Good morning,
I picked up a ward from my church three weeks ago. I picked interest in her because she is from a not to do well background n intelligent . My main reason for bringing her was because I was having some health challenge n for now I am alone. She is eleven, 4 feet tall n in J's s3.
The first week I explained things to her because of the different back ground. In the Night I instruct her on the meal we are having for breakfast. She can boil yam,rice, indomie but I prepare the soup n stew.my major challenge was my legs but I am better now.she sweeps once in two days. The kitchen is always left unkept n sitting room not properly swept. I felt with time she will fall in place. I make her happy. Give her food n snacks money. Mondays, Wednesdays n Thursday she closes by 5.30pm and get home by 6pm. So my first week after the hospital was hell. Will remain in bed till she returns. The first week of leaving with me I bought her books.
Second week, she still hadn't change. She messes the toilet, polishes her shoes in the sitting room n fetches water with bucket from the drum. I remember scolding her n asking her twice if she wants to return to her parents n her response was no. Then when I saw her washing her teeth with drinking glass I was unhappy because I have pleaded with her n told her its wrong. On Saturday I told her mop but don't sweep because it may b stressful . After that i told her wash ur clothes n urtoilet .she lamented. Meanwhile I was struggling with washing mine.she said she wants to go. I have never flogged her or raised my hands on her. My husband instructed me to pay her fees first before letting her go.

Week three, I now feel better,I sweep n wash my plates while she is there n even clean up she will just b there watching tv.i gave her instructions. Provision stays a month because I buy monthly but this is the second provision n it's down. Now she wakes up n nothing left to do because i would her done all that needs to be done but she still doesn't sweep .I also stopped her from cooking rice or yam. Just her indomie or bread n tea then snacks n transport money to school. Yesterday I called her to run an errand. She stayed for twenty minutes n when I asked her what she was doing she said she was lying down.
I am tired n want to send her back. I have done the little by paying her fees n buying her book. At least a relieve from her parents shoulders. She wakes n doesn't sweep even if that is the only chores, except instructed.
What should I do? Moreover I no longer like her because she doesn't take instructions.

i understand your plight,there are kids that no matter what you do they are never satisfy.i think you should take her home because of your health struggles.

@ Ambient thanks for your reply

When you first took her home, you should have bold typed or written down all the rules for her to read. Then you tell her that both of you would sit down and discuss/explain in depth on each rules...

Yeah you are right . Thanks but I felt being soft n explaining like a mother will help.

Hmmmm

@ armyofone Yeah you are right . Thanks but I felt being soft n explaining like a mother will help. When I asked her why she isn't obedient, she said she doesn't know why

You had to much expectations from her because you thought she was intelligent and now she didn't meet up to your expectations you feel disappointed and angry

on her own part she might think you lured her with the promise of paying her school fees, giving her money and gifts and now she has realised you took advantage of her background and turned her to house help

solution return her back to her parents. If she now rethinks and decides she wants to live with you then you accept her on your own terms and conditions, if she can't then she should stay with her parents

yoruba says orisa tiole gbe mu, semi boshe bami applies to you both

Next

@ SAMBARRY thanks. I only told her to live with me for some time without promises. I am a teacher in children's church. I am trying to make her comfortable. I never lured her. If I had known she stays late in school till 6pm I would have given it a second thought. Her absence made me stronger.i told her the person I know in church is different from the person living with me. Thanks.
You are right.i am considering returning her today or tomorrow. Living with me would have changed her future. Though I am not God but would have tried my best.
Since I am not a fan of using cane on wards, I will return her before she pushes ME . THANKS. Really learning

Is she the only kid leaving with you? And where are your kids?

That too might have warranted her strange behavior

@ emilyone Yeah thanks,I am waiting upon the lord for kids n my husband is not around. So practically just the two of us. She also told me I don't allow her visit her friends n vice versa.,I am a reserve person n I live in an estate. Children don't play outside. When she told me that I bought her ludo game n when she requested for my phone n laptop for game I told her no,I don't play games with them.the ludo game is for weekend. First week with she was watching African magic I made her see reasons why she should listen to news and watch other children educating channels. She wakes at night to watch film but I also stopped her.
This morning I woke up early to pray at 5 am and I noticed she was bathing. I asked her what are u supposed to do in the morning n she said wash plates n sweep n bath n eat. Yesterday she did the same thing n I corrected her . Then I told when it's early u can read till 6am before anything. She said she doesn't read .
Her siblings visit her weekends. My church is close to the house and her house is also not far from mine say 300m/200m.

Return her parents before you turn into one of those women who use hot pressing iron on other people's children

save that shouting energy for your children. Besides there's a limit you can correct other people s children. If it's becoming too much it becomes isolenu

wonyi:
@ SAMBARRY thanks. I only told her to live with me for some time without promises. I am a teacher in children's church. I am trying to make her comfortable. I never lured her. If I had known she stays late in school till 6pm I would have given it a second thought. Her absence made me stronger.i told her the person I know in church is different from the person living with me. Thanks.
You are right.i am considering returning her today or tomorrow. Living with me would have changed her future. Though I am not God but would have tried my best.
Since I am not a fan of using cane on wards, I will return her before she pushes ME . THANKS. Really learning

@ SAMBARRY, thanks. When next I will follow due process like giving out my rules n regulations

Send her back to her parents.. she is not sturbon.. she is only being rude to you

@Shebarh thanks. Arrangement has been made.she will b picked tomorrow

@ SAMBARRY, Shebarh, Emilyone,Ambient and Amyofone Emotions are coming in. I told her she will b home tomorrow morning, her response was if you will b away when will u b back n my response was can't tell but may not be around for some time. After a while she was cold n when I asked her why she said she doesn't want to go home.

wonyi:
@ SAMBARRY, Shebarh, Emilyone,Ambient and Amyofone Emotions are coming in. I told her she will b home tomorrow morning, her response was if you will b away when will u b back n my response was can't tell but may not be around for some time. After a while she was cold n when I asked her why she said she doesn't want to go home.

don't mind her.. that gal can poison u sef of even increase ya health problem

.

@ wonyi

You have to make her understand the fact that if she really wants to stay with you she must be ready to live by your rules.

wonyi:
@ SAMBARRY, Shebarh, Emilyone,Ambient and Amyofone Emotions are coming in. I told her she will b home tomorrow morning, her response was if you will b away when will u b back n my response was can't tell but may not be around for some time. After a while she was cold n when I asked her why she said she doesn't want to go home.

don't mind her. She's pretending. Kids can be very mischievous sometimes. Tell her to go back home. If she comes back and she has changed fine, if she hasn't let her be in her parents house

wonyi:
@ SAMBARRY, Shebarh, Emilyone,Ambient and Amyofone Emotions are coming in. I told her she will b home tomorrow morning, her response was if you will b away when will u b back n my response was can't tell but may not be around for some time. After a while she was cold n when I asked her why she said she doesn't want to go home.

hahaha funny kid but you seriously dont need that drama now.maybe u should talk to her sternly abouy what you want sometimes kids needs a strong hand.

@op,

there is no two way about this, send her back before they turn u to a witch i church. trouble sleep u go carry am foe house.
you can only raise a stubborn ward if its yours and not another person pikin. a word is enough for the wise.

@ SAMBARRY, Ambient n demmie1 thank you all. Thanks for the response.

I have reunited her with her family. Thank God

Some people will throw away their God given opportunity out of the window then start blaming some village witches for their predicament. The girl must have been poisoned by some never-do-wells that Wonyi is enslaving her that's why she's rebelling. Nothing wrong with a teenager doing chores in whatever environment they find themselves, it's not abuse. It's becomes abuse when she's being deprived and is exposed to harm. Now that she's away from all the luxuries she used to enjoy, her eyes will soon clear.

She's a child.
If you're looking for help while convalescing, get an adult pls.
If you took her because you think she's smart and will be a nice ward to raise, then Treat her like your own child. What would you do if your own child gets back home late from school? Expect them to come clean and cook? Yes? No?

Thank god you've returned her to her parents.
Look for an adult next time.

cococandy:
She's a child.
If you're looking for help while convalescing, get an adult pls.
If you took her because you think she's smart and will be a nice ward to raise, then Treat her like your one child. What would you do if your own child gets back home late from school? Expect them to come clean and cook? Yes? No?

Thank god you've returned her to her parents.
Look for an adult next time.

Thanks, pls read my post again. I live in two bedroom duplex. because of my legs I come down once a day. I make the stew n soup. I cant not stand for long. Boiling rice that we both will eat is it too much? She never swept my whole house n I never made her mop n she does these things at home. My children will work n clean. I was groomed properly. I have never had a help, I do my chores myself. My anger is her disobedience n disrespect. I will discipline my children. I was willing to pay for her school bus but her school doesn't have one. I paid for her transport everyday while she treks to school at home. Thanks once more, before she pushes ME to become a monster I returned her . I don't need an adult because I am recovering. For the record she never went to school late n when I couldn't go to her school to pay her fees I sent an elderly person. I treated her like my daughter. When she returns late, it's just to warm soup n pick Fufu n sleep.
I even wash her plates n tidy the house when she doesn't do it

@ Dominique thanks

op, some kidz are like that, they dont appreciate what the get till they lose it. Btw, have u told her parents abt her behaviour.... Maybe she will listen to them if they advice her. option 2, ur husband should put his foot on the ground. No more mr nice guy, if the need come for him to scold or punish her then he should do it. U know kidz fear men than women ryt. my last option is u should take her back to her family... Maybe she is doing all dis coz she wanna go so jux take her back. It will save u all the stress and u could get another child to come stay with u.

@Captainswag225, thanks. My husband is not around. I have returned her. Will stay by myself. Thanks . I didn't discuss with her parents but I feel they were probably nurtured. She told me that her sister grumbled at her mum n the mum threw padlock at her. If anything comes up, I will discuss with her

You are a nice soul. The parent may beg you to take her back, if you feel you can give her a second chance, try once more but change somethings.

On her dirty nature, her background has a lot on it. You have to be patient with her on this but i'm quite disappointed at her not taking instructions, its either her parent didnt train her well or its in her blood, though i think its the former.
No child is all good though its easier to overlook or correct when its your own. There are many other things to worry on the girl child not your own at teen years.
This is where you got it wrong though you meant good. From experience except where the person appreciate goodness, people tend to take your kindness for weakness. You gave her too much free hand at the begining. Remember she is a child, folly is bound to their heart and you should not seperate discipline. You let her have her way too much which is not good for a child. You should say something and mean it whether she likes it or not then she will master your yes and no. Give her food only to school, no money. Be strict first then relapse at her improvement rate. You gave her privileges too overwhelming for her.

If you decide to take her back, watch how sober she is for sundays first.

@wonyi...I am also TTC so trust me I understand what u are going through.parenting is a difficult task,I also have a young girl staying with me...I must say the first few years were difficult, I tried everything possible to please her but all to no avail. Then I realized that I had to be a mother.....I changed strategy, I stopped indulging her excesses,with wisdom from God we were able to pull through that phase.now we are in a good place. I make sure to give her treats once in a while not bombarding her with too much of everything. On d issue of expectations.... As a parent you have to give room for your child to make mistakes cause that what childhood is about.