Pls matured responses only!
He is a man DT claims to love and care for his family. He has 3 children. He only goes exramile to provide for their needs when the wife is financially low. He lost his job 3yrs ago, but does not take initiative to provide for them once d wife is able to carry on. He stopped searching for job because none was forthcoming. Children will soon resume school, he does not bother because his wife' s father will pay their school fees on his behalf. Whenever the woman raise this issue , he will stop eating in the woman's food, and will source for money to cook food for himself alone. She has reported him to his family, with no positive change. None of the husband's family members has helped in anyway. Only d wife's family support them.
How can the wife get him more proactive?. The wife is doing biz with a loan she took from cooperative. The man still collects money from the woman. The woman is indebted, yet her husband does not care. The burden is too heavy for her to bear. Pls what is the way out of this situation? Your matured response could go a long way in relieving her. Thanks.

Brb!

There is a bible passage dat describes these kind of husbands.. Am tryn to remember it.. It talks abt a man not bein able to provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

Honestly I think the man should be taken to someone older he respects and counseled and reminded that taking responsibility for his children is his duty.. Pray for him cuz he would need the grace of God to go in search of a job and also pray that he remains consistent and hardworking when he finds one

Cutehector:
There is a bible passage dat describes these kind of husbands.. Am tryn to remember it.. It talks abt a man not bein able to provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

1Timothy 5:8

greatgod2012:




1Timothy 4:7

oh thank u very much, God bless u.

Cutehector:
oh thank u very much, God bless u.

You're welcome sir.
I was wrong!
I had to ask hubby, because that's his watchword.
It's actually 1Tim5:8

greatgod2012:




You're welcome sir.
I was wrong!
I had to ask hubby, because that's his watchword.
It's actually 1Tim5:8

alright thanks again.. Its just dah I happen to knw d wordings of d bible buh d exact bible verses is so hard for me to knw...

nikenry:
Pls matured responses only!
He is a man DT claims to love and care for his family. He has 3 children. He only goes exramile to provide for their needs when the wife is financially low. He lost his job 3yrs ago, but does not take initiative to provide for them once d wife is able to carry on. He stopped searching for job because none was forthcoming. Children will soon resume school, he does not bother because his wife' s father will pay their school fees on his behalf. Whenever the woman raise this issue , he will stop eating in the woman's food, and will source for money to cook food for himself alone. She has reported him to his family, with no positive change. None of the husband's family members has helped in anyway. Only d wife's family support them.
How can the wife get him more proactive?. The wife is doing biz with a loan she took from cooperative. The man still collects money from the woman. The woman is indebted, yet her husband does not care. The burden is too heavy for her to bear. Pls what is the way out of this situation? Your matured response could go a long way in relieving her. Thanks.

Your man may be depressed and needs encouragement.If however you've been talking to him and he doesn't want to make efforts,then he needs to wake up.You should stop giving him money.
There are some lazy men who don't like to move their muscles once they have a wife who works and can handle household expenditure.Such men need shock therapy.

Am going to put myself in the man shoe and say my mind....

One concerning him not eating her food anytime the woman bring up the issue,I would do this should the woman mock me of eating her food,whereas I did not contribute inside...

Two him not concerned about school fees because my wife father will take care of that,only a shameless man would do that,me having to pay alone will make me feel useless..don't be so sure,he isn't happy his wife father is going to do that....

And you saying he is not looking for jobs,he is,he is just trying as much as possible not to disturb with his troubles nevertheless that you guys are one...he just want to bear the brunt alone...only a mad man would collect money from his wife and waste it on bear of cigarette..


My advice should be both side should try support each other,this is one of the stormy times in marriage...

My piece

@op, it seems your man is discouraged and almost depressed.
You need to talk with him with love and respect. And if it seems he doesn't want to change, I will advise you to keep trying to fill in the gap as well as keeping on to motivate him.


I believe it's just a phase that will soon pass.
It is well!

op change your thread title, it's rude.

@ topic

if both of them are depressed, then they should figure out something.

btw, is the woman's father complaining about paying the kid's school fees?

issues like these are the reason why character is more important than outward appearance when choosing a partner.

you ask folks what are their expectations in a partner, the men will say butt, breast, beauty and sex skills, the woman will say millionaire, muscle and six pack. Then when they reach their destination, they cry foul.


most folks have extremely unrealistic expectations of marriage. If this woman asks her dad if his own marriage was a bed of roses, possibly he will tell her the nitty gritty.

nikenry:
Pls matured responses only!
He is a man DT claims to love and care for his family. He has 3 children. He only goes exramile to provide for their needs when the wife is financially low. He lost his job 3yrs ago, but does not take initiative to provide for them once d wife is able to carry on. He stopped searching for job because none was forthcoming. Children will soon resume school, he does not bother because his wife' s father will pay their school fees on his behalf. Whenever the woman raise this issue , he will stop eating in the woman's food, and will source for money to cook food for himself alone. She has reported him to his family, with no positive change. None of the husband's family members has helped in anyway. Only d wife's family support them.
How can the wife get him more proactive?. The wife is doing biz with a loan she took from cooperative. The man still collects money from the woman. The woman is indebted, yet her husband does not care. The burden is too heavy for her to bear. Pls what is the way out of this situation? Your matured response could go a long way in relieving her. Thanks.

Ok WHat do you want the man to do?

1. He had a job before until he lost it not that he doesnt like working. When he had, He goes the extra mile to provide

2. He has searched and not found any. Ask anyone on the street in Nigeria how easy it is to get a job

3. She reported him to his family, What do you want the family to do? Provide him a job?

4. School fees is coming you claim he doesnt bother, How do you know he isnt? Na so money easy to come by?

5. When the woman raise the issue and insult him for eating food he didnt contribute to, what doyou expecthim to do? take the insult and 5 mins later enter the kitchen to go take the same food that he was insulted for?

6. Assuming it was the wife that was jobless and the husband was the one supporting the family What would you advise?

Seems like most Naija women, Marriage is only good as long as the man has money. No wonder some men go the extra lenght to carry drugs or steal money

Thanks so much for d responses so far. For those insulting d woman, I sincerely pray neither you nor or sisters will find yourselves in her shoe. It is he who wears d shoes DT knows where it pinches.
Lessons learnt so far:
1) he may be depressed, she needs to understand him and keep motivating him.
2) love and respect him
3) This is a phase, it will soon fade away.
4) She should never insult him.
5) Stop giving him money DT could bring troubles to her later.

Eseee pupo! Thanks a lot.

nikenry:
Thanks so much for d responses so far. For those insulting d woman, I sincerely pray neither you nor or sisters will find yourselves in her shoe. It is he who wears d shoes DT knows where it pinches.
.

who is insulting the woman nitori Oloun!!!!!!

you opened a thread with a very insulting thread title and you still want to play the victim!

grow up, jeez!!!!!!!

we should come and rain abuse on the husband because of your imaginary or otherwise story, abi?

look at yourself before you start threatening people, stop being an i.diot!

o.p, what abt the man's family? Have u told them abt his attitude? I think ur family should also try to luk for a job for him atleast for the kidz sake.. But put everything into prayer coz prayer is the key.

tpiander:


who is insulting the woman nitori Oloun!!!!!!

you opened a thread with a very insulting thread title and you still want to play the victim!

grow up, jeez!!!!!!!

we should come and rain abuse on the husband because of your imaginary or otherwise story, abi?

look at yourself before you start threatening people, stop being an i.diot!

Where is d threat?
I think maturity should make you know dt you don't need to rain abuse, before you pass your message across. Anyway, Childish attitudes like dis are expected. This is naira land, most folks are below 30yrs and have very little understanding of life.

Question 1- Does he stay home to look after the kids and home?

If they were not struggling, I would not have seen anything wrong as long as he is holding the fort down but since they are, they both should be working.


Question 2- are you the wife? If not, what exactly are you looking for us to do with a couple's personal business? How exactly will our response impact them? In short, Wetin consign you?

Well, just to encourage you OP, a lot of families go through this. Like most homes where the family income is from one person, its tough and can be frustrating when you see bills mounting up and you feel stretched beyond your elastic limit.
You however have to keep it going. Is it possible for you guys to get a personal loan from a family for your husband to start something? It doesn't even have to be so much, or better still does he have business ideas he can discuss with people that can help him finance it albeit they share the proceeds? He should start thinking of proposals after doing some feasibility studies/ that's his own homework and you'll be surprised that some people can actually buy into his dream.
Meanwhile, on your oown part, you have to start thinking of how you can make progress in your career and extra things you can do to make more money because your family needs it. I know it can be a bit annoying to see that you are the only one struggling to cater for the family, I think it's a normal reaction because even some men that their wives are not working are irritated with the woman for this reason especially when their hustles are barely enough to get the family going. But its just a phase and with a lot of encouragement and brain storming the other party can find their feet.
All the best sha. It's a tough world out there.

eyinjuege:
Well, just to encourage you OP, a lot of families go through this. Like most homes where the family income is from one person, its tough and can be frustrating when you see bills mounting up and you feel stretched beyond your elastic limit.
You however have to keep it going. Is it possible for you guys to get a personal loan from a family for your husband to start something? It doesn't even have to be so much, or better still does he have business ideas he can discuss with people that can help him finance it albeit they share the proceeds? He should istart thinking of proposals after doing some feasibility studies/ that's his own homework and you'll be surprised that some people can actually buy into his dream.
Meanwhile, on your oown part, you have to start thinking of how you can make progress in your career and extra things you can do to make more money because your family needs it. I know it can be a bit annoying to see that you are the only one struggling to cater for the family, I think it's a normal reaction because even some men that their wives are not working are irritated with the woman for this reason especially when their hustles are barely enough to get the family going. But its just a phase and with a lot of encouragement and brain storming the other party can find their feet.
All the best sha. It's a tough world out there.

Thanks dearie. You made nice suggestions. The wife is a PhD student in OAU. She hopes to get a lecturing job sooonest. God bless you!

Well d story is one sided, jst from d lady’s side. The man might be doing more than what u tot of him bt still keeping it to himself till he hits d jackpot. Well, my dear friend, u need to stand in d gap for him, believe me u it won’t be easy as said, cos u will feel d burden wearing u down but u ve got to be strong. Encourage him, pray wit him even play wit him to make him forget some of his problem, it might be hard to show love to him at this stage, but pls use ur last strength in showing him love.
Again, if ur father can assist him wit a biz, that will be much apprrciated dan him paying d children’s school fees. It better to teach him how to swim dan giving him fish to eat. Gracias.