his good friend advises him what to say to him and I even call the friend for advice to. He has let me speak to a few of his friends in Nigeria. He is secretive about his past. Were currently receiving marriage counseling by our pastor. I just want to know if this is real or not. Sometimes it seems he's pretending, other times it seems real. I wonder if he will change once he gets green card. We do still have a very active sex life and my husband can't seem to get enough of me, but I'm not sure about everything. I've been faithful but I'm not sure he has. He promises he's faithful. He's very childish and I keep asking him to mature and be the husband and father I need him to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm raising another child. His mom said we both need more patience and to pray together. Things will be going good for a couple days, then he stops his moms advice completely, even after I remind him. He's very inconsistent and many months ago he told me I love him too much. Who says that?? Sometimes he doesn't seem to care when other guys flirt with me, but other times he demands why I didn't answer my phone or who am I talking to. Please, any advice will help.

. After going through all dat u wrote,I would only drop dis few and I hope it wud help.:"u av to be willin to do all wot he wants,he's ur husband,talk to him.only den u wud kno if he's there for d love or for oda stufs"nigerian men lov respectful nd submissive wife.wish u d best in ur marriage.God bless

I have a question for You
Are you trying to control him because he need Green Card?
Let me tell you lady
The issue in your marriage should not be about Green Card-
You already have a child for the dude and you want you child not to have his father in the country?
Lot of marriages break down because some women think they can control the men because the man need Green Card
Your Nigerian friends need to back off
Marriage comes with lot of problem and challenges
You telling us the dude want a second child,
If he want you for Green Card and want second child he must be out of his mind
If the dude break up with you and you have two kids
He will have to come up with lot of money paying Child support for two child will take about 30% off his income

Nuzo':


Nice input, tho I take exception to number 4.

There are some men who wishes to have children from a particular woman but may not really love or wish to commit so much to the relationship.
I mean, given that the lady in question is not interested in his contribution to the welfare of the kid could be a plus for any douchebag father.

She is also intelligent...and every man would want such characteristics in his children.

Again, I'm not saying it the case for the young man here.

Ignorant
Please explain to us why any man will want to have kids from a woman with out commitment?
Dude want to pay child support for two kids
Grow the F up