Hi hopefully someone here can offer some great advice!!

I am currently engaged to a Nigerian man and pregnant with his child. About 2 months ago I noticed that he was recieving calls from someone in Nigeria by the name of Chinedu, and found out that it was the sister of one of his friends here in the states. The name was programmed in the phone and I had used the phone many times before, so I knew that it was a new number. Also having met his sisters and mother, I knew that it was not any one of them. I asked my boyfriend about this girl calling all times of the day and he responded by saying "I just needed someone to talk to". After further questioning, he then told me that this is someone that he is considering marrying just so that he can help her to come over to the states. He claims that he still loves me and has made all these wonderful promises to me, and has refused to take back the ring that he gave me during our engagement, but I can't deal with the fact that he wants to marry another woman. We live together and we're both expecting our first child, but what do I do at this point? Do I walk away? Do I stay around and hope that things work out? I'm so confused, because this is the man that I love and if he says that he loves me too then why is he doing this to me. Everyone keeps saying to pray about it, but at the same time if he's hell bent on marrying this woman what is there to pray about? I am a very stable woman and can make it on my own, but truly I love him with all of my heart. This is a young girl and I really don't want her to be hurt by him. I don't know if it's really being done to help her come over or if it's real!!! The funny thing about it is the brother knows that he and I are living together and when my boyfriend left to go to Nigeria, the brother and I were the ones that took him to the airport. What type of brother would this be to allow something like this to happen to his sister? Should I call the girl and find out what the situation is? Is it really worth it to do that? I am stuck, confused and don't know what to do. He's currently in Nigeria and will be gone until October and I am thinking about moving out, do you think this would be a wise idea or should I just hang in there? Can things be worked out, because he keeps insisting that he doesn't want me to go anywhere.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated!!!

AngelChick:

Hi hopefully someone here can offer some great advice!!

I am currently engaged to a Nigerian man and pregnant with his child. About 2 months ago I noticed that he was recieving calls from someone in Nigeria by the name of Chinedu, and found out that it was the sister of one of his friends here in the states. The name was programmed in the phone and I had used the phone many times before, so I knew that it was a new number. Also having met his sisters and mother, I knew that it was not any one of them. I asked my boyfriend about this girl calling all times of the day and he responded by saying "I just needed someone to talk to". After further questioning, he then told me that this is someone that he is considering marrying just so that he can help her to come over to the states. He claims that he still loves me and has made all these wonderful promises to me, and has refused to take back the ring that he gave me during our engagement, but I can't deal with the fact that he wants to marry another woman. We live together and we're both expecting our first child, but what do I do at this point? Do I walk away? Do I stay around and hope that things work out? I'm so confused, because this is the man that I love and if he says that he loves me too then why is he doing this to me. Everyone keeps saying to pray about it, but at the same time if he's hell bent on marrying this woman what is there to pray about? I am a very stable woman and can make it on my own, but truly I love him with all of my heart. This is a young girl and I really don't want her to be hurt by him. I don't know if it's really being done to help her come over or if it's real!!! The funny thing about it is the brother knows that he and I are living together and when my boyfriend left to go to Nigeria, the brother and I were the ones that took him to the airport. What type of brother would this be to allow something like this to happen to his sister? Should I call the girl and find out what the situation is? Is it really worth it to do that? I am stuck, confused and don't know what to do. He's currently in Nigeria and will be gone until October and I am thinking about moving out, do you think this would be a wise idea or should I just hang in there? Can things be worked out, because he keeps insisting that he doesn't want me to go anywhere.

Any advice or comments would be appreciated!!!

You asked for it.

It's amazing that you just got registered on the forum and your first post is this long tale.
Na wa!

well to your question.
brace yourself, it may not be pretty

This is what happens when you shack up and lay with a man before saying I do
Remember he's not your husband.
no he ain't.
You are just some woman in his bed carrying his baby.
You  shouldn't worry about this 26 year old who according to you is about to" ruin her life"
a 26 year old is not a child
You should worry about  you
Pregnant, unmarried, unwedded, whose man has the nerve to be making multiple calls to a woman far away and negotiating marriage while you're in the bathroom having morning sickness.
From your mention of 26 as young,you're obviously a mature girl.
Stop wasting you time and next time learn to keep your legs closed until you actually walk down the altar.

_{why should countryman buy the cow when the milk is free?}

I see you modified the 26 year old part before I quoted you.

The funny thing about it is the brother knows that he and I are living together and when my boyfriend left to go to Nigeria, the brother and I were the ones that took him to the airport. What type of brother would this be to allow something like this to happen to his sister? Should I call the girl and find out what the situation is? Is it really worth it to do that? I am stuck, confused and don't know what to do. He's currently in Nigeria and will be gone until October and I am thinking about moving out, do you think this would be a wise idea or should I just hang in there? Can things be worked out, because he keeps insisting that he doesn't want me to go anywhere.

They both obviously think you're a fool.
They've played you like one.
They have absolutely no regard whatsoever for you that's why your boyfriend and his friend would be planning for him to marry his sister and bring her to the USA while you're laying around chewing on ice cubes and waiting for his return.

Did you say he's in Nigeria and his friend too ?
The girl is also in Naija?
well he's probably gone to pay the dowry and perhaps test-driving his good as we speak.
Wake up woman!

of course he doesn't want you to go anywhere
he needs your "Jericho" readily available when he returns.
I say wake up! and smell the kunu

Mayne Queen, nnem. . . . you said it all. Everything that could be said, was said. Girl got to wake up. She reminds me of some of these folk and this hurricane. Just living in a dream world.

onyinye2:

Mayne Queen, nnem. . . . you said it all. Everything that could be said, was said. Girl got to wake up. She reminds me of some of these folk and this hurricane. Just living in a dream world.

I know I'm sounding very harsh but the chick needs a smack on the head to wake her up not sympathy.
I'm shocked she's even rationalising things.
It's girls like this that answer "fiancee" for donkey years with 5 children still a fiancee
Tufiakwa!
she only has one kid on the way.
This is her chance to run and never look back

Queenisha:

I know I'm sounding very harsh but the chick needs a smack on the head to wake her up not sympathy.
I'm shocked she's even rationalising things.
It's girls like this that answer "fiancee" for donkey years with 5 children still a fiancee
Tufiakwa!
she only has one kid on the way.
This is her chance to run and never look back

Yes. Pack her things, get her belongings, call a taxi, and RUN. Not walk but run. But i must say, how does one even consider allowing their so called fiance marry another woman? What goes on in their head? Cause that sure aint rational.

rubbish , rubbish , rubbish , pls just walk away from him or else u will be left high and dry.

eyah pele. Shut the door after you leave and pls dont forget your milking pails.

This is what i call eating your cake and having it back, hot!

The guy had a fun time milking you, unfortunately cows are expensive . . . no one wants to buy them. Better if you get them free.
While you're here posting, the other girl is busy singing hallelujah under his abunna.

onyinye2:

Yes. Pack her things, get her belongings, call a taxi, and RUN. Not walk but run. But i must say, how does one even consider allowing their so called fiance marry another woman? What goes on in their head? Cause that sure aint rational.

my sister ask me again?
If her "fiancee" AKA babydaddy is helping by marrying this his friend's sister, they'll have to be married for at least 3 years before she 's eligible for the green card and the poster is talking of loving the fool with all her heart.
Nonsense!!
at the time I caught him making all these secret calls and actually has the nerve to tell me his intentions,that is when the love should have been cremated and forgotten.
what is love sef?
people need to find out what that word really menas.
she still loves him or is she scared of being alone.

davidylan:

eyah pele. Shut the door after you leave and please don't forget your milking pails.

This is what i call eating your cake and having it back, hot!

The guy had a fun time milking you, unfortunately cows are expensive . . . no one wants to buy them. Better if you get them free.
While you're here posting, the other girl is busy singing hallelujah under his abunna.

ROFL.
And let's not forget that he has powerful swimerrettes.
The Naijachick may even land with baby in hand

Queenisha:

my sister ask me again?
If her "fiancee" AKA babydaddy is helping by marrying this his friend's sister, they'll have to be married for at least 3 years before she 's eligible for the green card and the poster is talking of loving the fool with all her heart.
Nonsense!!
at the time I caught him making all these secret calls and actually has the nerve to tell me his intentions,that is when the love should have been cremated and forgotten.
what is love sef?
people need to find out what that word really menas.
she still loves him or is she scared of being alone.

Nnem, i don't understand. Im seriously scratching my head like "Gini?" I mean what possess someone to continue involving themselves with a man who going to marry another woman for THREE years. What does she plan on doing throughout this time? Is she going to involve herself into adultery? I just don't get it.

davidylan:

eyah pele. Shut the door after you leave and please don't forget your milking pails.

This is what i call eating your cake and having it back, hot!

The guy had a fun time milking you, unfortunately cows are expensive . . . no one wants to buy them. Better if you get them free.
While you're here posting, the other girl is busy singing hallelujah under his abunna.

This is just heartless, so wrong.

@post
It's so sad that it had to be a naija man. He's gone by now. That's how some of them do it.
Get oyinbo pregnant then leave to find a Nigerian woman.


The best advice I can give you right now is to take care of that baby. Don't let your emotions or stress harm him/her. Good luck to you. Fortunately, having a father for the baby should not be your priority right now, seeing that that child gets taken care of should be your ultimate goal

make i hear word o jare morenike!
When will women ever learn that pregnancy and living with a man before marriage is not a particularly smart thing to do?

Here is an important question - has the man ever introduced the future mother of his child to his family?

This is what Nigerian men call a mugu.

*Morenike:

This is just heartless, so wrong.

@post
It's so sad that it had to be a naija man. He's gone by now. That's how some of them do it.
Get oyinbo pregnant then leave to find a Nigerian woman.


The best advice I can give you right now is to take care of that baby. Don't let your emotions or stress harm him/her. Good luck to you. Fortunately, having a father for the baby should not be your priority right now, seeing that that child gets taken care of should be your ultimate goal

Haba morenike,she's Nigerian too.
She said so herself.
and modified it later
Stop bashing our men for nothing.

davidylan:

Here is an important question - has the man ever introduced the future mother of his child to his family?

Yes, I should know

Queenisha:

Haba morenike,she's Nigerian too.
She said so herself.
Stop bashing our men for nothing.

Oh sorry.
Was she born abroad or in Nigeria.
If abroad, she might as well be called akata

Though she modified where she says she's a Nigerian,the title still says "fellow Nigerian woman"

*Morenike:

Yes, I should know
Oh sorry.
Was she born abroad or in Nigeria.
If abroad, she might as well be called akata

Well Queen, i just been stripped of my identity. I guess im no longer Nigerian, but akata. Learn something new about yourself, everyday.

davidylan:

make i hear word o jare morenike!
When will women ever learn that pregnancy and living with a man before marriage is not a particularly smart thing to do?

Here is an important question - has the man ever introduced the future mother of his child to his family?

This is what Nigerian men call a mugu.

I wonder.
Sheniqua and tangayika with 5 babies and 5 baby daddies are enough proof that pregnancy doesn't mean you have any claim to the man.
It only means both individuals are doing it without protection and they are both fertile

if he only wants to marry the girl to help her, he would ve asked for your permission and not wait for you to find out. the brother also wants his sister to come so he won't refuse the assistant (he might even be the one to suggest the idea).

like how the previous posters dey have said it all. u be mumu (dunce) for shagging up and be pregnant 4 a guy before marriage. if he is a US citizen (or which country u de reside), he can't marry u until he divorces the first wife. what if she doesn't sign the papers? what u going to do.
my advice is wait until he gets back and find out the truth. u ve waited for this long, wats a couple more weeks.

Please any sensible person reading my post, don't be stupid. learn from other people's mistakes.

@ Queenisha: why should countryman buy the cow when the milk is free?
u sure u no be winch whey sabi read my mind! lol.

onyinye2:

Well Queen, i just been stripped of my identity. I guess im no longer Nigerian, but akata. Learn something new about yourself, everyday.

Oyinye, oh plzzz, yes, I think you try to act like you're akata.
Thanks for raising your hand before I called you out

@David
Maybe then some Naija men should make use of condoms and stop getting ppl pregnant up and down likw ileke idi.

onyinye2:

Well Queen, i just been stripped of my identity. I guess im no longer Nigerian, but akata. Learn something new about yourself, everyday.

Onyi baby your own akata no be the yeye type.
Your own na akata with taproot for Igboland.
nothing mega

Next time you'll close your legs or use a freakin' condom until you get the ring the 4th finger of your left hand. Anyway no use crying over split milk or in this case, split sperm. Take the hint and leave if it's not your house or make him leave if it is and get your life together because maybe you don't get it, you are about to have a baby and that is a lot of work so the last thing you need is to be falling apart, or are you waiting for the new girl to make you her bridesmaid on their wedding day before you realize it's done with?

By the way, this story has some holes in it, like how did you know her age? And why did you remove the fact you were Nigerian? Yeah I saw that.

so bored with these stories.

always something

Is your guy Akure-Anambra too?

*Morenike:

@David
Maybe then some [b]Naija men should make use of condoms and stop getting people pregnant up and dow[/b]n likw ileke idi.

and if he doesn't ?
remember we end up with the 9 months of pregnancy,hard labor at delivery and most often as single mothers abandoned to cater for the kids when such things happen.
IT is more of our responsibility than theirs.

StephenP:

Next time you'll close your legs or use a freakin' condom until you get the ring the 4th finger of your left hand. Anyway no use crying over split milk or in this case, split sperm. Take the hint and leave if it's not your house or make him leave if it is and get your life together because maybe you don't get it, you are about to have a baby and that is a lot of work so the last thing you need is to be falling apart, or are you waiting for the new girl to make you her bridesmaid on their wedding day before you realize it's done with?

By the way, this story has some holes in it, like how did you know her age? And why did you remove the fact you were Nigerian? Yeah I saw that.

I was too late in quoting her before she modified her tale.

LOL@ splitsperm

@ Queenisha: why should countryman buy the cow when the milk is free?
u sure u no be winch whey sabi read my mind! lol.

LOL@ honniecomb

*Morenike:

Oyinye, oh plzzz, yes, I think you try to act like you're akata.
Thanks for raising your hand before I called you out

Uhmmm. . . .  Excuse you? Nwa, don't even draw that card with me. Aint even necessary. And Mrs. Real Nigerian, It is ONYINYE. Yeah get it right, and recognize. Don't get it twisted.

@post
If you stay with man, Yo ass is stupid. Seriously. First off, you shouldn't be having sex before you say "I do". Second of all, how in the world did you not even consider getting on the pill or using some other way of preventing pregnancy? Third of all, how in the freakn world are you even interested with a man who fix to marry some broad for citizenship? Are you daft? I mean this is a sign from God, to get out now while you still have you sanity and what is left of  your dignity. Lucky you aint my kid. . .

*Morenike:

@David
Maybe then some Naija men should make use of condoms and stop getting people pregnant up and down likw ileke idi.

look, the worst thing that can happen to a man if he doesnt use condoms is that YOU get pregnant and YOU have to face the hard choice of whether to keep it or abort. YOU are the one with the responsibility to either close your legs of face situations like this.

A Nigerian man can afford to have a kid with you and go back to Nigeria to raise a different family. Its a woman's choice. . . if my cousin got pregnant tomorrow i wont be chasing the guy, i'd be giving her a whipping.

Queenisha:

I was too late in quoting her before she modified her tale.

Yeah I saw it and I was like I'll come back to it and when I did, the story changed. So now I'm beginning to doubt the authenticity of this post.

onyinye2:

Uhmmm. . . .  Excuse you? Nwa, don't even draw that card with me. Aint even necessary. And Mrs. Real Nigerian, It is ONYINYE. Yeah get it right, and recognize. Don't get it twisted.

@post
If you stay with man, Yo ass is stupid. Seriously. First off, you shouldn't be having sex before you say "I do". Second of all, how in the world did you not even consider getting on the pill or using some other way of preventing pregnancy? Third of all, how in the freakn world are you even interested with a man who fix to marry some broad for citizenship? Are you daft? I mean this is a sign from God, to get out now while you still have you sanity and what is left of  your dignity. Lucky you aint my kid. . .

Oh no, you can have sex and great sex for that matter but be prepared to take the fall when you don't use a condom or have some plan to avoid pregnancy.

StephenP:

Oh no, you can have sex and great sex for that matter but be prepared to take the fall when you don't use a condom or have some plan to avoid pregnancy.

LMAO!!! Tell this to all the baby mamas in the world. Talking bout, (project chic accent)"Mayne gurl, you know that boy right thurr? You know LaShawndon? Yeah, babyboy sex me so good, damn we was making music. Now Im carrying his baby. It was worth it."

Queenisha:

Onyi baby your own akata no be the yeye type.
Your own na akata with taproot for Igboland.
nothing mega

Oka now what? Im lost on this.

onyinye2:

Uhmmm. . . . Excuse you? Nwa, don't even draw that card with me. Aint even necessary. And Mrs. Real Nigerian, It is ONYINYE. Yeah get it right, and recognize. Don't get it twisted.

Uhmmmm. . . . what is wrong with this akata wanna be?

rotflmao!! What card? Am not interested in blackjack, darling Oyinye

davidylan:

look, the worst thing that can happen to a man if he doesnt use condoms is that YOU get pregnant and YOU have to face the hard choice of whether to keep it or abort. YOU are the one with the responsibility to either close your legs of face situations like this.

A Nigerian man can afford to have a kid with you and go back to Nigeria to raise a different family. Its a woman's choice. . . if my cousin got pregnant tomorrow i wont be chasing the guy, i'D be giving her a whipping.

Queenisha:

and if he doesn't ?
remember we end up with the 9 months of pregnancy,hard labor at delivery and most often as single mothers abandoned to cater for the kids when such things happen.
IT is more of our responsibility than theirs.

Oh, I guess. . . . .

*Morenike:

Uhmmmm. . . . what is wrong with this akata want to be?

rotflmao!! What card? Am not interested in blackjack, darling Oyinye

It is so sad to stare ignorance in the presence. Just a pure shame. tonto.