How wise can we really be? Sometimes, our definitions of wisdom are only products of our minute experiences. We soon realize that our manifold wisdom are only droplets in the mighty ocean of terrestial manifestations...

Getting served is based on a true life story...

Kingphilip, Dyoungstar, Karchisbarbie, Princesa, Ishilove, Repogirl, Ritababe, Larrysun, Seun, D9ty7, Lalasticlala, Princesa, Missterious, Emmaphina, Flakkydagirl, Danwrites, Kwencypresh, Princesssusan, Harjibolar10, Hassan85, Obinnau, Psalmwise, Rhapzidy, Mizznutrition, Aipete2, Fembleez1, Tylenol, Xtremelygifted, Missmossy, Marynneka, Joetyno, Agybabe...

Read and drop your comments.

©2015. No part may be reproduced electronically, in print and otherwise without the permission of the Author.

...Meanwhile, have you seen these titles?

The Man and the Prophet
www.nairaland.com/2371668/man-prophet-short-story-ohibenemma


Let's Not Waste Time On Frivolities
www.nairaland.com/2299241/lets-not-waste-time-frivolities...a

Magdalene
www.nairaland.com/1836059/magdalene-short-story

New Direction
www.nairaland.com/2109798/new-direction-short-story

Carry go Oga Ohis

#1...

I smile now in retrospect, but it wasn't funny when it happened. How could I have been happy to lose so much? How could I have lost such in such foolish circumstances? It wouldn't have been an issue had my wisdom not been so "rubbished", or like we would say in my hood, had they not so "downed my rep".

I am a wise guy; so I thought I was, but am I so sure now - after they so "downed my rep"?

I had been warned before my arrival in Lagos to "shine my eyes". Like my cousin, Olosaigbe, would say then: "who stay Lagos when no get sense no fit get sense again." It was funny, but a statement I took with a pinch of salt. What was it about Lagos that everyone so loved to brag about? What was it about that so-called commercial capital of the country that everyone from there felt they had added on an air of superiority?

All these played at the back of my mind as the bus conveying us went past the RCCG camp. I would soon be in that Lagos, I thought in my mind; that Lagos that everyone seemed to brag about, that Lagos that suddenly endued its inhabitants with uncommon wisdom - I was arriving there soon.

Being one that rarely interacted with fellow passengers, when travelling, I was mute for most of the journey. Occasionally, the lady beside me would ask me to open the bus window a bit more, only to later be the first to complain about same. I chose not to be angry with her, obeying her at every turn. This earned me a pack of snacks when our bus stopped over at Ore to enable passengers get something to eat. Unlike some others, I had eaten before leaving home that morning. I had woken up quite early despite sleeping late. It was so whenever I had a long trip to make - I would be unsure of what I needed to pack for the journey until the early hours of the morning. Then, on sudden inspiration, burst into activity. I had made something for me to eat before leaving for the bus park. Thus, while some others hurriedly jumped out of the bus at Ore, I slowly alighted, and deliberately looked all around for a spot I could relax while waiting for others. I was yet to get around this when the lady asked:

'It appears like you won't be going for anything?' It was more of a statement than a question. I nodded. She shook her head, as if in pity. 'Tell me, what do I get for you when returning?'

I smiled, for the first time since we left the park at Benin. Did this lady think I wasn't eating because I couldn't afford a meal? Did I look poor or something? Or could she have misinterpreted my watery eyes to mean hunger?

'Don't worry about me, I'm okay.' I spoke for the first time since the commencement of the journey.

'I insist,' she said, then chuckled. 'I know your type - they are too shy for their own good. One informed me last week of her inability to eat where non-family members were. I simply told her that she would have died of hunger had she schooled at St Mary's.'

I smiled again. At least, it was good she thought me shy. That was better than being regarded as poor. I thought St Mary's was the school she attended, but didn't bother confirming. It could be so popular that she would wonder how I came to be so ignorant. I had heard of King's College, St Gregory's and a couple of others, but never St Mary's.

'I won't waste time here,' she said next, 'before those done start returning and meet us here.'

I smiled once again and nodded her on. I watched her leave with the smile still on my face. She couldn't be my senior by more than three years, but with the way she acted, one would think she was as old as Aunt Oduaki, my mum's elder sister.

She returned, even before most other passengers with a yellow, black-striped nylon bag. I was surprised and pleasantly so when she handed this to me.

'I know that shy people prefer taking snacks when travelling, or I would have brought you rice,' she said.

'Thanks, but...'

'No buts,' she stated.

She had just saved me from a stutter; I had no ready excuse to give for rejecting her offer. Moreover, I actually desired whatever produced the sweet smelling savour that emanated from the nylon bag.

'Thanks, I appreciate,' I said.

'Exactly what I've been expecting.' She chuckled and moved to another passenger, with whom she bantered about the insensitivity of the new president's wife, who was rumoured to have worn a wristwatch worth over ten thousand dollars to her husband's inauguration. I checked the contents of my bag and smiled: a can of Pharouz and two mince pies. My eyes caught a Toyota Highlander pull into the premises of the eatery. All occupants were White: the driver, a woman who was probably his wife and their three children. The man said something to the woman before exiting the car for the eatery. Just as he went past the entrance door did the driver of our bus emerge. He was followed closely by some other passengers.

'Hope everybody done dey here?' He asked as he unlocked the bus doors. 'I no sabi wait for anybody O.'

He got the doors open for the bus interior to get a bit aerated. Less than a minute later, he announced brashly: 'Make everybody begin enter O; I no dey wait anybody.'[/i]I wondered why the man was being unnecessarily rude, but those on the back seat were already pushing into the bus. The next row soon followed. That was when it was discovered that one person on that row was yet to emerge from the eatery.

The driver was angry, but he didn't appear like one who wouldn't wait for an absent passenger. After darting to and fro, the man went to look inside the eatery. So much for not waiting for anybody! He emerged some minutes later, alone.

[i]'You no see am?' One of those on same seat asked.

'I no see am O; why one person go just dey delay everybody like this?' The driver lamented.

No one volunteered an answer, no one had an answer. In fact, I had a question for him - where had his earlier bravado varnished to?

I sighted the Whiteman emerge from the eatery with about three nylon bags of takeaways and was still watching him when another customer bumped out of the eatery. She was plumpily round, a feature clearly outlined in her skin-tight jeans and red top.

'I am sorry, very, very so, everyone,' she gushed. 'I had to use the Ladies after eating.'

I could imagine the quantity of poo she would have deposited in there. I almost asked if she had remembered to flush it. Some, who had intended to give her a piece of their minds were taken in by her apologies.

'I for say! After I find you go there, check everywhere yet no see you,' the driver went to his side of the bus. 'If not for God, I for just leave you here.'

A chuckle escaped my lips. The same driver who had appeared so helpless only some minutes back! We got on our seats and were soon back on the road to Lagos...

We were soon in Lagos, a place I couldn't help but regard as ordinary. I wondered where those numerous tales about Lagos had emerged from, those numerous tales that made persons like me feel inadequate. There was nothing around to mark out Lagos as being distinct from those other Nigerian state capitals; I was happy to finally be in a position to burst the bubbles of those tale bearers.

I had been asked to stop at Ikeja and was constantly on the lookout for indicating signs on the signboards. I could have asked those I was travelling with, especially my benefactor, but I had been too mute to suddenly become vocal. Moreso, it would amount to 'downing my rep' to appear like a Johnny-just-come. Smart me; my eyes tried to pick out the words on every signboard.

Then suddenly, my eyes caught IKEJA on one of the signboards. That was my cue; smart me.

'Stop, driver! Stop!' I screamed at the top of my voice, but no one paid me heed.

To be Kontinyud...

BlissB:
Carry go Oga Ohis

You iz welkom...

Never disappoints ride on boss

No bodies fault that ..... Iam here.

ride on o thanks for d invite

kingphilip:
Never disappoints ride on boss

Big Thanks...

hassan85:
ride on o thanks for d invite

You're welcome.

Commenting with my Tecno T605; update will come on once power comes on to charge my blackberry. Power has been so frustrating this entire week.

see me here, I don show!!! roll it out

#2...

...'Stop, driver! Stop!' I screamed at the top of my voice, but no one paid me heed.

I espied a smile on my benefactor's face. Was that a sneer? No way would I accept that. That she bought me some snacks which I had since consumed, was no license for her to sneer at me.

'What's so funny?' I challenged her.

She clasped a palm over her mouth in a vain attempt to hide her smile.

'That you will ask to alight here is actually funny. We are long past the point where you could have alighted. Those LASTMA officials won't take it lightly with the driver should he stop the bus here.'

LASTMA! That was a new one! Drivers in Benin-city could stop almost everywhere. Where was the next point he could stop? If only I knew. I didn't ask anyone, I was too proud for that. I managed a calm disposition despite my panicking heart.

'Is this your first time in Lagos?'

The dreaded question.

Had I, despite my best efforts, still given off the air of one coming to Lagos for the first time?

'Let's say this is my first time coming to Ikeja in public transport.'

She nodded understandingly to my evasive answer. My "rep" appeared intact. The panic was ever present in my mind as the bus raced on.

'But, where exactly are you going to in Ikeja?'

What was it with this lady? Was she a witch? I had an address, but consulting my phone for it would blow my cover.

'Driver, you go reach Oshodi?' A man behind me asked.

'No, na Iyana-Ipaja be my last stop.'

The idiot! So he wasn't deaf afterall? And he had considered my request to stop at Ikeja too inconsequential to respond to? Or was it too stupid?

I received a call that moment from my uncle. He wanted to know whether we had arrived Lagos. I told him we had, but that the driver was driving us to Iyana-Ipaja. He was surprised at this, but I explained that we had an agreement with the driver from the park at Benin not to stop anywhere midway, until we arrived Iyana-Ipaja. It was a blatant lie, but I just had to say something to salvage my "rep". I could imagine what my cousins would say should they hear from their dad the real reason behind our going past Ikeja. Even if none else did, Olosaigbe would sure rub it in, he would sure refer to me as a local champ'. Then, making my joy full, my uncle said he was close to Iyana-Ipaja having gone to see a friend, that I should call him once we arrived the bus-stop so he could come pick me. It was good news, one that left a smile on my face many seconds after the call had been terminated.

Forty minutes later, I was in my uncle's house at Ikeja; surrounded by my four cousins who were lapping up my falsehood embedded account of the journey. There was some scepticism on Olosaigbe's face, but I couldn't care less.

*** *** ***

My "rep" stayed intact my first week in Lagos. I would even sometimes challenge my cousin on those wonders he claimed abounded in Lagos - those wonders that made the "Lagos Foolish" even smarter than the Smarts elsewhere. I wanted an experience, an experience to show my experience, an experience to show that "Benin no dey carry last", I desperately craved for such. I was charged up and prepared.

The experience eventually came; that experience to show Lagos how experienced I was, but how did I fare?

It was the second week of my stay, exactly nine days since I arrived Lagos. I could find my way around with relative ease now, and had gone visiting my former pastor's son, Tunde. He lived in the Ojota area of Lagos with a friend and colleague - they both worked with First Bank PLC.

Aside it being an all-expense paid trip, the reception was wonderful. Tunde, who had taken a liking to me when he coordinated our local choir of which I was the youngest member, was surprised by my rapid physical development in the three years since his dad was transferred from our parish in Benin-city to another in Oshogbo. From being level with the top of his ear lobe, I now measured a few inches above him.

They lived in a tastefully furnished two-bedroom flat, but his colleague and flatmate wasn't in when I arrived. Tunde led me to the fridge where an array of fruit juices and a few wine bottles stared at me. He asked me to make a choice and I pulled out a bottle with a label I had never seen before. This was just the beginning, for after a meal of fried rice and chunky fried chicken parts ordered from a nearby restaurant, he announced that he was taking me shopping. I was blown away.

About an hour later, laden with a brand new jean trouser and a polo shirt, I took my leave. We had returned from the boutique to meet Tunde's colleague in with his girlfriend. The guy who, coincidentally, was from my hometown, was even remotely related to my mum. He promised to send me "something" soon, a promise I was determined to hold him to.

In high spirits, I waved them goodbye and bounced into the street. I could have boarded a cab when I got to the roadside, but was feeling so fly that I decided to trek a bit. Moreso, it would help me get more acquainted with Lagos.

I had covered close to 300 metres, was getting a bit tired and contemplating boarding a bus when this guy came to me. The place was a bit crowded, so I had no fear of losing my just acquired valuables.

To be Kontinyud...

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It also tells of the intrigues (physical and emotional) that will ensue as Josiah Obazu, Johnson's only brother, will be torn between satisfying the urge to avenge his brother's death and the dictates of his calling as a Pastor...

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I'll be bringing on the concluding part of the story later today. Some formatting work in progress...

Sir, I just have to commend you. You are adept in this. The feelings within me are just ineffable.
Bro, you are just the best.
I want to become better like you.

Already waiting. you are good. #winks#

...fear of losing my just acquired valuables.

'Bros, how e dey be nau?' We were of the same height.

'I pure O.' If he wanted to go colloquial, I would show him that I was well grounded in that. "I balance well", like we would say.

'See,' his hand went into his pocket; I hoped he won't pull out a knife. 'E get this phone when I buy just two weeks ago, but I wan deal am off now; you dey interested?'

Did I resemble one to whom he could push a refurbished or an outrightly bad phone? I was way smarter than that. I would show him that I had vast knowledge of phones, that I could easily tell their worth just by sight.

'How much you wan sell?' I hadn't even seen the phone he was talking about.

'Bros, even if na 7K, your boy go collect O...'

Ole! Did he think I was so pliable? Seven thousand naira for a phone with half its features probably unworking. I was smarter than that.

'Let me see the phone.'

He looked around suspiciously before pulling out something wrapped in a blue handkerchief. I watched him as he carefully unwrapped the it to reveal a Lenovo Vibe Z2 Pro phablet. I was blown away and had to take a step back to steady myself. The only time I had previously seen it was when my friend, Osayi's brother returned from Spain with one. We had taken turns to admire it before returning to its owner, who still had a strong attachment to it.

'This Lenovo get 3GB RAM, 16MP camera for back and 5MP for front. E flash na die and memory no be problem at all - some lappy sef no get memory reach am. Even the engine na quad-core...'

He didn't need to say all that. I had gone online to research on it after seeing Osayi's brother's own. I was a phone freak, with my choices only being limited by my resources. But that was meanwhile... Did he say seven thousand? What could have happened to him to want so little for a phone no less than a hundred thousand naira? Probably, the phone was a fake imitation. There were many China made phones of the type in Nigeria.

'How much you say you dey sell?' I asked like one with little interest and extended my palm to him to have a feel of the phone.

It was the real deal, I observed. The covering was authentic, the screen-touch sensor perfect. I checked the bluetooth and memory size and found them on point; I even took two shots each with the back and front cameras. Everything was perfect. I was doing all I could to contain the excitement within. The guy observed me check out those features, received back the phone, before responding.

'E be like say you really sabi phone things; you know say this phone no dey less than 110K, but because of some serious problems naim I wan deal am so.' His countenance became apologetic. 'If not for my brother when dem admit yesterday, I won't be doing this. I need this 7K to complete the 53K when I get for hand. Bros, just bring 7K for the phone.'

I couldn't believe my ears. Seven thousand naira for a Lenovo Vibe Z2 Pro? But the story didn't add up. On that I was sure. Smart me! He had probably stolen it from someone rich, maybe his boss, and was eager to sell it off. It could have been from a warehouse, phone shop...whatever the case, it was a deal too nice to be true, at least for the buyer.

I could already picture myself at the choir rehearsals removing the phone from my pocket and switching on the bluetooth to receive the songs to be rehearsed; I could picture the glances of envy and admiration from a couple of choristers, Tessy especially. I had had an eye on that girl for three months, but my courage always failed me whenever I wanted to express my feelings to her. Though my junior by few months, and a friend since childhood, I always became tongue-tied whenever I wanted to make the big move. I could picture myself finally making that move; she would be trying to feel her way around with my machine while I daze her with its powerful features and even more powerful price. Then, while she will be absorbing the information, I will throw the big question: "do you know that I love you?" I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't realise the passing of time again...

'Bros, wetin you come talk nau?'

'Em...em...sorry, I was thinking of something else...' And I remembered my big barrier to getting the phone; I had only one thousand, three hundred naira on me. Tunde and his flatmate had given me five hundred each, with a promise from the latter to send "something" into my account and I had a change of three hundred naira after settling transportation costs to their house.

'Wetin you talk nau?' He had the wrapped phone back in his pocket.

'The thing is that I have much less than that on me at the moment; wetin we go do nau?'

'How much you get?' He removed the phone from his pocket once again.

'Just a thousand and three hundred naira, and I would need two hundred naira from here to where I live.'

'That one no go anywhere nau; try add something. Person need this money die!'

Person need the phone die, too.

'Or let's do it this way: I have a pair of brand new jeans trousers and a polo shirt too. Together, they cost over four thousand naira. I think we could do business if I add a thousand to these?' I knew I was being desperate, I knew such desperation didn't bode well for buyers bargainwise; but what bargain could be better than what I had been offered even if multiplied by ten.

He laughed. 'That one no reach nau; you sef know say na frustration dey make me throway this phone.'

'I could add my wristwatch too,' I quickly added. 'This wristwatch cost me two thousand naira in Benin-city.' It was a lie, but I had to be smart if the deal won't slip through my fingers. All is fair in love and war, they say.

He appeared in deep thought for some seconds, seconds in which I prayed to God for a favourable response, before nodding slowly.

'Na clothes and wristwatch hawker you dey turn me into so O! But wetin man go do nau?'

I removed my wristwatch from my wrist, greatly gladdened by the bargain I had just struck, and let it drop in the bag. I gave the guy the bag, and then a thousand naira. I was left with my transport fare and the big deal, a Lenovo Vibe Z2 Pro, which he handed to me still wrapped in the blue handkerchief. I made an attempt to unwrap it, but he cautioned against that immediately.

'You sef know say no be small pickin phone be that O! You wan draw fine boys to yourself?'

I smiled understandingly, and promptly re-wrapped and pocketed the phone. We shook hands and soon parted ways. The smile remained plastered on my face until I caught a bus from Ojota to Ikeja. I was getting goose bumps; I had a Lenovo Vibe Z2 Pro in my pocket and at an incredible price. The jeans and polo both cost a little above three thousand naira and my wristwatch was gotten for nine hundred naira; that dude would soon discover that "he just got served".

I soon noticed that the person commutting beside me, on my right hand side, was a very beautiful and fair lady. She was one with those flawless skin types that made you wonder if they ever played around in their childhood. Maybe she wasn't of my league, maybe she was even much older, but of what league was a guy with a Lenovo Vibe Z2 Pro in his pocket? I would pull out the phone, attract her interest, then strike a conversation - simple, I thought.

I slowly pushed my hand into my pocket, muttered something about my car breaking down and the bus being too stuffy, felt the handkerchief wrapped phone and unwrapped it, then slowly pulled out the phone... It was a lie! I hid the content of my palm just in time from the lady's curious glance. A bar of soap?! An already used one at that?! I tried again, sudden sweat breaking out on my forehead; the pocket was empty save the blue handkerchief. Someone had to be kidding me!

I got out of the bus at the nearest bus stop and boarded another back to Ojota. The guy was no where to be found! Everyone I spoke to only enjoyed a good laugh on me. I had bartered my brand new pair of jeans, polo shirt, beautiful silvery wristwatch and one thousand naira for a half-used bar of soap. Smart me: "I just got served!"

'You no fit see am again for here,' one ice-cream hawker advised, [I]'e go done dey Oshodi or even Ajah.'[/i]

Though I had no choice, yet I didn't believe him. Maybe he was even part of the gang. That moment, he was a suspect, his ice-creams were suspect, in fact, everyone looked like a suspect.

In retrospect, I realise that I was foolish; who sells such an expensive phone for seven thousand naira? Who needs quick cash yet accepts clothing items for payment? I tried many false lines to explain away the loss of my wristwatch to my cousins, but none sounded convincing enough, so I settled for the single line: I didn't know where it was. I killed a rat yesternight; I ensured the door to my room was locked and didn't mind turning over every single item in the room to get at it. I will kill many more if they try what it tried. It's offence? I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night to catch it nibbling at a corner of my trophy, my most expensive trophy of foolishness. I have been thinking, I intend creating a special plaque for this wonderful trophy, with the tag: MOST EXPENSIVE SOAP.

THE END

Happy Sunday, everyone. Finished reading this? Please, drop your comments. Got similar experiences?

sharing no be crime O

thronekid:
Sir, I just have to commend you. You are adept in this. The feelings within me are just ineffable.
Bro, you are just the best.
I want to become better like you.

Is me be best?! Not at all. Your aim SHOULD BE to better me. I'm still learning to cross my T's and dot my I's.

Thanks for the commendation; so glad you like my works.

BTW, have you ordered for your copy of Vengeance Is Mine?

xtremelygifted:
Already waiting. you are good. #winks#

BIG thanks! Dropped it as promised_now ya views.

Nice one bro......but you sef no try at all! Na ifa kill you

davspog2:
Nice one bro......but you sef no try at all! Na ifa kill you

Thankyu!
Me When I said "True Life Story", I didn't mean I was the one involved.

Nice one bro. Keep it up niqqa. Welcome to Lagos No man's Land. Lasgidi thing noni

I know I'm late thou, but it's better late than never


Bros, that feeling ehn "feeling like sat you don winning, and you later found out say you be the number one looser"

You are the best like our big bros up there has said, and I testify to it

You have a nice work "done" here faa





Will have to go check the other story of yours yen, whats the title gaan self. ... The Prophet and... .



#wink

why u go dey zuanzuan like that. money wen for change some things for my life u dash am out for bar soap. u know say I fit do u strong thing for that rough play? I love this kudos

A4dams:
Nice one bro. Keep it up niqqa. Welcome to Lagos No man's Land. Lasgidi thing noni

That's just it: No Man's Land.

harjibolar10:
I know I'm late thou, but it's better late than never


Bros, that feeling ehn "feeling like sat you don winning, and you later found out say you be the number one looser"

You are the best like our big bros up there has said, and I testify to it

You have a nice work "done" here faa





Will have to go check the other story of yours yen, whats the title gaan self. ... The Prophet and... .



#wink

harjibolar10:
I know I'm late thou, but it's better late than never


Bros, that feeling ehn "feeling like sat you don winning, and you later found out say you be the number one looser"

You are the best like our big bros up there has said, and I testify to it

You have a nice work "done" here faa





Will have to go check the other story of yours yen, whats the title gaan self. ... The Prophet and... .



#wink

xtremelygifted:
why u go dey zuanzuan like that. money wen for change some things for my life u dash am out for bar soap. u know say I fit do u strong thing for that rough play? I love this kudos

As in ehn?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha





Even me wey be descendant of fathers' of Lagos self - dem don gba me no be small, you wan come escape am. Lol




If dem never do am for you, you no go wise



No man's land lagos is!


Great work bro, one of the best you are! Yet, you can be flawless.





I look forward to challenging writers like you for awards someday



Keep up the good job!

Dem do you? Eyah, sowie o! Sharing is allowed, sha.

Apt description that is! Truly "No Man's Land!".

Me, one of the best? ayam blushing; *it's not true sha* Your aim should be going far ahead of me o! I'm still seriously learning.

Thanks For Liking My Work...