"Marriage should not be seen as a do or die affair in Nigeria. People should stop attaching too much emotion to marriage. If couples will keep their mind open and believe that anything can happen anytime, marriages in Nigeria will begin to survive. We should get more practical other than all the accolades we shower on romance and all." - Barrister Abiola Akiyode-Afolabi, Legal practitioner and Human Rights Activist.

In the candid interview below, Barrister Abiola Akiyode-Afolabi shares her thoughts on marriage in Nigeria.

It’s not been easy for Nigerian women but we are not giving up. Our society is not like that of the whites where gender equality is observed. Women in Nigeria are still largely denied and cheated, all in the name of culture. It’s been tough but we are not relenting; we will surely get there. More women are now conscious of their rights and they know how to defend them. More men are also aware of the peculiarity of the female gender and they are treading gently on this. However, it can be better and it must be made better.

Today, many marriages that started on good notes have collapsed and the Nigerian community is experiencing high rates of divorce. Several factors are responsible for this; poverty is a major challenge for most marriages in Nigeria. So also are intolerance, lack of understanding, societal pressure on the centrality of having children in marriage, our value system, stereotype of the role you expect a man or woman to play in marriage, external factors like undue interference by relations, and so on. I think we expect too much from marriage in Nigeria. I think people should stop seeing marriage as a do or die affair; it will make life more easier so that each person knows that you can opt out when it is time to do so.

People should stop attaching too much emotion to marriage. If couples will keep their mind open and believe that anything can happen anytime, marriages in Nigeria will begin to survive. We should get more practical other than all the accolades we shower on romance and all. It is better to be on the lookout for things that can make a marriage work, rather than over-assuming from the beginning and through it.

I am not against love but it should be love that is practical. If people will refuse to see beyond romance and blind love to practical things like the man or woman’s maturity, level of academic attainment, nature of the person, how tolerant, how understanding, the elasticity of the person’s sense of judgment, protectiveness, how much of security the man especially can give you as a man, his sense of responsibility and his definition of responsibility and, compare them to your own idea, there will always be a problem sooner or later.

It is important that we learn to face reality and stop hiding behind some religious doctrines and all. As we talk now, 90 per cent of couples in marriages today are uncomfortable, yet, they will not leave. All because of their religious beliefs, the society and the culture. This is not supposed to be. Once you see that your marriage is suffocating you, be a realist and take a bow out of it.

What is the essence of being called a married person and then you are unhappy and you cry from being battered in different ways everyday? Is it not better to stay alive and be of use to yourself and the society than be dead prematurely or move about with burnt skin and other assaults in the name of marriage?

I am not saying people should not be married but they should be smart and have a better view of life. It is wrong to think a man cannot cheat on you when you can see that there are reasons why he can and you are not taking steps to help avoid this. If you just think it will not happen because he or she is a pastor or a moralist or something, you might just be mistaken because no one is infallible.

Source: Interview with Barrister Abiola Akiyode-Afolabi, Legal practitioner and Human Rights Activist conducted by Yemisi Adeniran / http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/most-marriages-today-are-uncomfortable /12/20/2014

So i was having a very interesting conversation with a female friend, who told me she still loves her first boyfriend, and even though she is married, she still loves the husband too. I was left scratching my head, how can you be in love with two people? and then she asked me if i have ever loved anybody, i told her no.

I have felt strongly for a lot of females and when i will feel LOVE, i will ask her hand in marriage. Even with that LOVE, there are some things i will take into cognizance, for practicality reasons. (1)she must be very educated (2) must not have baby(ies) anywhere (3)must completely be free from any disease(4)must not come from a family that will now put that burden of feeding them on me.

Does not matter if she does not have a job, i am sure i can take care of the two of us plus our kids very well. Faithfulness is open to different interpretations, but faithfulness will be a plus.

But first, me and her needs to be friends and in so doing so, can talk about everything and be open about it.

The problem with most marriages, is that people just jump into it(especially the females)who are always in a hurry. Hurry for what? still puzzles me and when any guy, i mean any guy with a million flaws comes their way and that can be manipulated for marriages, they then get married and sorrows will then be their portion in the marriage.

The part when people complain about their marriages, always omit is the scheming,manipulations they go through to GET married. And when the marriage goes SOUTH, then we start reading their sob stories everywhere.

Bottom line, is that people (especially the females)should know that marriage is not a competition. And for the male, please and please be sure you are ready to be called a husband when you want to settle down . Do not get married because she is putting any kind of pressure on you,if she is not ready to wait when you are ready, then dont tie her down and let her go. And as the Americans will say SHE'S GONNA BE AIIGHHT.

Love and marriage is overrated

op, abeg post a proper source where u got d article from, ahn ahn