You left unannounced.
You were gone without a renouncement.
Your departure was like a bounce.
You acted brazenfacedly.
I reeled in pain like I was pounced on.
I almost wept a lagoon of suicidal decisions.
Life, I adjudged, unfairly, took us as pawns.

I got hiked.
Afraid to wake.
Too Frightened to give a Bleep.
Unwillin' to find myself again in a love lake.
I walked in circles I found broken.
Brooding found in me, a companion of wake-keeping.

I never wanted to believe it.
I never needed to.
I got to know I was a fig.
Fog descended around me.
I couldn't do without you.
The birds fell in two categories.
The doves pitying, wishing me a lucky hill.
Out of the mystery, mother nature bestowed me.
The vultures gnashing.
Wondering why I hadn't rotten.
So they could soar around like the Eagle.

I ran home.
Away from the foggy cold.
Into the comforts that looked like Rome.
I roamed.
I howled.
Danger loomed.
I sogged.

Finally, I might have made it.
I scurried in!
The dagger plunged in me.
I studied the inflictor of the sweet relief.
The hand seemed mine.
I would be linened.

Oh! Scourging relief.

The mashy earth awaited me.
I found my clothes ripped.
A six feet home was been diggen.
I would be rolled in.
In a shrouded attire.
But then, I whispered.
Out into the sky.
''Dear govara, the dove of lightening,
I scribbled those lines.
When I am safe in those pines,
They would be publicised,''.

I raced towards my door.
I yelled inwardly.
I scrambled rageously.
A nightmare, I unhoarded.
Maybe the future glimpsed.
I melted yonder.
Away and into the blur.

I would live no more.

Hi, Sir Laykorn and Madam Standd, your poems moved me do this. This will be my first hand at it, kindly help critique and check it out.

I really wish to get better, here.

Wow, I luv dis......it rili move me
U will not believe I was close to tears when reading it......Kudos deardear

Lovely
This is exactly how I like my poem.

Laykorn will critique, I'm here to read and savor and roll the words on my tongue..

Write more poems thronekid, you are gooder

Oh thronekid! This poem of yours sends shivers down my spine. Rudely, it awakens that obvious fact that we sing to, tons of sweet lullabies everyday to keep deep, lost away in sleep. I found myself scrolling back to the top of the page aching to savour every tiny bit of the moments this poem has created.

I love it when people come with something unique; something different. I love it when I see poets boldly defy those rules of modern poetry. Believe me; this is awesome!

I suggest that you read poems by Charles Bukwoski, E.E Cummings and Lorine Niedecker. You have a lot in common with these brilliant poets.

Please remember to tag me in your subsequent poems. I hope to read more from the musings of this brilliant pen.

Then, I'm sure you know that you shouldn't have used the period at the end of every line. It makes things a lot more easier to punctuate your poetry just the same way you'd punctuate your prose.

Teebashy:
Wow, I luv dis......it rili move me
U will not believe I was close to tears when reading it......Kudos deardear

Thanks, dear.
How've you been?

standd:
Lovely
This is exactly how I like my poem.

Laykorn will critique, I'm here to read and savor and roll the words on my tongue..

Write more poems thronekid, you are gooder

Mama Standd! Thanks oh...... You for call me Heineken not 'gooder'

Thanks!

laykorn:
Oh thronekid! This poem of yours sends shivers down my spine. Rudely, it awakens that obvious fact that we sing to, tons of sweet lullabies everyday to keep deep, lost away in sleep. I found myself scrolling back to the top of the page aching to savour every tiny bit of the moments this poem has created.

I love it when people come with something unique; something different. I love it when I see poets boldly defy those rules of modern poetry. Believe me; this is awesome!

I suggest that you read poems by Charles Bukwoski, E.E Cummings and Lorine Niedecker. You have a lot in common with these brilliant poets.

Please remember to tag me in your subsequent poems. I endeavour to read more from the musings of this brilliant pen.

Then, I'm sure you know that you shouldn't have used the period at the end of every line. It makes it a lot more easier to punctuate your poetry just the same way you'd punctuate your prose.

Oh, thanks, sir!
The idea of scribbling a poem or anything in rhymes had been lingering for like 3 days before I just decided to try.

Thanks for your advice. I would try to do better.

thronekid:

Thanks, dear.
How've you been?

Am fyn oooo....u

basille:
Beautiful.

Thanks, sir. I hope to be better than you someday.

U r very ingenious in writin

AlienStar:
U r very ingenious in writin

Thanks, ma. But without you, no Diamond.
Thanks again.

Fembleez1, can you please grace the thread?

I love the poem so much for its descriptive style. It is somewhat a narrative poem as one could imagine doing those things one after another, moving around, scuttling. The birds and the way vultures might descend to eat a carcass.


I wish I could analyze this better.


I could pick out some literary devices like hyperbole and most reocurring - simile. Irony and metaphor too were present. Lovely poem.




Title: I love the title cause it is catchy. You imagine a Soothing relief when it is actually Irony.



The line I like most:- “I almost wept a lagoon of suicidal decision. Hyperbole I think.




What to work on: I think your punctuations. There is much full-stop. Though as a poet, you have a poetic license to your own style but in a competition, - enjambment - might earn you a lot, than the full-stop.




Just my thoughts bro. Open to corrections/criticism.





I tell you, I love poems than prose as a writer.





But poets or poems are hardly recognized or appreciated.

Fembleez1:
I love the poem so much for its descriptive style. It is somewhat a narrative poem as one could imagine doing those things one after another, moving around, scuttling. The birds and the way vultures might descend to eat a carcass.


I wish I could analyze this better.


I could pick out some literary devices like hyperbole and most reocurring - simile. Irony and metaphor too were present. Lovely poem.




Title: I love the title cause it is catchy. You imagine a Soothing relief when it is actually Irony.



The line I like most:- “I almost wept a lagoon of suicidal decision. Hyperbole I think.




What to work on: I think your punctuations. There is much full-stop. Though as a poet, you have a poetic license to your own style but in a competition, - enjambment - might earn you a lot, than the full-stop.




Just my thoughts bro. Open to corrections/criticism.





I tell you, I love poems than prose as a writer.





But poets or poems are hardly recognized or appreciated.

Thank you so much, bro.
You always make me feel nice about scribbling.

ThR0NeKiD:

Thank you so much, bro.
You always make me feel nice about scribbling.