".. When you show appreciation it is not about you. You are encouraging and motivating the person you showed appreciation to keep doing good to others. That way the society gets better.".. Someone once said saying ‘Thank you’ is what makes the United States a land of charity & benevolence.

A young lady from the Eastern part of Nigeria who used to be my neighbor at Lagos approached me several months ago at Lagos and complained she’s wasting away since graduation 2 years ago because she couldn’t get a good job. I gave her most of my Aptitude test preparatory and GMAT books and encouraged her to study and pass bank aptitude tests, then call me. She did pass. I called all my friends and begged them to push her in. Suddenly, I didn’t hear from her any longer for over Four months. I later ran into her friend who told me she got hired as a full staff in one of the old-generation banks in Lagos through one of the contacts I gave her. The lady was even begging me to please help her too. I was a bit shocked and called her, she picked the call and was a bit cold ‘professional’ on the phone. She promised to call back when she was free from work. She never did. Almost a week later she sent a few line text that she forgot to call back. She’s been very busy and comes back late. I replied that I only wanted to know how she’s doing and if she got the job. She replied with one line “Yes, thanks a lot for your help by the way”.

I shared this story with one of my friends who helped her. He said that makes a big difference between helping a Nigerian man and a Nigerian woman. The men will always remember who got them there and even call you 'my Oga' forever, while the young ladies will always feel entitled that you did it because they were beautiful. I suspect the man told her I wasn’t too pleased with her. She called me last week and blew hot and cold ranting saying Nobody is God, her glory goes to God not to men, that if it’s not the will of God it would not happen…bla, bla, bla, that she was planning to call and thank me specially after her confirmation…we exchanged words and she later de-friended me on Facebook.

Anyway, I just heard through a very reliable Manager that a senior manager said she may not be confirmed if she doesn’t start doing certain things right in the next few months. I have not shared this confidential information with her and don’t feel like, yet my conscience tells me to inform her.

Should I or Should I not? I feel she was very ungrateful with an arrogant spirit of pride and entitlement. Yet something tells me she lacks a good career mentor, so may not be her fault. It’s just the Nigerian environment and some men who run around these young ladies that condition them to feel entitled. Sometimes I blame these men for lack of values and manners in some of our young ladies.

U can still press some buttons

And wen she is out of work, she would know that u were her god for that job

Ungratefulness

If I go round counting the number of people whose life I have touched yet they have remained permanently ungrateful to me ehn, the sun will rise and set and I won't be done.
People are ungrateful but I have come to realise that God doesn't use their mindsets to bless me. I just do my good where, when and how I can and wait for God's blessings. Initially, I used to feel bad and like you, wonder why they are the way they are. Today, I don't even mind. I expect them to be ungrateful and most times, I am not disappointed.

I will suggest you forget her and continue helping people. Some body came to my store to grind wheat and we aggreed on N150 after grinding it he gave me N100 and begged me that he is coming back to pay N50 only for him to return with the union member and i was finned N5000.

Gratefulness is part of our manners and when someone shows ungratefulness then it shows the stuff they are made of.If u tell her or not she will still hold u responsible for her loss of the job . But i would u tell her , not in a condescending way but in an advisory manner .

Share the info with her not minding her ungratefulness after which you sign out completely out of her life.

One of the lessons to learn in life, never expect your good deeds to be appreciated by everyone you help. Infact, some will label you evil and plot evil against you for helping them. It shouldn't stop you from doing good. You will not be rewarded by them but by God.

An example was when Jesus healed ten lepers, only one came back to appreciate Him making him to say, "were not ten cleansed". The experience didn't stop him from healing other sick and possessed people.

I don't mean to sound mean, but I don't think you should tell her anything. If she makes it through fine, if she doesn't - EVEN BETTER.

Nothing is more dangerous than an ungrateful person who feels the world owes her something. Abi am I high? A simple thank you wouldn't have left you feeling so stu-pid and used.

It is good to be good my brother, but not all the time. Welcome to the real world.

@ OP, don't call her. She will think you are still upset with her and went to speak with her oga so as not to confirm her. If she eventually loses that job, she will say it was all your fault. She can even say that you are monitoring her so that she can fail.

Before it gets to the point of not being confirmed, she will have a performance discussion with her boss who will tell her where she is failing and what she has to do. It's not your place to have that meeting with her especially as you guys are no longer on talking terms.

Onlinebizexpert:
U can still press some buttons

And wen she is out of work, she would know that u were her god for that job

Ungratefulness

Exactly bro, but I wouldn't go so far. My own is that she better not dare ring me up for any favours again in her miserable life. Not angry, not pained, just keeping it real.

This is just a simple case of "Shebi I'm a beautiful woman? He is supposed to help me na. I'm even sure he wants something in return sef. Anyway levels don change. I don't need nobody no more."

Even personally, I find men to be much more grateful when you render help. Not grovelling or rolling in the dirt in thanks o - Just grateful.

Hian

I seriously give preference first to a male than the female... by next year i'll be recruiting and believe me, i've done some random sampling as to gender preference. "The Male still have it".

The female hardly knows the difference between; Qualified and Good Persona, and most times they forget to carry these two traits along, especially in the area of PERSONA, they get carriedaway with the Qualification Ego. when a lady approached me for help, i read her very well and to her surprise i'll even start telling her about herself.

BTW: This is not to say that some men don't do that too.

But it pays to be humble, grateful and always hopful while been diligent at your work.

To your advise OP: please you've got no biz or whatsoever with her anymore, let her be.

Op, like the others have said, Let her be. you have done your part. let her try to scale through her challenges herself. But this shouldnt stop you from helping people when the need arises.

Why do you want to call her? Delete her number even. Make she dey carry her wahala dey go. If she makes it through fine, if not all well and good, she is not your problem anymore.

SirAweezy:
I seriously gives preference first to a male than the female... by next year i'll be recruiting and believe me, i've done some random sampling as to gender preference. "The Male still have it".

The female hardly knows the difference between; Qualified and Good Persona, and most times they forget to carry this two traits along, especially in the area of PERSONA, they get carried with the Qualification Ego. when a lady approached me for help, i read her very well and to her surprise i'll even start telling her about herself.

BTW: This is not to say that some men don't do that too.

But it pays to be humble, grateful and always hopful according to your diligent work.

To your advise OP: please you've got no biz or whatsoever with her anymore, let her be.

I will be very glad to be among the Men you will be giving consideration come next year Sir

kindly reply if you will be needing further informations Thank you.

SirAweezy:
I seriously gives preference first to a male than the female...

BTW: This is not to say that some men don't do that too.

But it pays to be humble, grateful and always hopful according to your diligent work.

To your advise OP: please you've got no biz or whatsoever with her anymore, let her be.

I thought it's only me that feel same way. Honestly, I don't know if this is a gender thing because the attitude of some of our sisters really suck! Dash a man N10k to solve a problem, he will always come back to thank you someday with wine, bottles of groundnuts, calling you sir until you feel embarrassed. Give the same N10k to a Nigerian lady on her birthday you will hear from the side how she's criticizing you for either being cheap, or saying you are chasing her with N10k.....I am sorry to say that this is worse among ladies from a certain part of the Nigeria especially across the Niger...

ayoaces:
Why do you want to call her? Delete her number even. Make she dey carry her wahala dey go. If she makes it through fine, if not all well and good, she is not your problem anymore.

I have really thought of the bolded but didn't want to look childish and petty. She said a lot of nasty, unprintable things I can't post here. I was just being civil in describing her utterances on the phone. She's super ungrateful! She even tried to compare me with some men she claimed built houses for some female celebrities but don't go about singing their praises...also said during her NYSC, a guy made sure she had everything she wanted but never for a single day ask for anything in return....that she will respect that man forever....SMH! I felt like a piece of used up and dumped shit when she said that!

Don't mention the info..she will say u set her up

Move on

She defriended you..delete her contacts n move on

Help the next person you meet

That lady did not do right by such behaviour.

I remember after youth service in Nigeria I went for a final interview and got the job and was asked to come for induction the next week. On my way out of the office complex, I saw a co-candidate who was given a job as well crying with another lady leaning over trying to console her. The other lady approached me and asked if I was living alone(I was squatting in Lagos then). I said no. She informed me that the lady came all the way from one of the middle belt states and stayed with another lady who also came for the interview but did not scale through.

Out of what I still can't comprehend, the other lady told her immediately she knew she got the job not to return to her house and that she would leave her things outside. They had no previous argument.She had no money on her and no one to turn to. In spite of my personal situation, I managed to pay her hotel bills that night and went with her to get her stuff. I promised to get her a friend/relative willing to accommodate her by the time I return to her hotel the next day as I did not have funds to pay for a week. I actually used all the money I had on her transportation/hotel bills and had to borrow some the next day. I eventually got an aunty to accommodate her for a week

By the end of the induction after we were posted to various branches in different states, I went to my aunty's place only to find out she had gone without telling her or me. She left the keys with the gate-man. She left her bed un-made and dirty dishes she used to eat in the kitchen. We worked in the same organisation for a few years and although she knew my branch, she never made contact.

I never felt she owed me thanks but her behaviour and what I have experienced with other Nigerians I have helped with a pure heart has made me vow NEVER to help anyone again.

1stCitizen

The woman did bad but it does not mean you shouldn't help people again
There is a blessing which comes from helping people especially with no recompense

I don't know why some if not majority of women are like that. That is why some men demand they sleep with them before they help them. Me for one, I can never give you conditions before I help you and if I help you, I'm only doing it for God. People are known to show ingratitude but the secret of showing gratitude is you would get more things from the person you showed gratitude to. @op, just forget about her. For her to have deleted you off Facebook e.tc shows that her heart is not good.

pickabeau1:
1stCitizen

The woman did bad but it does not mean you shouldn't help people again
There is a blessing which comes from helping people especially with no recompense

I have never expected thank you from those I help or any recompense. It makes me feel good knowing I could be of help. It also makes me feel bad when such people treat you shabbily when the only thing you did wrong was help them.

If I give you details of what I have suffered recently in the hands of someone I tried to help you will never want to help anyone again.

1stCitizen:


I have never expected thank you from those I help or any recompense. It makes me feel good knowing I could be of help. It also makes me feel bad when such people treat you shabbily when the only thing you did wrong was help them.

If I give you details of what I have suffered recently in the hands of someone I tried to help you will never want to help anyone again.

Good

I understand you

Continue to help

@ 1stcitizen, you will be positioning yourself for great failure if you stop helping people who God brings along your path. Kai! Please don't shortchange yourself. Keep helping, keep on being kind, keep doing good. Only God rewards. Don't mind men, the bible say their hearts are desperately evil.

Gboliwe:
@ 1stcitizen, you will be positioning yourself for great failure if you stop helping people who God brings along your path. Kai! Please don't shortchange yourself. Keep helping, keep on being kind, keep doing good. Only God rewards. Don't mind men, the bible say their hearts are desperately evil.

I agree.....
For some have met angels that way

Lot
Abraham
Etc

OP she has obviously moved on, you have to do same. This should not deter you from helping others though.

2cato:
I will suggest you forget her and continue helping people. Some body came to my store to grind wheat and we aggreed on N150 after grinding it he gave me N100 and begged me that he is coming back to pay N50 only for him to return with the union member and i was finned N5000.

Wow, so it was like a set-up!!!

Will comment when I get home.All I can say is that most people don't deserve to be helped at all.

**MODIFIED**
@OP:If I were you, I wouldn't answer her.You see, most people will give you reasons not to ever help.Leave her, don't help her anymore, let her sort herself out.

There's this lady that used to be my neighbour. She's a graduate and has two kids out of wedlock. The boyfriend is also a graduate but the two of them don't have a job.At a time the guy started riding okada until it was banned in the town he was riding his okada and the girl has been living with the mum in my compound even before she gave birth to the two kids.

Early this year they did their traditional marriage and she moved to the guy's place but she comes to the mum's place, sometimes she stays like two weeks. Before her trad, I told her to come so I would teach her everything I do for free because things have been very rough for them, so long she was going to buy her tools and whatever she would need.Early Sept.this yr we started with the training, she complained she didn't have money, I gave some things on credit.She would come to my house, command me to give her things, I would give her.Just last week, she came for training but with money for me to call my customer in Onitsha to send things to her, mind you, she is still owing me.I told her my customer travelled to Lag.She travelled to another location and bought the things she needed, I didn't complain, I taught her.Some days ago,I saw her along the road, I thought she just wanted to buy something cos she acted like she only wanted to buy something along the road, I didn't know she was travelling to where she bought the previous things so she could buy again after I refused to sell to her on credit and she has refused to pay what she's owing me.

I regret helping her because I know how much I charged the people I'm training and to think that she wants to play smart...hmm, I have travelled sef, when she's tired of waiting for me, she will go back to her husband's place because I told my other apprentices I was travelling but didn't tell her.

People can be very very ungrateful, we learn from our mistakes every day. People you help are not supposed to worship you but a little appreciation goes a long way.

Sorry for my long story jare.

Definitely people are ungrateful, keep doing your good deed bro. You may still reach out to help her if you thinks she still needed that from you not minding her bad of manner. That is what make you man-enough

To me i will just ignore her....since she didnt bother telling you that she got the job, so whats the point letting her know... if she think she's that good and she make her self way to the top, then let her work herself to keep the job.

okirewaju:
OP she has obviously moved on, you have to do same. This should not deter you from helping others though.Wow, so it was like a set-up!!!

excatly. But he begged me that he is coming back with the balance

blank:
@ OP, don't call her. She will think you are still upset with her and went to speak with her oga so as not to confirm her. If she eventually loses that job, she will say it was all your fault. She can even say that you are monitoring her so that she can fail.

Before it gets to the point of not being confirmed, she will have a performance discussion with her boss who will tell her where she is failing and what she has to do. It's not your place to have that meeting with her especially as you guys are no longer on talking terms.

Exactly! OP she has showed you the type of person she is. If you warn her, she will start saying "oh you have turned against me because I didnt do (whatever)''. Just blank it after all like she said, it's God that gives job, God will keep her job for her if its hers,abi?

bigheart2013:


I have really thought of the bolded but didn't want to look childish and petty. She said a lot of nasty, unprintable things I can't post here. I was just being civil in describing her utterances on the phone. She's super ungrateful! She even tried to compare me with some men she claimed built houses for some female celebrities but don't go about singing their praises...also said during her NYSC, a guy made sure she had everything she wanted but never for a single day ask for anything in return....that she will respect that man forever....SMH! I felt like a piece of used up and dumped shit when she said that!

OP did you ask for anything more than a "THANK YOU"? I don dey fear. Anyway not every woman east of the Niger is like that. I remember one of my fathers friends who was a Professor got me into his school. I went to his office a few times just to say thank you, the old man no even remember me sef but I still had show my appreciation.

Una own no better? If na thank you alone self e for better.
I stuck my neck out and got a stranger a job, next thing the person was trying to get me fired to the shock of those who knew how much I stuck my neck out to help and how many people were angry with me because they had their own canditates.

Human beings, that doesnt stop me from helping still.

If I start my tales here it will be like am lying. People can be very funny but still like someone says even Jesus experienced it. So out of 10 people if one manage come back you try.

Among those 10 lepers am sure some were even there joining to stone Jesus

aisha2:
Una own no better? If na thank you alone self e for better.
I stuck my neck out and got a stranger a job, next thing the person was trying to get me fired to the shock of those who knew how much I stuck my neck out to help and how many people were angry with me because they had their own canditates.

Human beings, that doesnt stop me from helping still.

If I start my tales here it will be like am lying. People can be very funny but still like someone says even Jesus experienced it. So out of 10 people if one manage come back you try.

Among those 10 lepers am sure some were even there joining to stone Jesus

Wow....was the person a male or female?