This was inspired by a post I read on nairaland two days ago "Can you be in love with someone and not sexually attracted to him or her(excluding Agape love)?"
This made me to reflect on the topic and conclude...Attraction (both physical and otherwise) can lead to love but it's not necessarily a guarantee or yardstick for love.
In the bible, King David was attracted to Bathsheba cos he saw her bathing naked and also for her beauty(2 Samuel 11), but that wasn't "love", it was pure "lust" but that didn't deter David from truly loving her afterwards and Bathsheba from loving him back even though he killed her husband, Uriah the Hittite, to have her. That was lust that later matured into love. Amnon desired his half sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13)and even claimed to love her, but when he had carnal knowledge of her, (albeit by force) he hated her. That was pure lust that he felt and nothing else. My point is that a lot of people, ladies especially(guys are mostly carefree) enter into relationships without knowing what they want from it. Some don't want to be lonely, others say he is too handsome or too hot, good looking, fearfully made and so many other physical qualities which I can't list here. Fast forward to few weeks or even few days as the relationship grows, some may or may not fall in love with each other.
One thing is evident, when you are truly attracted to someone....There is always some sort of sensual tension after the first few days, weeks or even months. Why? Cos there are always questions asked by both parties on how to approach each other intimately. Whether it will lead to love or not depends on their mindset . The thing is, there is always that sexual attraction when we are with someone of the opposite sex who is not related to us but is close to us, even when we are in love with them, Yes!!! it happens because we are human and it's in us naturally, to have these feelings, to feel those urges, even the Holy Father, the Pope is no exception, it's in everyone, monks and Buddhists alike. But one thing is paramount that it differentiates us from the dogs on the street......"Self Control".
When we are in love, I mean truly in love and not infatuation or lust, we ought to have passed the physical attraction period we ought to see beyond the handsome/beautiful face, the hot/stone physique but on personality and goodwill of heart.
Hence we learn to control our sexual urge when dealing with people we truly love. We stop making it all about few minutes of passion and learn to concentrate on ourselves and what we want from each other. We should focus on making it permanent through marriage and commitment because we really love each other and therefore respects our bodies which is meant to be loved and treasured and not just for the fun. When these are done, a lot of relationships wouldn't fall apart and a lot of marriages would have been saved. Most couples in relationships need to ask themselves the following questions:
1) Without the sex and romance, what else do I enjoy in him/her that keeps the relationship as interesting as ever?
2)Apart from being handsome and tall or beautiful and hot what other internal attributes does he have that is worthy of emulation?
3)Apart from whispering sweet words into my ears, telling me how he/she will drown me in eternal bodily pleasures, does he/she impact my life positively and towards achieving my goals and being a better person/somebody in life?
4)Does he/she have respect for God and his/her elderly ones(parents and guardians mostly).
5)What of my spiritual life?(be you Christian or Muslim) has he ever respected my relationship with God or even consider it to an extent as no one knows when his/her time will come?
When the person you love lacks most of the above qualities, then you need to redefine your definition of love maka akwa(to avoid tears). Stop wallowing in the euphoria of attraction, it will lead you to nowhere.
A friend of mine once said, "I love him cos he knows how to make me scream in bed"...that was all she could see in her supposed loving boyfriend..."Sex" and nothing else. Then tell me why they won't break up tomorrow because in all reality, a lot of other guys can also make her scream in bed including intimacy gadgets. What if you end up marrying him cos of his bedmatics and eventually wake up after marriage to discover that you needed more than that?
"An unexamined life is not worth living".....the philosopher, Socrates will say..so what is it gonna be for you, allow your sexual attraction to control your relationship in the name of love or the other way round?

will they hear

Nice piece... Love matter don tire me sef

I personally think love and lust are intertwined... you will be sexually attracted to whom you love...but putting sex aside or on hold for their sake or safety,be it at your own detriment is true love...the thread about not wanting to have sex with whom you love is so misleading

well said..I personally think love and lust are intertwined... you will be sexually attracted to whom you love...but putting sex aside or on hold for their sake or safety,be it at your own detriment is true love...the thread about not wanting to have sex with whom you love is so misleading

davestead:
This was inspired by a post I read on nairaland two days ago "Can you be in love with someone and not sexually attracted to him or her(excluding Agape love)?"
This made me to reflect on the topic and conclude...Attraction (both physical and otherwise) can lead to love but it's not necessarily a guarantee or yardstick for love.
In the bible, King David was attracted to Bathsheba cos he saw her bathing naked and also for her beauty(2 Samuel 11), but that wasn't "love", it was pure "lust" but that didn't deter David from truly loving her afterwards and Bathsheba from loving him back even though he killed her husband, Uriah the Hittite, to have her. That was lust that later matured into love. Amnon desired his half sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13)and even claimed to love her, but when he had carnal knowledge of her, (albeit by force) he hated her. That was pure lust that he felt and nothing else. My point is that a lot of people, ladies especially(guys are mostly carefree) enter into relationships without knowing what they want from it. Some don't want to be lonely, others say he is too handsome or too hot, good looking, fearfully made and so many other physical qualities which I can't list here. Fast forward to few weeks or even few days as the relationship grows, some may or may not fall in love with each other.
One thing is evident, when you are truly attracted to someone....There is always some sort of sensual tension after the first few days, weeks or even months. Why? Cos there are always questions asked by both parties on how to approach each other intimately. Whether it will lead to love or not depends on their mindset . The thing is, there is always that sexual attraction when we are with someone of the opposite sex who is not related to us but is close to us, even when we are in love with them, Yes!!! it happens because we are human and it's in us naturally, to have these feelings, to feel those urges, even the Holy Father, the Pope is no exception, it's in everyone, monks and Buddhists alike. But one thing is paramount that it differentiates us from the dogs on the street...

Dave I saw your message
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