For atheists :

Please stop hedging when
you mention our lack of
belief. Atheists are atheists.
We're not "self-described," nor
do we "claim" to be atheists.
You don't want us to start
saying things like, "This is my
friend, Julie. She calls herself a
Christian," do you? Then man
up, brace yourself, and use the
a-word all by itself. Practice in
front of the mirror if you need
to. You'll know you have the
proper calm, factual tone when
the glass doesn't shatter.

For Christians :

Stop saying that deep down
inside, we really do
believe in your deity. Belief in
the kind of guy who can create
an entire universe with the
force of a few well-turned
phrases is not the sort of secret
that fits neatly into a back
pocket, as it were. If we
thought this fellow was real,
we'd be the first to know. And
people don't tend to keep that
particular nugget of
information to themselves.
Ever notice that?

Some of you keep insisting
that we're angry at your
god. And then you laugh at us
for being so silly – being angry
at someone we don't even
believe in. Well, you're right.
That would be pretty darned
silly. That's why we don't do
it. Are you annoyed at Zeus?
Do you have a grudge against
the faerie folk? Of course not.
It's the same for us – how
could we feel anger or hatred
toward a non-existent being?
(Some of his followers cheese
us off, but that's another
story.)

Please understand that
"You're such a nice person!
I can't believe you're an
atheist!" is not a compliment.
More importantly, please
understand that we understand
that. Believe me, every single
one of us has considered
replying, "And you're so smart
– I can't believe you're a
Christian!" How about we all
agree to not go there?

Please quit asking us
how or why we "turned
our backs" on God. The whole
point of being an atheist is that
we don't see any reason to
think we did any such thing.

Anyone who was born in
an English-speaking
country and is more than two
minutes old has heard about
God and Jesus. It's annoying
when you assume that atheists
just haven't heard enough
about them, and that's why
we're still atheists. Many of us
have done extensive research
on the subject of religion.
Many of us credit our atheism
to exactly that.

Please stop telling your
atheist acquaintances that
you'll miss us when you get to
heaven. No, you won't. If you
turn out to be right, you'll be
in heaven – the place where, by
definition, people don't feel
sad. And if we're right – well,
guess who won't be feeling
much of anything?


Stop asking us how we
can be moral without
God. It's simple. We're awake,
and we're not idiots. That's all
it takes to figure out that
sharing the planet with so
many other people is a lot
more pleasant when we also
share some basic ideas about
acceptable behavior. I don't
like being stabbed; therefore I
support laws against stabbing
and promise not to stab
anyone myself, no matter how
much I may feel like doing so.
See how easy?

For everybody:

Please stop capitalizing the
word "atheist." Unless it
comes at the beginning of the
sentence, you're just wasting
ink. We know you're probably
trying to be polite, but it
doesn't work that way. There
is no guy named Athe.

The only thing all
occupants of foxholes have
in common is access to
weapons and a willingness to
fight. It might be the better part
of wisdom not to provoke
them by insisting that you
know more about their beliefs
or lack thereof than they do.

So far as being a
Christian is concerned,
you're either a member of a
persecuted minority, or part of
a solid majority. Figure out
which one of those is the case,
and then live with it. You don't
get to switch back and forth
depending on whether you
think you can smother dissent
better at any given moment by
either whining that
everybody's always being
mean to you, or bellowing that
this is your house and you
make the rules.

Speaking of persecuted
minorities: Christianity
used to be one. Did you fight
your way to freedom of faith
just so you could treat
nonbelievers the same way
they used to treat you?

Ok