I was seeing a Yoruba man on and off for the past 3 years. The first 1-1/2 year we were in a very close romantic relationship. We broke up and six months later, we began a more sexual relationship only. Tho we were friends am the first to admit that we weren't in a relationship at all. But we never 1 time in 3 years use protection. Going on for months...we warm back to each oda. He even bring him pikin come visit me he never did this when we were officially together... after months I took in. All he said was pele my dia... Ok well I decided that abortion was no option so he should prepare. He was adamant not to be involved with the pregnancy but he's responsible so he wouldn't leave the child once born. So we continue our thing visit anoda check on health and wealth, hustling etc. Still been intimate. I work hard, pay all my bills,never ask him for anything. He even insist I work less as I was doing like 12 hour days.

Ok so here's the issue... I'm not in Nigeria, I'm in Canada and I'm west Indian, but after the initial blood test we find out am a sickle cell trait. So after research, it's possible he may carry the trait too. So I ask him his status, nothing more, and he blew up. Like I'm having a kid without him, he's not going to be the father, not his concern etc. This after he knows he's the only man I'm intimate with even after I found out I'm preggy.

(I didn't mind the way we treat each other, it's my fault entirely as I have a very high tolerance for this man. After seeing him struggle from grass to grace, see his various troubles, support his lifestyle. He's a proud man, but I've seen his rare tears, he's seen mine. I've got an eternal, love/weak spot for him, so it's ny fault. I accept that.)

But when he began to berate the unborn child, to the extent that if I didn't drop the subject, our friendship would ve over. I became a mother and told him to forget about us. Lose my number, never try to find us in 1-2-5-20 years. I then sent him a message praying he have a good life with success n peace but never find us again. I moved to a new place. He tried calling but I blocked his number.

My family and friends, all support me. They agree that it's ny responsibility to keep the child mentally safe and emotionally sound, he was going to jerk the child around to the end of the ages, especially due to the fact that he's a good father to his other kids (he's a divorcee) . My church friends and other Nigerian friends all ostracized me saying am wicked etc. Especially since I insist that the child will grow up thinking the dad is dead.

Not sure if its the right choice now...sorry fit the long post...

If it makes you happy it's the right choice.

Better a dead father than one who rejects the child.

XKZ:
If it makes you happy it's the right choice.

Of course it doesn't make me happy. I'm losing the closest friend I've had for 3 years. It's been not to call him ask about his health, if he's eating right etc. I just couldn't believe he'd think that he's more important than our child.... I'm honestly very sad

Non Nigerian dey blow pidgin and Yoruba like dis?
Ovoko.

Back to the matter, if you miss him that much, call him. YOLO.

You have no right to keep a child away from a father if the father is not a danger to the child`s health and well being.
It is the fundamental right of the child to know his father and it is the right of the father to know his son.

If love your child let the child get to know it`s father. Do not take it upon yourself to make a choice for your child. That child is a human being with rights and you have just deprived him of a very fundamental right.

More so he needs to know his fathers roots and the rest of the family.
Did his siblings, grandparents, uncles, Aunts and cousins also offend you.
You are depriving him of his father,his siblings, his family , his roots.

It is morally wrong and that child may grow up hating you for depriving him of so many people who could have showed him love.

Please overcome your hurt and pride and do the right thing in the interest of your child.
The child is priority here and remember.
You too did not show that child unconditional love.
You wanted the fathers blood tested to know if it was a sickler. Most likely you would have aborted it if it was.
So you are not much better and have your own fair share of sins and cannot stand in Judgement over him.

Finally follow your heart, which wants to call him anyway!

Men would never learn their lesson.

Op, what does he want, the child or you or both of you? Either ways, don't hide the truth from your child about his father.

You eyes just dey read "I still feel for him".

What does he want? Find out!

I don't know what he wants. It seems he just wants me because of the unconditional support I've been to him.

I never intended on keeping the baby from the father, however if he intends on disowning her whenever he feels like, wouldn't that damage her permanently? He's already flip flopping now, imagine how it's going to be one she's born.

I'm already past 5 months,so the intention fit knowing his status was strictly for assisting in the health of the baby. Like I said, abortion was out of the question.

Mehn, my guy, I dey talk pidgin small small. Yoruba? I no talk am. 3 years with 1 real naija... Lol

mutter:
You have no right to keep a child away from a father if the father is not a danger to the child`s health and well being.
It is the fundamental right of the child to know his father and it is the right of the father to know his son.

If love your child let the child get to know it`s father. Do not take it upon yourself to make a choice for your child. That child is a human being with rights and you have just deprived him of a very fundamental right.

More so he needs to know his fathers roots and the rest of the family.
Did his siblings, grandparents, uncles, Aunts and cousins also offend you.
You are depriving him of his father,his siblings, his family , his roots.

It is morally wrong and that child may grow up hating you for depriving him of so many people who could have showed him love.

Please overcome your hurt and pride and do the right thing in the interest of your child.
The child is priority here and remember.
You too did not show that child unconditional love.
You wanted the fathers blood tested to know if it was a sickler. Most likely you would have aborted it if it was.
So you are not much better and have your own fair share of sins and cannot stand in Judgement over him.

Finally follow your heart, which wants to call him anyway!

I just feel like kissing you for this.

so have u put to bed now?
What decision did u take?
Did d babe come out a Sickle cell?

steffans:
so have u put to bed now?

What decision did u take?

Did d babe come out a Sickle cell?

Yes, I gave birth, to a bouncing baby gir! My decision doesn't really matter to be honest. If her father ever cared at all, he would've made an effort to get in contact with me. My number didn't change, my facebook account hasn't either. He's not the type of person to be put in a corner or told what to do. Like seriously, no one can dictate to this man, especially when it comes to his own children. So I'm more than convinced that he doesn't want anything to do with this gorgeous girl.

As for her blood type, my province tested and I'll get the results shortly. Regardless, I was determined to keep her, it would've saved her some extra needle poking at birth, but it's ok.

Moreover, I have scaled back in terms of telling her he's dead... That was a huge mistake, besides I can't wish death on anyone. I had to really ask God for forgiveness on that one. Either way, the baby looks identical to him and so I took all his photos and kept them for her to see when she comes to age.

Awww... Stories that touch...
May the good Lord give you the strength to take care of her...
Cheers!

lastnogood:


Yes, I gave birth, to a bouncing baby gir! My decision doesn't really matter to be honest. If her father ever cared at all, he would've made an effort to get in contact with me. My number didn't change, my facebook account hasn't either. He's not the type of person to be put in a corner or told what to do. Like seriously, no one can dictate to this man, especially when it comes to his own children. So I'm more than convinced that he doesn't want anything to do with this gorgeous girl.

As for her blood type, my province tested and I'll get the results shortly. Regardless, I was determined to keep her, it would've saved her some extra needle poking at birth, but it's ok.

Moreover, I have scaled back in terms of telling her he's dead... That was a huge mistake, besides I can't wish death on anyone. I had to really ask God for forgiveness on that one. Either way, the baby looks identical to him and so I took all his photos and kept them for her to see when she comes to age.

mcdokwe:
I just feel like kissing you for this.

na u be obama wey i dey read for news...abi why u won kiss a man like urself....oo ni yeye.

Back to u @op
...all i can say right now is that...u av to be strong both physically and emotionally right nw that u're a nursing mother....take ur post-natal treatment properly ....forget about the pain, take good care of the young Mrs....be happy and i knw someday the bush meat go catch the hunter....Your man wil come back to apologise and the girl wil also someday ask after her dad..and that would be another interesting episode ...but before then remember being a single mom is not a disease or misfortune..,ur baby deserves a proper care...

And In ur father's tongue, i say "E ku ewu omo o....Olorun aa wo o"

femijck:
Back to u @op
...all i can say right now is that...u av to be strong both physically and emotionally right nw that u're a nursing mother....take ur post-natal treatment properly ....forget about the pain, take good care of the young Mrs....be happy and i knw someday the bush meat go catch the hunter....Your man wil come back to apologise and the girl wil also someday ask after her dad..and that would be another interesting episode ...but before then remember being a single mom is not a disease or misfortune..,ur baby deserves a proper care...
And In ur father's tongue, i say "E ku ewu omo o....Olorun aa wo o"

Thanks my dia,

My friend e no be easy, but God's will be done in my daughter's life. About my health, my friend this is no laughing matter. I've already began working out, 3 weeks postpartum and back to eating 2,000 cals a day to support my exercise and breastfeeding. Women in this part of the world take their bodies seriously, so we workout before, during and after pregnancy. I've already lost my pregnancy weight!

About the emotional pain, it's still very raw tbh. I've never felt more betrayal in my life. Now that the baby is here, she's distracting me from the reality of the whole thing. It's becoming more and more obvious that for years someone lied and even worse pretended to be my friend. To the point of, cooking and cleaning for me when I was sick (something rare for a man to do, we didn't even live together), bringing me to school, who was there in my pain... How can someone lie like that? Go thru all that effort for sex!!! He knows he would've gotten it, so why spend years even telling me about himself, exposing me to his friends and business, his family history? Why?

Man, my pain is deep and it'll take a while to be healed. Overall though, I'm a grown woman, and my problems are my fault as well. If I lay blame everything on him, I'll repeat the same situation again. The things I've said, the way I said them, his words I may have willfully ignored, have all served as a learning point. I've learnt hard lessons and will grow with grace and not bitterness from this place.

At least my child is an angel! She'll definitely ask for her dad, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

yea just take it one step at a time right now...ur major concern now should be giving a proper care to ur new born and making sure u're healthy as a mom....u shouldn't be thinking too much of a man who left u when u needed him most....it's just one of the numerous lessons that life teaches....'hoping for the best and expecting the the worst" with this on ur mind...woman nothing wil be a surprise...plz tell us here if someday he comes back to propose..:-D

Well done.
May his grace console and strengthen you.

I'm just posting an update for those who advised me over the past few months. Well, as it turns out, I was minding my business and taking care of my newborn. Until one day, I got a text message and behold the baby's father has come to claim his child. I followed my mom's suggestion and laid all animosity to rest. She told me to explain my mind set during that fateful altercation that brought about my rash decision. (There's way more that happened but I won't go into detail about my intimate life o) Anyways a good mother shows her children how to succeed in life, and I followed her directives to a tee. I apologized instead of being haughty for the benefit of the relationship between father and child.

Thanks to God that they have each other!

lastnogood:


Thanks my dia,

My friend e no be easy, but God's will be done in my daughter's life. About my health, my friend this is no laughing matter. I've already began working out, 3 weeks postpartum and back to eating 2,000 cals a day to support my exercise and breastfeeding. Women in this part of the world take their bodies seriously, so we workout before, during and after pregnancy. I've already lost my pregnancy weight!

About the emotional pain, it's still very raw tbh. I've never felt more betrayal in my life. Now that the baby is here, she's distracting me from the reality of the whole thing. It's becoming more and more obvious that for years someone lied and even worse pretended to be my friend. To the point of, cooking and cleaning for me when I was sick (something rare for a man to do, we didn't even live together), bringing me to school, who was there in my pain... How can someone lie like that? Go thru all that effort for sex!!! He knows he would've gotten it, so why spend years even telling me about himself, exposing me to his friends and business, his family history? Why?

Man, my pain is deep and it'll take a while to be healed. Overall though, I'm a grown woman, and my problems are my fault as well. If I lay blame everything on him, I'll repeat the same situation again. The things I've said, the way I said them, his words I may have willfully ignored, have all served as a learning point. I've learnt hard lessons and will grow with grace and not bitterness from this place.

At least my child is an angel! She'll definitely ask for her dad, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

He didn't do all that for sex. Sex is cheap anyway, so he could've have gotten it elsewhere. He must have loved you in his own way, but I guess he couldn't go the whole mile with you.
I wish you luck with your child.