This is my first post here, so I am not familiar with the "sectional etiquettes", so excuse any shortcomings.

I was reading a post on FP and some poster mentioned how she loves to be a single parent. As much as I admire strong willed women, I think the ultimate looser in such arrangements is the kid.

I've come with some thoughts on that, I'd like the house to add, remove, agree, disagree and discuss.

here we go:

As much as I admire single parents that are able to go it alone after death or divorce, it's not something you should set out for.

1. Parental Dependence
Single mothers tend to commit their lifes to their kids and give them all they have. And once the kids are grown, they tend to put so much pressure on the kids to pay them attention; whether consciously or unconsciously.
It's almost like payback time, they gave their all to this child, they expect them to reciprocate. This is just too much responsibility on that child.

2. Sense of guilt
No matter what the child does, they always remind them of how they spent the better part of their youth training the child, staying away from men, not getting married because they wanted to have time for their kid rather than share the attention with a man.
This sounds good, but they fail to understand that they made their own decision, the child didn't ask for it!
Dont expect some payback for parental deeds done out of free will. You brought that child to the world, you made the decision to nurture them how you deemed fit. They don't owe you for that.

3. Retirement plan
Most single parents erroneously see their kids as their retirement plans. Even though this is not peculiar to single parents alone, It's more pronounced.
See, parents are meant to leave an inheritance for their children's children! You should have your retirement planned enough to cater for 3 generations. Yours, your child's and your grand children's.... minimum.

4. They hold their kids back.
Single parents are either too eager to send their female children into "forced " marriages whether outrightly or systematically and restrain their male children from getting married on time. They usually are afraid that another woman will take their son away from them. Even though this is not just peculiar to single parents, its more profound with them.
Your husband or wife should be that companion you seek in old age, not your child. It's too much responsibility for the child. The only reason why any child should be subjected to this is if death took away one of their parents, and not just a selfish choice one of the parents made. And even death doesn't excuse the parent from taking a hold on things...but it can be forgiven, only in death.

Forget how they tend to pretend to the public that they are in-charge; single parents wish things were different. Besides, a kid need both parents to grow up positively.

As a lady, you have to see your mother respect, obey and love your father and vice versa. As a boy, you need to learn the duty of provision and protection from your dad. The absence of this makes a child think he/she know what he/she knows not. Experience, they say is the best teacher.

I am patient with women today, cos I grew up with my dad complaining that women are wahala but loving same woman and treating her good despite her 'wahala'. I learnt tolerance, perseverance and patience with women from him. Many men these days don't have this quality; either cos their father's weren't or they failed to learn.

Did you conduct a research or you're just assuming?

Your opinion. Next

BrownKnight: Did you conduct a research or you're just assuming?

Like SAMBARRY just pointed out, its my opinion, but it's based on observation.

I'd like to hear yours too. We learn everyday.

Asin, I dnt get it, re u a single mother's child dats experiencing dese stuff or sumtin?

Blebleswag: Asin, I dnt get it, re u a single mother's child dats experiencing dese stuff or sumtin?

Read the post again

@OP, on d contrary, ur fears are what u xpressed above, which might not necessarily happen. Nywys, I 4 one who likes d idea of single parenting won't do most of d things u stated. I've come 2 realise, I have my life 2 live&so do my kids 2. If I choose not 2 get married, den I shud be d one 2 bear d consequences of my decision. If I didn't have d means 2 take care of my kids, den I don't deserve dem in d first place, so d idea of using dem as retirement plan dosent suffice, cos I already got a retirement plan 4 myself, I worked&dats part of d benefits of my labour.

As absurd as single parenting sounds 2day, most ppl are already practicing it&very soon it will be generally accepted as a norm&ppl like u will just have 2 deal with it, eida it suits u or not. D era of not having choices after one gets married or thinking marriage is d ultimate thing in life is begining 2 fizzle out.

Having both parents in a union,and not just a union but one of love,respect and responsibility is the ideal.A child ought to learn and grow under the tutelage of both parents.However,some circumstances may not make this position possible.

I really don't think any lady will set out to be a single mother.Most ladies who do are often people who have had situations in their lives(broken homes,heartbreaks,divorce,loss of partners,etc)that brought them to point of choosing to go it alone.

No matter the circumstance,the proper growth(physically,morally,mentally) of the child/ren should be the ultimate.
You are correct Op that most will tend to be too attached to their kids to their disadvantage when they grow up.It's left to the single mother to know when to let go.

ADEBOSUN:


Like SAMBARRY just pointed out, its my opinion, but it's based on observation.

I'd like to hear yours too. We learn everyday.

Yeah you're entitled to your opinion, my opinion is the exact opposite of your post.

I think that people should FIRST try to have kids in a setting where mother AND father are present.

However, the points mentioned in the original post also occur in settings where both parents are present.

1. Parental dependence
Mothers can be clingy whether they are married or not.

2. Sense of guilt
This is what many parents do. They like to remember their childen of what they have done and given up for them.

3. Retirement plan
This is also true of married parents. Many if not most expect to take care of them in old age.

4. They hold their kids back.
You said it is "more profound" with single parents. I don't know, maybe.

Tallesty1:
Read the post again

I tell u say I no sabi read or I get eye prblm?