I Beg Ur Suggesions: - Family - Nairaland
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| I Beg Ur Suggesions: by letmesee: 10:29am On Jan 04, 2009 |
Pls I need ur advice……I had been forced to say 'yes' in my marriage. It was a few days ago…we have 10 yrs age gap….my educational background is so high….In contrast though he is double masters, bt nt frm so renowned instituitions….Later I met d man in face 2 face and had a looog loog conversation…, I found him really suited to me and felt so happy…, after that we got engaged by our family. We began to talk over phone…, he was tooooooooo romantic, emotional and lovable toward me. He expressed his love for me after 3 days of our engagement…he always try to make me feel that he loves me frm d core of his heart, he felt me o deeply……though I was not in love with him, but got some weakness in my mind seeing his so much feelings for me… after 1.5 month I accidently (not from himself, rather frm another person) came to know that he had been lying to me about his MBA. Actually we all knew frm his biodata dat he is doing MBA from a good private university……d 1st day b4 our engagement whn I met him, I asked him bout dis too. He also told me dat he is doing MBA. After our engagement after my asking he told me over ph dat he is taking a few gaps from his study bt will start within a few days…, bt nw I came to knw dat actually he had permanently stopped his MBA 2 yrs ago and never told me himself!!!! I was so shocked and dishearten thinking dat, even if it is true, he sud have been honest with me and tell me b4…bt he dint!!! Whn I asked him furuiously, he didn't confess either!!! He is genuinely a cool man. So I insulted him severly for dis by talk…bt he coolly toldme dat he told me bout d gap, I mite nt understood dat……bt I knw it's a lie…coz 'GAP 4 few days' and 'stopped since 2 yrs' cant be similar…….coz of my forcing, he promised me and my mother dat u will surely start his MBA for our sake…… frm his talking ya behavior I can realize dat he got so weak on me….bt I still cud nt forgive him for dis big lies….he and his family got impressed at my educational bacgrond…I had been a brilliant student….bt here I have no feeling regarding his normal background. Still I wud accept dat…bt y he lied to me!!! And nw I also feel he is to some extent nt so ambitious person, nt so hard working and serious wid his carrer…xactly my opposite…, his love for me touched my heart…bt I cant make myself understand discovering his such truth…all I wud accept if he dint lied to me….bt nw I feel he does nt deserve me, again I get thoughtful dat he also loves me too much….what should I do my frnds  Our marriage is just 1 month after……within dis 4 mothns after we giot engage, I still dint let him touch my hands coz of my disrespect as a person to him….he got very disappoint bt dint force me….wat wud happen after marriage!!! He tried to xpalin me dat heloves me so much anddo everything for me after marriage…he cant live happily wout me…he needs me…bt how sud I convince my self?? My family frnds all dint like his lie on MBA. Bt dey tried to xpalined me dat its nt d reason to reject his love…, I sud give a try…as disman has been expressed his feelings for me so many timesI m confused…, I feel I wud die…how I'd let him toch me…fall for him after seeing his such laziness and lie!!!! I beg u alllllllllllllllll pls after a gud deal of thought suggest me, I cant live wid such a mental torchur, how can I try to love him ? |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by SeaGoddes(f): 10:48am On Jan 04, 2009 |
do u have ph.d  anywaxs marriage is not a tin that should b forced on someone, search ur heart if u really like him then don't mind the lie maybe he was just trying to impress u since u have the double ph.d, however, if u dnt like lies, as if anyone does and dnt like him as a person for some reasons then call it offm dnt let ur family/friends push u into marriage with him. u r the one going to marry him , live with him not them. so the choce is urs, take ur time think thngs over and decide, but whatever u decide make sure it is u who made the decision not someone else |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by HOLLASLYD(m): 11:27am On Jan 04, 2009 |
Firstly,you can't let you parents arrange and interfer in a life time commitment Secondly you don't marry someone you don't know too well.your life might end up been ruined. Conclusivelly back off for some months and get to know this guy.you might develop feelings for him. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by IGWEUSA(m): 12:19pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
First of all, U guys should postpone the marriage for the mean time. That gives u enough time to reflect on all issues cos this is one of the most important decisions U have to make in ur life. If I may ask, re U a professor emeritus! |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by DualCore1: 12:40pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
letmesee:i had this in mind when i was reading and now i'm like |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by eminemkayc: 12:52pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
Sentence construction nd d use of past-participle nd present verb terms 2 relay ur point is cmpletely wrong nd confusing 4m a supposd 'intelligent' chick!! |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by HOLLASLYD(m): 12:58pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
Seriously i taught thesame. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by jamace(m): 1:51pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
Poster, You are so concerned about educational qualifications instead of marriage qualifications. You even berated the type of institution he attended  . I believe that the guy has his first degree already if not he will not be talking about MBA, so he is qualified, at least, academic wise to marry you. You said "my educational qualification is so high", how high is it, please? Your post was not as academically "high" as would want us to believe  . My sister, if you want to marry, think of marriage qualities else you will remain unmarried forever with your "high" certificates. In addition, marriage is a "till death do us part" contract.Therefore, you must enter into this contract not depending on parents for final decision. Finally, if you do not feel satisfied with the man's marriage qualities, you better backout now and look for another, else you will forever remain frustrated in it.There are many men out there. My advice any way. Good luck  . |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by 190: 3:20pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
Passing by Wonders shall never end. Leaves at a speed of 200 mph |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by iice(f): 3:49pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
Dual Core: jamace: Rofl. I had a headache reading through the post. Lady, the lie he told you is your smokescreen for your dissatisfaction with his educational background/qualification. You have married. Are you starving - does he not bring home the bacon or part of it? Does he beat you? Is he causing problems for you family? All the same, if you cannot work past the educational background/qualification, you'd best take your leave. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by busybein: 6:04pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
u r dumb poster,because an inteligent babe would not write/type like some 3 yr old kindergarten child,i can't even understand ur post,d grammar,and d problem first off,since u said u r intelligent,then i wonder why u will still allow ur people arrange ur husband for u second off,are u more concerned about his educational background or ur marital background? third off,what about those girls that got married to someone that stopped at secondary school? 4th off,you are not even happy he has his first degree 5th off,does academic intelligence weigh same wt general intelligence? i keep saying this,if academical intelligence is d only intelligence in life,then i'd rather remain and illiterate,i know a lot of people who r first class holders but don't know nada about other things,d knowledge,wisdom,intelligence and maturity some secondary school holder might have may be more than what a Ph.d holder will ever get in his or her freaking life so shut the hell up and go settle yourself,since u r madam intelligent  |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by fireangels(f): 7:52pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
busybein: why re u vexing ?@poster abeg i dey get headache so i wld try again later 2 go thru ur post for now get brighter grammar |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by Treetop20(m): 9:14pm On Jan 04, 2009 |
for someone who is well educated your English is shite |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by touchmeder: 12:59am On Jan 05, 2009 |
Treetop20: it is just laughable. A huge joke |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by bigfather(m): 2:01am On Jan 05, 2009 |
So who is fooling who ?! |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by busybein: 2:50am On Jan 05, 2009 |
fireangel$: and how is it any business of urs? |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by Godalone(m): 10:00am On Jan 05, 2009 |
busybein:The poster is not lettered at all. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by Akinagirl(f): 10:45am On Jan 05, 2009 |
You know, for someone who is "intelligent" I definitely did not understand your post. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by outlaws(m): 11:32am On Jan 05, 2009 |
 If a lady I hook up with try to force me into getting a degree I don't want because she claims she is the almighty smart educated rich lady, I might tell her to go to hell. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by Ben13: 11:48am On Jan 05, 2009 |
YES has always been a good answer in cases like this. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by hotstuff06(f): 5:45pm On Jan 05, 2009 |
Damn girl, okay may I ask what school u attended? You educational background is highly questionable. Unfortunately, here u are belittling this guy like he is next to nothing because of ur "HIGH education" and u can't even construct 1 good sentence. Oga Oh. ROTFLMAO. I don't even have any advice for you but I do feel sorry for your fiance though. He does not deserve someone like u. Not that I condone him lieing to you. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by wafigirl(f): 5:39am On Jan 09, 2009 |
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| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by GucciBabe(f): 10:30am On Jan 09, 2009 |
mehn! people can never be satisfied, if you are so smart with all the degrees you have, why didn't you meet someone in your 'so called high academic master program'?  >:! you sound like you will forever use this against the guy even if you marry him, so its best you call it off and put an ad in the newspapers, stating your criteria. better yet, check out the billionaires in the world today, not all of them have masters or even finshed uni, and some have all the education in the world, and still remain a gate man for the billionaires that didnt pass in front of uni, rusbbish! |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by chibaby5(f): 6:29pm On Jan 09, 2009 |
c'mon u guys should allow da poster 4 a second man!!! errbody is capable of makin some grammar mistakes n she's not an exception. she says she doesnt like a certain aspect of da guy, well!, that is her opinion innit? she's da one gettin married here n its not a one day ting. . . . its a lifetime ting so u really have 2 b sure before gettin in. @poster well, maybe da guy lied because of da way u were pushing da educational status n ting. maybe it waz da pressure u put on him that made him lie so if ya sure, like u said he loves u 4 realz, that should really b da 1st consideration not da education status although its very important but atleast da guy has a very understandable level of education innit. . . nwayz good luck though  |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by olanajim(m): 9:47am On Jan 10, 2009 |
@poster, if the guy is from poor background or had financial difficulties at the time he was doing his MBA, then, I quite understand him. He might have suspended the programme to enable him tackle the issues. Maybe, in the course of his absence, he missed out his class. It is also possible that he feared that telling you he had suspended the course will make you end the affair. He must have found out that you will want nothing to do with anyone below masters. I think you created the problem. By reading your post, I found you to be not just obsessed with higher degrees but also place premium on the Institution. I am sorry to say this. You see, by limiting your scope of choice (which has it advantage), you are also limiting your prospect of getting a sincere man. Sincerity has nothing to do with academic accomplishment. It also seems your mother is in support of your picking nothing below masters as a hubby. The guy may not have lied to you! You will know this by demanding to see his admision letter. That is step one. If he can produce the admision letter or evident that he was once an MBA student, then he must have a reason, for the "GAP". Your next step is to find out that reason. Tell him you will forgive him on the condition that he tell you nothing but truth. Also don't be confrontational. Be calm and listen to him. It is from what he will tell you that you will have to base your final judgement. If he is a good man as you said, if he a cool loving man, then find out why he lied to you and what his problem is. He may have to return to school anyway if that is what you will need. Then learn to forgive him. One more word, it is wrong to divulge every confidential information about your relationship to your mother if she cannot be IMPARTIAL. I think your story is a lesson to people that want to "marry degree" and not the "man". There is nothing wrong with it except that you will meet many impostors, liars who are ready to do anything to have you. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by ariblaze(m): 11:58am On Jan 12, 2009 |
mirror -man. . . .long story @post it is a lie gurl i could hardly make head of you write double masters my ass |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by Frizy(m): 7:57pm On Jan 12, 2009 |
please I need ur advice……I had been forced to say 'yes' in my marriage. It was a few days ago…we have 10 years age gap….my educational background is so high….In contrast though he is double masters, bt nt frm so renowned instituitions….Later I met d man in face 2 face and had a looog loog conversation…, I found him really suited to me and felt so happy…, after that we got engaged by our family. Hmm. interesting, which university did you graduate from? Harvard, Yale or the University of Capetown. . So high indeed. We began to talk over phone…, he was tooooooooo romantic, emotional and lovable toward me. He expressed his love for me after 3 days of our engagement…he always try to make me feel that he loves me frm d core of his heart, he felt me o deeply……though I was not in love with him, but got some weakness in my mind seeing his so much feelings for me… So while you were having your Ph.D you never found someone that loves you that much. . You are now saying you love him sympathetically, if I knew that guy I would have told him to leave you. Guys don't need to beg, same to girls too.  after 1.5 month I accidently (not from himself, rather frm another person) came to know that he had been lying to me about his MBA. Actually we all knew frm his biodata that he is doing MBA from a good private university……d 1st day before our engagement whn I met him, I asked him bout this too. He also told me that he is doing MBA. After our engagement after my asking he told me over ph that he is taking a few gaps from his study bt will start within a few days…, bt nw I came to knw that actually he had permanently stopped his MBA 2 years ago and never told me himself!!!! I was so shocked and dishearten Ok, I'm getting to understand you. Knowing a double masters degree isn't an equivalent to your Ph.D in Oxford you were shocked. . Do you expect him to tell you he only has a first degree in Animal production from U.I that you may start saying you can't marry a "goat seller"? . Some women no go kill me. he and his family got impressed at my educational bacgrond…I had been a brilliant student….bt here I have no feeling regarding his normal background. Tell me what your educational background is with this sentence. Or is this the new way of writing shorthand Ms.Ph.D? I m confused…, I feel I would die…how I'd let him toch me…fall for him after seeing his such laziness and lie!!!! I beg u alllllllllllllllll please after a good deal of thought suggest me, I can't live wid such a mental torchur, how can I try to love him? Seun please post this topic on the home page for nairalanders to view and comment. . O pa ni, **confused and die** |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by olanajim(m): 8:15pm On Jan 12, 2009 |
Ariblaze, I miss you so dear. How is your wife doing? My mirror is still shinning as ever. Email me please. My email is on my profile. |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by babsongudus: 8:37am On Jan 13, 2009 |
@poster "my educational background is so high" pele oo miss OMOWE. u beta be fast bout, it if not, u'll eventually gt married with ur educational one thing, one thing. olodo! |
| Re: I Beg Ur Suggesions: by amaikama(m): 4:49pm On Apr 28, 2009 |
that is one thing about we na9ja we always put education, money etc before happiness do u think all dis the first priority in marriage? why is it that some educated people tend to be illiterate in life when it comes to things God design right from the foundation of the world why?? please tell me why? no wonder we have allot of un-married ladies than men dis days. cause they are all looking for security, fame and furtune  the devil has taking away the happiness that once was.it a shame!!!! |
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