Ladies, have you ever been toasted by a guy and then all of a sudden, he just floats away?
There are a few reasons to that. It's likely not because you were not physically on point, or he wouldn't have started the process with you to begin with.

In most cases, the 2 possible factors to a good man's withdrawal are:
1. No chemistry with him
2. No Humility.

I have unfortunately come to see a rise of factor number 2 in this our generation, which is terribly unfortunate...

Ladies, a (real) man could care less about your money.
Yes, being gorgeous piqued his interest but you will need more than just that to KEEP it.
Yes the beginning stages will have all the yanga and all that, but after that phase (which shouldn't last too long btw), what are you really showing that man?

The primary thing a man needs from you, is not your love, but your respect.
Because from that, comes the right kind of love necessary to maintaining your man.

I hear a lot of my more honest female friends say: "I cannot love him If I don't respect him".
Love without respect is tantamount to the sort of love you have for a puppy, dog, cat or your girlfriends....not a man.
It is important for every woman praying for her man to keep this very crucial fact in mind.

Now you may think you can pull the wool over his eyes by being nice to him and all that, but you are mostly deceiving yourself because a watchful man is not just looking at how you treat him, but also how you treat others. And if you're faking it, you will slip.

Contrary to what many of you think, men are very intelligent when it comes to deciding who they want to get serious with long-term.
We analyze and we project with fore-sight. We see attitudes and we project them years into the future and analyse the form that attitude will take by then. This is a gift men have, as women tend to be more "in the moment" with their decisions.

It is important to understand that men are NOT women and you cannot associate with a man the way you would with your fellow woman. If you disagree with this, you had better educate yourself for your sake (e.g. I personally don't think anyone should marry without reading a book like "Men are from mars, Women are from venus". Remember those seemingly innocent conversations you have with him? Even though he is laughing with you, he is subconsciously using them to analyse which category you fall in.

You: "Can you imagine that from all the chairs in the room, they wanted me to sit down on that rickety-looking chair?"
Man: "Really? How dare they"
Man's mind: She's too proud. What does she want to sit down on, a throne? She doesn't seem like the type who can easily put her ego aside or "come down" for the sake of peace. That won't be good for marriage...

If you are always trying to tell your man how one person seemingly did this or that to you, and after he analyses it he sees that the person may not have been wrong, though he might agree with you for the sake of peace...he is making other decisions inside him as to what to do with you.

The key to this is (contrary to what you might have thought) not to stop telling your man about your day to day...but to, on your own, be humble!
Detach yourself from the mindset that everyone and everything should worship you, serve you or put you on any sort of pedestal.
Decouple yourself from the "princess" mentality.
Grow the heart of a servant.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am tired of seeing brilliant, heavily-employed, outstanding women totally missing the point and thus remaining single and searching long into their years. I want you my sisters fulfilled and I want you to understand that, contrary to the fallacy of media, Humility is one of your brightest virtues as a woman that will promote every area of your personal life, especially with men. Just as the lack of certain manly traits in a man often illicit's the charge:"Be a man!", I also charge you: "Be a woman!".

-With love,
2Buff


---EDIT -Dec 27th (absolutely no changes where made to the letter above)---

Judging by the tangent a lot of girls have unfortunately (yet predictably) decided to go off on in this thread, I am forced to highlight certain key details about my writing that the lot of you (delibrately) chose to miss. Firstly though, why is it that the very word "man" triggers such a deep defiance within you? Why is YOUR definition of the word "man" equivalent to "abusive", "rapist", "evil", etc. Do you not have fathers?
If you hate men so much, why even contemplate marriage? Why not just get a puppy and be done with it?

I even took a step further to use adjectives like "real man" and "good man" everywhere throughout this letter, yet you fail to understand, choosing instead to latch onto vain, cooked-up contexts from which to derive some childish justification to once again rebel against what a "man" is trying to tell you for your benefit.

So do tell, is YOUR definition of a "good man" an abusive, evil rapist who is never interested in what you have to say? Or is comprehension just a hard thing to come by these days? Assuming you have healthy definitions of good/real men, I hope you wouldn't even consider dating/marrying a man unless you determined he was a good/real man before any of this even becomes relevant.

Instead of being on the edge and looking for which part of this "man's" writing to further rebel against, why not just be still, stop thinking you know it all, and just maybe you could learn something to save your next/current relationship. Contrary to what most of you have decided to think, this letter was written out of the depths of my love for women. It can only help you going forward. For a woman, there is more power in humility than you think you know...

Happy New Year. Renew your mind. Make changes...

For real In dis era where women are canvassing for equal rights, left , right and centre lyk this....
Humility is no longer a virtue fa, the woman wants her man to cook rice and beans while she gossips with her friends over a bottle of beer...
This equal rights of a thing seem to have done more harm than good, its one of the reasons why divorce rate is very high, our parents lived happily without all dis.. It also explains why men are wary of loud, overachieving ladies.. At the end of the day, men go for women they can live with not one dat is gonna nag them to death...
Plus women are the ones that love marriage most, even a bricklayer can afford a wife but if husband no come for you, ur own don finish... I see them in my church everyday, 30-40 yrs old, wrinkling face, fancy shoes and expensive perfumes praying like their life depends on it, accusing the devil of a crime he didn't commit.. When na dem do themselves... Mtschew... Some of them have turned down good men because he isn't bill gate, brad pitt or adam levine... Or because he doesn't look like me lol... Babes make una wise up...

njokusboy: For real In dis era where women are canvassing for equal rights, left , right and centre lyk this....
Humility is no longer a virtue fa, the woman wants her man to cook rice and beans while she gossips with her friends over a bottle of beer...
This equal rights of a thing seem to have done more harm than good, its one of the reasons why divorce rate is very high, our parents lived happily without all dis.. It also explains why men are wary of loud, overachieving ladies.. At the end of the day, men go for women they can live with not one dat is gonna nag them to death...
Plus women are the ones that love marriage most, even a bricklayer can afford a wife but if husband no come for you, ur own don finish... I see them in my church everyday, 30-40 yrs old, wrinkling face, fancy shoes and expensive perfumes praying like their life depends on it, accusing the devil of a crime he didn't commit.. When na dem do themselves... Mtschew... Some of them have turned down good men because he isn't bill gate, brad pitt or adam levine... Or because he doesn't look like me lol... Babes make una wise up...

Though you made quite a few points, I think you went off-point in one small area.
Personally, I believe in MATCH.
A fresh girl really has no business entertaining a wheel-barrow pushers advances when she has other more established fellows submitting their resume as well. It would be odd if Tiwa Savage was dating an ugly guy with yellow teeth who was also a brick layer. These things just don't happen neither would they make sense, let's be real.

Where I feel pain for the sistas is in finding that Levels Match and then missing it entirely because no one seems to be telling them what they are missing i.e. humility. And the media ain't helping.

2buff:

Though you made quite a few points, I think you went off-point in one small area.
Personally, I believe in MATCH.
A fresh girl really has no business entertaining a wheel-barrow pushers advances when she has other more established fellows submitting their resume as well. It would be odd if Tiwa Savage was dating an ugly guy with yellow teeth who was also a brick layer. These things just don't happen neither would they make sense, let's be real.

Where I feel pain for the sistas is in finding that Levels Match and then missing it entirely because no one seems to be telling them what they are missing i.e. humility. And the media ain't helping.

Lolzz, I wasn't going off, I was deliberately expanding the topic... I didn't say a girl should entertain a wheelbarrow pusher, dats absurd, I'd personally chase any such wheel barrow pushers with a matchete if they come knocking at my house.. I was merely stressing the fact that women should lower their expectations, part of the reason why there are so many unmarried, pretty ladies is bacause most won't even give you a second look if you dont drive a range, live in VGC and more absurd,look lyk brad pitt... Let's face it, there are more women than men as it is and the number of men in the rich category are less than 20% so there is likely to be a whole lot of unmarried women in the near future, if they don't stop making materialism a priority... My cousin for one, she is an accountant but the man she married doesn't even have a degree, just a struggling man trying to survive and they are happily married.. Now how many women do you think would go for that??

I had a situation like this at a wedding yesterday.

I gave this cute looking, intelligent and well educated girl a ride from the church to the reception. On our way to the reception, I told her about my friend I wish to hook her up with. After all the sme sme, we agreed she was going to give me her number for my friend after the reception.

The way she talked down on people over the phone made me drive off after the reception without even saying bye.

My cool headed friend will run away from his house if he tries marrying this kind of girl.

Very rude geh! Gawd!

Humility is not a gender thing!
Heck, the pride in some guys is irritating! even here on Nairaland, u know dem by their posts!

Both guys nd ladies should learn to be humble and courteous!

njokusboy: For real In dis era where women are canvassing for equal rights, left , right and centre lyk this....
Humility is no longer a virtue fa, the woman wants her man to cook rice and beans while she gossips with her friends over a bottle of beer...
This equal rights of a thing seem to have done more harm than good, its one of the reasons why divorce rate is very high, our parents lived happily without all dis.. It also explains why men are wary of loud, overachieving ladies.. At the end of the day, men go for women they can live with not one dat is gonna nag them to death...
Plus women are the ones that love marriage most, even a bricklayer can afford a wife but if husband no come for you, ur own don finish... I see them in my church everyday, 30-40 yrs old, wrinkling face, fancy shoes and expensive perfumes praying like their life depends on it, accusing the devil of a crime he didn't commit.. When na dem do themselves... Mtschew... Some of them have turned down good men because he isn't bill gate, brad pitt or adam levine... Or because he doesn't look like me lol... Babes make una wise up...

Lol. You're right. Feminism has really eaten deep into the consciousness of the ladies. And they think it's helping them. It isn't helping at all! Humility,as 2buff said should be the watchword. You ladies don't chose the man you want to marry,but a man chose the lady he want to marry. Be wise!

alutacontinua: Humility is not a gender thing!
Heck, the pride in some guys is irritating! even here on Nairaland, u know dem by their posts!

Both guys nd ladies should learn to be humble and courteous!

See another feminist!

Danhumprey: See another feminist!

Romance section kids at it again.

alutacontinua: Humility is not a gender thing!
Heck, the pride in some guys is irritating! even here on Nairaland, u know dem by their posts!

Both guys nd ladies should learn to be humble and courteous!

well said

alutacontinua: Humility is not a gender thing!
Heck, the pride in some guys is irritating! even here on Nairaland, u know dem by their posts!

Both guys nd ladies should learn to be humble and courteous!

To a point. But you would be greatly decieving yourself if you think this particular trait isn't a major one in the female repotoire.
It is however a minor for men, just like a womans money is a minor to a real man when deciding on whether to change her last name.

For the most part, men often dont need a whole lot of this to be attractive. In fact when too much, it could even make the bloke lose some of the manly attributes that attracted her to him in the first place. This is going back to the basics sweety.
We're being real here. Lets leave the feminist textbook responses at home. Not everything is equal between the genders...

@2buff, good points noted. Humility should be found in BOTH parties. Mutual love and respect is the bedrock of a lasting union. A man who respects his wife would not abuse her emotionally, wouldn't put his wife down in the prescence of others and always seek her opinion before taking major decisions. A woman who respect her husband would not desire to compete with him, but support him and see his success as THIER SUCCESS. That's all i can think of for now.

@ Op.... I got your point. Thanks

Effect of gender equality

ireneidiva: Romance section kids at it again.

Dey there. The wise are taking notes.

I think its time to frustrate the feminist out of them

Op nice write up................. But but..................humility or no humility guys r indecisive in making choices................it only takes a matured n intelligent guy 2 make a choice n dey r few of dem out der

njokusboy: For real In dis era where women are canvassing for equal rights, left , right and centre lyk this....
Humility is no longer a virtue fa, the woman wants her man to cook rice and beans while she gossips with her friends over a bottle of beer...
This equal rights of a thing seem to have done more harm than good, its one of the reasons why divorce rate is very high, our parents lived happily without all dis.. It also explains why men are wary of loud, overachieving ladies.. At the end of the day, men go for women they can live with not one dat is gonna nag them to death...
Plus women are the ones that love marriage most, even a bricklayer can afford a wife but if husband no come for you, ur own don finish... I see them in my church everyday, 30-40 yrs old, wrinkling face, fancy shoes and expensive perfumes praying like their life depends on it, accusing the devil of a crime he didn't commit.. When na dem do themselves... Mtschew... Some of them have turned down good men because he isn't bill gate, brad pitt or adam levine... Or because he doesn't look like me lol... Babes make una wise up...

Equal rights mean a man slaves in the kitchen while the wife is a couch potato?

O Lawd, I want such equality in my life

candor4: Op nice write up................. But but..................humility or no humility guys r indecisive in making choices................it only takes a matured n intelligent guy 2 make a choice n dey r few of dem out der

Okay? So you think the choice he will finally make has nothing to do with your virtues?
It takes a mature and intelligent girl to know what a man really wants. And lemme tell you, the media is painting a wrong picture.

2buff: Ladies, have you ever been toasted by a guy and then all of a sudden, he just floats away?
There are a few reasons to that. It's likely not because you were not physically on point, or he wouldn't have started the process with you to begin with.

In most cases, the 2 possible factors to a good man's withdrawal are:
1. No chemistry with him
2. No Humility.

I have unfortunately come to see a rise of factor number 2 in this our generation, which is terribly unfortunate...

Ladies, a (real) man could care less about your money.
Yes, being gorgeous piqued his interest but you will need more than just that to KEEP it.
Yes the beginning stages will have all the yanga and all that, but after that phase (which shouldn't last too long btw), what are you really showing that man?

The primary thing a man needs from you, is not your love, but your respect.
Because from that, comes the right kind of love necessary to maintaining your man.

I hear a lot of my more honest female friends say: "I cannot love him If I don't respect him".
Love without respect is tantamount to the sort of love you have for a puppy, dog, cat or your girlfriends....not a man.
It is important for every woman praying for her man to keep this very crucial fact in mind.

Now you may think you can pull the wool over his eyes by being nice to him and all that, but you are mostly deceiving yourself because a watchful man is not just looking at how you treat him, but also how you treat others. And if you're faking it, you will slip.

Contrary to what many of you think, men are very intelligent when it comes to deciding who they want to get serious with long-term.
We analyze and we project with fore-sight. We see attitudes and we project them years into the future and analyse the form that attitude will take by then. This is a gift men have, as women tend to be more "in the moment" with their decisions.

It is important to understand that men are NOT women and you cannot associate with a man the way you would with your fellow woman. If you disagree with this, you had better educate yourself for your sake (e.g. I personally don't think anyone should marry without reading a book like "Men are from mars, Women are from venus". Remember those seemingly innocent conversations you have with him? Even though he is laughing with you, he is subconsciously using them to analyse which category you fall in.

You: "Can you imagine that from all the chairs in the room, they wanted me to sit down on that rickety-looking chair?"
Man: "Really? How dare they"
Man's mind: She's too proud. What does she want to sit down on, a throne? She doesn't seem like the type who can easily put her ego aside or "come down" for the sake of peace. That won't be good for marriage...

If you are always trying to tell your man how one person seemingly did this or that to you, and after he analyses it he sees that the person may not have been wrong, though he might agree with you for the sake of peace...he is making other decisions inside him as to what to do with you.

The key to this is (contrary to what you might have thought) not to stop telling your man about your day to day...but to, on your own, be humble!
Detach yourself from the mindset that everyone and everything should worship you, serve you or put you on any sort of pedestal.
Decouple yourself from the "princess" mentality.
Grow the heart of a servant.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am tired of seeing brilliant, heavily-employed, outstanding women totally missing the point and thus remaining single and searching long into their years. I want you my sisters fulfilled and I want you to understand that, contrary to the fallacy of media, Humility is one of your brightest virtues as a woman that will promote every area of your personal life, especially with men. Just as the lack of certain manly traits in a man often illicit's the charge:"Be a man!", I also charge you: "Be a woman!".

-With love,
2Buff

Dear OP,

You have made some very good points in your write up.

However, humility is a virtue to be developed by both men and women.

Humility is not for the female gender alone.

Danhumprey: Lol. You're right. Feminism has really eaten deep into the consciousness of the ladies. And they think it's helping them. It isn't helping at all! Humility,as 2buff said should be the watchword. You ladies don't chose the man you want to marry,but a man chose the lady he want to marry. Be wise!

What has feminism got to do with rudeness?

bukatyne:

Dear OP,

You have made some very good points in your write up.

However, humility is a virtue to be developed by both men and women.

Humility is not for the female gender alone.

True, but with some more detailed analysis you will come to realize that it is more so important in the feminine side of the court...

2buff:

True, but with some more detailed analysis you will come to realize that it is more so important in the feminine side of the court...

I guess analysis based on culture?

A rude man is huge turn off for me. I can't stand them

bukatyne:

I guess analysis based on culture?

A rude man is a huge turn off for me. I can't stand them

Pride need not come out as rudeness. You might never see a prideful person rude, but you will see it in how they respond when put in less than ideal situations.

Also, To an extent , ego is something that ties more naturally into the masculine (hard) package, hence It not being as much of a big deal for men. It is one of those things that women subconsciously and naturally respond to, try as hard as they want to act like they dont.
However, it has no place in the feminine (soft) package. No proper man wants a duelling match everytime he wants to have a conversation with his wife, but there is always that woman somewhere who likes a man that puts her in her place when she goes overboard. It's quite the majority in fact, but I digress.

It is important for ladies to stop trying to compete with her man at home, but to take on a more supportive role in order for peace to reign. By doing so, you will activate in him that natural tendency to protect and honor you. And thus, synergy is formed.

They dont teach this stuff in Feminism 101, but it is crucial knowledge for any woman wanting to deal with men.

2buff:

Pride need not come out as rudeness. You might never see a prideful person rude, but you will see it in how they respond when put in less than ideal situations.

To an extent, ego is sonething that ties into the masculine package, hence It not being as much of a big deal for men. It is one of those things that women naturally respond to, try as hard as they want to act like they dont.
However, it has no place in the feminine package. No proper man wants a duelling match everytime he wants to have a conversation with his wife or when he needs her to cut back on expenses etc.

And you somehow think that a woman wants a duelling match everytime she converses with her hubby.

The fact that some women will marry low quality men just to bear 'Mrs' does not mean it is the standard.

I don't want to go Biblical yet because I do not know your religious inclination.

In the OP, you mentioned men processing information in a certain way. It will be good you don't generalize every man as some care about their women enough to tell them where they erred so they can improve

And no sir, humility does not make a man 'unmanly'.

It takes a man with healthy self esteem and confidence to be humble

bukatyne:

And you somehow think that a woman wants a duelling match everytime she converses with her hubby.

The fact that some women will marry low quality men just to bear 'Mrs' does not mean it is the standard.

I don't want to go Biblical yet because I do not know your religious inclination.

In the OP, you mentioned men processing information in a certain way. It will be good you don't generalize every man as some care about their women enough to tell them where they erred so they can improve

And no sir, humility does not make a man 'unmanly'.

It takes a man with healthy self esteem and confidence to be humble

I like that you included the bolded. Let a man try this with a woman that has an overgrown ego and he will know that he has entered something.
One of the calling of a husband is to be her leader and mentor among other things. It is a hard thing to mentor, lead or suggest improvements (no matter how softly) to an unruly person who thinks she is perfect.

Also, let's not look at things under the lens of extremity and binary logic.
I said humility is more important for a woman than it is for a man, not that a man doesn't need it at all.
I said that to an extent, too much humility and no sternness makes a man less attractive (This is a well proven fact. I won't go into it).

Feel free to go biblical. There is nothing I am telling you here that you won't find there.

2buff:

I like that you included the bolded. Let a man try this with a woman that has an overgrown ego and he will know that he has entered something.
One of the calling of a husband is to be her leader and mentor among other things. It is a hard thing to mentor, lead or suggest improvements to an unruly person.

Also, let's not look at things under the lens of extremity and binary logic.
I said humility is more important for a woman than it is for a man, not that a man doesn't need it at all.
I said that to an extent, too much humility and no sternness makes a man less attractive (This is a well proven fact. I won't go into it).

Feel free to go biblical. There is nothing I am telling you here that you won't find there.

OK,

List the fruits of the Holy Spirit and characteristics of love.

Any man who corrects his woman in love will be appreciated. It is not any issue of ego or pride; correct a child inlove and he will take to it. correct that same child in pride or anger or in a non-polite way and you meet rebuff.

A man doesnot mentor his wife with correction, he does by example. A man that is not a good example has no moral standing to 'correct' his wife.

I am not looking at things in an extreme way;I am stating it the way it ought to be

bukatyne:

OK,

List the fruits of the Holy Spirit and characteristics of love.

Any man who corrects his woman in love will be appreciated. It is not any issue of ego or pride; correct a child inlove and he will take to it. correct that same child in pride or anger or in a non-polite way and you meet rebuff.

A man doesnot mentor his wife with correction, he does by example. A man that is not a good example has no moral standing to 'correct' his wife.

I am not looking at things in an extreme way;I am stating it the way it ought to be

I'm sure you know it's not always that simple.

Depending on the amount of "correcting" needed because the depth of pride varies per person, the man may simply choose to settle with someone else who already understands the power in humility if she happens to come by. Highly desirable men have a lot of choices. It's a tough market so it's important for YOU to analyse yourself so you don't miss out on the hour of your visitation when it comes. And that is essentially the purpose of this thread.

Contrary to what media tries to depict, the power of choice is still largely in the man's court, and not every man is thrilled with settling with a "project".

PS: Not every man is a "highly desirable man"

2buff:

To a point. But you would be greatly decieving yourself if you think this particular trait isn't a major one in the female repotoire.
It is however a minor for men, just like a womans money is a minor to a real man when deciding on whether to change her last name.

For the most part, men often dont need a whole lot of this to be attractive. In fact when too much, it could even make the bloke lose some of the manly attributes that attracted her to him in the first place. This is going back to the basics sweety.
We're being real here. Lets leave the feminist textbook responses at home. Not everything is equal between the genders...

spoken like a man who would want his woman to have these attributes just to walk over her when he feels like it. Not everything is equal between the partners i agree(she cooks, he fixes the broken appliances), but when it comes to humility i doubt a man should be any less humble. Its has absolutely nothing to do with feminism.

You assume only women need correcting. You did not quote the verses I asked you to earlier. Everything has principles and if you do not follow it or if everyone does not play their part, it would fail no matter how others try to make it work.

I guess finding someone to marry is not as hard as courting right and sustaininbg the home.

I believe one of the issues is that women are no longer interested in settling for anything that has a d!ck. Are some women missing it? Yes;

If you want to see more ladies engaged and married, teach both men and women what they need to know. Over trained women around wild men is worse than untrained women around wild men.


Like I would say, there is a man for every woman out there.

No body is perfect and everybody is a project.

Whatever rocks your boat anyways.

Have a merry Christmas

2buff:

I'm sure you know it's not always that simple.

Depending on the amount of "correcting" needed because the depth of pride varies per person, the man may simply choose to settle with someone else who already understands the power in humility. Desirable men have a lot of choices. It's a tough market so it's important for YOU to analyse yourself so you don't miss out on the hour of your visitation when it comes. And that is essentially the purpose of this thread.

Contrary to what media tries to depict, the power of choice is still largely in the man's court, and not every man is thrilled with settling with a "project".