Life is full of uncertainties. Have a plan B, C, D, E…was the
tweet of the year as far as my good friend Ochuko was
concerned. That tweet summed up her reasons for having
2 side-boos. “All these men cannot be trusted you know”,
she would always say. Her rather spurious point of view
got me thinking about this whole concept of having a
backup plan in a relationship all in the bid to minimize
unwanted heartache. Did Chiwetalu Agu not say that a
man who chases two rats will definitely lose both?
Whatever you choose to call it: fall-back partner, plan B,
backup, spare tyre, just in case partner, standby, the fact
remains that a few of us are like Ochuko…hopefully not
worse (2 is too much o)
Hey guys! I don’t mean to make you feel paranoid about
your relationship but there’s 50-50 chance that your
partner has already handpicked your replacement in case
your relationship turns sour and this substitution is
usually an old flame. Other candidates might include a
colleague, gym buddy, brother at church, *insert more
here*.
There are arguments for and against the idea of having a
backup in a relationship. #TeamNoBackUp would say pro-
backup reeks of low self-esteem, selfishness and a lack of
integrity. For #TeamNoBackUp, relationships with back-
ups often lack 2 vital elements for a successful
relationship – honesty and trust, plus when you have a
backup, you tend to give up on your relationship at the
slightest provocation, even when your partner is oblivious
of what he/she has done wrong.
#TeamBackUpBiko would play the “do not keep all your
eggs in one basket” card. For them, it is backup all the
way until one has started planning THE wedding and
picking out IV samples and all. They preach it is the wise
thing to do if you do not want to be left high and dry by
some douchebag, unless you are omniscient, in this case
having absolute knowledge of how your relationship will
pan out. They argue that if one can have backup for every
other thing in life, why not a backup lover, especially
since matters of the heart are as delicate and fickle as they
come. #TeamBackUpBiko also do not mind revealing the
identity of their backups to their current partners. I really
do not know how this works but I hear it induces fear in
their partners and they tend to put in a lot more effort in
pleasing their mates.
I think I’d like to align with #TeamNoBackUp and no, not
because Le Boo will read this, but because Bradley Cooper
is taken.
A backup plan goes against the very essence of romantic
relationships –total love and trust for your partner.
Having a backup only illuminates the deficiencies in your
current relationship – deceit, lack of communication and…
wait for it…INSECURITY! Falling in love (for real) comes
with the whole package – the good times and the not-so-
good times (minus physical assault o). If you put 100% into
your relationship, what time would you have for a
backup? Always remember that the grass isn’t always
greener on the other side.
My 2 cents would be: If you have to put all your eggs in
one basket, at least boil them and then hand them over to
God. That is your own “work or action” accompanying
your “faith”. And if you want to keep your options open,
please keep your legs closed while you at it.
I still strongly feel you could have Plan Bs for every other
thing in life but not for matters of the heart…somehow, I
consider it a selfish and wicked thing to do to your mate
and to the backup. Some sisters are still praying to Baba
God for one and you’re there keeping the few good men as
backup? Diaris God o! If you have strong feelings for your
backup, then your current partner was definitely not your
guy to begin with.
Source: BellaNaija