My name is Kenechukwu Ikegbunam, but I go with the pen name 'Husband Material, a budding writer who is awed by the monetary gains these short story competitions rakes in, so I decided to delve into it, READ, JUDGE CONSTRUCTIVELY as we try to horn our skills better, I post of my free works on my blog www dot husbandwrites dot wordpress dot com.


1)NOBODY TAUGHT US HOW TO MAKE LOVE
"That man is a lazy man, common bedroom work he can't
perform and when they call on men at the obembe festival
he would come out at the village square" one of my mum's
relation blurted over the phone. I was far away from home
almost half of my life, being the son of a preacher, all I ever
did with papa was evangelism, "spread the word so that
people would be saved" he told me, having no iota of idea
what that meant, I just joined papa in traveling because of
my quest for adventure.
When papa was retired by the baptist church, it meant my
cruise ship had come to an abrupt end, but nothing had
prepared me for the life in calabar, home it was but alien to
me, "these stray dogs won't last a day in the streets of
calabar for they are part of our local cuisine" Papa said to
me while we were in pretoria but I thought it was one of his
too many jokes, the gory sight of a dog with a chain tied so
tight round his neck that made its eyes pop out and pestle
used to pummel its head to pulp was what graced my sight,
"Obong owo well done o!" My father greeted our next door
neighbor as he perfected his act of cruelty and that day I
swore not to join them in eating dog meat.
Like other guys of my age, trying to woo girls my age to bed
was like a hunting game which I distastefully joined due to
peer pressure, I can remember sneaking Enobong through
the back door, the squeaky door almost trying to bail me out
as we tiptoed into my room for the 'show of unclothedness', she
stared at me with disgust on her face, "what is it your doing
sef? Mbuk! do this thing well now!", covered in sweat as I
woefully tried to impress her, she waited for few minutes to
see if I could improve on my act of 'fuckery' but here I was
taunting myself the more, she pushed me off her in swerve
swift move and sighed as she dashed out of our house
muttering to herself "He can't even perform bedroom duties
yet he is doing yanga!".
That singular act was like fire on a dry field as the news of
'how I can't perform in bed' spread across all the maidens in
the village, I was mocked and laughed at by all, I dug a
bigger pit the day I decided to go fishing with grandpa who
forget that the said day was the Uwani Festival, a day set
aside for maiden to offer sacrifices to the river goddess so
that suitors would come knocking by their doorsteps, as I
and grandpa bumped into the bevy of maidens, Enobong
was the first to raise a song in our local dialect that taunted
every male who can't pound his wife's waist like hot banga
in a mortar.
Grandpa and I ran as fast as we could until we dodged
behind a plantain plantation, and when the assailants had
passed, I raised my head to see tears cascading down the
chin of grandpa, "Victor!, no man born of the Ufot family is a
weakling in bed, infact from generations past we are known
as the bamboo breakers as we set a woman's waist on the
center of the bamboo bed and then bulldoze her waist until
we hear the squeaky sound of the bamboo", I had failed
every male lineage that has my blood in its veins, I began to
stutter as I raised a defense "But papa its not like someone
sat me down and say put it here, remove it and then put it
here and here!", that made papa smile as his brown teeth
grappled by snuff shined under the sun, as I continued "Only
what I was taught was to hold the thing steady if I was to
urinate" and that made him chuckle so loud as he stretched
his frail hands and rubbed my head saying in his husky
voice, " when you refuse to eat dog meat how do you think
you can be able to use it well?", startled by my recent
discovery as I began to imagine what I had done to myself
by not eating our local cuisine, "Papa please when we get to
the house, can you prepare dog meat for me to eat?" I
asked, he shook his head in affirmative.
I voraciously devoured plates of dog meat for two weeks to
the amazement of my parents as grandpa kept my reason
for eating it a secret, Enobong asked to be paid before going
into my room for any 'extra curricula activity' of which I
obliged, it was her loud moaning and groaning from the
pain I was melting out on her that woke my parents up and
we were caught red-handed.

And here is another one

2) TWISTED FATE

"Na our last waka be dis, If anybody dey fear make him better comot now, no be wen we don enter jungle the person go begin do sime-sime" Action said as there was total silence, five of us staring at each other with a pulsating heartbeat like that of a konga drum, clenching to my gun as sweat my hand moist, we knew what we were about to embark on in all ramification wasn't our 'league', a petty thief who decides to rob a bank is like a young lad with no certificate heading to one of the too many oil firms to seek for employment as the managing director.

I said a silent prayer, meditating as we walked in confidence into an awaiting bus, our driver was a female who kept grinning her teeth and wiping her dry face with handkerchief, "who come dis one" I asked Action, and he stretched his hand from the front seat he was occupying to give her a pat on the back and then playfully squeezed her boobs saying "Na my trusted pilot be dis, she go carry us go dis movement come back", I turned to the others in dire confusion, no woman has ever lead any robbery in this ghetto before!, feeling uncomfortable as I flashed another look at the AK47 in my hands, just to assure myself that it was in good working condition, she smiled as she used the brownish handkerchief which was evident that it was a white handkerchief before the so many tales of sorrow it had went through before resigning to fate as brown, "Na fear you dey fear? Abi you think say if them give me and you kala say make we face police you go fit press". We zoomed off, heading to first bank, for that was where we got a tip off that 48 million naira was to be moved to a construction site for payment of workers.

"48million naira no be moi-moi o!, if I just collect my share I don go meet baba tola make him do visa for me make I enter yankee go hustle" Double trouble said, he was one of us who had carved a niche for himself as someone who was stone hearted and ruthless, rumour had it that he killed his father over a plate of jollof rice!, he would boast when high after a bout of marijuana "My old man think say dem dey carry Double Trouble play, food when my girlfriend carry from all these oyibo restaurant wey she go see her sugar daddy come for me, na him my stupid papa go chop, when person like me never chop oyibo rice, na my stupid papa wan come chop", he was revered and respected, the imaginary 48million wasn't yet in our palms but the thoughts of it and the way Double trouble glorified it, we all smiled and that lightened the tension in the bus.

The bus veered off the road and came to an abrupt halt right in front of first bank, as the silence that was haunting us consumed us again, Mountain asked "Na wen we go begin the dance na? Me I wan make we do comot here, one small girl I catch new for near waterside don promise to straf me well well dis night", Mountain was a known rapist in our slum, mothers hated him. A grown man with a tiny voice whom must have been under a spell of 'chronic womanization', we were once in a church to rob a pastor, while we were seated in the church waiting for 'offering' time, so that we could rob the pastors car and then use the offering as bonus, near end of the offering as members of the church queued up to place money in a box, he tilted his head close to my ears and said "My prick don stand!, make una take the money but allow me Bleep that pastor wife, her waist just enter my eye", whenever he says "Her waist don enter my eyes", nothing would come in between Mountain erroneous lust for a piece of the said woman's waist, we ended up taking the pastors wife as a hostage whom he raped right inside the car we stole as we drove out of the church with the sound of bullets renting the air. He was arrested a certain time and taken to a police station and the D.P.O who is a female officer 'entered his eyes' and he came back three days later after he was released to rape the police officer in her house.

After thirty long tortuous minutes of waiting in the car, Actions phone rang, scrambling through his pocket as he brought out his phone and then began to talk to a caller smiling, "We position for front of the bank, Oh make we dey enter, oya na....... No yawa you begin hear our instrumentals in the next one minute" he said to the caller, and then he opened the front door and jumped down and then faced his gun to the sky firing sporadically, each bullet leaving the gun came with a big loud bang that left passerbys scrambling to safety as the door of the bus was opened and we all alighted and joined in the communion of nefarious dining, Double Trouble lead the way as he walked close to the bank door and pointed his AK47 at the guard by the door and screamed "If you no open dis door now, that crayfish soup your wife cook, you no go chop am this night!", shivering very visibly the guard obeyed as he pressed a button and the door of bank was opened, the five of us stormed inside the bank and Action raised his gun up while bankers and customers screamed in fear, then he began to make an announcement in his husky voice "Make una no fear, we no come kill anybody, na our own share of the national cake we come collect like dis" he said, and that was when I decided to speak, for Action was one easily intoxicated by power, he could continue in his 'unwarranted acceptance speech' endlessly just to satisfy his addiction to power, "Wey the bank manager?" I asked and a potbellied man in his mid-fifties dressed in a black suit came out from the crowd of both bankers and customers that had gathered at a corner, with his hands raised up he replied "I am the bank manager", I could see fear in his eyes as he stuttered while talking, "Oya come show us your bank vault fast fast" I ordered.

He lead I, Double Trouble and another accomplice while Action continued with his speech, the bank manager opened a door and then lead us to a point and stopped, dipped his hand into his pocket and then brought out something that looks like a remote, pressed it and the huge metallic door before us slowly opened, he pointed at the vault and said to me "All the money you guys would ever need is inside", it was like announcing pandora's box before us as we stared at each other smiling, we ran inside the vault hastily and then we met doom!.

Right inside the vault were almost ten police officers in bulletproof vests who laid siege, we were overtaken by them as they collected our gun quietly and then marshaled us back to where we came in from, the moment the door which lead to the bank hall opened and Action saw the trio of us with our hands on our head, he knew the game was up, so he opened fire. The bullet hit my left thigh as the police used as shield until they finally brought Action down, his lifeless body was lifted into an awaiting van while we were handcuffed with each other, I turned to see if I could catch a glimpse of our female driver only for me to see her minutes later coming out from the bank in bulletproof vest pointing her gun at a bank official, whom I guessed was the insider that leaked the secret about the movement of money to action, she was a police officer, she framed us up and we fell for it.

Also

3) WHEN YOU STOP LOVING HER!
When she loves she loves wholeheartedly, to her its like a religion, a wide ocean of possibilities that she delves into and sacrifices her all on the altar of love, but do not alter the love for she becomes Delilah, pulling every samson down with her.
It was just a new number she saw in Richards contact saved with "heavenly", that she pulled a plastic bag over his head while he was asleep and snuffed the life out of him, only for she to hear a knock at the door the next day and a young girl with all smiles introduced herself as Heavenly, she was a new intern at the office and her name was Heavenly.
Now my love for her has waned off, am confused on how to tell her I was done with the 'boat ride', but those words she used the day I asked her out kept resounding in my head, "Hope you know its only death that can separate us?", in the heat of the moment I shook my head in the affirmative but right now I see only Jesus in shining armor as my only saving grace, she mistook the voice of a female customer care representative as a new partner I was cheating on her with so that night I noticed her countenance had changed and I slept with both eyes wide open.
I had got up in the depth of the night to visit the loo only for me to perceive the sordid odour of butane, I peep through the kitchen door and I saw a red hot knife placed on the burner as the fire was oozing out steam, that should be my death weapon I thought to myself, I can remember vividly in fear that I ran outside my house tying only my wrapper!.

You are pretty good

NaijaSingleBoy:
You are pretty good

Still trying to master the art...Thanks a lot

nice one, keep it up