TV01:

Word. Men let their desire to "please" women stop them - or make them forget - that they still have to present as leaders. They also ignore, or are ignorant of omens natural tendency to control or manipulate - on top a craving for "drama" . So you are right, unheeded, these currents are a recipe for disaster.

That and the fact that there's really no education as to what being a man is. That generational impartation is sorely, sorely missing. Had a discussion with a senior citizen last month concerning marriage, his son was getting married and they'd become estranged (whether due to influence from the wife was unclear). Anyway, he came to the conclusion of the main gist of the RP, I'm sure this man doesn't browse the internet. I accused his generation of failing ours through educational deficit and he agreed. This man was explaining shiitesting without having read about it. Doesn't get much realer than that.

Men need to be able to present as leaders, without being over-bearing, indulge without spoiling and heed what their women have to say without being manipulated. Then they have to keep it exciting, without falling for the drama - all the while avoiding shit and fitness tests. It's a tough balancing act and hard to get it, and keep it right. Men sha, we are trying

Indeed, it is, but that's exactly what it means to be a man. My father mentioned shittesting in passing almost fifteen years ago, but it didn't make sense to me till I got unplugged.

I know someone whose default mode is to treat them harsh. While dating it always worked, as per dread now. With marriage it was slightly different as some element of dread is lost. (not least due to the laws & familiarity). As you relax into the marriage, it's easy to lose the edge and take your place for granted. Only women rarely stop testing and "dramatising"

Ah, the "see finish" phenomenon, it would take a lot to hold one's horses in marriage with a female known for extremity. I think your point about bush/dullard girls would fit right in here. . God help us.

There are too many to bail and too few actually have any options - the problem must be fixed at source. Although men at the top-end (rainmakers, entrepreneurs, etc, bailing would give pause for thought)

Thus enslavement to the more desperate faction. Conquest101.

It wasn't gang wars per se, but Hindu vigilantes squaring off against Pakistani/muslim gangs who were trying to run their women. Th eoress made it sound like regular drug gang turf wars, it wasn't. The Hindus were cultural vigilantes, protecting their women. The Pakistani/Muslim "gangs" were using the women for prostitution and as part of their drug operations.

Yeah, got that, it's why I left it in quotes. And, I quite agree, the Hindus gave a good account of themselves. It could have led to a cultural breakdown down the line.

My wife can't stand the idea of living in Nigeria - the 2 or 3 years she spent there were horrendous for her. I'm hoping it won; tcome to that, but sensitising her to the idea gradually. If I were rich, we'd already be rocking both countries in style and it wouldn't be an issue See wtin money cause . Where is this land sef - the more villagey the better .


TV

I'm torn between moving out and staying back, myself, for obvious reasons. I guess, like you earlier said, the smart have to skillfully navigate the treacherous terrains.

Lol, land abounds, bruv. You can get hectares for less than 10million naira if you so desire, and in the SouthWest too.

TV01:

Surrogacy is stil not optimal - no matter how cheap - even if they provide it for free. Not to say it can't become "normalised" sha.

It's not the accessibility of trusts - it's how many actually have the net worth to warrant one or truly benefit - we are mostly broke-azzez . And there is nothing stopping them from legislating for all assets, income or items of beneficial ownership being considered "marital goods"


TV

I am not advocating but just stating how I see things playing out

Yes.. these can be legislated for
That's why I said the costs of funneling assets out of sight will come down

Eyaahhh see men crying and plotting...
The story though is pathetic.

TV01:
Unless one is married to a total dullard or bush-girl (I've nothing against either ), there will always be dialogue between a couple. Note, I did not relinquish leadership or authority, and I don't think it was ever meant to be totalitarian. A woman that can give meaningful input, but not one that tries to control or manipulatively get her way, woul dI consider be what most men want? The truth is, it's the default for most women to be led.

TV

Considering the rate at which you all are being kicked out of the houses and your children's lives, you still think it's the default for most women to be led?

Timbuktou:

That and the fact that there's really no education as to what being a man is. That generational impartation is sorely, sorely missing. Had a discussion with a senior citizen last month concerning marriage, his son was getting married and they'd become estranged (whether due to influence from the wife was unclear). Anyway, he came to the conclusion of the main gist of the RP, I'm sure this man doesn't browse the internet. I accused his generation of failing ours through educational deficit and he agreed. This man was explaining shiitesting without having read about it. Doesn't get much realer than that.



Indeed, it is, but that's exactly what it means to be a man. My father mentioned shittesting in passing almost fifteen years ago, but it didn't make sense to me till I got unplugged.



Ah, the "see finish" phenomenon, it would take a lot to hold one's horses in marriage with a female known for extremity. I think your point about bush/dullard girls would fit right in here. . God help us.




Thus enslavement to the more desperate faction. Conquest101.



Yeah, got that, it's why I left it in quotes. And, I quite agree, the Hindus gave a good account of themselves. It could have led to a cultural breakdown down the line.




I'm torn between moving out and staying back, myself, for obvious reasons. I guess, like you earlier said, the smart have to skillfully navigate the treacherous terrains.

Lol, land abounds, bruv. You can get hectares for less than 10million naira if you so desire, and in the SouthWest too.

Pls what do mean by shiittesting?

Its great having you men around learnt a big deal from you guys.. juat that sometimes I have to use a dictionary to understand and re-read to understand you men well. ?.

temi4fash:


Pls what do mean by shiittesting?

Its great having you men around learnt a big deal from you guys.. juat that sometimes I have to use a dictionary to understand and re-read to understand you men well. ?.

Google it, bruv. I can not fully explain it to you here. But I assure you, google will not disappoint.

He met an evil woman.

bellong:
The mystery is why did she do all these go him..

Something is amiss..

The West and hypocrisy when it comes to the female gender are Siamese twins.

The lady wanted a non active sperm donor and played along for a year plus.

Same principle When a guy sweet talks a girl with love and all the shinding till sex happens and she becomes trash to him.

Bobo was a means to an end.

The one year was probably proof of concept.

@Bold: Same could be said for Nigeria and men.

A friend opined that Satan uses men to destroy the marriage system in Nigeria while he uses women to destroy it in the West.

bellong:


They are already checking out. A kid said he is not getting married because he doesn't want to share his money with any woman due to divorce..

A 7yr old boy said When he had daughters, they will not get married because he doesn't want any man to treat them the way his father treats his mother.

@Anti-west crew,

Can we concentrate our efforts to issues plaguing marriages in Nigeria?

bukatyne:


The lady wanted a non active sperm donor and played along for a year plus.

Same principle When a guy sweet talks a girl with love and all the shinding till sex happens and she becomes trash to him.

Bobo was a means to an end.

The one year was probably proof of concept.

@Bold: Same could be said for Nigeria and men.

A friend opined that Satan uses men to destroy the marriage system in Nigeria while he uses women to destroy it in the West.

Are you supporting her action or playing a devil's advocate?

If a guy did what she did, I have every reason to believe he would have been called out.

When men get sex, they don't go to the extent of using the law to milk ladies of their lifetime savings. What the woman described here did is pure evil and nothing but wickedness.

Your friend is oblivious to facts about marriage. I don't do gender discussion but on this statement, it is pure failure.

90% of failed marriages I know are as a result of the woman making it fail. They put up all sorts of attitudes and character to either ignorantly or willingly destroy their homes and later scream blue murder. It is not only in Nigeria that women are major cause of failure in marriages, it is same in other parts of the world.

There is a reason why the bible says a good woman builds her home... To please a man doesn't take rocket science but majority of women are insatiable principally because most don't even know what they want. They suffer from discontentment, greed, jealousy etc. If the husband is faithful, they are scared he is hiding something because no man can be an angel or saint and with their paranoia, they push the man to the limit till hell is let loose. If on the other end, he is not faithful, it is another world war.

Women are the problems of themselves and will be solutions to themselves.

bukatyne:


A 7yr old boy said When he had daughters, they will not get married because he doesn't want any man to treat them the way his father treats his mother.

The 7 yr old case is in the minority. While the boy quoted is an opinion shared by many boys interviewed.

bellong:


Are you supporting her action or playing a devil's advocate?

If a guy did what she did, I have every reason to believe he would have been called out.

When men get sex, they don't go to the extent of using the law to milk ladies of their lifetime savings. What the woman described here did is pure evil and nothing but wickedness.

Your friend is oblivious to facts about marriage. I don't do gender discussion but on this statement, it is pure failure.

90% of failed marriages I know are as a result of the woman making it fail. They put up all sorts of attitudes and character to either ignorantly or willingly destroy their homes and later scream blue murder. It is not only in Nigeria that women are major cause of failure in marriages, it is same in other parts of the world.

There is a reason why the bible says a good woman builds her home... To please a man doesn't take rocket science but majority of women are insatiable principally because most don't even know what they want. They suffer from discontentment, greed, jealousy etc. If the husband is faithful, they are scared he is hiding something because no man can be an angel or saint and with their paranoia, they push the man to the limit till hell is let loose. If on the other end, he is not faithful, it is another world war.

Women are the problems of themselves and will be solutions to themselves.

And we are to believe and listen to these words of yours because you are..... A man

Insidous:


And we are to believe and listen to these words of yours because you are..... A man

Believing or listening is for you to take or leave. I am not responsible for that part...

It is not gender biased but my observation as written in the text.

Who is Insidous?

Bleep

Stillfire:
Considering the rate at which you all are being kicked out of the houses and your children's lives, you still think it's the default for most women to be led?

Yes. It may seem a strange dichotomy, but both positions are absolutely right. Your "garden variety" female - one who is not truly of faith, or deeply socialised, or repressed, has two conflicting impulses;

One is to be led by/submit to a strong man, and the other is to control man (or even other women) around her who do not demonstrate the requisite qualities (or possess the same status).

Not saying men don't have their own - just responding to your question !


TV

bellong:


Are you supporting her action or playing a devil's advocate?

If a guy did what she did, I have every reason to believe he would have been called out.

When men get sex, they don't go to the extent of using the law to milk ladies of their lifetime savings. What the woman described here did is pure evil and nothing but wickedness.

Your friend is oblivious to facts about marriage. I don't do gender discussion but on this statement, it is pure failure.

90% of failed marriages I know are as a result of the woman making it fail. They put up all sorts of attitudes and character to either ignorantly or willingly destroy their homes and later scream blue murder. It is not only in Nigeria that women are major cause of failure in marriages, it is same in other parts of the world.

There is a reason why the bible says a good woman builds her home... To please a man doesn't take rocket science but majority of women are insatiable principally because most don't even know what they want. They suffer from discontentment, greed, jealousy etc. If the husband is faithful, they are scared he is hiding something because no man can be an angel or saint and with their paranoia, they push the man to the limit till hell is let loose. If on the other end, he is not faithful, it is another world war.

Women are the problems of themselves and will be solutions to themselves.

@ bolded, when the law gives them opportunity, men take advantage of it. Take Nigeria for example, have you not heard of women being thrown out of their matrimonial home for another woman after struggling with their husband? Have you not heard of women whose in-laws took everything she and her husband ever worked for? Have you not heard of men who made sure the mother of their kids are not able to see her own kids? The problem is that some of our Nigerian men cannot take what they give. In Nigeria everyday, women suffer these things. When women like us speak up, we are called names. What you men are doing in this thread is not different from what women who fight for equality are doing. How many times have you all tried to do something about the injustice women face. In short some people deny that its not happening. If this story is true then it's not fair and unfortunate and I hope something is done about it. However I would expect that men might use these type of stories to somehow figure out what women pass through and what we are fighting for. Surprisingly (or maybe not really surprised) most of you still don't seem to understand that this is essentially what some women are passing through in Nigeria.

babygirlfl:


@ bolded, when the law gives them opportunity, men take advantage of it.

Men are not petty, percentage of those that will take advantage will be inconsequential to that of the other gender.

Take Nigeria for example, have you not heard of women being thrown out of their husbands house for another woman after struggling with their husband?

I have heard very few cases. How many of such cases do we have to conclude it is typical behaviour of all men?

Have you not heard of women whose in-laws took everything she and her husband ever worked for?

95% of the time, it is the female in those families behind the take over..

Have you not heard of men who made sure the mother of their kids are not able to see her own kids?

I have no known personal experience of this except in the movies.

The problem is that some of our Nigerian men cannot take what they give.

This is human deficiency and not gender specific.

In Nigeria everyday, women suffer these things. When women like us speak up, we are called names.

What do you suffer? Are you currently suffering "these things"?

What you men are doing in this thread is not different from what women who fight for equality are doing.

If denying the father from being part of his children's lives is what you called equality, that equality is nothing more than wickedness

How many times have you all tried to do something about the injustice women face.

I don't address injustice to specific gender but to humanity in general.

If this story is true then it's not fair and unfortunate and I hope something is done about it.

Thanks for acknowledging this...

However I would expect that men might use these type of stories to somehow figure out what women pass through and what we are fighting for

I don't understand this part. What do women pass through? If asked, you all are of the opinion your fathers, brothers, male relatives and husbands are all wonderful men. Where do you all get to "pass through" something? Please tell

Surprisingly (or maybe not really surprised) most of you still don't seem to understand that this is essentially what some women are passing through in Nigeria.

What is the meaning of this last statement? That women in Nigeria are denied seeing their children while still paying alimony?

bellong:


Men are not petty, percentage of those that will take advantage will be inconsequential to that of the other gender.

At least you agree that some men do it whether small percentage or large. Did you do any studies to know which gender has a higher percentage?

I have heard very few cases. How many of such cases do we have to conclude it is typical behaviour of all men?

Again you agreed that some do it. You can't also use this instance and other few cases to conclude that this is the typical behaviour of women.

95% of the time, it is the female in those families behind the take over..

Wrong. Women don't usually take over dead brothers property. It is usually the brother that takes over. Most people I know will say its their uncle that took their fathers properties. All the cases I know, it was their uncle that took over.

I have no known personal experience of this except in the movies.

Well I know at least three cases

This is human deficiency and not gender specific.

when men do something its human deficiency but when women do it, its women deficiency. Are women not human?

What do you suffer? Are you currently suffering "these things"?

I can turn the question too and ask if you are currently suffering any of these things that these men are suffering. Why are you talking about it then since we should not talk about it or sympathise with people going through something except it affects us.

If denying the father from being part of his children's lives is what you called equality, that equality is nothing more than wickedness

That's not what I called equality. Please read what I wrote again.

I don't address injustice to specific gender but to humanity in general.

Me too. I address injustice with humanity. That is why I said if this story is true, its sad and I hope something about it while you on the other hand thinks injustice against women is not present.

Thanks for acknowledging this...

Always welcome

I don't understand this part. What do women pass through? If asked, you all are of the opinion your fathers, brothers, male relatives and husbands are all wonderful men. Where do you all get to "pass through" something? Please tell

So why are you people commenting on this topic and calling the woman wicked. You should have pretended its not happening since you have not experienced it.If I asked you the opinion of you relatives, I am sure you will say your mother, brother, female relatives and wives are all wonderful women.

babygirlfl:


So why are you people commenting on this topic and calling the woman wicked. You should have pretended its not happening since you have not experienced it.If I asked you the opinion of you relatives, I am sure you will say your mother, brother, female relatives and wives are all wonderful women.

Ok

2good:


Marriage is not a default position for men when it comes to companionship because it is mostly women and family that put pressure on men to get married all over the world and as long as there are incentives for men to get married they will take that option. Once those incentives are removed, men will stop getting married.
Check out this lamentation article from cns news on 70% of young men between 20 and 34 not married in America http://cnsnews.com/news/article/barbara-hollingsworth/bachelor-nation-70-men-aged-20-34-are-not-married.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3aTiKImMhQ

This problem will get worse in America and if you think you can force Nigerian men to marry women after introduction of feminist laws in Nigeria, then you are in for a shocker. Also the women in the west can still depend on the state because they get welfare and child support to take care of themselves and their offspring from tax payers money but remember that there is nothing like welfare in Nigeria and the government does not have the means to track men in Nigeria like they do in the west, so expect the level of poverty from single mother homes in Nigeria to be over the top when men start to avoid marriage.

Your second paragraph is jumbled.

Which feminist laws are you talking about.... in Nigeria?

A Nigerian woman has higher chances of losing out in marriage yet women get married every Saturday in Nigeria.

Nigerian men I know around me still crave marriage... one just introduced his wifey-to-be today after enough gist and joy on his face.

I am sure all the men on this thread (most of whom are married) will still prep their willing sons for marry. If there is any fear as regards marriage in Nigeria, it is about inadequate funds.

Perhaps some 'facts' or 'fears' on Nairaland only exist on Nairaland.

bellong:


Are you supporting her action or playing a devil's advocate?

Neither

bellong:
If a guy did what she did, I have every reason to believe he would have been called out.

The usual call outs will avoid the thread like a plague

bellong:
When men get sex, they don't go to the extent of using the law to milk ladies of their lifetime savings. What the woman described here did is pure evil and nothing but wickedness.

Nigeria is not a 'lawful' country and people rarely use the 'law' as a tool especially in marriage.

The woman is evil, yes so are many other men and women.

A number of men have kicked their wives after years of building together... And no, they did not use the law; they did not need to

bellong:
Your friend is oblivious to facts about marriage. I don't do gender discussion but on this statement, it is pure failure.

90% of failed marriages I know are as a result of the woman making it fail. They put up all sorts of attitudes and character to either ignorantly or willingly destroy their homes and later scream blue murder. It is not only in Nigeria that women are major cause of failure in marriages, it is same in other parts of the world.

In Nigeria,

70% of problems in relationships are caused by women
70% of problems in marriages are caused by men

There is no 'incentive' for a married woman in Nigeria to destroy her home.

bellong:
There is a reason why the bible says a good woman builds her home...

It takes two for a marriage to work..

Or you mean standard taking 'Nigerian' husbands bullsyte aka 'submission'?

bellong:
To please a man doesn't take rocket science[quote author=bellong post=35610123]

Bros, speak for yourself. Different wives, different testimonies

[quote author=bellong post=35610123]but majority of women are insatiable principally because most don't even know what they want. They suffer from discontentment, greed, jealousy etc.

And men are saints? Besides, I don't know a husband's business with what women want. His only focus should be what his wife wants

bellong:
If the husband is faithful, they are scared he is hiding something because no man can be an angel or saint and with their paranoia, they push the man to the limit till hell is let loose. If on the other end, he is not faithful, it is another world war.

Interesting.

Infidelity while it is a big thing (biggest after abuse to me), there are small things that spoil the vine.

Providing and fidelity is not all required from a husband; a husband who gambles away their savings or who disgraces the wife at every turn or who does not contribute financially to the household (when he has the means) is also a thorn in the flesh

bellong:
Women are the problems of themselves and will be solutions to themselves.

Saint men

Heaven would definitely will be populated with men.

Good thing same sex marriage has been legalized. No need rolling with women.

bukatyne:


Your second paragraph is jumbled.

Which feminist laws are you talking about.... in Nigeria?

A Nigerian woman has higher chances of losing out in marriage yet women get married every Saturday in Nigeria.

Nigerian men I know around me still crave marriage... one just sintroduced his wifey-to-be today after enough gist and joy on his face.

I am sure all the men on this thread (most of whom are married) will still prep their willing sons for marry. If there is any fear as regards marriage in Nigeria, it is about inadequate funds.

Perhaps some 'facts' or 'fears' on Nairaland only exist on Nairaland.

I don't want to get married ever and am living in Nigeria my parents have threatened to disown me and I don't give a f.uck

tensazangetsu:
I don't want to get married ever and am living in Nigeria

Why not?

Timbuktou:
Why not?

Marriage actually doesn't benefit men in any way and with what I have seen in the university, that lane is a very dangerous one and any man who wants to thread I wish am luck for me am gonna get a surrogate to give me kids and am ok with that.

tensazangetsu:
I don't want to get married ever and am living in Nigeria my parents have threatened to disown me and I don't give a f.uck

Why don't you want to get married?

tensazangetsu:
Marriage actually doesn't benefit men in any way and with what I have seen in the university, that lane is a very dangerous one and any man who wants to thread I wish am luck for me am gonna get a surrogate to give me kids and am ok with that.

Not all girls are bad, you know?

Timbuktou:


Not all girls are bad, you know?

Are you sure about this?

Timbuktou:

Not all girls are bad, you know?

Better to be safe than sorry

I know that there are still good women out there , who would stand by their husbands no matter what,but the thing is that one has to taste to say weather sweet or bitter,because people can pretend during courtship .

Came:
I know that there are still good women out there , who would stand by their husbands no matter what,but the thing is that one has to taste to say weather sweet or bitter,because people can pretend during courtship .

What do you mean by taste....

Lol

I would not want to be in this man's shoes but what I don't understand is why is he paying child support to a woman who said she didn't want it and when compelled by the court turns around to complain.

Obodo999:
I think us, the men are our own worst enemy.
My wife who I imported from Nigeria to Europe tried that nonsense with me after 3 kids.
She took me to court for child support money and visitation. I told the court from day one that I am not interested in someone restricting my access to my children because its against my Yoruba culture . I walked out of Court, Icame back to Nigeria and cut off communication.
Now its the baby mama begging me to come back after 7 months.

Sir, the good Lord will bless you for this comment. Unfortunately this is the only language that they understand. When they find that you cannot be so easily manipulated they fall in line.

I don't know how we got to this point.