1. You can't wear button down shirts
because the buttons gape open and you
basically look semi-naked. One time I
realized this was happening 30 minutes into
a work meeting. It's like having spinach in
your teeth, but boobs.

2. It's impossible to find cute bras that fit.
All the lacy balconette bras Victoria's Secret
models wear? Look away because YOU get a
giant grandma support bra with two-inch-
wide beige straps.

3. No bathing suits fit. Ever. Not one pieces,
not two pieces, not red pieces, not blue
pieces.

4. People (even those who don't know you
well!) say things to you (even in casual
conversation!) like, "Have you ever thought
about getting a breast reduction?" No, have
you ever thought about getting a nose job?
Maybe you could at least turn around and go
check your nosiness at the door, then?

5. People ask you if your back hurts. While I
realize this is an issue for some women, it's
weird when people assume that something I
actually like about my body is a disability.

6. Everyday exercises are basically not
possible. There is this much space between
my b(oo)bs and the floor during a push-up.

7. You have to wear more than one sports
bra if you're going to attempt to work out .
Sometimes two, sometimes....UGH....three .
Sometimes you wish you could temporarily
mummify your b(oo)bs just for your
workouts.

8. You automatically look sexual in
everything you wear.

9. You look especially sexual in bathing
suits. There is soooo much cleavage.

10. People ask what size bra you are. Both
men and women. This is weird and rude. I
don't go around asking you how much you,
like, weigh.

11. Guys pay too much attention to your
boobs in bed, as if assuming that big b
(oo)bs automatically equate to "extremely
sensitive cl!toris-like pleasure appendages."
Not true.

12. You are constantly bothered by dressing
advice for "curvy" figures because the advice
is always bullshit. Like that thing about
belting things at the waist? You look like
you're presenting your boobs on a platter.

13. You can never wear anything backless.
You basically cry while watching the Oscars
red carpet, jealous of all the side b(oo)bs
you will never flaunt.

14. You can't wear any bridesmaids dresses
because they're ALWAYS strapless. Damn
you brides and your strapless dress
leanings. DAMN YOU.

15. You can't wear blazers. Because they all
gape open at the bottom so that your torso
looks like a big bell. That cliché work advice
about just throwing on a blazer over your
dress for your job interview is, to you, fake.

16. You can only wear bib necklaces.
Because long ones dangle off the precipice
of your b(oo)bs like a cat toy.

17. Cross body bags awkwardly snuggle up
to your armpit. Like you're nursing a baby.

18. You look positively beastly if you're cut
off mid-b(oo)b in a photo.

19. You are horrified of the idea of being
pregnant because even though you love
your big b(oo)bs, they are big enough.