Almost any Black woman you talk to will claim she
is a good Black woman. Unfortunately, just saying
it don’t make it so. I’ve stepped up to the plate
and defined exactly what makes me a good Black
woman.

1. I don’t defend the actions of Black women
when they are reprehensible. I am equally willing
to call out the pathos of Black women as I am
Black men. I don’t feel the need to defend the
actions of my gender simply because we share
the same chromosomal makeup.

2. I enter into each new relationship with a man
expecting the best. I come to every relationship
with an open mind and an open heart. When we
disagree, I express my concerns and feelings
without projecting negativity towards him. I take
the time to listen carefully to his perspectives and
arguments without getting defensive. I take the
time to collect my thoughts and speak from a
place of calmness before I express my concerns.

3. I have spent years in solitude trying to know
myself, learning what makes me tick, learning
how I came to develop the patterns that have
shaped my life and choices. I’m aware of the
triggers that spark bad choices and I willfully walk
away from situations that I know are going to be
potentially defeatist to me.

4. I do not judge men on their wallets, their dick
size, their car, or their job. I judge men based on
their integrity, their character, their compassion,
their vision, their progressiveness. While I look
for certain beliefs systems to be the same, I’m
open minded enough to know the difference
between differing lifestyle choices and differing
core values.

5. I give praise, support, encouragement, and
affection in abundance. I recognize that men
need an extra little boost because they have been
so emotionally stunted so I’m more than willing to
lift up, support and assist men when they need a
little self esteem boost.

6. I apologize when I’ve done something wrong. I
forgive when someone sincerely seeks
forgiveness. I don’t bring it back up, I don’t hold it
over their heads, I don’t create melodrama to
prove how wronged I was.

7. I choose which battles I fight wisely. I
recognize that some things are insignificant in the
scheme of life and I don’t sweat the small stuff. If
you leave the toothpaste top off, I can put it back
on just as easily as say something about it. If you
have to have the toilet paper come from the
bottom, I don’t really care. I make sure that
before I make an issue out of something, that it’s
significant and not just a selfish desire on my
part.

8. I try to be the sort of person I want to attract to
my life. I am honest, sharing my flaws and
shortcomings openly, hoping that the person that
I’m with will be equally as honest and open about
his shortcomings so that we can form a
relationship based on honesty.

9. I’m selective about with whom I share my
body. I do not go out to fulfill my sexual needs
with someone unless I know for a fact that they
are interested in pursuing a long term
relationship with me, unless I know that they are
vibrating on the same level and have similar
goals. I do not exchange my body for money
EVER.

10. I recognize that for all the work I’ve done, that
I have a long way to go and that I’m not in any way
perfect. I don’t define myself by my hair or my
nails, I don’t put more value in the price of my
outfit than I do in the knowledge that I fill my head
with. I don’t equate my worth with the salary of
the man who I’m with. I refuse to let my identity
be shaped by the media.

Now, queue the comments from women saying,
“Yeah, that’s me.” Rather than adopting my list,
real good Black women will create her own list
individual and unique to her. A real good Black
woman will take the time to reflect on what
changes she can make in her life to continue to
grow and evolve to being an even better Black
woman.

You are also very humble Olivia

carefreewannabe: You are also very humble Olivia

Thanks. I feel humbled too.