Femi Fani-Kayode has had an extensive career in
public nuisance. He has been a nagging community
irritant for so long that a certain segment of the Nigerian
political cognoscenti, in their generosity of spirit, chose
to adopt a muted explanation for his obsessive rabidity.

There must be a reason why Fani-Kayode has proved
such a neurotic brand of a Cambridge product. There
must be a reason why he is permanently in lunatic rage.
There must be a reason why, at any point in time, he
would be found, churning a whirlwind of noise around a
straw.
Might it be that he is habituated to sniffing a white,
mind-altering powder?
That proposition emerged from a consensus acceptance
that the man faithfully displays the capricious behavioral
pattern of a voracious substance abuser. His convulsive
agitations rise and fall on the crests of depression and
exhilaration. And he tends to signal that he is too vexed
by his mess that he can’t stanch the overflow!
This magnanimous view of a Fani-Kayode in need has
served to make the otherwise torturous experience of
abiding his disturbance somewhat bearable. He is
forgiven in advance of his over-the-top blunders. He is
pitied as a man in need of rehabilitation. And
sometimes, he is dismissed as a man who needs
sympathy more than the backlash of collective
responsorial anger he deserves.
But Fani-Kayode has mistaken this communal grant of
grace as a license to practice gladiatorial madness. He
conceives of the nation’s tolerance for his gross
misconduct as our approval of his ways. He believes the
lie that he is unquestionable. He can disseminate hate
and remain free. He can propagate xenophobia and be
condoned.
All that false sense of inviolability is showing cracks.
And I didn’t cast the first stone at his brittle myth. The
person who flung the first stone is someone Fani-Kayode
can’t conveniently label a ‘’beggarly’’ penman, ‘’a
Viewer of extra-ordinary intensity’’ or an ‘’obscure
element…on the payroll of Buhari and Tinubu’’.
Fani-Kayode is a paranoid blustering coward. His siege
mentality convinces him that every challenge to his
unruliness is inspired and sponsored by his perceived
political enemies. He is wrong. His delinquent
braggadocio offends all humans with the most sense of
decency.
The citizen who pioneered the ongoing demystification of
the anti-hero of impunity is not a politico. He is not
known for writing his political opinion. He is known for
rapping.
Jude Abaga is naturally reticent man. He has his
celebrity status under his own control. But he had to let
Fani-Kayode have it. MI couldn’t restrain himself from
doing it. The rapper had had enough of Fani-Kayode’s
unpatriotic theatrics.
Fani-Kayode had preyed on the kidnap of Olu Falae.
Fani-Kayode issued a press statement that explicitly
threatened the Federal Government of Nigeria. The
presidency must produce Falae or reap a crisis.
MI, like the rest of the sane in Nigeria, was outraged.
The rapper addressed a pointblank rebuke to the
impudent loudmouth: ‘’YOU MR FFK ARE A JOKER!’’
MI had intuited that Fani-Kayode, 55, might be, as is
normal for his age, in the midst of a midlife crisis. MI
had figured that Fani-Kayode may have been deluded by
an exaggerated feeling of significance. Fani-Kayode may
have thought he was big enough to levy a threat on the
Government and the People of the Federal Republic of
Nigeria.
MI advanced him a reality check!
The rapper, a product of the Nigerian school system,
even volunteered the Cambridge certificated Fani-
Kayode an online tuition-free lesson in decorum.
Keeping it civil and polite, MI taught Fani-Kayode who is
supposed to a lawyer that a citizen may make demands
on the government, but is not permitted to threaten state
authority.
MI sent the tweets in the hope that Fani-Kayode would
learn. It turns out that Fani-Kayode is uneducable. Fani-
Kayode can’t be tamed. Fani-Kayode can’t be reined.
Fani-Kayode is an embodied anarchy trying to detonate!
Fani-Kayode is, in today’s Nigeria, the number one go-
to source for the most provocative, sensationalist
buffoonery. And of course, his staple of stupid remarks
can have comical utility. But he is not a model you can
point to your impressionable child.
Fani-Kayode is bankrupt of decency and discretion. He
desecrates propriety. He has a wild tongue. He is
enslaved to his stream of consciousness.
A normal person, a grown up with a mind that is
capable of sieves thoughts as they come, would not dare
advertise his penile travelogue. He would not gladly
publish and give immortality to the register of the
names of all the women he has bedded. But this is a
strange individual who embarrasses you by how much
he embarrasses himself.
Fani-Kayode is the man you want to lend some shame!
He is the man whose most urgent need is a sense of
shame.
This is the mocker who had instructed that then
incumbent President Goodluck Jonathan to resign and
debase himself to appease an aggrieved Ota tin-god.
Fani-Kayode proposed, as part of the rites of penance,
that President Jonathan prostrate and weep a River
Niger of tears. He stopped short of advising Jonathan to
strip himself naked as a token of profound contrition!
Fani-Kayode would later buddy up to the same Jonathan
and lick the sole of Jonathan’s shoes!
Fani-Kayode is the man who cannot sidestep his malice
to participate in the mourning that our civilization and
our shared humanity prescribe in a tragedy. He won’t
comfort the bereaved families. He would send a shout-
out to the suicide bombers. He would urge the death
couriers to deliver more carnage.
And Fani-Kayode would proceed to tell you –without
blushing –that he wants more deaths because he is mad
at you for electing the Fulani man he hates President!
Fani-Kayode is the man who wants to impose ethnic
apartheid on Nigeria. He wants Nigerians to live in
circumscribed clusters of their tribes. In a world that
has shrunk to a global village, he wants Nigerians to
disperse to racially segregated tents!
Fani-Kayode is the man would cast a null vote for the
second secession of Biafra. The Fulani-Yoruba man will
not live in the fantasy country and naturalize as Biafran.
But he supports any course of action that would open
another flank of violence in Nigeria.
Let there be chaos, because he hates Buhari!
The Chairman of the National Human Rights
Commission of Nigeria, Professor Chidi Odinkalu,
had admonished Fani-Kayode for exploiting the criminal
incident of Olu Falae’s abduction as a rationale for
spreading hate. Odinkalu said, ’’Chief Falae’s abduction
is a crime but to make that the basis of a campaign
against a race as Femi-Fani Kayode did is hate speech.
It is hate speech to leave individual responsibility and
describe a race as tsetse fly, locust and leeches.’’
Fani-Kayode, yesteryear’s ‘’proudly one-eighth Fulani-
blooded man’’, fired back a retort. He was only being
candid. He had simply called ‘’a spade, a spade.’’
Fani-Kayode never defers to restraint. He would never
submit himself to a moment of moderation. The
rhetorical fundamentalist would feel compromised if he
reserved some hate. He won’t hoard his dark thoughts:
He would tweet them, essay them, and voice them!
I find it instructive that while trying to deflect the issues
I had raised about his penchant for unruliness, Fani-
Kayode called my modest Nigerian education ‘’a
waste’’. That’s laughable!
The interlocutor Fani-Kayode is striving to swat back is
the same chap whose education Fani-Kayode imagines
is languishing in a dump.
The incredible point is that he engaged finger-pointing.
That’s a game that guarantees the initiator a multiplied
retributive downside. As a rule, a perfect rule that
suffers no exception, the giver winds up more blessed
than the target. And it is obvious, that in this tiny matter
of wasted education, more digits point back at Fani-
Kayode, the accuser.
Fani-Kayode flaunts a Cambridge degree that literally
accuses him of parading a stolen property!
Fani-Kayode doesn’t strike you as a man who attended
Cambridge. He strikes you as a man who toured
Cambridge. A man who went sight-seeing at
Cambridge… and returned with a been-there paper
souvenir!
Fani-Kayode is a vulgarian. He is a passenger on the
auto-pilot of base animal instinct. He knows no
courtesy. He knows no manners. He knows no dignity.
He insults. He abuses. He curses. He is a narcissistic
antisocial thug, with an insatiable appetite for
ostentatious pageantry.
Fani-Kayode visits violence on all that sound education
represents!
He is the man who had a failed baptism in the waters of
Cambridge. He stayed immersed in Cambridge for years,
but came out dry. He would not be tempered by the
culture of one of the most distinguished centers of
learning in the world.
Fani-Kayode’s years in national limelight have not
produced one tangible positive for Nigeria. His recipe for
continual relevance is daily assaulting the psyche of
Nigerians with his crackpot utterances.
At the moment, he is trying to parley his Cambridge
souvenir and the faded British accent that clings to his
tongue into a start-up capital for hate entrepreneurship!
Emmanuel Uchenna Ugwu
@emmaugwutheman
emmaugwu.com
lalasticlala please do the needful.

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u are insulting an old man oh

serious beef o!

Ask Yaba and they will tell you who he was and who he is now.