Hello
I am new here but hoping to find someone who can help me. I am not sure if this is the right section but let me try any ways.
I am an American woman and married my Nigerian husband about a year and a half ago. Recently i found pictures online of him and another woman of what appears to be a traditional wedding. I have googled Edo weddings and got some information. I have confronted my husband with the issue.
He has explained that he didn't marry the girl despite they are dressed in Orange beads and kissing that he done an introduction ceremony only so that he could pass from a boy to a man to gain other rights.
Sorry if this is not very clear as i know no technical words to describe this situation and don't clearly understand what has been done.
But i am hoping someone can explain to me how to tell if it was only an introduction or if it was a traditional marriage and how do i find out from the USA if he is married.
Thanks for any help

I'm so sorry to tell you that your 'husband' is married to someone else in Nigeria. He just needs you to legalise his stay in America. I have seen numerous cases like yours.

How do i find paperwork on it?

He claims he didn't legalize it there but does that still mean he is married to her there?

you will never see the paper work or publication online. the photos are the proof and there is no rite of passage like that.
Traditional marriage is a legal marriage in Nigeria, that's how to pay the bride price.

I see thank you so much for the help. I can't even thank you enough.

He probably married you for green papers

he's married to another woman. no man is made to do any introduction to any woman as a rite of passage.
and in traditional marriage, no document is ever signed. It has no paper work.

This information is so deeply appreciated. It may seem to be simple words but when you are so lost in a web of lies and deceit people willing to explain the truth who have no self interest appear to be angels. As painful as knowing the truth is it also feels like weight is being lifted. May god bless you all for being honest and explaining the truth.

Sorry dear cos shot happens

ejikeme:
he's married to another woman. no man is made to do any introduction to any woman as a rite of passage.
and in traditional marriage, no document is ever signed. It has no paper work.

Unless it's where you're from. Like my place, a certificate is issued by the community to show you are married.

anthoniaz:

Unless it's where you're from. Like my place, a certificate is issued by the community to show you are married.

huh traditional marriage where is that?

ejikeme:



huh traditional marriage where is that?

Yes oo...Delta state.Ours is even in my hubby's box.

anthoniaz:

Yes oo...Delta state.Ours is even in my hubby's box.

woow.....

.

findingtruth:
Hello
I am new here but hoping to find someone who can help me. I am not sure if this is the right section but let me try any ways.
I am an American woman and married my Nigerian husband about a year and a half ago. Recently i found pictures online of him and another woman of what appears to be a traditional wedding. I have googled Edo weddings and got some information. I have confronted my husband with the issue.
He has explained that he didn't marry the girl despite they are dressed in Orange beads and kissing that he done an introduction ceremony only so that he could pass from a boy to a man to gain other rights.
Sorry if this is not very clear as i know no technical words to describe this situation and don't clearly understand what has been done.
But i am hoping someone can explain to me how to tell if it was only an introduction or if it was a traditional marriage and how do i find out from the USA if he is married.
Thanks for any help

I'm not sure where exactly your husband comes from in Edo State as cultures differ greatly between tribes and communities. I'm aware of a tradition that requires a man takes at least one bride from the maidens in the community(although I wouldn't say for manhood reasons) but from my experience this tradition has been rarely enforced and sometimes even modified to suit the ever changing times. @findingtruth Is your husband the first son of his father?
Also I can't say for sure if the pictures with beads represent a traditional marriage or an introduction ceremony as beads could be worn at both events

He is the first son but his father is deceased.

findingtruth:
He is the first son but his father is deceased.

Im really sorry dear. I read ur other post, I know you are trying so hard not believe your husband married someother woman. Time to face the truth. HE IS MARRIED TO A NIGERIAN.
Really sorry about it,
You should take it easy though, deliver your baby safely, then take action. You may want to travel to Nigeria, if you still are not convinced.

If i travel there how do i know or find out? My husband wants me to travel with him very soon to marry me there and to show me there is no marriage. He says he is willing to call her family and let them know there is no marriage happening between them. It all sounds good but idk if its just another show or whatever.
Odd thing i have messaged everyone this girl had on her Facebook page even finding family that's on other family members pages and i figured if i make enough noise someone will say something. Well today my husband sister called me thinking he would be at work. She didn't explicitly say anything but does want to meet tomorrow to explain. Now i don't think this came because she felt like doing me a favor and i don't intend for her to be honest with me either but i do believe there is someone's life i am disturbing and they are hoping she can quite me. It may not be the case but who knows.
He still stands by that he didn't do the marriage but only the introduction. He swears there was no traditional wedding or paperwork.
Now i believe no paperwork was done for several reasons but i don't believe there wasnt a traditional weddingb after being von here and speaking to you all.

findingtruth:
He is the first son but his father is deceased.

Okay. I was going to ask if his father was still alive next but you already answered that. The tradition I'm aware of applies to first sons of deceased elders.

findingtruth:
If i travel there how do i know or find out? My husband wants me to travel with him very soon to marry me there and to show me there is no marriage. He says he is willing to call her family and let them know there is no marriage happening between them. It all sounds good but idk if its just another show or whatever.
Odd thing i have messaged everyone this girl had on her Facebook page even finding family that's on other family members pages and i figured if i make enough noise someone will say something. Well today my husband sister called me thinking he would be at work. She didn't explicitly say anything but does want to meet tomorrow to explain. Now i don't think this came because she felt like doing me a favor and i don't intend for her to be honest with me either but i do believe there is someone's life i am disturbing and they are hoping she can quite me. It may not be the case but who knows.
He still stands by that he didn't do the marriage but only the introduction. He swears there was no traditional wedding or paperwork.
Now i believe no paperwork was done for several reasons but i don't believe there wasnt a traditional weddingb after being von here and speaking to you all.

I read tru your other post. It seems u hv made up ur mind on what to do. I don't think finding out if he is truly married really matters now since you hv decided to be with him.
Of course his sister would lie for him, his mother did. But again that is not the issue here.

I understand ur decision for not wanting to report him, if you can live with the fact that he married someone else and you are willing to be co wife, no matter what measures you have put in place, he is going to find means to support the Nigerian wife. He is smart n dubious. You know best how it feels, I understand your decision.

But I have no doubt in my mind he is married.
There is no paper work for traditional marriages, in Nigeria we don't dress up in such gorgeous attire carry a lady on our lap and kiss them, except we are getting married. I'm sure he has dropped the man-passage rite story.
All the best wish you safe delivery.

I know his father was highly respected among his clan and active. Active in how or what i don't know. When my husband had once mentioned it i tried to understand but really i didn't know. I just kind of listend. I had the impression it was similar to an elder of the church who doesn't directly lead the church in anyway but still is an important member because of what they offer and the fact they are very active. Make sense?
His culture is not usually something he explains to me he just says its an African thing you won't understand. I don't pry and i usually have no problem supporting him.

No he still swears he isn't married in anyway. And it was for some passage thing. And still swears he only done an introduction. He swears he didn't sleep with her.
He has told me at this point whatever happens it will be my choice. If i don't want to believe him he can't change that blah blah blah.
Like if he would admit to me i wouldn't be less upset. That may sound odd but it would give me absolute clarity.

007moses:


Okay. I was going to ask if his father was still alive next but you already answered that. The tradition I'm aware of applies to first sons of deceased elders.

U shd really see the pictures. Its trad wedding pictures. Matching clothes, kissing, exchanging drinks

findingtruth:
No he still swears he isn't married in anyway. And it was for some passage thing. And still swears he only done an introduction. He swears he didn't sleep with her.
He has told me at this point whatever happens it will be my choice. If i don't want to believe him he can't change that blah blah blah.
Like if he would admit to me i wouldn't be less upset. That may sound odd but it would give me absolute clarity.

Tell him someone said they don't kiss in introduction. There isn't a culture in edo where a man would be allowed to carry n kiss a woman in matching outfits in the name of passage rite or introduction.

findingtruth:
If i travel there how do i know or find out? [b]My husband wants me to travel with him very soon to marry me there [/b]and to show me there is no marriage. He says he is willing to call her family and let them know there is no marriage happening between them. It all sounds good but idk if its just another show or whatever.
Odd thing i have messaged everyone this girl had on her Facebook page even finding family that's on other family members pages and i figured if i make enough noise someone will say something. Well today my husband sister called me thinking he would be at work. She didn't explicitly say anything but does want to meet tomorrow to explain. Now i don't think this came because she felt like doing me a favor and i don't intend for her to be honest with me either but i do believe there is someone's life i am disturbing and they are hoping she can quite me. It may not be the case but who knows.
He still stands by that he didn't do the marriage but only the introduction. He swears there was no traditional wedding or paperwork.
Now i believe no paperwork was done for several reasons but i don't believe there wasnt a traditional weddingb after being von here and speaking to you all.

Well, he can marry you there but it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't already married there. It's not illegal to marry more than one wife in Nigeria.

findingtruth:
If i travel there how do i know or find out? My husband wants me to travel with him very soon to marry me there and to show me there is no marriage. He says he is willing to call her family and let them know there is no marriage happening between them. It all sounds good but idk if its just another show or whatever.
Odd thing i have messaged everyone this girl had on her Facebook page even finding family that's on other family members pages and i figured if i make enough noise someone will say something. Well today my husband sister called me thinking he would be at work. She didn't explicitly say anything but does want to meet tomorrow to explain. Now i don't think this came because she felt like doing me a favor and i don't intend for her to be honest with me either but i do believe there is someone's life i am disturbing and they are hoping she can quite me. It may not be the case but who knows.
He still stands by that he didn't do the marriage but only the introduction. He swears there was no traditional wedding or paperwork.
Now i believe no paperwork was done for several reasons but i don't believe there wasnt a traditional weddingb after being von here and speaking to you all.

funy? A relative onec came with a woman from europe to wed her here. The wife of my relatives was the main organiser of the wedding the man's children were the flower gurls of the european bride we ate dance and made fun of her. In short edo people can do anything when it comes to such.
Dont be supprise that ur husband second and third wife will claim to be his sisters or relatives.
In edo culture a man is entitle to more than one wife and i am about to take a second wife without my first wife knowing and she will never know.
Stay with ur husband and stop panicking for their is nothing wrong for a man to marry more than one wife.

Cpumping:


Tell him someone said they don't kiss in introduction. There isn't a culture in edo where a man would be allowed to carry n kiss a woman in matching outfits in the name of passage rite or introduction.

100% correct.
@ purelife22 ask ur hobby the name of the town and his family name maybe somebody here can help you out.
Stay with him thru thick and thin it might be he loves you more than his first wife.

Edo men

I'm now having a re-think about them

Redoil:
funy? A relative onec came with a woman from europe to wed her here. The wife of my relatives was the main organiser of the wedding the man's children were the flower gurls of the european bride we ate dance and made fun of her. In short edo people can do anything when it comes to such.
Dont be supprise that ur husband second and third wife will claim to be his sisters or relatives.
In edo culture a man is entitle to more than one wife and i am about to take a second wife without my first wife knowing and she will never know.
Stay with ur husband and stop panicking for their is nothing wrong for a man to marry more than one wife.

I weee teh @bolded

Ezibless:
Edo men

I'm now having a re-think about them

Why? because they might marry more than one wife?
I can sit here and list men I have met from more than 4 non-Edo tribes (by the way, Edo state is not homogeneous) that had more than one wife. Even ardent church goers.
Know the individual you are getting involved with and his family's background.

Ezibless:


I weee teh @bolded

please define love