When I was a teen I made a very poor decision by sleeping with a girl unprotected after getting a bit drunk after a party. The girl got pregnant and 9 months later I had a beautiful daughter who I love very much. Thank god that we both had very understanding and cooperative relatives who helped me and my daughter's mother get through the experience, and we both managed to go on to successfully complete high school and College, though not as a couple. We barely new each other prior to the time we hooked up and had sex after that party, and in all likelihood we wouldn't of been interested enough in eachother outside of a drunken youthful state of mind in which we were in at the time we stupidly decided to go and slip out of the party to have sex.

Our emotions toward each other were purely based on looks and spare of the moment events and desires, and after that unfortunate night we soon found this out about each other with little delay of time. We just don't click in a way in which would allow us to have a successful lovers relationship. Don't get me wrong, she and I both are great decent people, though just not compatible in the right ways. We tried hard, really hard to be in a lovers relationship for about a year, but it just wasn't working, and we went our separate ways shortly before starting college. We remained cordial toward each other though, and I am intensively present in my daughters life-- so her mother and I are on solid terms, and I still have deep care for her in that she is the mother of my child and a generally overall good women who is fair and honest with me.

Well, now comes the part in which I've started this thread in regard to. About two years ago, she divorced from her husband and now do to the economic crunch,  she's fallen on a bit of hard times financially, and so she's of lately been calling every so often on my cell asking if I could help her pay this bill and that bill. Well thankfully I'm a pretty financially stable guy, and am in a position to comfortably help her out in these difficult times until she manages to stabilize herself again. By the way, she has a 3yo boy and a 1yo daughter by her Ex-husband, and our daughter is now 13. Her Ex got laid off from his job a while back and thus is not able to pay his full child support payments and or his court ordered share of the mortgage on the house she and the kids live in. So, I'm really feeling bad for the girl,  and want to help her out as best I can.

I've been keeping it unknown to my wife that I've been helping my daughters mother out of lately, though just last night while I was in the bathroom my cell rang while sitting right next to her and it was my daughters mother; my wife answered so to say hello and tell her that I was indisposed at the time, and in the process they began a bit of a chat in where my daughters mother thanked my wife for agreeing to help her out with some of her bills lately.  Can you Say BUSTED!! Well, my wife was classy with the surprising new news and simply played it off as if she knew all about the situation and was fine with it,  But once off the phone, she chewed my ass out over it!!

To say the least, she want's me to stop,  but I told her that I wont, in that It's not hurting our personal financial standing in any way, and I'd rather have her come to me to get help than to go through god knows what to get the finances, and face having the kids be effected negatively by such situations. By the way, she's (my daughter's mother) a very fiscal conservative person who doesn't spend excessively on anything, and she'd only ask for it if she REALLY needed it; so this is even more reason that I feel comfortable giving her the money. So what do you'all think, should I continue to give her money until she gets her situation together and or obey my wife's wishes by not giving her anymore money?

Get your wife to understand. I'm sure she's only taking such a tough stand because you didnt inform her in the first place, she's right to wonder what else you are hiding from her anyway.

As long as its not financially affecting you, you should continue to help her out.
She needs your help and don't forget your own daughter is involved.

Goodluck!!!

.

Lmao. what a surprise. Oloshi has a baby mama.

Typical

arent you supposed to be paying child support anyway?

Do they ever? Awon eranko

karma lol you funny o with your first post.

tpia, the lady has 3 kids and the father of the other 2 isn't paying.

well, KBI, maybe take care of a bill or 2 for her if you really have the means and it won't affect your own family. instead of giving her the money, maybe pay some bills for her, like charity while paying your child support.

.

.

tpia:

arent you supposed to be paying child support anyway? As long as your daughter's under 18. Most women would at least get that to help them care for the child. You dont want the mother to feel she has to go to court and force you to pay, though hopefully things wont get to that level.


You should have told your wife when she first asked for money, and also informed the lady you'd discuss it with your wife first. For all you know, your wife could even send her some money herself.

Tricky situation, I must say.

Tpia, I pay child support. Actually I pay more to her in child support for just my one daughter with her than her Ex husband is forced to pay for his two kids with her, do to my financial standings. But with her ex not able to pay his full share of payments do to being laid off, what I'm basically doing is giving her the access money that she's not getting from her Ex husband.

Her situation with her Ex not working-- was fine for a while until her employer was forced to cut salaries down not too long ago.  She's currently attending interviews for a better paying job, and her Ex is also working hard on getting another job as well, though due to the nature of his business offerings around this area of the nation are slim in his field of work, so he's being forced to move to another part of the country to get a position.

This is bothering him a lot, because he'll be so far away from his kids. He called me and thanked me for sending his Ex the extra money, and offered to pay it back once he's gotten back on his feet, but I turned the offer down and told him to just focus on getting himself together for his kids and not to worry about the money. He's a good guy fallen on bad times.

kurukerekurukere lol likr play like play eh lol numnrt 4. you are right tpia. she might start regreting while did i leave this bloke in the first place. before you know it, it's another randevous after night out diner just to helep her  

tpia:


lol. You know KB1 can flame you for this oh. Its getting rather rare to find guys who dont have one, these days anyway.

He should be taking care of his seeds instead of running his mouth at people on NL. Akata oshi

You're right about the rare thing though. It's getting pretty pathetic.

kb1, not that it matters. is she a nigerian?

Karma, shut your mouth and stop being jealous. I take care of my family very well. None of them want for anything. I spoke to my wife about the situation just a while ago over the phone and she's ok with the situation and said that she was just a bit heated that I didn't tell her about it. She knows my daughter's mother very well, and how good of a mother and general woman she is, and is just as wanting to help her out in her time of need as I am. This has much more to do than just with my daughters involvement in the situation, like the fact of that her brother and sister are very close to my wife and I as if they were our own niece and nephew and their mother is our good friend. We can easily part with some money to see to it that they can live with piece of mind.

*Hauwa*:

kb1, not that it matters. is she a nigerian?

No. She's African-American.

jealous of what? Bastards?   Or do you not know the definition of a bastard? Children out of wedlock. This wasnt even near wedlock sef. Spawn of a drunken one night stand.

Claim to be in a "marriage" yet hiding your randy ass information from her. Ode.

KarmaMod:

jealous of what? Bastards?   Or do you not know the definition of a bastard? Children out of wedlock. This wasnt even near wedlock sef. Spawn of a drunken one night stand.

Claim to be in a "marriage" yet hiding your randy ass information from her. Ode.

I'm going to argue with your ignorant ass today.

Ignorance is not wearing a condom

I am not sure if i miss a part where you said, you were paying child support, if i do, my apologies, else, you ought to be supporting your child.
1. is your wife aware of the fact that you had a child before you marry her, if she does, is she expecting the child to just disappear into the thin air?
2. You should have made ur wife to be aware that you are taking care of your daughter, and even let your daughter visit sometimes, cos she has same right to you as your other kids with your wife if you have any.
3. you owe your wife lots of apology for hiding such facts away from her.
4. If you wife like peace, better for her to just let u keep helping jejely, else, the woman cld take you to court and you might be forced to pay more that you would have voluntarily paid and your daughter might even grow up hating you for dragging her thru court for support.
Good luck

@ Karmamod and KB1, should I just go ahead and book that hotel room, yes, no

Fhemmmy:

I am not sure if i miss a part where you said, you were paying child support, if i do, my apologies, else, you ought to be supporting your child.
1. is your wife aware of the fact that you had a child before you marry her, if she does, is she expecting the child to just disappear into the thin air?
2. You should have made ur wife to be aware that you are taking care of your daughter, and even let your daughter visit sometimes, cos she has same right to you as your other kids with your wife if you have any.
3. you owe your wife lots of apology for hiding such facts away from her.
4. If you wife like peace, better for her to just let u keep helping jejely, else, the woman cld take you to court and you might be forced to pay more that you would have voluntarily paid and your daughter might even grow up hating you for dragging her thru court for support.
Good luck

Ha ha, Uncle Femo, what a waste of white space KB1 only has 4 posts on this thread, 2 of which were just one-line rejoinder, so what's your excuse for not reading them

*waka*

Way too young to die from Aids

lol

Don't you think the small fact that your ex-wife's ex-husband was in on it too, surely would have made it easy to tell your wife? Why didn't you tell her in the first place anyway?

In addition to what Davidylan said, your wife is not selfish, and it is not about the fact that you can afford it financially, she just feels betrayed that you could not trust her, thats all.

Don't rest on your laurel yet that she has forgiven you, because women find it hard to let go easily and tend to have more grudges than men, you still have a lot of grovelling to do, and don't be surprised when she starts acting funny too.

KarmaMod:

*waka*

Way too young to die from Aids

I know what to do, I am gonna hget KB1 on your arse He is the only man on NL that can tame you

KB1:

I'm going to argue with your ignorant ass today.

KB1. where art thou, my popcorn is getting cold and the ice in my drink is melting and making my drink taste flat Don't tell me you too have bottled it and chickened out, like your fellow NL'ers men

Busy_body:

Don't you think the small fact that your ex-wife's ex-husband was in on it too, surely would have made it easy to tell your wife? Why didn't you tell her in the first place anyway?

Perhaps you should reread my situation starting from my first post. I was never married to my daughters mother. Also, her Ex was not in on anything. He became informed of the situation after being summoned to court after failing to pay his full court ordered child support amounts. The issue of a payment restructuring came up do to her fall in personal income, and it was brought up in the hearing that I was helping her out with paying extra benefits to the her. It, was then that he found out about it and later called me up to thank me.

In addition to what Davidylan said, your wife is not selfish, and it is not about the fact that you can afford it financially, she just feels betrayed that you could not trust her, thats all.

I never said she was selfish in any regard. I just didn't feel as though she'd react too positively to this situation, in which I felt as though I really needed to step up and act upon. I didn't want to be deterred from the task. I know that my not telling my wife about it was wrong though at the time I felt it was right, and meaningful.

Don't rest on your laurel yet that she has forgiven you, because women find it hard to let go easily and tend to have more grudges than men, you still have a lot of grovelling to do, and don't be surprised when she starts acting funny too.

Please, I'll just buy her something fancy and she'll forget about it in a week. You know Igbo women. 




Just Joking, don't scold me, O!!

KarmaMod:

*waka*

Way too young to die from Aids

Karma, take your Wowo bush behind self out of my thread.

KB1:

Karma, take your Wowo bush behind self out of my thread.

Is that all Sorry, you would have to pack more punch than that, this is KARMAMOD we are talking here Go and re-strategise

KB1:

Perhaps you should reread my situation starting from my first post. I was never married to my daughters mother.

As long as you get my drift and as long as the ends justifies the means, we are still singing from the same hymn sheet Okay my bad, read it, but got engulfed and overwhelmed by the fumes coming outta Karmamod's caustic mouth

KB1:

Also, her Ex was not in on anything. He became informed of the situation after being summoned to court after failing to pay his full court ordered child support amounts. The issue of a payment restructuring came up do to her fall in personal income, and it was brought up in the hearing that I was helping her out with paying extra benefits to the her. It, was then that he found out about it and later called me up to thank me.

Okay, rephrasing my closed rhetorical question again - Didn't your ex's ex-husband find out before your wifey

KB1:

I never said she was selfish in any regard.

Sometimes you don't have to say something

KB1:

I just didn't feel as though she'd react too positively to this situation, in which I felt as though I really needed to step up and act upon.

Blistering barnacles not only are you now saying she is selfish, but you are also saying she is/was inconsiderate by her non-positive action of not utilising her opportunity to slap you senseless

KB1:

I didn't want to be deterred from the task. I know that my not telling my wife about it was wrong though at the time I felt it was right, and meaningful.

You don't wanna be deterred superHERO, talk about misguided priorities Don't go and find a way to save your marriage you hear

KB1:

Please, I'll just buy her something fancy and she'll forget about it in a week. You know Igbo women. 
Just Joking, don't scold me, O!!

How are you sure she didn't just call you this afternoon to sweeten the blow that your arse is gonna be sleeping on the couch tonight

Me too I am just joking ni o, don't flame me abeg

wowo bush behind? Abeg leave the naija phrases to the nigerians. root-less creature 

Akata ranu 

Did this didirin really think he could expose himself like this on NL after all the garbage he has spewed around here and I wouldnt say something?

Rofl, dumber than I thought 

You really are in a difficult situation but you ought to have explained the circumstances to your wife first - that is a given. You really have no other choice but to do the respectable thing and pay child support till your daughter is 18.

DaPhoenix:

You really are in a difficult situation but you ought to have explained the circumstances to your wife first - that is a given. You really have no other choice but to do the respectable thing and pay child support till your daughter is 18.

Please read all that I've written before commenting. I've been paying child support to her for my daughter ever since the mother and I broke up when our child was 1, and she's now 13yo. Me paying child support has nothing to do with this situation, this is about me sending the mother extra money on top of the child support, so to help her pay for some of her bills and other expenses in which the money she makes from work, I give her through child support and that in which her Ex husband gives her, doesn't quite cover.

Please do not insinuate that I'm some kind of dead beat dad in this situation. My daughter spends many days out of the month at my home, and out and about doing fun stuff with her brothers and sisters, my wife and I, and even her little 3 year old brother from her mother-- comes and spends a lot of time over at the house with her at times.

They, my wife and I's kids all get along very well and love spending time with each other. My wife loves having them over to the house, especially my daughter-- in that she comes and keeps an eye on her little brother and sisters while the wife and I are busy doing chores around the house or holding meetings and such. She's a big help to us both.

Thank God for men like you. Your wife also seems like a very reasonable woman.