The way my wife used to beat and shout to our four year and eight months old child is causing a ripple among us.Though the child is that age,but whoever see him may think he is seven years old and he proves so stubborn if told to do this or that,he can play and play and play,etc,yet constant beating even with hand and shouting on him did not help matters.I have told her severally to stop beating and shouting on him at any slight things he do since it did not change him as she can out of annouyance wound him or cause harm to him and before you know it,we start calling devil,that its devils work and devil pushed you.Besides,in the estate where we stay,its normally only in our house that you keep on hearing everytime the crying of a beating child,i told her that this used to bring our respect down before other neighbours as all of us are learned people and why only many times its always in our own house you will be hearing such as if we are illiterates or uncivilized people,atimes he can be beaten and cry up to four,five times in a day,while you cannot hear such cry from the children of other neighbours arround us and that even the way you beat and shout on him puts fear on him and shouting can affects childs brain and the child can be acting abnormal,i took time to make a research on google and printed materials on the effects of shouting on a child and give it to her to read,she just throw away the materials.She will be saying that her own parent train her well ,that i am supporting the child.I told her that if this is her your parents trained you,that means it not a normal training and whether she has seen any positive change in all her constant beating and shouting to the child.
Now most times he will do something and when asked,he will tell lie that he dont know or that it is not him,all because of fear.Many atimes,i pity my son because of regular beating and crying on him from my wife even with hand.
I have told her severally that since beating and shouting did not change him,that she should simply leave him and anytime she want to punish him,he can politely call him and tell him that what he did is not good and never do it another time or to give him a punishment of kneeling down and hands up or other similiar punishment and if at worst that it involves beating, to slightly use cain and not heavily hitting and beating him with hand or cain as if you are beating an animal and that her attitude is causing more harm on him because you dont need to train a child so that he will be afraid or fear you or act normal when you are arround because of fear,that means when you are not arround he will continue with such attitude or even do the worst and keep telling lies,that you train a child in a way that whether you are arround or not he acts well,that is what ever he can do when you are arround is what he can do when you are not arround likewise being a truthful child and not a liar because of fear.All these advice,did not deter her as she keep on beating and shouting on him as usual and i dont think i will allow such any more or train my child as such.But i need advice especially from the married, is beating and shouting to a child the best way to train a child?

Yes, you have a heart to heart talk with a child. I'd never subscribe to beating up a child.

In this case what need to be done is to study the child properly and see either it is beating or words that will change him but there are some children that you need to beat them not much and at the same time, tell the child what he has done wrong probabily he will change

Nope
I have a handful 3 year old son too, when I mean handful I mean really really handful
I shout
I give him iladi
I talk

The things I have noticed is they need attention most
I have decided no iladi
No shouting but threaten not to buy him anything or take him out and then he behaves
Cries and comes to me
You she not say sorry for me
Daya say sorry for me



And that's how its been working
When I am angry he knows its time to behave else mum won't buy him anything



But na wa for your wife ooo
I have leant not to judge people but seriously
Using cane on a four year old boy?
Doesn't she feel bad hearing him cry?
Devil pushed her to beat her own child?
Your wife must be one
Sorry to say

Dyt:
Nope
I have a handful 3 year old son too, when I mean handful I mean really really handful
I shout
I give him iladi
I talk

The things I have noticed is they need attention most
I have decided no iladi
No shouting but threaten not to buy him anything or take him out and then he behaves
Cries and comes to me
You she not say sorry for me
Daya say sorry for me


And that's how its been working
When I am angry he knows its time to behave else mum won't buy him anything



But na wa for your wife ooo
I have leant not to judge people but seriously
Using cane on a four year old boy?
Doesn't she feel bad hearing him cry?
Devil pushed her to beat her own child?
Your wife must be one
Sorry to say

Noted. @"No shouting but threaten not to buy him anything or take him out and then he behaves
Cries and comes to me".

farous:


Noted. @"No shouting but threaten not to buy him anything or take him out and then he behaves
Cries and comes to me".

Do you even have time for the boy?
Do you know his needs?
How often do you see, play and talk with him?
He needs your bond as much as he needs his mums too
You can't leave everything for your wife to handle
Are you not also sure she's only transferring the aggression of you over to your son?

These are the minor things yet a big problem in every home

A child needs both his parent even when separated or divorce, try to fill in the missing person
Lobatan

farous:
The way my wife used to beat and shout to our four year and eight months old child is causing a ripple among us.Though the child is that age,but whoever see him may think he is seven years old and he proves so stubborn if told to do this or that,he can play and play and play,etc,yet constant beating even with hand and shouting on him did not help matters.I have told her severally to stop beating and shouting on him at any slight things he do since it did not change him as she can out of annouyance wound him or cause harm to him and before you know it,we start calling devil,that its devils work and devil pushed you.Besides,in the estate where we stay,its normally only in our house that you keep on hearing everytime the crying of a beating child,i told her that this used to bring our respect down before other neighbours as all of us are learned people and why only many times its always in our own house you will be hearing such as if we are illiterates or uncivilized people,atimes he can be beaten and cry up to four,five times in a day,while you cannot hear such cry from the children of other neighbours arround us and that even the way you beat and shout on him puts fear on him and shouting can affects childs brain and the child can be acting abnormal,i took time to make a research on google and printed materials on the effects of shouting on a child and give it to her to read,she just throw away the materials.She will be saying that her own parent train her well ,that i am supporting the child.I told her that if this is her your parents trained you,that means it not a normal training and whether she has seen any positive change in all her constant beating and shouting to the child.
Now most times he will do something and when asked,he will tell lie that he dont know or that it is not him,all because of fear.Many atimes,i pity my son because of regular beating and crying on him from my wife even with hand.
I have told her severally that since beating and shouting did not change him,that she should simply leave him and anytime she want to punish him,he can politely call him and tell him that what he did is not good and never do it another time or to give him a punishment of kneeling down and hands up or other similiar punishment and if at worst that it involves beating, to slightly use cain and not heavily hitting and beating him with hand or cain as if you are beating an animal and that her attitude is causing more harm on him because you dont need to train a child so that he will be afraid or fear you or act normal when you are arround because of fear,that means when you are not arround he will continue with such attitude or even do the worst and keep telling lies,that you train a child in a way that whether you are arround or not he acts well,that is what ever he can do when you are arround is what he can do when you are not arround likewise being a truthful child and not a liar because of fear.All these advice,did not deter her as she keep on beating and shouting on him as usual and i dont think i will allow such any more or train my child as such.But i need advice especially from the married, is beating and shouting to a child the best way to train a child?

Your narration is really worrisome.

At this point, I'll implore you to take control of the situation. You sound like a reasonable man and I think it's high time you put your foot down and let that wife of yours know that you WILL NOT tolerate any form of violence in your household. Violence is never the way forward. Rather, violence begets more violence.

There are so many ways out there to reach your child. You don't have to raise your hands against them to get your message across. She whips, flogs, smacks, shouts, yells, at your 4 year old and he cries at least 4 or 5 times a day. Haba! Does that sound normal to you? What are you waiting for? For her to one day hit him at the wrong spot and cause irreversible damage?

Please as you read this, sit up and take matters into your hand for the sake of your defenseless son. We as adults are meant to protect them, not put them in harm's way, and that's exactly what your wife is doing - the latter.

Yes, I know your son's at that age where kids explore and drive you nuts - but that's just a phase they go through. It's all part of growing up and exploring their environment. They push you and your boundaries to the limit while testing your resolve. It's normal. It's important you and your wife understand this and try and come down to your son's level. As someone rightly mentioned, most of the things kids do are just to get the attention of the adults around them. This is where you need to school that wife of yours on how to communicate with her son. For example, squatting so you're at the same height as the child, to speak with them in a calm, soothing tone would work wonders, compared to towering over them with a cane, shouting, swearing, and foaming at them.

Abeg do the needful. Your wife has got anger management issues and the fact that she discarded your research, claiming that her parents brought her up well, and she therefore doesn't need to read up what you showed her speaks volumes in itself.

Do you discipline your kid at all? How have you tried to help your wife op? Since her method isn't working?

Or you're just critising her without offering a helping hand/solution?

Also, hope you don't tell her all these in front of the kid..

I'm not supporting your wife but how have you helped to remedy the situation?

Thank you all for all ur comments and contributions.I do discipline him but I doesn't shout or keep beating him.I give him punishment,talks with him don't do this or that and play with him.Honestly,he doesn't feel comfortable if I am not home.This I believe has made him to be more closer to me than my wife.Even if its travel that will warrants him to travel with his mother and stays for a week,he won't agree to follow her unless I will follow them.All these I keep on telling her that she can see what her attitude has caused,yet dat didn't deter him.It pains me that I see my son of such age telling lies because of fear.That I won't tolerate,and if out of anger she harm d child,everything will be on my head because I know she will start begging and calling its devil that she didn't know it will be as such.I need to put it at a stop no matter what it can lead to.

Tell her that from now on, You would be in charge of the childs discipline

Anytime the child misbehaves, let her write it down and present it to you when you come back

Dont let someone turn your child into a disabled in your presence. if anything happens you would also be held as an accomplice

it breaks my heart always and worse is I can't do much go's they aren't my children
when you beat a child way too much, such child grows up not loving u and never even recognising whatever sacrifices you may be making for him. he may feel he owes it to you performing his duties- not cos he loves you.

Ur the man, and you can choose how you want your children to be brought u. as for now forbid her from beating him and make her reason with u gradually

tell your wife that she runs the risk of beating that child to death one day
Abi what body does a 4 year old have that she is beating gba gba gba everyday
besides the beating isnt working......
He has already started to lie at 4 cos he is scared of being beaten

sir you need to take control of this before your wife finds herself on the other side of the law and the poor boy is injured or worse

Bros

I feel ur pain

My wife beats my 2 year old son....sometimes i cant take it,most times its worth it

I dont kw how ur wife does hers,but these children need to be held with iron hands

My son usually realises he has done something bad and dats why he is being reprimanded

All this talk of a child lovin one parent and stuffs,its when the child is a teenager u will know where he is leaning towards

A child should be shown love as at when due,and should be shown pepper as at when due

Frankly speaking, u are stylishly making ur son prefer u to the mother. If u jointly but lovingly scold d child, he would understand his wrong doing but whenever he sees that u do not support his mother's scolding or beating, he would definitely keep acting stubborn.

As much as I do not support heavy beating, sometimes beating helps to correct children. Make sure ur child is scolded together and whatever corrections u intend to pass to d mother shouldn't be done in his presence or hearing

PresVA:
Do you discipline your kid at all? How have you tried to help your wife op? Since her method isn't working?

Or you're just critising her without offering a helping hand/solution?

Also, hope you don't tell her all these in front of the kid..

I'm not supporting your wife but how have you helped to remedy the situation?

Exactly my point. The boy might be misbehaving becos he knows dad got his back. If he sees a combined effort, he will change. And never discipline ur wife in ur son's presence. It gives them liver to misbehave. Even if her method is annoying to u, don't show it there, instead act angry at him. U can do d correction to ur wife later. with that, she will learn ur technique.
She feels ur supporting ur son, hence her refusal to adhere to ur method.

thelish:


Exactly my point. The boy might be misbehaving becos he knows dad got his back. If he sees a combined effort, he will change. And never discipline ur wife in ur son's presence. It gives them liver to misbehave. Even if her method is annoying to u, don't show it there, instead act angry at him. U can do d correction to ur wife later. with that, she will learn ur technique.
She feels ur supporting ur son, hence her refusal to adhere to ur method.

Yeah. . And now the boy is beginning to resent his mum.. seeing her as an enemy. . You don't have to oppose your wife in your son's presence. . It's well

Can you tell your wife that you, at the present time, want her to step down from administering corporal punishments and tell her you will do that if need be?
You do need to step in...you don't want to come home to find a tragedy.

Just a question for you...
Did your wife give indication that she would mother the children in this manner while courting?
...If this temperament is a new thing do you think she could be suffering from post-partum depression which is pushing her to extreme limits? If so, that can be treated. But as it is now, you must be the shield for the children.

I wish you the best.