She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. - Romance - Nairaland
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| She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 8:04pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
After everything, I just texted her. I told her how I felt and explained that I wanted her. That I have tried to move on but for some reason I cannot get her out of my head. None of this makes sense. I have spoken with Nigerian friends and they are surprised at my feelings for my a Nigerian woman and at how we are so different. I have spoken to my oyinbo friends and they have all advised me to find other women, to forget her and move on. But I cannot. I want her. She is not a model, she has character flaws, but there is no one else that I would rather be with and be around. I want her. (I must say...I am aware at some of the attitudes some Nigerian men have towards foreigners being with Nigerian women...if you have these deeply held views, please do not comment on this post. You do not know the situation, my feelings and hers, so please do not pretend that you know what is going on). She text me saying simply "[my name]...I love you". ______________________________________ You would think that the hard part is over. But it is only just beginning. She has finally admitted her feelings towards me...I was clear in mine, that I wanted her as a partner...not a friend. But the hard part is only just beginning and I have told her this. I mean seriously...where do I go from here? I know that Nigerian girls who go for oyinbo men are probably frowned upon. But you think it is easy for me  ?!!!! My family are completely unaware of this situation and sadly, I imagine that they will be just as judgmental. I know what is going to happen....they are going to spend a lot of time trying to convince me that this Nigerian is out for my money and a green card, that she wants to use me. They too do not know the situation, but I must be careful. I know that really, they care about me and I care about myself, I must be sure what her true intentions are.From what I have seen, she is very pure, very honest and a born again christian. I do not know why I have these fears and suspicions, but I worry that she is just telling me what she wants me to hear. That perhaps she is after something. I guess it comes down to if I want to take the risk with her. Whether I can trust her. Perhaps she has the same feelings. For what it is worth. I am not the type of guy to mess women about. I do not date many women. I do not play them. I want a wife (that will not cheat, not look elsewhere), that I can trust, that will not use me, who will love, respect and accept me for who I am, that will stay with me through everything....because this is what I know I can provide in return. I think she can do this. It is what she has had me believe. I do not think I have reason to believe otherwise. ---------------------------------------------- Did I ever think I would fall for a Nigerian? No. Am I usually attracted to black women? No. But it is not her color and nationality that I love. It is HER. Her character, her behavior, her family, her morals...everything. I have tried to forget her but I cannot. We have both pursued each other. It has not been one way. I just need to believe and trust her. And I must think about what to do next... |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Nobody: 8:31pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Trickoftech.....From day one, you have been scared of taking this risk and now that you have done so you are still asking questions. You appear to me as the shy type but here we are taking about your own happiness and your busy talking about public opinion. You knew all this before hand so why are you asking us what to do next |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 8:56pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
True, true. I know. I just need to think about what I am going to do. To be honest, I did not imagine she felt the same in the first place. I had suspicions that she did, but I thought they were just my own suspicions. I need to think about what I am going to do next. I want to go out there an be with her. I need a job where she is though...and I need to prepare myself for living in Nigeria. I also need to think about how I am going to explain all this to my family. This is what I am saying. This is big. This as a huge thing...a huge life change. I just hope she appreciates this and that her intentions are honest and good. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 9:01pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
On taking the risk on her character...all I have to go by are seeing her in Nigeria for some months (becoming close) and months of phone calls and texts. It is not as if we have really had a face to face relationship recently. This adds to the risk. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Nobody: 9:05pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
GAD!!! |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 9:13pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
oluswaggz: GAD!!! Bitter and jealous = MUGU  |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Smily202(m): 9:23pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
The job is already accomplish.....Wot do u expect us to advice u now....... R u still scare. ...... ?... |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 9:33pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Smily202: The job is already accomplish.....Wot do u expect us to advice u now....... Of course. I do not have so much pride that I cannot admit that. I am worried about many things...whether my family will accept this, whether she is genuine in her feelings, whether I can completely change my life and live in Nigeria, whether I can find a job there, whether I can survive in Nigeria (as you can appreciate...life in the West and Kwara are worlds apart), whether I will arrive and she would have changed her feelings for me, whether it will work, whether she will always remain faithful to me, whether I can learn yoruba and adjust to Nigerian culture. I have done it before, for 3 months...but this is quite different. This is what I have been trying to say. It is not so easy abi. IT IS BIG. I do love her, I do not want to hurt her. But I do not want to be hurt myself...yet I want her. --------------------------------- Unlike oluswaggz...I do not use women to boost how I feel about myself. I already like myself, whether I am in a relationship or not. I take no pride in bedding many women and playing with their minds. To me...that is GAD (sad and pathetic). What I want is a stable, long lasting relationship, a family and woman who I love and who genuinely loves me. In Nigeria there was a mutual connection and respect with this girl. Enough to make me write all of these posts! Why else would I continue to post and chase her. There are other women. Nigerian and UK who have expressed interest in me, but I want this one girl. No one else will do. I must try. So the hard part has ended, but an even harder part is now beginning. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Smily202(m): 9:37pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
TrickofTech: I pray it will work out...... Wish u the best of luck..... btw......U don't hav to type all this .......we already understand ur feelings. ...Am not an expert on this counceling.......More expert onthe matter is coming. ...coz dats Nairaland for u |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Boland(m): 9:57pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
I will advise you not to consider living in Nigeria because of her. My advice goes thus; Get a Job in your country. Make your dating official, in other words, make her be ur lady/fiancee. Let her know how much you love her and make sure you talk to her (on phone) everyday. Come to Nigeria to spend some time with her and her family again **After like a month, you should know how she really feel about you** Dont base in Nigeria because of her bro. **IMO, I don't think Nigeria is a place where you wish to start a family**. If after all these, you are convinced in your mind that she trully love you for who you are, you can marry her and take her along with you to your country. **Don't be fooled by a woman's word**. Enjoy. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Femolacaster(m): 10:30pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Boland: I will advise you not to consider living in Nigeria because of her.You are right! |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Nobody: 11:02pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
TrickofTech:Jealous my foot. D girl no fine na, if to say she fine now I for dey jealous. Buh nvr mind d lord is ur strength, BTW! U are frm wich country? |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Nobody: 11:30pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
Femolacaster: You are right!over right. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by ITbomb(m): 11:51pm On Jan 01, 2014 |
It seems the feelings is mutual, I can't understand the hesitation |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 12:54am On Jan 02, 2014 |
ITbomb: It seems the feelings is mutual, I can't understand the hesitation Trust...but is that my problem or because I am right to be suspicious? It is hard to know. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by ITbomb(m): 5:22am On Jan 02, 2014 |
TrickofTech:Most people are suspicious of a Nigerian motive or action (and some have the right to be), the feeble minded runs away to mama while the strong minded study the system and benefit richly from it. If you didn't pick her in the club or she wore seductive clothes around you. BTW, I would like to know how you got the feeling that ' she is very pure, very honest and a born again christian'. Is it something you saw when interacting with her (ie she could get the hint that you were under studying her) or it was an opinion collected from a none physical interaction (ie she was not aware and just living her normal life) |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by NanciaKay(f): 5:58am On Jan 02, 2014 |
If you'r still scare, try hide your feeling form her, for some time, and do some studying,watching and then understand. try make her do does things, that will make u, believe she truly loves you.(apart from sex, and don't let her know, about what you are trying to do). Love, conquers every thing. Love create bonds, between countries, and persons. So don't feel scare and naive. Just go to your parent, explain, and make them understand you truly love the lady, and she loves you too. |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 9:15pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
ITbomb: She talks a lot of god...it clearly means a lot to her. She goes to church every Sunday. This is perhaps normal for most Nigerian women I am not sure. She told me specifically that she is a "born again christian".If I am honest, there is nothing that really makes me think she is not innocent and pure and honest. She behaves in a way that is almost naive and innocent to me. Yet at other times, she seemed very clued up and street wise. I am just nervous that all of it is a 'front' or an act. I mean she is in her late 20's. She seemed very christian and family orientated, but could it be true that she has never had an intimate relationship with a guy before. It is very confusing coming from the west where women tend to be very liberal and un-religious and involved intimately with men. I guess what I am wondering is how much of her character is who she is, or who she wants me to believe she is. I am not stupid. Whilst I feel I can put our differences in background to one side, I understand that there are differences. We both most likely have our own concerns. She never "came onto" me sexually. I never did with her. I respected her and her family. Yet in hindsight (after she has now told me her feelings) there were times where she got me aside in Nigeria and made subtle attempts to get me to express my feelings. --------------------- I want to believe and trust that she loves me for who I am. I feel I love her irregardless of her race, her background, her culture, her negative traits, her job, her wealth, her country. Yet I must believe the same with her. Please understand that there were many times in Nigeria that I felt us getting really close. Then she would suddenly say something and rightly or wrongly, I would interpret it in a certain way. For example: "I have always wanted to travel" = She wants me only as someone to take her to the west. "White people are very kind/I really like your skin" = She is only interested in me because I am white. "Nigeria is very dangerous, who will save me?" = She only wants me to 'save' her...she is not interested in me as a person "I have tried to leave for the US before" = She only wants to use me to leave Nigeria I may be wrong for thinking these things, they were few comments out of many...but as someone who wants a genuine partner with mutual love and a long lasting relationship and eventually a family. Can you not see how I would worry about these things? |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by TrickofTech: 10:24pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
Also...she has began calling me very late at night. I am talking the early hours of the morning the past few days. I have not answered as I have been asleep. Am I right in thinking that she is doing this so she can talk freely without anyone listening |
| Re: She Loves Me! Now I Need To Figure Out What To Do Next. by Oppypoppy: 5:39am On Nov 30, 2015 |
Trickoftech with the example u gave above about her words I guess she wants to use you. If she loves u as a person why fantasies about leaving the shore of Nigeria. Don't get decieved by her born again thing, remember she is human. Try this, test her....tell her you want to come stay in Nigeria permanently. From her reaction, or reply You will get her. Best of luck dude. |
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