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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / My Shadow (1046 Views)
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My Shadow by obiscolly(m): 4:03pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
Hi guys, this is my first attempt at poetry. Please i need constructive criticisms.. I want to get better at this. Just came up with this while i was bored at work MY SHADOW Always busy, yet lifeless You follow my every move, yet you're faceless Without you, i find i'm hopeless No one to take solace in and i feel so restless. Though I look to you for comfort Without you my heart might pump and burst forth I am deeply moved by your courage and loyalty As you follow my steps into every locality. The sun shines so bright, it hurts like gall Yet you are there to catch me just as i fall But as the lights dim you fade away like smoke And once again i'm that sad, lost and hopeless bloke. cc.. texanomaly, laykorn, EverestDeBliu, gloriaz, LORDI, cisse7575 ************************** covers face and runs out 1 Like |
Re: My Shadow by texanomaly(f): 8:37pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
I'm loving this poem! Very creative. |
Re: My Shadow by joseph1832(m): 8:44pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
Its nice. I admire your imagination. Learn to put your 'I' in capital letter. |
Re: My Shadow by texanomaly(f): 8:52pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
joseph1832: Lol. I was so into the poem. I didn't even notice. |
Re: My Shadow by obiscolly(m): 10:13pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
texanomaly:Woow! Really? Thanks bro. Y'all have been giving the inspiration |
Re: My Shadow by obiscolly(m): 10:14pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
joseph1832:Thanks man! I've taken note of that |
Re: My Shadow by obiscolly(m): 10:18pm On Jan 05, 2015 |
joseph1832:Thanks man! I've taken note of that Sometimes I hesitate to put most of what I imagine down cos I'm bothered people might not get the clear picture. I'm working on getting better at communicating clearly through writing and poetry. Any ideas to help me improve on this?.. Cc.. texanomaly |
Re: My Shadow by texanomaly(f): 1:50am On Jan 06, 2015 |
obiscolly: If you want to become a better poet, read all the poetry you can get your hands on. Just reading good books on its own will help you gain a better and more extensive vocabulary. It will also build better grammar skills. The more poetry you read, the more comfortable you will become. Attending the Nairaland poetry club classes will help too. Then practice, practice, practice. Be sure to read your poem out loud. Listen to the way it sounds. Is there a better way of saying something so that it sounds better? Never be satisfied with your first draft. Set it aside. Then come back later and read it again. Good luck 1 Like |
Re: My Shadow by joseph1832(m): 7:00am On Jan 06, 2015 |
obiscolly: Just write what you feel, and observe the rule of punctuation. |
Re: My Shadow by Nobody: 8:01pm On Jan 06, 2015 |
Obiscolly, your the bomb. I just couldn't help not commenting on this, even though my bosses have done. Keep it up. Ayamlaykorn |
Re: My Shadow by obiscolly(m): 6:56am On Jan 07, 2015 |
laykorn:Woow...seems I underestimated my abilities after all. Thank y'all for the encouragement and your lessons. I'm striving to do better. 1 Like |
Re: My Shadow by 2dmax(m): 11:35am On Jan 11, 2015 |
obiscolly, pls I need some clarifications from you asap. my numbers is 08020824716. many thanks. its on Youwin. hope you would oblige. |
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