by Ojo Mayowa for AccelerateTV



Didi pushed some naira notes into the driver’s hand, rushed out of the cab and into the departure hall of MMA2 airport. She was running late for her flight and was not remotely thrilled. She did not stop berating herself the entire ride from Surulere to Ikeja, so much so that she decided not to wear any make up.

Now as she approached the check-in counter and saw the cute male attendant, she regretted that decision. Armed with the sorriest eyes she could muster under short notice and a foreign-sounding accent prepped up, she braced herself for the attendant.

She handed over her ticket and identification and launched into her prepared I’m-so-sorry-for- being- late speech. Halfway through, a feisty female attendant stepped up, looked at her ticket and declared

“Sorry, but we have closed check-in for that flight.” The female attendant looked like she had fights for breakfast and Didi imagined she only ever woke up on the left side of her bed each morning.

Foreign accent dumbed down but still evident, Didi let a tear slip from one eye and proceeded with plan B.



“I’m going for my uncle’s funeral. He was the one who brought me up and my office did not approve my leave until this morning.” As though to secure the attention she now had and was enjoying, she turned to look at the male attendant and attempted a smile. She watched as both attendants looked at each other and imagined the Bluetooth conversation going on between them.

Three minutes later, she was walking through the metal detector and body scanner upstairs. As she searched for a good seat to settle into, she heard the barely audible announcement that her flight had been delayed by 20 minutes. With a heavy sigh, she made a beeline for the bathroom to put on some make-up.

Desmond liked her looking made up and since he would be picking her up himself, she wanted to please him.

When she came back out, she sat in the closest empty seat she could find, slightly distracted by thoughts of Desmond.

“That’s quite the transformation,” he said with a smile.

Didi barely heard him but she almost felt his eyes bore holes through her, then something in her brain told her she was expected to say something in return.

“I’m sorry?” she said in a tone that was neither welcoming nor hostile.

“What for?” he said with the most annoyingly calm demeanor.

She did not expect his reply and was offended by it. She eyeballed him for all of two seconds and turned away to the empty seat on her right.

“I’m sorry. It’s now obvious that something’s bothering you. I misjudged the very bubbly you that walked into the ladies a few minutes ago. What happened in there? Hopefully not a cat fight.”

Didi turned to face him with a straight face.

“Toby…with a Y” he said with a picture perfect grin and an outstretched hand.

“Are you bored? Because if you’re testing pick-up lines on me, they won’t work…”

“That goes without saying,” he interrupted and earned a raised eyebrow from Didi.

“I’m kidding,” he laughed when she turned to look away again. “I was not trying pick-up lines on you. That’s stuff for boys.”

Didi turned back to look at him with the other eyebrow raised.

“I just shot myself in the foot didn’t I? Cos this is the part where I have to prove that I am a man and not a boy.”

“You can start by holding a decent conversation that isn’t rife with confused, silly or infantile delivery.”

“Okay, how about I start properly. My name is Toby and I apologize for my rather juvenile behavior but I guarantee you that I’m nether neither inebriated nor conversationally inept. Now that you know my name would you be so munificent as to tell me yours?”

They looked at each other for a few good seconds. He was impressed and of course expected her to be speechless. She was speechless and impressed. Then she burst out laughing.

“That is the silliest thing I ever heard in my entire life,” she said.

“I could keep saying silly things provided you’ll keep laughing that way.”

“Are you serious?”

Then he started laughing and she joined in.

“Okay, so now that we’ve both established the fact that we each can speak small English, can we move on?”

Didi could only manage a nod while she tried to recover from her bouts of laughter.

“My name is Didi…with an I,” she finally said.

He smiled. “Wow, lovely name”

Momentarily, a lady who looked like she could be in her mid-twenties walked up to them and took the seat to Didi’s right. With her was a boy who looked about 3years old.

Over the next couple of minutes, as Didi and Toby chatted, the young boy seemed enthralled by them. He kept stealing glances at them, and even flashed several awkward smiles at Toby who responded with smiles too.

“I think I might leave you alone to have a conversation with the young boy,” Didi said.

“Someone is jealous of a boy.”

Before she could respond, another announcement informed Didi of a further 20minute delay. At this point she looked at Toby and asked, “Where are you headed by the way?”

“Calabar. You?”

Didi sighed and replied, “Same here.”

Source: http://www.acceleratetv.com/love-in-transit/

Episode 2

Toby was in stitches from bouts of laughter as he listened to Didi’s mimicry of the female attendant’s heavy accent when she said “Sorry, but we have closed check-in for that flight.”

“Why do you ladies do that though?” he asked when he finally caught his breath.

“Do what? Try to pull each other down?” she asked with a conspiratorial look.

“Well, there’s that but that’s a different story. I’m talking about putting up a foreign accent when you talk to strangers or are in need of help.”

“Have I been talking to you with an accent?” she asked with a measured tone.

“Which is why I gave the second condition about when in need of help.”

She knew he had a point but was not going to give up without a fight of sort.

“Well, the fail-proof accent was sure to work until my plea speech was interrupted by the lady.”

“Still doesn’t answer the question of why?”

“It’s called the D.I.D skill set…”

“The what?”

“Damsel In Distress. You pick whichever skill comes to you easiest. Besides it’s what you men like – the deception, the façade!”

“Us men? Not all men are the same.”

She raised one eyebrow at him suggestively. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

For a second he looked lost and then it dawned on him. He laughed. “Oh come on!”

“Ah, these days you never know. It usually shows in subtle hints like this.”

“Now you’re paranoid.”

“Really? First deceptive and now paranoid?” Didi said with a mild irritation.

“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to insult you. I’m just a bit confused and almost unhappy with ladies these days and the deception. Everything is fake. Accents, hair, nails, even detachable bum-bums!”

Didi laughed and said, “You know, I’d usually take offence to bigots like you but bum-bum! Really? Of all the words you could come up with.”

“It’s hard to think of anything less offensive.”

“You have a point there. See, I’m not fake else we won’t even be having this conversation. I’d be giving you attitude like I’m so posh that I don’t use the toilet. And as for fake body parts, well, we the female clan are just going to keep the lot of you men guessing. What you get is what you see!”

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

“Not on your life!” she said as she hit him with her purse and he laughed.

“Oh come on, be a good sport.”

“So what, I should tender my PVC for inspection abi? You be card reader?”

“I could be card reader, card decoder, card detector or any kind of card machine that you want!”

“Hmmmm, how about an ATM?”

Toby looked at her with a straight face and replied, “This is my Jega face,” and then they both started laughing again.

“Excuse me,” it was the mother of the boy sitting beside Didi.

Toby and Didi turned to face her. “Yes?” Toby asked.

The woman smiled weakly before saying, “I’m sorry to bother you but can you help me keep an eye on my son? I’ll be right back.”

Didi looked at Toby who shrugged as though he didn’t see what harm there was in helping the woman.

“Sure, but don’t be long. My flight is due in less than ten minutes,” Didi said.

Didi immediately assumed custodian role as she began to ooh and ahh over the boy. She even offered to help the boy open the biscuit wrapper in his hand. He looked at her as though unsure and almost started crying before Toby stepped up. He smiled to the kid, made a funny face and spoke in a most unusual accent introducing himself as Captain Toby. The boy stared back for a few good seconds before breaking out into a smile.

Opposite them was a man who looked to be in his early forties sporting a panama cap, a pair of reading glasses, a blue shirt tucked into khaki pants and a pair of shoes that was a cross between boots and drivers. The boy turned away and faced the man in the opposite row of seats. Toby and Didi followed his gaze to the man and they both smiled at the man whose return smile seemed more like a scowl than a smile. Instinctively, they both pulled the boy closer to themselves.

“So, a crazy thought just crossed my mind.”

Didi rolled her eyes, “now what, Dr Seuss?”

“What if his mother doesn’t come back for him?”

Didi jumped impulsively, “I bind you in Jesus name!”

Toby started laughing so hard he had to get up for a few seconds. “So now you know Jesus?”

“Say what you want abeg, there are some things we should never play with. Looking on the bright side though, with the way the boy likes you, you get to be a daddy!”

Toby smiled and asked, “What makes you think I’m not already one?”

Didi was quiet. It irked her just as much as it bothered her that she did not see this coming. Her heartbeat picked up its pace, giving her another reason to scold herself.

Source: http://www.acceleratetv.com/love-in-transit-part-two/