Ethereal0110:
Moderators please push this forward I need all the advice I can get thanks.

I have been seeing this guy for some months now we were friends before we started dating i will call him Leo,things happened so fast we talked about marriage, leo is from Akure he talked about me with his family his Dad is Late, his Mom told him she does not want an Igbo girl,

leo told me that if his family wont support him we will travel faraway from them & marry without their consent, we hoped that with time his mother will change her mind but from the beginning till now the mother is still insisting though she has not met me before , she even came from village to his house unannounced just to see if she would find me there, so that she can warn me to stay away from her son, and am wondering if am such a trouble to her, unfortunately for her their was no sign of me or my clothes there, she spent 2 days,
he
couldn't stay home because his mom will keep on ranting, he was devastated and told me to free him for now so I decided that this could be a good time to fast, I never knew what that meant in his terms because we were still seeing each other .

The thing is the love we have for each other is so strong, we fight a lot almost every day, just when I think we will breakup the love only gets stronger, like we are falling in love over and over again, everyday he tells me how stubborn I am. I have never met someone that loves like this,

My problem is this is not the only puzzling circumstances on my neck, their was a day we quarrelled and I told him its over between us, he threatened me , all the things he said gave me the impression that he must have been a former cultist,


I kept asking him what and who he was before he told me that its his past he is not going back to it neither is he gonna talk about it., after the argument he pulled me close hugged & kissed me and left. all that drama happened inside my office.

I felt lost, each time theirs issue either from me or his mom he goes out to drink and calm himself , if the issue is really heated he does something even crazier, like when his mom came & harassed him he drank & smoked weed .
I
was confused , I kept telling myself that I had entered one-chance, my heart broke, after some days Leo was normal and sweet again.. After the moms visit he planned to go and see if he can convince his families and settle things amicably, he didn't pick their calls for 2 weeks, eventually he made his line available and started communicating with them, last night he told me that his family said they don't want to see me, I was so angry I told him to give it a rest and not spoil my mind , the fact that he smokes annoys me I hate him for that, I feel trapped like I can't leave him, he annoys me because he is not acting like a man that he is he gave his mother and family the power and right to control him, now I don't know how things will go, because he still loves me and won't let go...

I just need advice from married and about to marry nlanders tell me the problems you encountered in courtship and how you handled or tackled them.... Because I may go krazy before its too late......

my advice would be that you move on. Take it or leave it, family are active paties in any marriage. If he goes ahead and marries you against the families wish, they could alienate him and if anything turns out wrong he would blame you for that. You on the other hand need to be at peace and have the rightful position as a woman married into a family rather than a stranger.

best thing u need to do for yourself is quit that relationship. Though it wud b painful considering your time, energy n resourses u may hv investd in it. Bt it is far better to feel d pain of a broken relatnshp for 2wks than to be miserable in marriage all your life. He is not man enough. He doesnt hv a say when it comes to his family. His family doesnt want u. He smokes n drinks. He becomes unstable when faced with a crisis. U hv seen some signs dt he might be an ex cultist. You fight with him most of d times. Plz jst end d relatnshp.

but why is everyone criticizing the man for smoking weed? is weed bad? haba.

OP!
It looks like YOUR OWN FAMILY BACKGROUND is FAR WORSE to be attracted to this type of "atmospheric domestic PESTILENCE"!

Are you an ORPHAN?
Or WERE YOU PURCHASED FROM A BABY FARM VIA FAKE PREGNANCY?

Please, go and ask YOUR FAMILY some SERIOUS QUESTIONS O!

I think you have extremely DISJOINTED FAMILIAL HERITAGE!

You sef nor normal!

Shuooooooooo?

And some people will call me a CRAY-CRAY?
Phocking an IGBO-SMOKER must be REALLY BAAAAAAAAAAAM. . . . . So I hear!
Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeew

How did I skip this phase of prevalent and contagious STUPIDITY all my life?

Either you or the mother will kill him. One thing is certain, he may die of a Woman palava.

Strong worded advice . .. Walk away.

Don't be afraid that another man won't come, another will come, most likely, even better.

Op marriage is neither a joke nor a do or die affair. I am married for few months though. My candid advice "leave him for good"

Ethereal0110:
Moderators please push this forward I need all the advice I can get thanks.

I have been seeing this guy for some months now we were friends before we started dating i will call him Leo,things happened so fast we talked about marriage, leo is from Akure he talked about me with his family his Dad is Late, his Mom told him she does not want an Igbo girl,

leo told me that if his family wont support him we will travel faraway from them & marry without their consent, we hoped that with time his mother will change her mind but from the beginning till now the mother is still insisting though she has not met me before , she even came from village to his house unannounced just to see if she would find me there, so that she can warn me to stay away from her son, and am wondering if am such a trouble to her, unfortunately for her their was no sign of me or my clothes there, she spent 2 days,
he
couldn't stay home because his mom will keep on ranting, he was devastated and told me to free him for now so I decided that this could be a good time to fast, I never knew what that meant in his terms because we were still seeing each other .

The thing is the love we have for each other is so strong, we fight a lot almost every day, just when I think we will breakup the love only gets stronger, like we are falling in love over and over again, everyday he tells me how stubborn I am. I have never met someone that loves like this,

My problem is this is not the only puzzling circumstances on my neck, their was a day we quarrelled and I told him its over between us, he threatened me , all the things he said gave me the impression that he must have been a former cultist,


I kept asking him what and who he was before he told me that its his past he is not going back to it neither is he gonna talk about it., after the argument he pulled me close hugged & kissed me and left. all that drama happened inside my office.

I felt lost, each time theirs issue either from me or his mom he goes out to drink and calm himself , if the issue is really heated he does something even crazier, like when his mom came & harassed him he drank & smoked weed .
I
was confused , I kept telling myself that I had entered one-chance, my heart broke, after some days Leo was normal and sweet again.. After the moms visit he planned to go and see if he can convince his families and settle things amicably, he didn't pick their calls for 2 weeks, eventually he made his line available and started communicating with them, last night he told me that his family said they don't want to see me, I was so angry I told him to give it a rest and not spoil my mind , the fact that he smokes annoys me I hate him for that, I feel trapped like I can't leave him, he annoys me because he is not acting like a man that he is he gave his mother and family the power and right to control him, now I don't know how things will go, because he still loves me and won't let go...

I just need advice from married and about to marry nlanders tell me the problems you encountered in courtship and how you handled or tackled them.... Because I may go krazy before its too late......

I am from the East and Anambra where people believe men don't marry outside their state not to talk of marrying outside their tribe. But my wife is from Akwa Ibom.

None of my brothers married outside our town not to talk of outside our state. Even my sister.
But I made my decision and choice known to my elder ones, relatives and parents from the get go. They fought me, kicked against and even threatened me. But it never moved me. In fact, my mother asked my then girlfriend(now wife) not to near our house nor come close to our gate again. She cried and vowed never to near my house again.

To cut the story short, I focused on myself, tried sending myself to school by doing small side hustling so as to break the hold my mom and elder ones have on me. Went to school, graduated, got a job, got a comfortable apartment and told wify it's time to take the bold step.

I sat my people down and told them I am now of age as you all can see as I could foot my bills till date. And that I am getting married to my UYIA, that all I need is for them to accompany me. After much quarrel, they all accepted except mumsy. Mumsy said she isn't gonna accept or attend and even threatened me. I told her plain that she has lost the battle and is about loosing her son too. That she will watch me adopt another mother immediately after my wedding.

My sister, even when I refused giving my wife's community women cash to go get her for me on the day of my TM, my mom gladly gave them the money so nothing would stop me from marrying my UYIA. Today wify is her best daughter in law.

Your boyfriend needs to put his foot down and make them understand were his peace of mind and happiness lies.

As for him being a former cultist, "every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future". You can make it work

Hahahaaha The stupid thing called love has destroyed so many happiness.

Pls be careful, the little things you ignore today will turn out to be very big obstacles after marriage.

Love is no more blind in this era. Look before you leap. I will advise you to forget that marriage and move on. Better to remain single and hoping to get married someday than to be married and hoping to be single again.

I personally ignored some things and today am regretting.

Marriage in itself is a tough institution,the pilot and the co-pilot have to be in sync with each other for it to work,whereby your pilot is takes weed to cool off in the face of turbulence is a RED FLAG,it already crashed before takeoff,my dear borrow brain and take a long walk you deserve better than a lifetime of dental visits on account of lost teeth.

Nothing but truth!

emmydeep:
Babe, that guy is only playing on your ignorance.
He has another girl that he values.
He lied to you that his mother came/comes but its realy the other girl that comes around.

Final bullet: Excape for your dear life and pay him a suprise vissit after a month and you'll surely see him ontop of that his mother.

In short, I don't know the meaning of 'love' as mentioned in this story. If you see money worth billions naira in the mouth of a lion, can you take it?
My sister, that guy knows what he is doing to you. You better run away from him now else you will see his wedding invitation to another girl soon. A stitch in time saves nine! kindly note that time heals all wounds. Sorry dear.

@poster

this is my own experience mabie you can learn.

i dated an igbo girl from anambra. for 3years . the father hated my sight even tho he has never met me.
my mother didnt like her but i told her to go to blazes that i will marry her.

anyways we eneded up not getting married. she is now married to someone else older yoruba man with deep pockets.

my advie to you is

1: has your own family accepted him ?
2: at times it might be because the mother has not met you that is why. try and see her and mabie talking to her might work for you. or change her beliefs about you.
3: he might drink and smoke while under pressure BUT that doesnt make him a bad person. when i was dating the ibo girl i was abroad and she was in 9ja and i know how stressed i was, any small thing i don enta plane come naija.
4: his past might not affect his present or his future. what has happened in the past stays in the past. am sure even you have got a past. so just ignore.

if you can answer the above questions and ready to weather the storm with him then am sure you guys will be fine.
the guy should be able to confront his own people also BUT only if he is sure your own people accept him because it wont be good if in the end after the whole fighting his mother agrees and your own people rejects him.

Nwanne,let me borrow Usain Bolt shoes for u to run,,,,,,run nd never look bak,d fact dat he smokes weed is enough reason for u to run,hez nt worth all d stress biko.

Ethereal0110:
Moderators please push this forward I need all the advice I can get thanks.

I have been seeing this guy for some months now we were friends before we started dating i will call him Leo,things happened so fast we talked about marriage, leo is from Akure he talked about me with his family his Dad is Late, his Mom told him she does not want an Igbo girl,

leo told me that if his family wont support him we will travel faraway from them & marry without their consent, we hoped that with time his mother will change her mind but from the beginning till now the mother is still insisting though she has not met me before , she even came from village to his house unannounced just to see if she would find me there, so that she can warn me to stay away from her son, and am wondering if am such a trouble to her, unfortunately for her their was no sign of me or my clothes there, she spent 2 days,
he
couldn't stay home because his mom will keep on ranting, he was devastated and told me to free him for now so I decided that this could be a good time to fast, I never knew what that meant in his terms because we were still seeing each other .

The thing is the love we have for each other is so strong, we fight a lot almost every day, just when I think we will breakup the love only gets stronger, like we are falling in love over and over again, everyday he tells me how stubborn I am. I have never met someone that loves like this,

My problem is this is not the only puzzling circumstances on my neck, their was a day we quarrelled and I told him its over between us, he threatened me , all the things he said gave me the impression that he must have been a former cultist,


I kept asking him what and who he was before he told me that its his past he is not going back to it neither is he gonna talk about it., after the argument he pulled me close hugged & kissed me and left. all that drama happened inside my office.

I felt lost, each time theirs issue either from me or his mom he goes out to drink and calm himself , if the issue is really heated he does something even crazier, like when his mom came & harassed him he drank & smoked weed .
I
was confused , I kept telling myself that I had entered one-chance, my heart broke, after some days Leo was normal and sweet again.. After the moms visit he planned to go and see if he can convince his families and settle things amicably, he didn't pick their calls for 2 weeks, eventually he made his line available and started communicating with them, last night he told me that his family said they don't want to see me, I was so angry I told him to give it a rest and not spoil my mind , the fact that he smokes annoys me I hate him for that, I feel trapped like I can't leave him, he annoys me because he is not acting like a man that he is he gave his mother and family the power and right to control him, now I don't know how things will go, because he still loves me and won't let go...

I just need advice from married and about to marry nlanders tell me the problems you encountered in courtship and how you handled or tackled them.... Because I may go krazy before its too late......

If u really need to hear the truth,then,I will start by saying that u re really the selfish and crazy type.



Have u ever asked yourself why he does all that smoking and drinking thing after quarrels?

+ u just said, he really tells u how stubborn u are, but he still loves and accepts u like that after the quarrels and all that.

As for gozie? Stubborn girls are a no go area for me.


I will stop here as I am busy, I would have given u a lengthy lecture about life.

From your story, i can tell you without blinking an eye that the worst mistake you gonna do is to marry that dude. If u went ahead, be ready to get beat, be ready to get heartbroken over and over again, be ready to cry and soak your pillow with tears every night. A man who doesn't face his problem like a man but resort in drinking and smoking should be avoided like a flu. He might love you and you him, but if the love is not enough to change him, is not enough.
Goodluck.

Ourboss:
In short, I don't know the meaning of 'love' as mentioned in this story. If you see money worth billions naira in the mouth of a lion, can you take it?
My sister, that guy knows what he is doing to you. You better run away from him now else you will see his wedding invitation to another girl soon. A stitch in time saves nine! kindly note that time heals all wounds. Sorry dear.

Hmnnnnnn big queshion

richyblink1:


I am from the East and Anambra where people believe men don't marry outside their state not to talk of marrying outside their tribe. But my wife is from Akwa Ibom.

None of my brothers married outside our town not to talk of outside our state. Even my sister.
But I made my decision and choice known to my elder ones, relatives and parents from the get go. They fought me, kicked against and even threatened me. But it never moved me. In fact, my mother asked my then girlfriend(now wife) not to near our house nor come close to our gate again. She cried and vowed never to near my house again.

To cut the story short, I focused on myself, tried sending myself to school by doing small side hustling so as to break the hold my mom and elder ones have on me. Went to school, graduated, got a job, got a comfortable apartment and told wify it's time to take the bold step.

I sat my people down and told them I am now of age as you all can see as I could foot my bills till date. And that I am getting married to my UYIA, that all I need is for them to accompany me. After much quarrel, they all accepted except mumsy. Mumsy said she isn't gonna accept or attend and even threatened me. I told her plain that she has lost the battle and is about loosing her son too. That she will watch me adopt another mother immediately after my wedding.

My sister, even when I refused giving my wife's community women cash to go get her for me on the day of my TM, my mom gladly gave them the money so nothing would stop me from marrying my UYIA. Today wify is her best daughter in law.

Your boyfriend needs to put his foot down and make them understand were his peace of mind and happiness lies.

As for him being a former cultist, "every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future". You can make it work

Best advice .. Wow thanks a lot. This really touched me

Babe, that guy is only playing on your ignorance.
He has another girl that he values.
He lied to you that his mother came/comes but its realy the other girl that comes around.

Final bullet: Excape for your dear life and pay him a suprise vissit after a month and you'll surely see him ontop of that his mother.

Smart niggaz !!... you done expose the guy finish

but why ?...



However, he also perfected it that the new wife to be who probably lives faraway didn't found traces of woman's clothes...chai !!

All I see here is desperation hence she wants to ignore the red flags steering at her face

Biko leave him alone! When his people, especially his mom, say no do not even bother. Once happened to me, his folks don't want Yoruba. They never met me too. I didn't even argue...mil terrifies the heck outta me anyways. I will not knowingly get myself an uncooperative one. Even though the bobo in question is worth fighting for, I dont want that kind of drama in my life. So leave him alone!

May God bless you with a good man.

sisisioge:
Even though the bobo in question is worth fighting for, I dont want that kind of drama in my life. So leave him alone!

No. You don't fight for a man, that fight might not end. He fights for you, that's why he's a man, and that way you are covered.

sisisioge:
May God bless you with a good man.

May your prayer redound to you.


TV

TV01:
No. You don't fight for a man, that fight might not end. He fights for you, that's why he's a man, and that way you are covered.

May your prayer rebound to you.


TV

Amen...thanks.

socrateez:
My dear, I have been married for 29 years. My honest advice for you is to find a way to cut off completely from this guy. He's not in control of his life. If you marry him, be sure that his family will push you out of the home. His escapist mentality of resorting to drinking and smoking in the face of challenges is also very disturbing. It doesn't show he will stand by you if his family comes tomorrow to throw away your property from his house.

Twale sir, I receive the grace to be married for this long. May God keep ur marriage still.

When a man asks you to elope with him, my naija sisters, reject it with all the blood in your veins. While you will be rendered incommunicado from your family, I give him one week tops, to start communicating with his.

egopersonified:
When a man asks you to elope with him, my naija sisters, reject it with all the blood in your veins. While you will be rendered incommunicado from your family, I give him one week tops, to start communicating with his.

Will you elope with me? You can contact your family any time you want.

steppin:

Will you elope with me? You can contact your family any time you want.

You no serious, if it's to Borno, I might